We’ve been calling him Mickey Mouse Becks for a long time, but the poor mano tore his Achilles tendon last night and has been ruled of the World Cup. For that, we are lighting candles today and sending Oreos with hugs. Oh dios, Becks really wanted to go South Africa. Qué día tan triste!
“In cases (of the) rupture of the Achilles tendon, players go at least five or six months without playing. He is out of the tournament. Tomorrow Beckham will travel to Finland, where he will be operated on,” declared Uncle Fester Galliani.
On a slightly more positive note, Milan won the game 1-0, although they clearly should have done better.
The Pied Piper of Higuain looks like a boy in a candy store in this photo. Alice in Wonderland forgot to cast him in their film, but who cares right? There’s the Champions League to look forward to tonight. Get your priorities right, tipoooo!
“We are going to need our public. It is vital that they support us and push us. We need to do everything in our power to nullify the first leg result. In our stadium, we can’t let them relax for a moment!” he said.
Of course the other big game takes place in Old Trafford between Mickey Mouse Beckham and Foreignchester (No seriously, no one else exists in the game or is supposed to!)
Why so serious, tipo? Worrying about when Dopey will call you up next? Não se preocupe, ele ainda está pensando … and yes, there isn’t much change to the official ‘camisa da selecao’ although Pato claims that it’s a lot lighter in texture. “It really looks good and the body and material greatly facilitates the attacker,” he said. Manos will also be wearing it for the first time next week against Ireland and if you’d like to see the blue shirt, it was launched at Carnaval and looks like this!
Also, our fashion amigos are going to love the fact that this year’s Copa del Mundo jerseys are all made from plastic bottles! Yes, approximately EIGHT bottles were used to make each jersey. How ingenious!
Lastly, the Brazilian press are speculating that Pato looks pissed because he was picked as an ‘emergency option’ for the event in London. Fabulouso, Dani Alves, Adriano and Robinho were not released by their respective teams and feared The Dinho’s appearance would cause a controversy. Esta é a fofoca!
via Nike, Gettyimages, AFP
Don’t you think that Signore Borriello is a carbon copy of Roberto Baggio from that angle? Naturally, all he needs to do is to grow out that hair and he can start to make special appearances at the flower festival with it! Mamma mia, could these two be long lost gemelli (twins)?
Anyway, everyone’s excited and preparing their sandwiches with more gusto now because once again, The Dinho put in an excellent performance against Bari last night! Besides Baggio’s Twin, El Pato also netted in the other penalty and also remembered to shave his Wolverine beard off. Desculpe, mas você ainda não estão na seleção…. (sorry but you are still not going to the selecao)
Speaking of the seleção, please don’t interrupt Diego and Amauri as they perform the Dança Bandeira (flag dance). Tipos were working their HIPS off as they celebrate Juve’s neat 2-1 win over Bologna last night! Who cares if they were ignored by Dopey or Lippy in their respective national teams? It was time to celebrate!
Amigas, all we have to say about last night’s game is that the Rossoneri threw it away like a Carl’s Jr burger wrapper on a marshmallow stove. Despite The Dinho’s brilliance, men like Huntelaar and Dida need to be taken out because they obviously switched off in the second half and Leonardo couldn’t locate their manuals so that explains the 3-2 loss. Debería darte vergüenza! You should be playing for Disney FC and NOT AC Milan. Where’s the CLASS, hombres? You’re supposed to be the best European team in Italy with eight trophies… so act like it and don’t play like Merda!
And by the way, Rafael (who lost those luscious curls..!) did a pretty good job trying to cover the likes of The Dinho. What a hardworking menino. Um aplauso para ele, por favor. If you want Becks to reassure you…. watch the video below!
As for Los Blancos, they have a lot of incentive to reach the Champions League final so losing 0-1 away from the Bernabeu wasn’t such a bad thing. Não, este não é um caso de duplo standard – it’s just the fact that Real know that if they don’t make it to the finals, everyone will literally get into a bitch fit!
Greaseano seemed muito tranquilo about it all and said: “I’m calm. In this competition you have to suffer. I’m sure that we will give a good answer in the return game and that we will win. The Bernabeu will help us. We will have to give to give it everything from the first minute until the last. The tie is not lost.”
via AP, Reuters, FIFA
So unless you’ve been dancing to the sounds of Ne-Yo with Sepp Blatter all month long, you’d know that tonight’s Champions League fixture will be one of the most exciting ones of the season. It’s the showdown between il Rossoneri & NaniUnited!
The bad news is they always photograph the visiting teams when they come to the San Siro, but gracias a Dios we have a couple of the Milanistas training on their own including El Pato’s raver shoe. You know you’ll be able to spot that colour in the dark…. all he needs now are a couple of glow sticks and the look is complete!
Senhor Leoooonardo has stressed the importance of focus in today’s game. That’s right tipos, ya’ll better CONCENTRATE and the last thing Pallone d’Oro (Golden Balls) Beckham needs to do is to get emotionally attached….and he already is! ánimo!!!
“We must be almost perfect, flawless. I want to see the same performance I saw at Real Madrid during the group stage; I think that was our best game this season and when we played the best football. We must repeat that,” said Leonardo.
Que tal, futbolitas?!! So we’ve been working with a few ferosh fashion brands on an article, most of whom dress some of your favourite teams including AC Milan and Real Madrid. And they’ve been molto gentile to share some goodies with us – including photos from the Dolce & Gabbana-inspired Rossoneri book by Stefano Guindiani. In case you haven’t heard, it was published specifically for your Ovaries (those of you who have them – I’m sorry mah brothers, this is a chance to get your Andy-Roddick’s-Wife-Is-On-The-Cover SI Issue!) So go on now, boys and girls… have a look!
Photos via Stefano Guindani for Dolce & Gabbana
So Sao Paulo’s resident funnyman Hernanes, is looking at three proposals from top clubs in Europe and is finally, finally, ready to leave Brazil for European shores. After that Barca hoo-ha last year, he says : “I’m 24 to 25 years, and I think that now is time. I’m trying to stay calm. If not now, I am still happy here in Sao Paulo. I cannot get anxious.” Who is he kidding? AC, Inter, Barcelona and even CSKA Moscow are closely monitoring him.
We say… ir a AC, Hernanes!. They need you more than ever although Uncle Fester may try to be funny on your first day on the job and you will get random MMS messages from Botox Berlusconi. Fa tutto parte di un esperimento, as they say.
Speaking of AC, they didn’t too well against Udinese last night, losing 0-1 and getting themselves eliminated from the Coppa Italia. Why on Earth is Pippo attempting to do a bicycle-kick when he knows that it’s not one of his strengths?
Anyway, the game marked the return of Abbiati after a ten-month layoff (Senhor Leonardo and his faith in people!) which meant that Dida could only sit at Milanello by himself playing Monopoly : Edição do Brasil.
“My family has been close to me during this tough period, as well as all my friends. I have a good rapport with (Leonardo) and he knows that I am at the club’s disposal, because they have given me so much,” declared Abbiati.
Oh, talk about former employees! Here’s Kaka and Carol enjoying a nice snog at the Alicia Keys concert last week. AS IF we could write anything else to justify this picture! (Thanks, Verdi) And you know their son, Baby Luca, rolls his eyes whenever this happens in the family kitchen.
Ah, cheeky Materazzi. Always out to create trouble and grab attention. He did it right this time with the caricature mask of Botox Berlusconi. Come on now, Milanistas... even you have to admit it was a pretty good effort on his part. “It was a college prank for the Derby, nothing more. No desire to be controversial, no desire to offend, no political implications,” he said after the game. Hmmm.
Anyway, instead of boring you futbolitas with post-match commentary (you’ve probably already picked up the headlines – and gone through the 2-0 scoreline in Inter’s favour), there are two conclusions that we’ve drawn – Milan are a much better squad than last year but Inter are more complete as a unit. Here are some of the best photos featuring Donatella Versace’s 1045th nose job, Sneijder’s wife and a really awesome video featuring two journalists (one supports Inter, the other Milan) and their reactions during the game. We’d love to be sitting… somewhere in the middle!
It’s been a while since we had our Friday CQC Club, in honour of one of the craziest shows around. In this episode, the Dutch reporter attended a Milan game at the San Siro, went a little crazy and spoke to Clarence Seedorf about being called the ‘panther’. Meanwhile, Huntelaar did not stop to talk to our poor vriend – his own countryman – over here at all. What a douche! Disculpe, but Overrated is the word here.
Sneaky Gennaro! We should have seen this coming from the man who eats US $73,000 snails. It was only a matter of time before your Gangsta Gattuso followed this act up by opening up “Gattuso e Bianchi”, a fish (and all things seafood related) restaurant in the Varese province (north of Milan) with his friend, Andrea Bianchi.
The place was swarmed with tifosi at its opening with fans keen to catch a glimpse of exotic crabs and clamps. Ronaldinho, David Beckham, Luca Antonini, Davide Di Gennaro, Christian Abbiati and Massimo Ambrosini and even Iaquinta all came to support their friend, who by all accounts, is obsessed with fish.
“I love fresh fish, to see it, touch it and, of course, eat it. It has been my passion since childhood and now with my friend Bianchi, I want to start this new adventure,” he declared. And with that, an amiga’s fantasy of seeing Gattuso cooking up a storm in the kitchen has been fulfilled.
So shall we, then…. head over to Chef Gattuso’s?
via Correire dello Sport, Varese
Guti has quickly transformed himself into a disgruntled Real Madrid employee (oooh, ¡caray!) after being confronted by journos last week. It’s no secret that he has fallen out of favour with tío Pellegrini, so obviously they HAD to ask the million-dollar question about leaving the club (no, not that Ibiza dance club!) Yeah, we can almost sense the pressure and it’s not looking very good.
“I would like to end my contract at Real Madrid but it is also true that I would love to be able to play for another team,” he said. “To be able to enjoy another culture, to be able to enjoy another life, other team-mates, another league. It is true that I’ve had a very nice time at Real Madrid, that Madrid is a city where I wanted to live all my life, and now I want to leave Madrid.”
Oh, how apt! The Italian Football Oscars (Oscar del Calcio) took place one day after the Golden Globes and Ibracadabra won the title of Best Footballer for 2009. In his acceptance speech, he said he “missed Italy and Mourinho” as well, but is now growing “fond of Spain” (well… duh!)
Julio Cesar – who arrived late for the ceremony – and El Pato won for Best Goalkeeper and Best Young Player respectively, to which Pato said : “We will not play in the derby!” Meanwhile, Chiellini of Juventus won for best defender (or number of times one bleeds in the game) and the Best Italian Football Player award went to Daniele de Rossi.
Check out the videos!
via Gettyimages, SportItalia
The Dinho is back! Well, that was what many futbolitas told us excitedly on Twitter and you could be right! A few days ago, we questioned this cara’s ability to make Dopey’s starting XI, which remains an open call, unless you are Uncle Pele – and even he can’t waltz into the training ground of Granja Comary whenever he pleases. TODAVIA, after his Milan hat-trick yesterday, we can officially establish that The Dinho is now working his beachy butt off to make it to South Africa.
Check this out : in their last three games, Milan have scored a staggering 12 goals – 5 of which were scored by the Brazilian. Oooooh, acredito que você pode fazer a seleção? - do you believe you can make the squad? He hasn’t played a part in any of their qualifiers and has been snubbed in recent friendlies. And yes, Dinho’s discipline simply wanes when he’s with the national team. So what’s it gonna be, Bebê?
Also, your favourite Italian Stallion, Sig. Marco Borriello also got his name on the score sheet yesterday. Lovely, we know how this one will be celebrating….
So these days, The Dinho’s form is picking up and everyone – your hamster included – believes there’s good chance he’ll be called up to the selecao. The dude’s still got it in him, of course, but what’s worrying is his fluctuating stamina. Sometimes, he runs like a florist on the way to pick up a basket of Daisies.
“He still likes to party into the night as he celebrated victory over Juventus in a nightclub,” said one Italian journalist, Mattia Fontana. “They said in December that he would be barred from the game against Fiorentina because of one of these escapades. But the game didn’t take place because of bad weather in Italy at that time. In other words, his behavior has not changed, but he found a coach who helped him a lot.”
All The Dinho needs now is consistency and looking at that photo above, probably a shampoo and conditioner from The Body Shop for El Pato’s dry hair. Futbolitas, time to go old school again…
via AP, Globo
For a moment, Diego forgot about the team he was playing for (“Boa gol, Dinho! grande abraço!”) Then, he caught Felipe Melo giving him the evil eye on the pitch – and that was it! 3-0 to Milan, and you don’t even know if Juve bothered to turn up at their own stadium at all.
To be fair, neither side was doing much in the first ten minutes, but despite the Rossoneri’s inadequacy - including Ambrosini’s “speed”, Beckham’s disappearance and Pirlo’s bad corners – UncleDude Nesta pulled one for his side while The Dinho (yes, we told you everyone will be scrambling to show off this year) netted in a double!! El Pato was out fretting over his injury on the roller coaster ride, so perhaps their attacking prowess was a little tamed. But in the second half, Milan actually improved and controlled the game – and although they weren’t at their best, Juventus and Amauri proved that they were indeed, better off prawn fishing
Poor Ciro. Now the Italian press are sharpening their pencils and ready to attack! “I don’t feel in danger of losing my job, I am very concentrated. I am trying to put my energy into the team. It is not my decision to make if they sack me or not, and if I am sacked I will accept it,” said tio Ferrara after the game.
via Reuters
After weeks of rally and support, it has now emerged that River Plate’s promising midfielder, Diego Buonanotte may be discharged from the hospital in two days following his horrifying car accident which claimed the lives of his three friends.
“He’s a very peaceful guy, he’s not a “night-man” and he was not drunk. It was a tragedy, his friends died and nobody expected that. He was so sad and I couldn’t believe it. I hopes he can get over this and find peace in his life,” says a River Plate futbolita, Sabrina, 18 from Buenos Aires.
“Everything went as planned for the operation. Now, we can only wait for his recovery,” said Pedro Hansen, River’s medical chief. As they say in Argentina, Fuerza Diego!
Meanwhile, Greaseano has hit back at Osasuna fans who yelled vulgarities at him at Real’s last game, including the evergreen “hijo puta es” and “Cristiano muérete!” It’s rare to want to be on his side, but this time, we must say that he gets the last laugh.
“Being made unwelcome (during matches) is normal to me. I’ve been there many times in England and ended up being voted the best player in the world.” Ouch!
Look who scored in Milan’s 5-2 thrashing of Genoa last night? The Italian Stallion, himself, Boriello…. and (brace yourselves), Huntelaar! All we can say is they both did a good job of covering for Pato while he was out spreading garlic butter with Sthef. As for Huntelaar, scoring via penalty doesn’t constitute much, but it’s still a goal and unless you do something else, no one is going to be very impressed. At least he did better than The Dinho, who failed to convert a spot-kick… but listen, Thiago Silva scored too OK?
Il Davide featured in the game too (of course) and Leonardo said he “trained in all positions” due to the unexpected injuries prior to the game. So how do things look for Juventus this weekend, then, uomini?
Here’s another one of those ferosh Milan/D&G collaboration posts again. No, neither Domenico nor Stefano are paying us to promote them, but meu Deus, someday we too all too want the men in our lives to parade down the streets looking fabulous!
Anyway, in round two of your chance to win some autographed goodness, Nesta, Pato, Pirlo and Seedorf pretend that their artsy high fashion modelli material. In his shot, Seedorf can totally pull the older Tyson Beckford look – but as you can see from Nesta’s half-grin, uomo forgot to turn up the heat, Leonardo style! We expected so much more...assolutamente deludente!
This looks like an ad for D&G don’t you think?! Seriously, what is Palle d’oro even doing on the pitch? All of us already have nightmares of Luca Toni with his new number 30 shirt and now GoldenBalls has returned to wreak havoc on the city of Milan. Prepare yourselves, amici!
Well, at least Balls of Gold is honest with himself about that nightmare move to the Bernabeu in 2003. “I only won something in my last year at Real Madrid. I would have stayed in Manchester until the end of my career,” he said, implying that he does indeed regret listening to whispers from the coat-wearing uncles at Real.
In other news, only €63 million and Galliani’s fake acting separates O Pato from a Madrid move. They’re targetting a July transfer but of course he’s not che stupido, right?
The circus has returned to Milanello! With the return of Palloni d’oro (GoldenBalls Becks), photographers are clamoring to do the “Danger, Kuno Becker!” shots outside the training ground. Poor Boriello, all he wanted was to get home presto and unwrap his brand new 2010 Eros Ramazzotti calendar.
Speaking of Boriello, he recently did an interview with Vanity Fair where he proved just how much of an Italian Stallion he is. He declared : “I am a passionate, but I don’t depend on sex. Those who don’t have (enough) sex will find that it’s (lacking) in their lives. I’m lucky to know that if I want sex, I can have at any time. And then I like traditional things, nothing kinky, no transsexuals.” Qualunque cosa! You can almost imagine him saying that proudly with his 3-D glasses that he got from watching Avatar.
Here’s the rest of the Milan troupe with various “At The Wheel” facial expressions. El Pato looks like he’s seen Willy Wonka... seriously, mano?!
The Dona is missing! Don’t bother… he’s just hiding somewhere in Barcelona. He’s supposed to be serving a suspension until January 15, remember? And now that his C-team is playing a friendly against Catalonia two days before Christmas, the Argentinean press is reporting that he’s been seen everywhere but the pitch. Yeah, that means he’s holed up in his hotel room with nothing but WII.
Anyway, whatever he’s doing in Barcelona (seriously), he’s not allowed to eat with the players or come into contact with them – except through his aides. And still, The Dona is walking around wearing the official training kit. If you see him, don’t forget to ask him about Kun Aguero.
Meanwhile, Milan’s Uncle Fester Galliani has declared Marco van Basten as AC Milan’s “Best Signing Ever”. Well, they asked him about Sheva, Pato and Kaka but he doesn’t seem all that impressed with them.
“When you make assessments of this kind you need to consider value for money. For we paid 7 million euros, but there is another signing that I feel is unbeatable and I speak of a certain Dutchman. If Pato wins ten golden balls, then it would be different, but until then Van Basten will remain our best buy,” he said.
It’s the Luis Fabiano Rap by a cara named Professor Pablo. Well, of course he deserves his own song… they should play this during the team birthdays!
Comentários