Fútbolita

If not for this merciless tongue ulcer we’re suffering from today, we’d be screaming “POR FIN YA ES VIERNES!” into the gardener’s ears. Unfortunately, like the sulky Giampaolo on the far end of the photo above, there’s nothing to rave about. Unless you’re a certain Italian stallion named Marco Boriello, who did the right thing by makin’ that move to Roma. There was absolutely no way he was going to stick around the Milanello dressing room playing chess with Pippo Inzaghi next season.

(Photo via O Dia)

Since so many of you are asking, here’s a photo of Douchie of the year, Pato and his new girlfriend, photographed in San Marcos, Italy! It was his birthday yesterday, so both of them took the gondola and stayed at a hotel which costs $3000 for two nights. Kaching! Galliani footed the bill, obviously.

And as we wait around for the weekly Panico na TV and CQC shows to return to our screens, here’s a completely irrelevant and hilarious video of the zany Sabrina Sato interviewing the fetus from another world, Justin Bieber. This one will make your day, we assure you!

via O DIA, EGO, Correire dello sport

THE DEAL IS DONE. Milan have officially transformed into Brasil FC (now where is Ibracadabra going to fit in?) and all they need now is for Kaka to return and complete the rest of the picture! For our own reasons (he-he), he’d better stay at Real for at least one more season.

“AC Milan communicates it has acquired the player Robinho, outright from Manchester City. The Brazilian has signed a contract with the Rossoneri club for four years,” read a statement which was undoubtedly written by Berlusconi’s annoyed secretary.

Right now, you know that the zany producers of “Chiambretti Night” are also probably scrambling to get Robinho on the show. It’d be the best welcome gift ever!

via AP

So obviously, Uncle Fester Galliani masterminded the whole Ibra to Milan transfer, and the man himself arrived last night at the Milan-Lecce game. Basically, the oldies in the team like SuperPippo said “NO, GRAZIE!” to their new teammate by doing well in that 4-0 victory. The other three goals came from the Brasileiros, e claro! Two from Pato and his Badass face, and one from Thiago Silva (or as our amiga says, “T.I. Silva”). So why do they need Ibra, again?!

And apparently, the Interistis don’t really care about Ibra going back to the ‘other team’. But you’ll only know the truth when the Milan derby takes place and everybody starts burning the stadium seats again and/or sending empty pasta packets to Moratti’s office, which will make him really pissed.

via Reuters/AFP

It was a maravilloso night for the Inter boys as they made a clean sweep of all the UEFA Gala Awards, two of which naturally went to Brasileiros! Parabens to Sneijder, Julio Cesar, Maaaaaicon and Milito! Of course, Platini and friends opted to save on air tickets by making the already present winners draw the lots themselves. They obviously couldn’t afford Cruyff, who was busy tanning at a golf course somewhere in the world.

And as for the draw, many questions have risen over the authenticity of the process. Milan and Madrid in the same group AGAIN (with the added threat of Ajax!) is broma completa while Chelski and Barca will obviously sail through to the second round. Theose GORDO men in grey suits sitting at the front must stop all their dirty tricks before the Champs’ League turns into a joke!

Anyway, it’s the SuperCup Finale tonight! Kun Aguero Papa thinks Atletico will win it, but with Inter high on form (and confidence), they’ll probably prevent that from happening. Buennna suerteeee!

via UEFA, AFP, AP Photos

This is why we love Spanish and European football! There’s still so much solidarity and amor eterno between the players and teams, even after they’ve long left the club. Anyway, all this love happened yesterday to The Dinho at the Joan Gamper trophy challenge between Barca and Milan. The Brazilian was given a fantastic welcome back to the Nou Camp from the fans and Captain Puyolita (obviously, in that picture above, Dani Alves wanted to stand next to his friend and countryman but Fontas said “NO” with a strict face.)

Barca left their “play for pride” style behind and opted to relax instead. In the end, they still won 3-1 on penalties with The Dinho giving his boots away to a fan. O que é um grande homem! The kid will remember him for life.

via Reuters, Gettyimages

It’s funny how the Juventus squad is made up of players whom the critics love to hate (and vice-versa). They have Amauri, Felipe Melo, Trezeguet and Aquilani within their ranks and these guys haven’t exactly been in the best of situations. Look at the hate Melo’s been getting… and let’s not start with Amauri!

Anyway, all you snobbish fans can’t yell “perdenti per la vita!” in Turin anymore for Del Piero’s Men walked away with the Luigi Berlusconi trophy last night. Seriously, Milan should be ashamed - it was theirs for the taking!

Botox Berlu – who named the tournament after his father – did a little wave from the stands, but apart from that, he was probably trying to book the first flight to Madrid to get to Irina Shayk! Geez!

AC Milan were recently in USA as part of their preseason duties, and Futbolita was thrilled to hear from Eliza Wood (above, with a special message to us!) about her thrilling experience meeting the Rossoneri boys at the University of Michigan.

In what she called the “opportunity of a lifetime”, Liza was given the chance to attend the squad’s training session thanks to her brother. “Being Italian, football is everything.  Games are constantly on the television and watching them is always a family affair. My older brother, an avid AC Milan fan, has had a huge influence on me and my love for football.  I attended almost all of his games growing up, and now he plays at the University of Michigan,” she explained. Fresca!

As usual, Gangsta’ Gattuso made sure even the camera felt intimidated while Pato gave his million dollar smile and gamely posed and chatted with chica over here.

“Living in America, opportunities such as these do not present themselves often so this was extra special! AC Milan held a closed practice at a University near my house, so my brother, his girlfriend and I went to check it out.  After they were finished, we had the exciting chance of meeting the team.  With my Italian background, I was able to chat with players such as Gattuso and Pato, who were all so genuine and kind. Meeting Pato could possibly be the highlight of my summer!

“Two days later my family and I attended their game vs. Panathinaikos.  Seeing so many people in attendance was surprising, due to the fact that football is not extremely popular in the United States.  The game was exhilarating, going into penalty kicks after regulation time.  It was a great night.  Meeting and watching I Rossoneri play on American soil was one of the best memories of my summer!” – Liza Wood

All photos © Eliza Wood

All you American futbolitas and chicos better APPRECIATE because so many interesting teams are spending preseason in your region… what more could you ask for?! Milan, Madrid, Inter and United all made it there this year, much to Barack’s excitement! Barca, on the other hand, chose to go ahead with their Asian tour. So if you’re heading for any of the games in either continents, don’t forget to let us know all about it!

Anyway, Kaka has finally joined the group in the USA and has obviously started drinking orange juice with an amigo mayor, Jose MouMou. There’s a lot of speculation around the fact that he will be sold to Chelski, City or even back to his old employers, Milan, following a dismal season. Quit the bitchin’! Ya’ll know how The Special One brings out the best in a player (cough, Ibracadabra anyone?) Let’s see how the first three months go and then Potter Perez can start waving his wand again.

via AS/David R. Anchuelo

It’s been a while since we last heard something about Botox Berlusconi. Obviously, we’ve been watching too much Chiambretti Nights for our own good, but that show is just brilliant beyond words… so can you really blame us?

Now it seems that the Milan fans are really annoyed and have decided to go on strike – something that has become a sort of hobby every season, especially if the club  is linked to a massive sale of a player. They want Berlu out and they want him to sell the club to better owners. Of course, he arrived smiling as if he had one too many cigars and started talking to the “safe” fans (aka NOT Curva Sud). Let’s not even go to Massimiliano Allegri, the new coach who has been brainwashed by Uncle Fester Galliani.

“This team still has a lot to offer, there are players in their 30s but there are also many young players. We have all the characteristics and the qualities necessary to do well and achieve important objectives: top three in the league and going as far as possible in the Champions League,” said Allegri.

“But conviction is vital for everything. I have a group of players who have won everything but there is still the ambition to do well again.”

Mio dios, this does not work in football anymore. Old players need to get out and new blood, brought in. Everybody’s moving on, it’s time to revolutionize and get with the times!

via AFP, Gettyimages

A fellow futbolita mentioned how much of a douche Pato has seemingly MORPHED into lately, from refusing to give his ex-wife Sthefany (above) a cent of his multimillion dollar fortune to apparently barring her from talking to her parents and cutting off her credit card! Ok, the latter is completely understandable, but the former? Que ridículo!

Anyway, after she finally left Milan to return to Brazil, they’ve been battling over how much she should be receiving. Judge Maria Cristina de Lima Brito from the first Family Court has decided that Sthefany should receive 20% of Pato’s income every month, which amounts up to $130,000. A lawyer from Sao Paulo also said that “It’s not common to give such sentences to healthy people who can resume work with ease, as in Sthefany’s case.”

Oh well… this is escandaloso!! As for Pato, here he is blowing a vuvuzela at the opening of Nike’s community Football Training Center in Soweto, South Africa earlier this month. The center will give 20,000 young footballers a year the chance to develop their football talent while also having access to HIV/AIDS education. Everyone looked thrilled!

Photos via NIKE, Roberto Filho

Say ‘ciao’ to Verdiana Vetrano, our official Futbolita del Mundo from Italy! The die hard fan of the Rossoneri is also studying intercultural communications in Milan to pursue her dream as a sports journalist. “I am a Futbolita because I love football, I live for it and I hope to find a job that supports my passion,” she said. Tutto bene, we say!

FORZA ITALIA!

“I love Italy and also I love my city of Milan! I would never change my city and my country because it’s the place I belong to. My national football team is unique because we are the world champions and because we have good players that are known and famous in the world.”

“Football is the main sport in Italy. Most part of people follows this sport all year. When there is World cup in Milan (but also in other cities) there are huge screens in the main squares to watch the matches, to sing, to support our team together and if Italy wins, after the match all of people go to celebrate in pubs and in the streets.

HOW IT ALL BEGAN…

“My passion for football began when I was a child. My mother bought me AC Milan’s player cards everyday and for this reason I became an AC Milan fan, while my father is a FC Internazionale supporter and I wanted to oppose him just for fun. When I was 11, I was impressed by 3 players of AC Milan: George Weah (Golden ball 1995), Leonardo and Oliver Bierhoff. When they scored, I was the happiest girl in the world because they were my idols.

“With them, AC milan won the Scudetto in 1999. My first match in San Siro was a special day and now I can’t stop going there when Milan plays. I don’t miss any match, I’m always present and never absent.

ITALY’S CHANCES OF WINNING…

“I love my national team, but I think that this year the chances to win the World Cup are not high because our players are too old and they gave their best in Germany world cup in 2006. Italy’s coach Lippi doesn’t want to call up players as Balotelli, Cassano, Miccoli and Ambrosini.. they are very strong and they would help our team to win, but it’s too late because he made his decisions.For this reason I think that we won’t win.”

ABOUT AC MILAN…

“My AC Milan favourite players of the past are Weah, Leonardo and Bierhoff. In recent years, years my idols are Shevchenko and Kakà (favourite players ever) and now Pato!! I met Shevchenko, Pato and Leonardo…but I would like to meet Kakà one more time to thank him for 6 wonderful years in AC Milan because with him we won everything. I want also to tell him to come back to AC Milan because we are his real fans, we love him and Milan is the place he belongs to.”

“I’m very excited to represent Italy on futbolita and I’m looking forward to the world cup to watch all games and to write articles or news about my national team!!!”

Italy’s Fútbolita Verdiana is wearing the Cultzeros/Futbolita Buffon World Cup Tee
ALL PHOTOS © Verdiana Vetrano

Look, it’s the two forgotten Brazilian manos from Milan! The question is… who will be called up this week?

Anyway, the Rossoneri succumbed to another loss in the league yesterday afternoon, and Genoa was the villain in this sad, sad Serie A campaign. It’s really tragic to see Milan’s performance this season… they need to recuperate themselves over the season break, buy new players, change the system, risolvere il problema! Well, at least they’ll be in the Champions League next season but whether or not Leonardo remains coach is a mystery.

Well, about that, he said : “I’m very attached to Italian football, I’ve been here for thirteen years and I am sorry to see that every game has become like ancient Rome with gladiators in the Coliseum,” said Leonardo. “We should avoid certain issues which do not contribute to the quality of the show, there is a limit, we need to change the environment.”

Ok futbolitas, it’s Friday and news of an impending Sthefany-Pato divorce has been going around for a week, so we decided to get confirmation although Sthef’s folks have been saying “Unfortunately, we can’t talk about her personal life“ to us repeatedly. For now, Pato’s folks have confirmed the divorce, although many believe he is currently the biggest of douchebags.

“Alexandre told me that the paperwork to officialize the divorce was being tended (to) by the lawyers and that divorce is the way it has to be,” said Senhor Gilmar, his agent.

The saddest part about all this was the gorgeous wedding they held at the Copacabana palace last year. Where will she keep the wedding album now?!! And hanging out with The Dinho will not exactly get Pato into the selecao. Furthermore, it’s not fair to Sthefany… she “dropped everything in Brazil – family, friends and work – to live with him abroad.” Douche!

Porrrr fin! The Barca boys have FINALLY arrived in Milan after a grueling 1,000km journey by bus. It took almost 24 hours for Puyolita and co’ to arrive and they even had to make a pit stop at Cannes to sleep at a hotel there. After all that, Barca are now pretty annoyed with UEFA (who wouldn’t be?!) for being inflexible about the dates which they believe to be in ‘favour’ of Inter. Well, as long as they showed ‘Iron Man’ in 3-D on board the bus with chips and empanados… right, DJ Pique?

Anyway, tonight’s game between Inter and Barca will certainly be an interesting one… especially since the mind games have already started! Flattery gets you places, don’t you know that, MouMou?

“We face a great team in Inter, whose coach is arguably the best in the world,” said Senor Pep. “He has won titles in Portugal, England and Italy. It is an honour to face him.”

Since all of you love Sthefany and Pato a little too much, here’s a little hot gossip fresh off the tabloids stands in Brazil! (obrigada Mari) Quem, the nation’s equivalent of OK! magazine, has alleged that the couple’s marriage is on the rocks because they keep arguing about Pato’s late nights out with none other than The Dinho. She’s also bored because there’s nothing to do in Milan and her work contract in Brazil expires in May.

“Without (games to play), he is free, does not have much to do and he is proving to be undisciplined with everything. It is clear that this has also happened in his marriage,” said a friend of the Milan striker.

“He feels ‘down’ because the chances of being summoned to the Brazilian national team for the World Cup are slim. So, he’s a new kid who’s discouraged, unoccupied, but with money in Europe … you could also lose your head (in his position).”

Ummm, The Dinho isn’t exactly the best role model to emulate. So Pato better stop being a MINI DOUCHE and hang out with Clarence Seedorf’s family instead! Here’s a photo of Sthef posing for an Italian magazine ala Audrey Hepburn.

via Ego, Quem, AP, Gettyimages

So Boriello decided that he’s had absolutely ENOUGH of the name calling and hair comparisons to Pauly D from Jersey Shore. After a while, you too would like to be taken seriously… especially if your job is to score goals for AC Milan. As Anna Wintour once said…“Where’s the glamour? Let’s lift it!”

Anyway, the Italian Stallion scored a brace against Catania yesterday (in a game which Milan didn’t win, unfortunately) and celebrated by fist pumping like a true guido from the sidelines. Dispiace, amici!! Io non lo dire… and Uncle Fester Galliani, 2-2 is unacceptable!

But of course, the REAL party yesterday happened in Rome where Roma’s 2-1 win over Atlanta means that they are now top of the Serie A table. For the love of Luca Toni… this is a complete turnaround! Mrs. Doubtfire, Claudio Ranier himself, believes that his team is on the way to the Scudetto title. So do not try to mess!

“It’s all to fight for, game after game. There are five left and we have got to play with a great deal of humility,” he declared. “They are all going to be incredibly difficult, but we know the Scudetto is in our hands now. Before we had to depend on the results of others too.”

via Reuters

Let’s take a moment to light a candle simply because these men of Serie A are too ferosha for words and all of you are going to need Eye Drops every soon (except the hombres because Megan Fox didn’t RVSP to this!) Anyway, because they’re not exactly doing anything important these days, Uncle Galliani summoned the Rossoneri to turn up at the First Annual Champions Gala for the “Champions For Children” Foundation last night.

As always, Flamini looks like he’s completely out of it, Boriello’s Jersey Shore hair made a special appearance and Pato got himself a new blackberry! Onde está a nossa menina, Sthefany?!

via Reuters and Gettyimages