Fútbolita

So it looks like Italy have solved the Big Amauri Problem… simply by fielding him! Come on, Menezes obviously didn’t have Robin Hood in his sights, so it was really down to Cesare Prandelli to pick and choose. Unfortunately, Italy lost the a 1-0 friendly to Ivory Coast but who says you have to be all negative in the face of defeat?

“I am playing in one of the top national teams in the world. Of course they want to get back up there and I’ll work hard to stay in the squad, as one cap isn’t enough for me!” he said.

He added: “It’s wonderful playing alongside Balotelli and Cassano; I hope we can do it many more times. They’re fantastic players and once we find the right movements, we can do something spectacular. Everything is fun with those two, on and off the field, so they contribute to the enthusiasm around the side.”

Yes amicis, here is Signore Amauri with his wife as they march on with pride to officially sign and receive his Italian citizenship! It’s supposed to be a dark day for Brazilian futebol, but unfortunately, Fabulouso and Nilmar are still going about their daily routine and eating black peas. Many of you would also be familiar with Amauri’s insistence on playing for the Azzurri but we all secretly know that Luca Toni is L’uomo del momento! Marcelo Lippi will certainly be proud (or according to our Italian sources, non interessato!)

Here’s this interesting – albeit highly disturbing – image of Tevez the Tasmanian Devil (from the Daily Mail) having a go at modelling. Seriously, you’d have thought that the wannabe hair ad commercial was bad enough but this one takes the cake. Noah Mills, is that you?!

Anyway, another interesting bit of information about Carlito is the fact that he thinks Wayne Rooney is better than The Messiah…his own countryman!  But tranquilo, tios! The World Cup odds are not finalized and from the way this was written, Carlito is still a pretty cool guy. Just lose the jeans… and the tacky orange jacket, tipo.

Mi Dios, Pedroooo is on a ROLL! He scored a brilliant 40-yard goal for Barca against Deportivo last night and according to Senor Pep, he was embarrassed about all the praise. Que sexy!

“It’s a surprise for all of us, but the best thing of all is that he is an extraordinary guy and when you praise him, he is embarrassed – imagine the price a player like that would have in the market,” said Pep.

via Reuters, Daily Mail

The Dame of Turin himself, Del Piero played his 445th game for Juventus yesterday but all he got was a lousy shirt. Even Roberto Bettega knew that they printed that out at Uncle Corioni’s shop in exchange for Panini stickers! For 445 games, they should have held a massive concert and thrown gold confetti with his name on it. Everyone from Tiziano Ferro to Al Pacino would’ve paid their tributes to him because Del Piero is L’UOMO! But it seemed that the captain himself took matters into his own hands and scored TWICE. Sorprendente – this is how you do it, Ashley Cole!

Well, at least Amauri’s hair didn’t ruin the party and he too got his name into the score sheet. You know he quickly went home to check if Dunga sent him a Hallmark card with the words “You’re Invited…” at the front. Aah, que pena…

via Reuters, AFP

• For the love of Kun, the Rojiblancos have been slapped with a fine of 150 euros (about the cost of a decent La Liga ticket these days). Anyway, RFEF meted out that small punishment after Atletico’s fans were said to have thrown objects at Pellegrini from the stands during the Madrid derby on November 7.
  
  “In the 66th minute, the game was stopped for about a minute, because the visiting coach, Manuel Luis Pellegrini, had to be handled by the Medical Services, suffering from a blow to the face caused allegedly by an object thrown from the stands,” read a report. Lo siento chicos, esto es serio!
  
• So apparently, Robin van Persie is heading off to Serbia to treat his injury with placenta. Sounds absurd, but believe us, we’ve heard worst. Cara is going all traditional now, as you can see but as long as Arshavin doesn’t start sticking voodoo dolls around into faux Christian Dior dollhouses, we’re still ok!
  
• Poor RobinHood Amauri had to defend himself after Sampdoria’s Pazzini acted like a selfish brat on Monday. “My decision to play for Italy with or without a passport was made one year ago. I always respected everyone’s opinion, even that of Pazzini, and I want my respect: I chose Italy for a year, rather than Brazil,” he declared. That’s it, Amauri! The Brazilians will not like you for saying that so be careful! A few Italian futbolitas are already showing resentment towards Amauri….



• There was a lot of controversy that followed the selecao’s 2-0 win over Oman yesterday in honour of the sultan’s birthday. First, journalists in the mixed zone had to fight with security guards who allowed the sultan’s relatives and guests to roam freely near the changing rooms. Some journalists were beaten and even exchanged shoves with security guards who guarded the door. How unnecessary and incredibly RUDE!

  The last time that happened to us, a friend from the selecao came to our rescue (Agradeço a Deus!) The trick is to scream at 92 decibels. Also, who cares if you’re royalty? It’s pathetic that they can’t teach their children any basic manners – they were tugging at Lucio’s shirt while he was doing an interview and he looked disturbed (você está inculto?).
  

Poor Amauri… at the rate things are going for RobinHood’s long lost cousin, he’ll never find a national team to call his own! Before you blame it on Little John, it’s all because Dopey and Lippi can’t make up their minds. Also, Amauri is way past his prime age and eating prunes now, so now we’re left with nobody to blame (don’t you dare say Ranieri Doubtfire).

Anyway, it looks like Pazzini, the striker from Sampdoria, has taken a stab at tipo over here over his Brazilian-Italian citizenship.

“At this point, I do not feel I’m (up against) Amauri, because I’m Italian and he is Brazilian. What I feel is that if a person is half Italian and half Brazilian, he is not really Italian. I must confess that this situation bothers me a bit,” Pazzini said.

Ei chico, go back to high school where you belong! Even the Italian Football federation disagrees with you. “Today, the parameter is citizenship. A player, whether it is an Italian citizen, has every right to be called. We do not want to lose our identity, but also do not want to discriminate against any citizen,” said its president, Giancarlo Abete.

• We know of many mujeres who’d like to be seated in that car with Gangsta Gattuso! He’s the Sexiest man in Italy, don’t ever forget that. Anyway, the entire Milan squad (yes, including Dida – how dare you accuse tio of being ineffective!) received keys to a set of new wheels yesterday. Looks like Milan, Uncle Fester and commercialism are all going a loooong way!  Agradeço a Deus, Pato doesn’t have to take a rollercoaster to Milano anymore and if our memory serves us right, they’ve all received 2 cars and are on course to receive the third one next year.



• On the other hand, the Madrid boys look annoyed at being dragged to the Audi ‘Snowdriving Experience’ roadshow (apart from Kaka, who is always happy). Also, Karim Benzema looks more like a Children’s Entertainer than a top-tier striker these days. What’s with the cap?
• Our French friends at Hourrafoot met The Messiah at an Adidas closed-door event yesterday. Ooooh, très bon! The Barca man looks like our P.E teacher the photos, but someone should’ve yelled “Ei Leo, donde esta Maradona, seu amigo mejorrrr!?!?!”
• Awww… even the referee couldn’t tell Fabio and Rafael apart so he booked the wrong twin! Get used to it, our irmãos here are not to be messed with.
• RobinHood Amauri scored twice yesterday as Juventus thrashed Sampdoria 5-1. Sometimes, the big teams need to learn to relax against the smaller ones. But besides Amauri, Giorgio Chiellini, Mauro Camoranesi and David Trezeguet all wanted their names on the scoresheet, which is good of course. “Everything worked to perfection,” coach Ciro Ferrara said. “We were coming off a few negative results but we’re bouncing back. This is Juventus’ real spirit.” Meanwhile, Milan drew 2-2 against Napoli.

Ah, it’s been a while since we last heard from zio-hermano. Yeah, Amauri’s just one of those who prefers to let his feet do the talking (maybe not for Dunga) so it was nice to see him score in the bianconeri’s 1-1 draw against Fiorentina, yesterday. Well, it would’ve been nice to see Felipe Meloooo getting on the score sheet too but alas, he just recovered from an injury and wanted to give his former side a break. For now, enjoy Iaquinta’s well-timed assist that led to Senor Amauri’s goal. Robinhood twins!

Photo via Reuters

via AP

Dear God… don’t you chicas think that Amauri over here should have been cast in a Sunsilk ad alongside those Bollywood beauties? Even Del Piero wants to hug his hair. It looks like the Wind in the Willows!

Anyway, if you’ve been reading us for a while, you’d know all about the Amauri-Brazil-Italy soap opera. It has emerged that the Juve striker is now one step closer to becoming part of Marcelo Lippi’s Azzura as his Italian passport has finally been processed. Or rather, the “official documents are in place”. That took a while, didn’t it?

“The final documents need to reach Brazil. In less than a month, I (can expect to) receive my Italian citizenship,” Amauri told ANSA.

Ok, we’ve closed the lid on this one… Hombre can sit down, we have Luis Fabulouso!

Amauri the snake anyone? Oh, how we miss teasing him for snubbing Brazil when Dunga called him up at the last minute!

Anyway, Senhor Hair Flip told Italian newspapers that his heart literally broke into pieces when he saw how Italy were trumped by Brazil on Sunday. “I switched off the TV after the third goal,” he admitted. “Which team did I support? None. Brazil won and I had fun. After all, when the two teams play, a show is guaranteed. Three years ago Lippi won a World Cup when few believed he could. He is experienced and is trying to implement his ideas. Let him do his job, he knows that it can bear the fruits of his labour in the future.”

Amauri, who is Brazilian born, will probably for Italy if he gets summoned by Paul Newman’s clone…. in the near future.  “I have lived here for ten years and playing for the Italian team is a way for me to repay everything that this country has given to me.”

Uh, that’s certainly not something to drink to, Mrs Doubtfire! Anyway, we’re sad to announce that Claudio Ranieri has resigned from his post as Juventus coach after two years of service to the team.

“From today, the team will be directed by Ciro Ferrara. Juventus would like to thank Claudio Ranieri for the work he did in the last two years. We would like to wish success to the new coach,” the club announced.

Ferrara is a former defender with Napoli and Juventus and was part of the technical staff that won the 2006 World Cup with Italy. He will now take over as interim coach and attempt to be kind to Del Piero.

As for Ranieri, he needs to find a casting agent presto – preferably for a film involving surviving clowns. It’s a sad day because he was supposed to be in Survivor : Claudio Ranieri with Amauri and Diego, but Juve ruined our entire two-hour pilot special!

No…. you can’t pull Diego away from Werder Bremen!

Anyway, the potential Survivor Tocantins contestant has confirmed that he has ‘agreed personal terms’ with Juventus which paves the way for a move to the Serie A next season. Why Juventus, though?! They’re pretty big D-BAGS to work with, in our opinion. Still, in terms of reviving the squad, we can see where all this is going.

“There’s still nothing official, but there’s really little (that’s) missing (in the deal). It is a matter of detail,” Diego told La Stampa yesterday.

He added : “The Italian Championship has long fascinated me and it is one of the most difficult, with exceptional players. It will be a great challenge.”

Anyway, Diego will look pretty good standing next to Amauri. Survivor Claudio Raneri, anyone?

Bayern’s under performing striker, Luca Toni (seriously, what does this hombre do? Pose in front of the net half the time?) may not have been included in Lippi’s World Cup Qualifying squad. However, he believes there are other better strikers than him Amauri - from Italy, no less.

“I do not know who he should choose to play for. He is an important player but besides him, there are so many good attackers who are doing well and whom I think are better than Amauri. (Marco) Di Vaio deserves much respect now because he’s doing so well in the Serie A,” he said.

And you can almost sense Toni’s cynicism in that quote…

No, we’re not about to bore you to tears with another Brazil-Amauri story. In fact, this hits closer to Amauri’s other home, Italy.

Well it seems that Milan and Leonardo (in particular) are getting themselves excited over the prospect of Amauri joining them at the end of the season. They are even planning to prise him away from Juventus, according to Tuttosport.

Leonardo reportedly envisions a ‘perfect trio’ in attack between Amauri, Kaka and Pato. In addition, the newspaper alleged that Caroline Celico’s friendship with Cynthia, Amauri’s wife, will pave the way for the move.

As usual, Juventus released a statement refuting the claims almost immediately (man, they’re quick, these Turin folks!) It said, “He will not be sold and won’t go anywhere. Amauri is a Juventus player.”

Well, perhaps Amauri should just focus on club football…

Claudio Ranieri aka Mrs Doubtfire thinks that the pressure from the Brazilian and Italian press about the issue of ‘nationality’ has not impacted Amauri’s performances on the field.

The Juventus coach said : “This may be something he thinks about (when he’s not playing), but on the field he is always the same. He is having an excellent season and always plays for the team. Amauri is not (distracted). He fought his whole life to be where he is.”

Ironically, Amauri has only scored one goal this year. In the first half of the season, he netted in eleven goals.

Juve’s next game is against Lazio this Sunday and Ranieri is expected to pair Amauri up with Iaquinta (Robin Hood Clone) in attack.

The fued between Amauri and Gattuso looks to be a never ending spectacle. Except this time, Amauri has former Brazilian world champion and striker, Mazzola (pictured above) on his side.

“Gattuso’s views and what he said about Amauri and Brazil were not very nice. He needs to shut up because the players who play for Italy are chosen by the coach, Marcello Lippi,” he told Sky Sports.

Yikes!

Anyway, Mazzola went on to say that Amauri should play for the Azzurri instead due to ‘greater competition’ in the selecao.

“f I were Amauri, I would choose Italy as (Brazil) has seven major attackers. He has to decide what he wants and make his choice clear, even without (an) Italian passport.”

That photo is supposed to help you understand why Gattuso is the sexiest man in Italy, although it is irrelevant to his ongoing feud with Amauri.

Anyway, you may recall Gattuso’s statements a few days ago about Amauri’s “bad decision-making.” The Italian defender is annoyed that Amauri didn’t seem to show gratitude to the Azzurri and thus, should “play for Brazil instead.”

Well Amauri is a man of a few words and this was his reply – “I don’t care what Gattuso says.”

Gattuso may be the most intimidating man on the field, but when it comes to curt replies, Amauri seemed to have won this round!

So we all know Gattuso has been left writhing about Amauri’s decisions as of late (that picture is supposed to help you understand why he is the sexiest footballer in Italy and you’re secretly wallpapering it now, don’t deny it!)

Anyway, the Italian defender was pissed that Amauri didn’t show gratitude to the Azzurri and to add to the insult, wasn’t firm in his decisions. But when the Italian press asked Amauri what he thought about Gattuso’s statements last night, he only said : “I don’t care what Gattuso says.”

Now imagine Amauri saying that in a raspy, Dark Knight-ish kinda voice. We have a recipe for a sensational Brazilian/Italian bitchfest!

Gattuso’s the last person you want to start a fight with on the field but for now, curt replies clearly have a better effect. Amauri 1 Gattuso 0!

Gattuso has too much time on his hands these days, evidently. He’s been making ridiculous bets to eat snails in a bid to pass the time and talking to the newspapers – among other things.

So of course, our ferosha gangsta uomo had something to say about Amauri and the Azzuri- and from the looks of it, he’s not happy about the situation.

“Amauri? No, thanks. I’m not going to discuss his quality, but he did not manage the (situation of choosing between Italy and Brazil) well,” Gattuso said – brazenly – we’d expect.

“We are not in Azerbaijan or in Finland, we are in Italy. We have won four world titles and our football does not have to (be the) envy of anyone. I think that is fair to Brazil.”

Say whatever you want, if we spot this pair on the streets of Turin, we’d probably think they were the same person. Indeed, Amauri has a twin and that man is Vincenzo Iaquinta! Well, out of the two, Amauri has the better tan but they still have an uncanny resemblance.

Anyway, we’re starting to think that perhaps Amauri owes his football success to Italy. He told Italian news agencies that he was excited to face his former team, Palermo this weekend.

“No one will believe me, but I am more emotional (about facing Palermo) than the time (Juventus) faced Real Madrid in the Champions League. I owe it to Palermo for making me the player I am today at Juventus,” he declared.

“(Palermo) has a fantastic climate and the people are friendly. This is why this city and its people will always be in my heart. In Turin, (things are) more distant. I miss having coffee with friends, people, the Mondello sea and the Pane c’a meusa (Sicilian spleen sandwiches). I love it, I will do anything to eat it,” he said.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that this guy is Brazilian. He spent almost half his life in Italy and appears to love the culture, so we’re no longer surprised that Amauri didn’t fret over the fact that he didn’t get to play for the selecao.

No Playstation today for the selecao, who had to attend training instead. Trust us, their schedules are often ridiculously packed that it’s hard to get a breather outside their hotel.

As usual, Dunga had to field some controversial questions from the press. That means all our concerns were answered – from Amauri, to Kaka’s injury and whether to field Pato or Adriano.

“Adriano was the champion of the Confederations Cup, champion of the Copa America (and) Pato is having some great moments. If you’ve been in your office for years and the chief trades you for someone younger, will you find it fair? If you substitute the older for the younger at an important moment, your head will be charged,” he said.

Wasn’t Dunga all for giving players a chance to fight for their place? Is he trying to imply that Adriano has ‘worked hard’ to earn himself a starting line-up in the selecao these days? Has he even been watching his players closely?!

“Kaka is a player of great quality and has no comparison to other (players) in the world. But I also know of my quality and I know that I’ll continue to do what is expected of me in the selection. I know of the ease of playing behind or in front helps as well as the fact of being at home, playing in England,” the coach added.

And of course, Dunga spoke about about Amauri.

“We must respect the rules. The summons was (at a bad) time because of Luis Fabiano’s injury and if we always fight for the laws to be respected, we should do it now.”