Fútbolita

We don’t know Balotelli is doing in that photo, but Inter certainly broke a lot of Roman hearts last night when they defeated Roma at their own Stadio Olimpico. Seriously, they should have just given Grandpa Ranieri a chance and concentrated on the Champions League final instead! Alas, no one does that these days, especially in Italy where the match-fixing mierda ruined everything.

“We’ve won the first of three trophies, now we expect to win the other two,” enthused Milito. “This victory will give us even more spirit for our next league game against Chievo.”

THIS is what we call Italian football passione! Of course, following Roma’s 2-1 victory over Lazio, Ranieri Doubtfire isn’t the only one they’re going to be smothering now. Mirko Vucinic, who scored two goals, is the Uomo del momento (and probably the more deserving Sunday Senor… desculpe, Cacau!) and you’d better believe it because Luca Toni does! Yes amigas, after all that merciless teasing on our part, we are now prepared to say that Awkward Luca does, in fact, deserve to be happy. There’s only so much an Italiano can take before his pride gets punctured to the ground.

Roma are now at the top of the Serie A table! So if you’re a fan… festeggiare!

via AP, Reuters

So Boriello decided that he’s had absolutely ENOUGH of the name calling and hair comparisons to Pauly D from Jersey Shore. After a while, you too would like to be taken seriously… especially if your job is to score goals for AC Milan. As Anna Wintour once said…“Where’s the glamour? Let’s lift it!”

Anyway, the Italian Stallion scored a brace against Catania yesterday (in a game which Milan didn’t win, unfortunately) and celebrated by fist pumping like a true guido from the sidelines. Dispiace, amici!! Io non lo dire… and Uncle Fester Galliani, 2-2 is unacceptable!

But of course, the REAL party yesterday happened in Rome where Roma’s 2-1 win over Atlanta means that they are now top of the Serie A table. For the love of Luca Toni… this is a complete turnaround! Mrs. Doubtfire, Claudio Ranier himself, believes that his team is on the way to the Scudetto title. So do not try to mess!

“It’s all to fight for, game after game. There are five left and we have got to play with a great deal of humility,” he declared. “They are all going to be incredibly difficult, but we know the Scudetto is in our hands now. Before we had to depend on the results of others too.”

via Reuters

Lulu Toni has finally mustered up the courage to speak about first team spots in the Azzurri. Oh dear, that took quite a while, didn’t it, futbolitas? And does anyone really care what Luca thinks about Amauri The Addled Angel? Bambiiiii, sei noioso! Save all this for your Sunday barbecue session with Ranieri Doubtfire, per favore. There will be marshmallows….

“He chose to play for Italy only because Brazil did not pick him (gasp…. Dunga did!) In our league there are many good strikers. Not just those who play at Milan, Inter or Juve. If he is (fit) Amauri can (go) and I will try in every way (for my own spot in the national team). But I think this is an unfair situation,” cried Luca.

Speaking of Amauri, we swear that his hair is capable of kicking Jackie Chan’s ass in FIVE minutes. You know Thiago Silva has already signed the petition to ban its appearance at all Serie A Games. That thing needs go for a walk!

via Gettyimages, Sky Sport Italia

It looks like zio Ranieri is getting himself all worked up – or rather, excited – over the possibility of the ToniTotti pairing for Roma this weekend against Genova. He even compared the spectacle to Drogba’s favourite film, Avatar! Ok, we made that last bit up about your beloved Diving genius, but whatever you say, Tsu’tey the clan leader is still his twin.

“There are more expectations to see Totti-Toni than (the opening of) ‘Avatar’ itself” said Ranieri. By the way, the film opens to the Italian public on Friday and you know Marcello Lippi already bought his 3-D glasses in hopes of seeing the tribe’s princess in all her blueness. “Let’s hope that the captain recovers (from tendinitis). When he is fit, will talk about how he can play for Roma,” added Ranieri.

One of Argentina’s starlets, Eduardo “Toto” Salvio is set to become an Atletico Madrid player… and yes, he’s touted to be Kun Aguero’s replacement (so that he can finally make that dream move to wherever he wants). Los colchoneros fans must be thrilled!

It cost 8 million to bring Toto to the club (caro, tal vez?) because his former club, Lanús charged EUR 6.8 million and the Argentine Football Association paid an additional 1.2 million euros. The rest will be paid in installments and the player arrives in Madrid on Friday. Toto is probably frantically packing away now, knowing that neither Forlan nor Kun will not be sharing their toothpaste tubes with him!

The Barca Elections are back and while the club’s vice-president, Jaume Ferrer, has declared that he wants to run for position of president this year, Joan Laporta feels “hurt to learn this from the media” instead of from Ferrer directly. “Of course we not limit the choices of anyone to be president and we have already discussed this,” Laporta said.

One interesting addition to the Barca elections if the grand-daughter of the club’s founder itself, Emma Gamper. She will be backing candidate Jaume Guixà, who is also running for presidency. “ Is a great thrill for any (of us) to have the legacy of Joan Gamper in their ranks and I have this privilege,” said Guixa.

As always… here’s a spoof from the Crackovia folks about Sandro Rosell - the club’s former director, who is also running for president. Genial!

via Reuters, El Mundo Deportivo

Ah, someone’s ego has been bruised! And it’s none other than your favourite Cabezazo or headbutter, Materazzi!! Since he’s merely shaking his legs at Inter these days, all talk of the World Cup is practically irrelevant to him. Well, not like the tournament needs a crying circus anyway.“I know where I will be on June 11, the day of the first match of the  World Cup: in my trailer traveling in America. I will not be watching the tournament (and I do not know the time (of the matches),” Materazzi declared to La Repubblica. Run along then, Cabebazo!

So Tio ThunderThighs, better known as Roberto Carlos was unveiled as an official Corinthiano alongside his own figurine yesterday. At least the figurine looked more tolerant than the man himself. Anyway, tio will now play alongside his best friend from 2002, Ronaldo Lima… and they will now proceed to spend more weekends watering plants together. “Ronaldo is not my friend, he is my brother. I lived longer with him than with my own family,” ThunderThighs said. He then added : “Listening to this mass (of people) screaming my name is creepy. The reward will be given on the field.”

Here’s another classic New Year’s eve Crackòvia episode. This one features the characters of Guti and Ramos ringing in 2010 by eating 12 grapes, dancing to techno (as usual) and dressing up in… cloaks! Espanyol’s Raul Tamudo (the same character who played Leo Messi) also enforced this tradition on his guests, Nakamura and goalie, Carlos Kameni. And if you observe Tamudo’s sofa lining carefully, it’s draped with a Real Madrid banner!

You’ve seen him flop at Bayern… but did you see the Luca Toni Going Away party that he threw before his move to Roma? Here it is! With plenty of booze and a light-headed Ribery. At least his new Roma boss, Ranieri Doubtfire loves him. “He is in better shape than I expected. He will now play against Cagliari. Roma is different with Luca Toni,” he declared.

via Reuters, TV3 and Gazetta dello Sport

• You and I know that 2010 will be a bloody exciting year for futbol - so if you aren’t counting down to the symphony of vuvuzelas in South Africa already, you’d better start inmediatamente! Happy New Year’s Day, futbolitas.

• Guess who desperately needs to start the year on a clean slate? It’s none other than… Luca Toni! After complaining about  being underused and mistreated by Mistress van Gaal at Bayern, Italy’s Most Awkward striker has now officially joined AS Roma on loan until June 30. Obviously, he’s banking on that transfer to help him get into Lippi’s World Cup squad. Oh for the love of Ranieri, is this man deluded? Someone will have to air courier us a live cactus if Luca gets called up!

• Lookey! Another Brazilian has joined Arsenal on a long-term deal. It’s the U-17 meninho, Wellington and the Gunners have bought him from Fluminense for a cool $10 million. Of course, Wellington is still considered a fetus (much like Coutinho) so he’ll remain in Brazil until he turns 18. And as they say, experience is key so he’ll have to win as much as he can with Fluminense (cue the collective snorts!) before officially becoming Denilson’s BFF in London.

• Yes, you’re looking at specially-commissioned stamps of Zizou in aid of the ELA – a European foundation against Leukodystrophy (a genetic disease which attacks the nervous system). We must say that Zizi resembles the handsome French actor types in these portraits and no, we’re not referring to Gerard Depardieu…. how dare you! Oui, des amis, Zizi’s more like the type who murders the heroine and gets away scot-free in a movie because he’s just so suave. Ah, when did it all come to this, you say? Je ne sais pas!
  



• The man who is capable of causing a fire alarm to set off at a fertility clinic aka Senhor Mourinho has declared that he’s fighting a “lost war” with Italian journalists. Awww, cari colleghi (dear colleagues) – what have you done now?! “I do not feel uncomfortable in this country. When I say I am (not loved) here, I am referring to my relationship with the media. For me, it is the fault of journalists (but) for them, it’s my fault,” he said.”In that sense, I know it is a lost war from the beginning, because journalists are many and I am only one. I lose this war, but not my independence, my way of being politically correct and always saying what I think. But I think with a little more respect we can move on.”
  

via AFP, Abola, Reuters

Look, even David Albelda can’t help himself from smiling for the cameras! And you can’t really blame him, after Los Che battled back from a goal down to win this away match against Athletic Bilbao last night. Goals by Villa and Mathieu cancelled out 16-year-old Iker Munain’s strike (the young striker is a cross between the Pique and Torres breed, in case you were curious and even if you were, shame on you for checking out jailbaits).

Also, Queridos futbolitas, everyone loves The Villa at Valencia, so if all goes as planned, he’s all set to be a One Club man ala Raul The Great One. Ignore the calls from distant lands, tipo! We can’t imagine him elsewhere. The only image in our minds of Villa is the exact same one portrayed in that photo above…. where he’s smiling blissfully in a sea of sunflowers.

Roma wins Il Derby Capitolino

We thought Juventus’s Chiellini was the real Phantom of the Opera, but damn, De Rossi has the moves to pull it off! Anyway, Roma’s fans will definitely be celebrating their victory over their fiercest rivals, Lazio in the city today. Their ultras went berserk again – letting off firecrackers and fighting in the stands, but like the Messiah (below), they all wanted to see the Opera.

Nevermind that – Marco Cassetti’s only goal was enough to secure all 3 points for Totti’s side. Even he couldn’t help himself during the celebrations by taking off his shirt – but Cassetti went one step further by knocking down the advertising billboards. Dude, ti credi di essere cool? (dude, you think you’re cool?!)

Sorry, we’re literally laughing at that picture. Damn tipo, we know you want to answer to your critics and all that…but your facial expression will not summon a deal from Signor Armani anytime soon!

Anyway, Milan fans can now celebrate and sleep in peace for the next 2 days (at least) over their 2-1 victory over Roma. They had to come back after going one goal down in the first half, and thanks to the combo of Uncle Ron and Duckling, who pulled it off! That doesn’t mean that the Rossoneri crisis is over. They still needed the The Dinho to convert a penalty – a highly questionable decision. Everyone needs to be ready for Madrid on Wednesday.

“The most important thing was the incredible spirit we showed,” said Leonardo. “The three points are all well and good but the main thing is the desire we’ve shown in all our performances.”

“I always want to do very well for this team, and I feel that I have achieved this tonight,” added Pato. “A lot has changed for us over the past two weeks, and tonight we are very happy and satisfied with this victory. Doing well here, hopefully means a return to the Selecao for me, but I must I say thanks to Ronnie, as he played me in front of the goalkeeper.”

Via Reuters, AP

Both Milan and Roma pulled off wins in their respective games against Bologna and Fiorentina yesterday. Inter also managed a 2-1 victory over Cagliari thanks to a Diego Milito double. “The pitch was awful, the ball bounced in a strange way, but in the end it went well and these points are very important. We’re playing every two days now,” said Julio Cesar.

Roma won their second game in the Serie A this season with a 3-1 win over Fiorentina thanks to goals from Prince Totti and De Rossi. “I would like to dedicate this victory to all of my friends, fans and the club, who all work hard during the week, and then are always there to support us,” declared De Rossi.

Elsewhere, the Rossoneri had good ol’ Seedorf to thank for securing three precious points for them. “I’m not using triumphant tones for this victory, there’s still many things to do,” said coach Leoooo. “My triumph was the commitment the team showed against Bologna. The players did a lot, they showed their pride from the beginning to the end. Now there is a fighting mentality; talent mixed in with desire and organisation.”

The Dinho was benched due to the flu. “There’s no Ronaldinho issue,” added Seedorf. “He’s part of the squad. Here in Italy people are always looking for pointless issues.”

via Gettyimages

As our dear Roma-crazy amiga said : “I wouldn’t say I’m happy with the team, but it’s good to finally have 3 points! Being le caca is not cool, at all.”

Indeed, Roma’s new coach Mrs Doubtfire Ranieri deserves applause – for today, at least – as he steered the squad to their first win after a long spell of dismal performances. An 89th minute free kick from substitute John Arne Riise was enough to earn them a 2-1 victory over Siena, who were down with ten men. Not the best of starts, but at least it’s something…

Elsewhere, president president Massimo Moratti must be thanking his lucky stars that Inter’s two new signings – Eto’o and Diego Milito both got on the scoresheet to help Inter to a 2-0 win over Parma. Watch Samuel Eto’o's stunning curling shot below…he probably doesn’t mind the fine that comes with removing his shirt!

via Reuters

Ah, we’ve not seen Mrs Doubtfire Ranieri in a long time… but how dare you forget him! Juve’s mighty swords may have dropped him five months ago but he got a new job as Roma’s coach.

He started his career with the I Giallorossi, so we’re guessing it’s a great honour to return as coach. Roma lie at the bottom of the Serie A standings after starting the new season with back-to-back defeats.

“This is a dream come true as I follow a professional journey that began many years ago. I am honoured and convinced I will be able to do and give the best for Roma,” he declared.

Doubtfire signed a two-year deal and he’ll get the chance to play with Philippe Mexès new locks at Siena next Sunday.

Yes, you’re possibly looking at a Totti and Bruno-Greaseano-Phelps cross breed. But more importantly, what’s with his shirt?! It says “Never Without You” – rather prominently, might we add. What’s that supposed to mean? (Well, we found out that “Never Without You” is not a shampoo slogan, but rather, a clothing brand that Totti and his wife have contracts with. Desculpe para a estupidez)

Anyway, this piece made his way to the World Water Sports event yesterday and his appearance caused an “uproar” among fans who had turned up at the Water Park at the Italian forum.

Unfortunately, Greaseano has lost the battle of the tans to Tantti over here.

So Milan’s 2-3 loss to Roma didn’t exactly make for magnifico celebrations in honour of Captain Maldini, but at least most of the tifosi made it worthwhile. A small section of the crowd held up Franco Baresi banners with chants of “There is only one captain.” They could’ve given the guy a break – it was his last game in the Rossoneri colours!

Del Piero summed up his thoughts on Paolo well.

“I want to comment on Paolo, because he is quite simply the best there is, in every possible aspect. It is absolutely incredible the way he has continued to give everything, both in training and on the field, for so many years. The spirit in which he has always conducted himself is simply unique and an example to us all,” he said.

Maldini’s lovely wife, Ariana and sons were at the game. Who’s that morose-looking girl with Mickey Mouse Becks? The new kit looks identical to the one three seasons ago – except now the collar’s white! Uncle Fester needs to hire a new creative director, asap!

Juventus are not happy about Sr. Mourinho’s recent declarations that “Juventus, Milan and Roma will win nothing at the end of the season.”

Clearly, who’d be smiling after that remark… especially if you’re a hot-blooded Italian uomo from one of the opposing teams?!

“After reading the serious statements (from) the Inter coach, Juventus expresses surprise and indignation and asks Inter to (deny these) allegations publicly,” the club said in a statement.

“With those statements, the coach of Inter failed to respect not only Juventus and their 14 million fans, but everyone in Italian football.”

“These declarations feed (into) a dangerous culture of suspicion. Leaders have a duty to demonstrate education and a sense of responsibility – before, during and after games – for the good of Italian football and its international image.”

Well, we all know Sr. Mourinho is a very passionate Portuguese cavalheiro, so perhaps his words came at a very bad time. Funny that we can’t bring ourselves to disagree with him.

Pato’s got the “yeah, I told you so” look in the photo above… and rightly so. Our favourite duck delivered an outstanding performance against AS Roma yesterday, netting a double which still wasn’t enough to secure a win for the Rossoneri. To be fair, watching the highlights only prove that Milan’s backline still has a lot of work to do.

“My good form is down to the team, who are fantastic,” Pato said in the interview with Sky. “They help me and give me peace, and that is why I am so happy to be a player in this team,” he added.

Beckham also recently told Pato that he had a ‘great future at the club’, a statement that evoked smiles from the striker. “I am so happy with his words. He is a great player, and it is very good to have him with us at Milan.”

So Beckham got ‘rave’ reviews from most of the English press for producing some ‘quality’ passes throughout the game. We’ve always been skeptical about him… even at Real Madrid, but his professionalism remains an admirable trait.

It’s hard to find another Italian team that has as much celebrity appeal as Milan do now. Suddenly, people are talking about Kaka’s James Dean-inspired shades as the team arrived in Rome for tomorrow afternoon’s Serie A fixture. All because of Beckham’s arrival… they’ve suddenly become Celebrity FC.

On the subject of Beckham, Los Angeles Galaxy’s former general manager, Alexi Lalas has spoken up about the possibility of the Englishman staying with the Rossoneri. Are our worst fears confirmed?

“If I were still in front of the Los Angeles Galaxy, yeah, I would be afraid,” he said. “He must do what is appropriate for his career. He is playing (for)the best club in the world, with very talented players and in a great environment. It is difficult to give up all that and the Galaxy (may) have to survive without him.”