28th Aug 10
Ash
Who says it has to be Inter all the way? Atletico Madrid proved that football is truly an unpredictable game by winning the UEFA SuperCup last night. Parabeeeens!!!!
It's Kun Aguero and Benjie celebrating the SuperCup! Grandpa Dona was nowhere to be seen...
Photos via REUTERS
29th Mar 10 Ash
Bom dia, futbolitas! It was the Madrid derby last night with plenty of thrills and spills! It was, of course, only natural that the Pied Piper of Higuain had to feature in this one with the likes of Xabi Alonso and Alvaro Arbeloa. There was nothing from Senor Kun, however (OK, estamos justo really, he did help Reyes to score the second goal for Atletico!) but you know The Dona failed to send him a congratulatory text message when he checked his phone!
“We scored three goals but the worrying thing is that our opponents, almost without reaching our goal, scored twice,” tío Pellegrini said after the game.
I’ve also added a photo of Marcelo the Ballerina as a bonus! For that alone, Dopey should summon him to Seleção Bootcamp!
1st Mar 10 Ash
After weeks of mercilessly making fun of Simao and tio Quique Flores, Atletico Madrid decided to snap their fingers and yell “¡Es suficiente!” to our faces. And we got the memo after they gave Valencia a 4-1 thrashing yesterday. Yes Kun, we know you’re thrilled but Valencia were down to nine men… so that’s a vantage point, tipo!
“We have recovered our football, the mood and feeling. We have a string of good results and are in good form. The team maintains a regular basis and we believe that we have a good dynamic,” said Flores proudly after the game.
Can Rojiblancos maintain this form or return to empanados again?! Diego Forlan rightfully deserves the belated Sunday Senor title so Applause, por favor!
15th Feb 10 Ash
So it looks like Rojiblancos have done Potter Perez and friends a favour by handing Barca their first defeat of the season. No no estés triste… there’s nothing to panic about yet, Los Cules, because no one expected you to be invincible. 22 wins without losing is still magnífico! Anyway, the Madridistas are thrilled because Jersey Shore reject Simão and Diego Forlan’s vampire eyes scored two goals to send Pep and co’ on the first trip out of Vicente Calderon. Looking at the last photo below, Simao remembered not to look into the Messiah’s eyes and successfully contained him in their 2-1 win.
A great moral boost for Atletico… they’ve been mulling on this for the longest time. Time to thrill the fans, tipos!
via Reuters
12th Feb 10 Ash
Awww, so much love between Tiago and Kun! Despite losing 3-2 to Racing Santander last night, Rojiblancos are still going to meet Sevilla and His majesty, King Juan Carlos I in the Copa del Ray final. Well KJC (that’s the cooler short form of his name) will probably be quite annoyed that his favourite player, Raul did not make it to the finals but at least he’ll get to reward the other Madrid this season if they win it. It’ll be exciting!
18th Jan 10 Ash
Maxi Rodriguez may have been pictured smiling next to his new “Whatever” coach Rafa Benitez in recent days, but his last press conference for the Rojiblancos was full of emotion. Holding back his tears, Maxi spoke about how he’ll always remember his time at the club. Awwww.
“It was like home. I was always treated well (here) in good times and bad. I wish I could relive that at another club, but it will be difficult. I was treated as if I was at home, in Argentina”
“It was difficult to make a decision like this but I like challenges. Our paths (are) separate but football has a lot of memories and the memories will always remain. The only thing now is that I do not have to face (Atletico) in the Europe League.”
15th Jan 10 Ash
Finally, all these months of sulking and lack of form have passed and Kun Aguero is starting to score again – in the right places, por supuesto! It’s pretty difficult not to refer to The Dona when a photo of Kun comes up because you know they’re perpetually bounded by Benjie and baby pacifiers for the rest of their lives.
Anyway, we’re afraid that Kun’s GolScramble against Recreativo Huelva in their 5-1 victory is only the beginning. He’s trying to squeeze his way into that Argentinean line-up - the one written by The Dona as he ate the Family Saver meal in a fit of rage at Chuck E Cheese. Everyone knew that Gianinna was Kun’s golden ticket, but he had to go mess that one up… so hermano, it’s time to get to work!!!
13th Jan 10 Ash
In many ways, it’s good that the Rojiblancos are starting to realize that they’re entitled to purchase a few new manos to save themselves. So President Enrique Cerezo did not waste any time during this short and cruel January transfer window (ha-ha) and aptly summoned the services of Juventus’s Tiago!
Of course, the Portuguese International is one of 4255th other footballers dying for a taste of first-team football to make their World Cup squads. For now, it’s looking a bit like a shoe sale frenzy. “Rápido! Esta es la mitad del precio!” they scream.
Anyway, Tiago denies all of this absurd accusations so we shall put our hands together and be silent. “I have not come to Atleti because of the World Cup because I believe that I have the confidence of Queiroz. I am here to play in Spanish football and to help this team,” he said. Be good, Tiago, and you too will receive a warm hug from the fans.
12th Jan 10 Ash
It looks like zio Ranieri is getting himself all worked up – or rather, excited – over the possibility of the ToniTotti pairing for Roma this weekend against Genova. He even compared the spectacle to Drogba’s favourite film, Avatar! Ok, we made that last bit up about your beloved Diving genius, but whatever you say, Tsu’tey the clan leader is still his twin.
“There are more expectations to see Totti-Toni than (the opening of) ‘Avatar’ itself” said Ranieri. By the way, the film opens to the Italian public on Friday and you know Marcello Lippi already bought his 3-D glasses in hopes of seeing the tribe’s princess in all her blueness. “Let’s hope that the captain recovers (from tendinitis). When he is fit, will talk about how he can play for Roma,” added Ranieri.
One of Argentina’s starlets, Eduardo “Toto” Salvio is set to become an Atletico Madrid player… and yes, he’s touted to be Kun Aguero’s replacement (so that he can finally make that dream move to wherever he wants). Los colchoneros fans must be thrilled!
It cost 8 million to bring Toto to the club (caro, tal vez?) because his former club, Lanús charged EUR 6.8 million and the Argentine Football Association paid an additional 1.2 million euros. The rest will be paid in installments and the player arrives in Madrid on Friday. Toto is probably frantically packing away now, knowing that neither Forlan nor Kun will not be sharing their toothpaste tubes with him!
The Barca Elections are back and while the club’s vice-president, Jaume Ferrer, has declared that he wants to run for position of president this year, Joan Laporta feels “hurt to learn this from the media” instead of from Ferrer directly. “Of course we not limit the choices of anyone to be president and we have already discussed this,” Laporta said.
One interesting addition to the Barca elections if the grand-daughter of the club’s founder itself, Emma Gamper. She will be backing candidate Jaume Guixà, who is also running for presidency. “ Is a great thrill for any (of us) to have the legacy of Joan Gamper in their ranks and I have this privilege,” said Guixa.
As always… here’s a spoof from the Crackovia folks about Sandro Rosell - the club’s former director, who is also running for president. Genial!
3rd Dec 09 Ash
So a sad day has come, and according to reliable sources in Argentina, Gianinna and Kun Aguero have officially parted ways. Kun has already packed his bags and left the family home following allegations that he cheated on his wife with a dancer. So it isn’t just Tiger Woods who should be avoiding the feminism society these days!
Anyway, gossip rags are saying that Kun is “not used to married life” and that the emotional discomfort he is facing at home has led to his dismal performances on the pitch. The main problem was he wasn’t comfortable idea of raising a family yet and while he initially showed good behavior, over time the relationship began to crumble and Gianinna often ‘questioned’ her husband’s frequent nights out.
For now, her intention is to stay a while longer with Benjie to save the relationship. But if it does not work out – according to people close to the family – Gianinna could return to Argentina with the child. By the way, what does The Dona have to say about all this and will blood be thicker than water in his team selection? (via La Nacion with thanks to Kickette).
On the eve of the star-studded World Cup Draw, Mickey Mouse’s Muse aka David Beckham remembers Nelson Mandela! What a great PR team he has… “When I was last here with England, I had the honour of meeting Nelson Mandela. That was the highlight of my career; to meet such a great man and a strong man and such a passionate man about sport and life will always stay with me.”
Lastly, your favourite pair of Brazilian gêmeos happened to arrive at the same time as their coach in a UNICEF benefit earlier this week. They tried to tell their older brother to drive slower but…it was too late, and they got out into the pavement at the same time! Look at Rafael’s face. Nós queremos beliscar-la!
18th Nov 09 Ash
The last time that happened to us, a friend from the selecao came to our rescue (Agradeço a Deus!) The trick is to scream at 92 decibels.
Also, who cares if you’re royalty? It’s pathetic that they can’t teach their children any basic manners – they were tugging at Lucio’s shirt while he was doing an interview and he looked disturbed (você está inculto?).
7th Nov 09 Ash
Vale, you gotta admit that Baby Benjie is adorable but bears no resemblance to his grandpa, The Dona. He does however, look a lot like Kun Aguero. Speaking of your favourite Grammy award-winning singer, he has been included in the squad list for tomorrow’s Madrid derby. Quique Sánchez Flores hasn’t decided if he’ll start yet….but all Kun needs to do is to send Resino’s successor a copy of his EP and the decision will be made immediately!
“Kun is so young that I still think that he does not know his body well,” said Flores. “He has very different feelings – very different and it contradicts what he’s able to contribute, but he is 20 and he’s a guy who is getting to know his profession, his body and his feelings. Let’s see. (The players) must contribute to the game tomorrow.”
22nd Oct 09 Ash
Photo via Reuters
11th Sep 09 Ash
via Reuters
“The loss to Brazil killed us – we were very discouraged. It was a tremendous blow to our morale. We were very ill and knew that against Paraguay would have a very difficult match. What did Maradona say? It’s the same for us. When you lose, nobody wants to talk. Diego is as concerned as we are. I think next month, when we play with Peru, we do our best to win and then play for qualification against Uruguay,” – Kun Aguero, before flying back to rejoin his club, Atletico Madrid.
31st Aug 09 Ash
via Reuters
The Valencia kit designers obviously had too much of a Dark Knight experience…. so it doesn’t matter if Juan Mata and David Silva look like they have extra chest hair. Valencia defeated Sevilla 2-0 and Freddy Kanoute was sent off for two “unfair” challenges in Unai Emery’s opening test of the season yesterday. The other goal came from Pablo Hernandez.
“We have passed one test and will continue studying for the next one,” said the Valencia coach.
Meanwhile, poor Atletico fell to a 3-0 defeat at Malaga which saw goals from Nabil Baha and defender, Manu (in his full league debut) before Xavi Torres added a third. ¡que pasaaaaa la gente?!
“It was our worst game since the pre-season,” said coach Abel Resino. “We have to keep working to rectify these mistakes because the league has only just started.”
26th Aug 09 Ash
via AP
Benjie’s dad scored a double yesterday to sink Gilberto Silva’s Panathinaikos… and with that, Atletico have won the right to compete in the Champions League! Sadly for the Greeks, they will play in the “Europa Cup”, formerly known as the UEFA Cup. Yeah… it’s always painful to settle for second best. My dad called once called UEFA Cup the “Losers Pool” until Milan played in it and he had to keep quiet for the rest of the season.
Anyway, you remember Djibril Cissé, don’t you? The Matrix wannabe was sent off in the second half for an unfair tackle on former Palmeiras player, Paulo Assunção. No surprise though – pote tried one of his infamous moves but picked the wrong game to star in. Très triste en effet!
The championship draw will take next Thursday, at 13h (GMT) in Monaco. Be ready, futbolitas!
7th Aug 09 Ash
Yet another one of those nasty transfer rumors comin’ your way…. and this time it involves one of the Argentinean Guapos, Fernando Gago. It’s ok chicas, his hair still needs moisturiser.
Spanish daily Marca has claimed that Atletico Madrid’s president, Gil Marín, is looking to bring dear old Gago and his fellow countryman, the Pied Piper of Higuain to the team. If that happens… imagine the uproar that will unfold during the Madrid derby. SuperKun will have to stop all play and evacuate his son, Benjie, immediately!
As it stands, it’ll be Gago’s own fault if he leaves. He hasn’t made much of an impact on the Madridistas, anyway (we’ll never forgive his laziness during the Champions League match against Liverpool earlier this year – WTF was that, tipo?) As for Higuain... come on now, Potter Perez!
3rd Jul 09 Ash
A model named Luisana Varacalli has been going around telling people that she spent a hot night with Kun Aguero at a nightclub, thus cheating on Gianina behind her back. Varacalli also confirmed that she has “photos” of their time spent together. Alas! Those allegations have come crashing down and the couple can now live in peace with Benjie‘s Premium Disney Channel subscriptions.
“It’s all a lie. She used it to get attention from the press. We were never with Kun, ever ” said Noelia Barrios, who is friends with Varacalli. “We stayed that night at the bowling alley in Kika and had a drink in the VIP area – (that part) is true. But we arrived together and we all left (the place) together.”
By the looks of it, no one would ever dare to step on The Dona’s head so Varacalli probably popped too much pills or dreamt up the whole encounter. In an interview with Primicias Ya, the wannabe-WAG said : “I think people on the streets really believe me and are on my side. I will wait a while. I know that sooner or later, I will communicate with Kun or someone else.” Enjoy the wait!
11th Jun 09 Ash
So we’ve kinda established by now that Chelski are in need of a striker to partner the Diving Drogba. Besides Pato – who is obviously exasperated about Kaka’s move to Spain – other names in Chelski’s list include David Villa and even Clarence Seedorf. They want it all – keep your nephews and sons out of sight!
The latest name that’s been thrown into Ancelotti’s Macbeth-witch pot is Kun Aguero Papa. And this, despite the common knowledge that he’d rather play in Spain and that his father-in-law isn’t well-received in England and vice-versa. The Dona advises Kun about everything from how to free himself from his marker to Benjie Aguero’s baby clothing brands. And we’re willing to bet that he told Kun to stay at Atletico and makes all his transfer decisions for him.
With The Dona’s bad press in England, you can write off Kun’s move to Chelski – unless Ancelotti, by some miracle, manages to convince both parties otherwise. Keep stirring Uncle Carlo…
8th Jun 09 Ash
Proud daddy Kun Aguero may not be interested in Real Madrid but he doesn’t mind joining their rivals, Barca. That is subject to The Dona’s approval of course. You can’t marry into the Maradona family without him deciding on your football future. He even makes sure that Kun doesn’t watch videos of Pele’s on YouTube!
“I will never betray (Atletico) because I was always treated very well. If (I played) for Real Madrid, I will lose the fans’ respect,” he said.
The bigger surprise was when he implied that he’s open to joining the Catalan Caras.
“I hope Messi can help (me to) join the team, but it’s a matter of waiting for the leaders to decide,” he said.
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