Fútbolita

Look at that wide smile on Ibracadabra! It speaks volumes of what he thinks about his new Milanese life. As many suspected, Senor Pep and him weren’t on the same page towards the end of his career. He told the Swedish media this yesterday in Stockholm, where he and his fellow KEX BALLERINA from Ikea lovers are preparing for a friendly against Hungary tomorrow.

“There was only one person (on the Barcelona team) who wanted to get rid of me. I have never had problems with any coach before during my career. But suddenly I had a thousand problems and I had no communication with ‘the Philosopher’. No communication whatsoever. I don’t know what his problem was,” said Ibra.

Ibra, you must first show that you want to play before you start putting the blame on the coach. What’s going to happen at Milan? Who’s going to play the role of “Let’s Support The Strikers”? There’s Pato and Robinho now!

Meet Dani Alves, your new Barcelona tour guide. Do not be alarmed by all that bling he’s wearing on his ears, even though it puts the whole Samba parade to shame. Anyway, it’s been two years since he last arrived from Sevilla, but cara is still in love with the Catalan city and wants YOU and your wallet to know that it’s possible to eat out everyday of the year.

“When I moved here, people told me it was possible to eat in different restaurants 365 times per year. I did not believe it. But after you get used to it, you realize it’s true. Today I (searched) for a restaurant in my GPS and you could see that symbol with a fork and knife,” he said in an interview, laughing. Oh Dani, were we supposed to look for a symbol indicating the zoo instead?

“When I got here, I did a “city tour” to know the main points. I really enjoyed it. For example, I visited Holy Family Church, Parque Guell, which has several works by Gaudi (architect). It’s also nice to go to Montjuic, where is the Olympic Village in 1992. My grade for the city is 9.5 because 10 is always perfect, and people always have some complaints. But Barcelona, to live and go for holidays, is the best place in the world,” added Alves.

Oh dear, it seems that MouMou the Mastermind, has been reading too much of his son, Jose Jr’s, Harry Potter books and getting discount coupons from the movie’s themepark. How did he manage to conjure up this statement? It’s pretty ridiculous and brilliant in itself.

“I am a coach, not Harry Potter. He is a magician. Magic is fiction and I live for football, which is real. I’ve only been in Madrid for two months. Do you know how many training sessions I have had with everyone together, including the new signings? Not even 10. My profile as a coach is different to what it has been in recent years. If things go badly I have to leave. I would have one of the best clubs in the world waiting for me.”

via Reuters, Globoesporte

Welcome to Futbolita’s “La Liga Lunes!” (say it with a merry little voice). It’s one of our fresh new features for the new season, which means ya’ll better stop the hair waxing or whateverchu been doin’ and get back to the Spanish futbol business. So let’s ring the bell and dance to the new season!

DE TODOS MODOS, Matchday 1 consisted of a lot of mid-air fistpumps (David Maravilla style), Greaseano whining and sheer disappointment on MouMou’s face. Obviously, Barca weren’t feeling the pain of losing Ibracadabra to their friends in Italy and handed Racing a nice 3-0 gift courtesy of Maravilla, Iniesta and the Messiah. Sergio Canales cried all the way from his Madrid apartment, but after leaving Racing for better shores, that was inevitable!

As for Mourinho…. acorda, tio! You can do better than that goaless draw against Mallorca! Where was the mascot (Juande Ramos) when you needed him?

Said MouMou : “I’m disappointed that with the number of chances we created we didn’t score. When you aren’t at your best you have to do two things, defend so your opponents don’t score, and take your chances. We deserved to win.”

All photos via AP & Reuters

This is why we love Spanish and European football! There’s still so much solidarity and amor eterno between the players and teams, even after they’ve long left the club. Anyway, all this love happened yesterday to The Dinho at the Joan Gamper trophy challenge between Barca and Milan. The Brazilian was given a fantastic welcome back to the Nou Camp from the fans and Captain Puyolita (obviously, in that picture above, Dani Alves wanted to stand next to his friend and countryman but Fontas said “NO” with a strict face.)

Barca left their “play for pride” style behind and opted to relax instead. In the end, they still won 3-1 on penalties with The Dinho giving his boots away to a fan. O que é um grande homem! The kid will remember him for life.

via Reuters, Gettyimages

Okay Milanistis, prepare to welcome Zlatan Ibracadabra to your Rossoneri family! If all goes as planned today, the club’s vice-president, Uncle Fester Galliani will be meeting up with Mourinho’s prodigal son and his manager, as both sides battle it out for the annual Joan Gamper trophy at the Nou Camp tonight.

“It will be a difficult negotiation and we will not talk of financial matters,” said Galliani. Umm, if it isn’t about the money, what else could they be discussing? The pasta sauce to be served for dinner?

Added Guardiola, whom ya’ll know is always so gracious in his words,  “I do not regret the exchange with [Samuel] Eto’o [for Ibrahimovic]. You cannot go back on the decisions you have made.”

He will be missed…

via AFP, Reuters, Globoesporte

So there was no need to scratch our heads to decide this week’s Sunday Señor! After scoring a hat-trick, surely Antonella‘s man, The Messiah, deserves high praise! She must have done something during the holidays to help her novia find his form again for Barca. And no, it can’t be the churrascaria.

Anyway, David Maravilla must also be smiling, because it’s his first major tournament for Los Cules, and he walked away with a shiny new medal! Un buen comienzo de la temporada, for sure.

And here’s a bonus of Pique the Pout doing what he does best (besides enjoying the DJ lifestyle – no kidding)… showering booze! You know that they’ve got loads of champagne bottles stocked up in the dressing room, so he’s not worried that they’ll run out of it anytime soon. If they do, Bojan can always make a quick run for the supermart near his home.

Obviously David Maravilla has nothing to do with Zlatan Ibracadabra’s fickle-minded nature, but the fact that he’s waltzing past you in a pink shirt should be enough to start us all of to a good note, bubblegum and all.

Apparently, Milan are very excited at the prospect of getting Ibracadabra and his nose to the club, but Barca have refused to talk unless they get ‘one of their players’ in return. Quién? you say. The three names are Pirlo, Pato or Thiago Silva. The last two seem highly unlikely but knowing Barca, they’re not going to settle for has-beens. To be a Blaugrana, you’d better BRING it to the table!

And as for the abundance of pinkness in this post, you know what they say…

Photos via Reuters, EL Pais

What’s this, isn’t the World Cup already over?! It appears not… porque seven of Barca’s men have arrived to play a friendly against Mexico on Wednesday. Before flying off, the boys put up at Hotel Meliá Baraja near the airport. And to all our Mexican chicas (yes, we know there’s many of you, jeje), you have everybody’s blessing to go ahead and Navastate their training ground with your eyes. Puyolita, on the other hand, can only offer a solitary wave in return…

“The fact we have won the World Cup does not mean that we no longer have goals and objectives to achieve,” declared Fernando Llorente. “We have to carry on as we have been doing with a view to winning as much as possible.”

via Marca

So Barca are now in Seoul, South Korea for their preseason tour! But before they left, the Messiah and his namorada Antonella took some time off to hang out with dolphins in Mexico. And in case you were wondering, they weren’t there to watch RBD Live in Concert! Instead, if you’ve been following the couple closely, you’d know that they’ve been travelling quite a lot and soaking in the sun!

If you observe the photo below, the dolphin actually looks proud to be offering its fins to the Messiah. A dance, anyone?

via Hola, AP

No, you’re not looking at a new edition to the epic Barney & Friends television show. It’s Zlatan, meu amigas! The Ibracadabra you forgot all about. OK, maybe it was just us but the fact of the matter is that he is going to make Barca fans very happy with a recent declaration – that he’s staying at the club and ~totes~ going to have lunch with Davilla.

“Guardiola told me that I am an important part of the team, so I understand that I will play, because if someone is not important, they do not play,” he said, rather reassuringly of course. If he doesn’t change his outfit soon, we will be counting pears…

This, my friends, is David Brazil huddled next to your favourite couple of Julio Cesar and Susana Werner. They celebrated his birthday by throwing a poolside party for David and his boyfriend. Awww! Walking out on your birthday to see a topless Julio Cesar will not leave you disappointed (I mean – look at that smile on David’s face – que bom).

Yeah, he looks like buzz lightyear and all, but he’s no buzzkill!

Lastly (ignore the screams from our Dutch futbolita, Hanneke, in the background), but here is Wesley Sneijder on honeymoon in…. (drumroll), Ibiza, our most favourite place on Earth! Finally… somebody, aside from Juande Ramos decided to go there and hit it up ‘Jersey Shore’ style. He’d better be ready to hit it up before the new season starts!

via AFP, HOLA

Ooh la la, Bobojan is giving you the eye in this picture. Quick everyone, do something! Tipo was said to be dating Sara Carbonero’s sister, Cristina, but he has denied this claim and is still with Blanca, his current namorada.

Anyway, many of you may be wondering how Bojan feels about his best friend, Pedrito and his World Cup win. After all, they both had equal chances to make the final squad… until Del Bosque maxed out his number of attackers for the final list and you know you can’t have everything. Well, he’s not bitter but admitted that he felt “healthily envious” when La Furia won.

“I am as delighted as all the players (as) we would have liked to be there. My goal is to return to the selection. I’ll work for it.”

Bobojan still has Euro 2012 to work towards, and we’re sure that he’ll be called to the squad then! In the meantime, here’s a bonus of Spain’s new favourite lovebirds, IkerBonero (move aside, Raul and Mamen!)

Photos via Gettyimages/Bellazon

First and foremost, we would like to apologize for the 3,342,121,322 million female hearts that are about to be broken (and the eye-rolling from the futbolitos), especially that of our amiga mayor who is in love with Barca’s Pedrito. Come on… as they say in Brazil, “they may be married, but they’re not dead!”

In this case, we’re not talking about marriage. Here we have Jesus Navastating and Pedrito with their girlfriends leaving the hotel following their delirious night of celebrations in Madrid. They’re both heading back to their hometowns and both chicas looked annoyed as hale, especially Alejandra (Navas’s namorada) who had to pull his luggage. Babe, don’t sulk – do it for the eyes!  ¡Dios mío, yo haría cualquier cosa por los ojos!

via Europa Press & Gettyimages

Ok, so ya’ll know that the Messiah is in Rio de Janeiro now with his girlfriend, Antonella, to hang out with Deco aka The Betrayer and enjoy a short getaway at the same time. Here are more pictures of them enjoying the authentic “churrascaria” experience at a restaurant in Barra da Tijuca. Later in the evening, Antonella moved to sit next to the Messiah because she obviously wanted to lay her claim on her man as the evil Nereida Gallardos of Rio looked on! On a side note, Antonella is the Argentinean clone of my best friend, lo juro!!

Photos via EGO

So The Messiah has finally reunited with his namorada, Antonella Roccuzzo in Rio de Janeiro (of all places!) Unfortunately, la chica looks mighty peeved here! The photographer must have crept in on them when they were having a heart-to-heart talk. Dude, but they haven’t even ordered!

Anyway, they’re both in Rio to take advantage of a “short holiday” thanks to Deco aka The Man Who Doesn’t Play Football Anymore. His institute is called “Deco20″ and they will be playing some nice charity matches in Sao Paulo, which The Messiah will be a part of. What are Barca mates for, eh?

Speaking of which, Antonella is in university wrapping up her dietician studies, pink watch and all. In other words, she doesn’t really need The Messiah because she’s on the way to becoming “Una Mujer De Poder!” She’s even looking away here.

Fotos : Carlos Wrede / Agência O Dia

Hard to say this about Puyolita, but we told you so! Amid all the talk about Pulpa Paul and his potential as a matchmaker, a brand new hero has emerged from the land of Catalonia! Finally, Puyol’s day is here and for all his hard work, the whole of Spain is declaring today “el dia de Puyi”, and rightly so because they’ve made history and are in the World Cup finals for the first time ever. Hey, es un logro. Así que si le molestan, siéntate!

“The truth is that victory cost us a lot because Germany were very good defensively, but we have persevered and finally (received) our award,” said Xavi Downey Junior, who is beginning to look a lot like Señor Iron Man.

We were surprised that Germany didn’t look as sharp as they have in recent games, and their midfield was practically non-existent. Seriously, where was Ozil? And did Klose even look like he was on the verge of equalizing Ronaldo O Fenomeno’s record? That’s right – it wasn’t going to happen.

Photos via AP, Gettyimages

Here we go again with the “Villa al Barça!” talk again, except that there are substantial facts to back up the rumours. Yes, El Guaje has apparently passed his medical examination at the club headquarters and his transfer fee apparently cost 50 million euros. Ka-ching to Valencia!

According to the Catalan press (fuentes muy fiables or very-reliable-sources!) Villa will be unveiled officially as a Barca player on Friday afternoon. It’s a mini el clasico, if you think about it, because everybody wants to watch the CL final at the Santiago Bernabeu… but the Grand Reveal will be at the Nou Camp! Nevertheless, every top flight footballer must play for either Barca or Real at some point of their careers. Es este el momento para Villa?!

via Blaugranas & El Mundo Deportivo

In the end, a draw with Malaga helped Bobojan and friends to celebrate their four successive La Liga title in six seasons! Mi Dios, it was a really close call and both teams fought till the end. But for Real Madrid, they were not supposed to come in second, en absoluto. Queridos niños, was it so difficult to get all three points against Malaga?

“Potter Perez’s investments needed time to settle in, Kaka was a shadow of himself and they don’t play like a team,” are assertions we’ve been hearing all season. Many of you think we’re anti-Madrid, which we can assure you is pretty far from the truth because the fact is we’ve been following their playing style for nearly a decade and although it’s a case of ‘Déjà vu’ sometimes, they’ve certainly improved.

Said Pellegrini after the draw against Malaga: “I’m not saying that we are the best Real Madrid in history, because you have to win titles to show that you are the best, but these figures and data are important.”

“Real had an exceptional season with a lot of points and we had to get 99 points to win the title,” said Senor Guardiola. “I would like to congratulate Real for a great season. They have a great squad and are capable of reinforcing the team for next season so it will be difficult for us.”

Unfortunately, despite our lobbying in the form of sending chocolates to Uncle Del Bosque, Bobojan was not called up to his provisional 30-man la seleccion outfit. However, we’re incredibly happy that Victor Valdes was called up because he’s such a nice guy, and thoroughly deserves it. Interestingly, Negredo, Busquets and Pedrooooo’s names were also in the list, which is muy brillante! Pedro’s Pack are now in the process of manufacturing their pom-poms!

Goalkeepers: Iker Casillas (Real Madrid), David De Gea (Atletico Madrid), Diego Lopez (Villarreal), Jose Reina (Liverpool) Victor Valdes (Barcelona).

Defenders: Raul Albiol (Real Madrid), Alvaro Arbeloa (Real Madrid) Cesar Azpilicueta (Osasuna), Joan Capdevila (Villarreal), Carlos Marchena (Valencia), Gerard Pique (Barcelona), Carles Puyol (Barcelona), Sergio Ramos (Real Madrid).

Midfielders: Xabi Alonso (Real Madrid), Sergi Busquets (Barcelona), Cesc Fabregas (Arsenal), Andres Iniesta (Barcelona), Javi Martinez (Athletic Bilbao) Marcos Senna (Villarreal), David Silva (Valencia), Xavi (Barcelona).

Forwards: Santi Cazorla (Villarreal), Jesus Navas (Sevilla), Juan Manuel Mata (Valencia) Pedro Rodriguez (Barcelona), Dani Guiza (Fenerbache) Fernando Llorente (Athletic Bilbao), Alvaro Negredo (Sevilla), Fernando Torres (Liverpool FC) and David Villa (Valencia).

Photo via AP

Happy Friday! Oh, Gracias a dios… we’re glad to have reached the end of this week in particular and we hope you’re getting ready to kick off your shoes (even if it’s for a few hours), wherever you may be!

Well, at least the Crackovia boys are here again (as always) to bring the laughs. This time, both the Madrid and Barca characters come together to sing about the “one point difference” that separates them. Barca remain optimistic about their chances of winning, which is why they’re singing to the tune of “I will Survive”. molt graciós!