Fútbolita

It was a maravilloso night for the Inter boys as they made a clean sweep of all the UEFA Gala Awards, two of which naturally went to Brasileiros! Parabens to Sneijder, Julio Cesar, Maaaaaicon and Milito! Of course, Platini and friends opted to save on air tickets by making the already present winners draw the lots themselves. They obviously couldn’t afford Cruyff, who was busy tanning at a golf course somewhere in the world.

And as for the draw, many questions have risen over the authenticity of the process. Milan and Madrid in the same group AGAIN (with the added threat of Ajax!) is broma completa while Chelski and Barca will obviously sail through to the second round. Theose GORDO men in grey suits sitting at the front must stop all their dirty tricks before the Champs’ League turns into a joke!

Anyway, it’s the SuperCup Finale tonight! Kun Aguero Papa thinks Atletico will win it, but with Inter high on form (and confidence), they’ll probably prevent that from happening. Buennna suerteeee!

via UEFA, AFP, AP Photos

The last few hours have undoubtedly been emotional for Senhor Mourinho, from winning the Champions League and thrilling the sea of blue Nerazzurri to being roped in by Potter Perez to look after the Real Madrid manos next season! Mira, a team with so much individual talent (capable of getting their egos bruised with a snap of a finger) needs a disciplinarian and MouMou is PERFECTO. He did it at Chelski, and he might just do it in Madrid again. Obviously, Potter and gang stopped by the Bernabeu dressing room to have a little chat over whisky and scones (eww, what a combi) last Saturday.

Anyway, the contract is said to be worth €10 million annually. And yes, they’re now at the Bernabeu securing the deal as we speak! Estão prontos?

Photo via gettyimages

So here’s Philipp Lahm and his ‘Freundin’ celebrating Bayern’s entry into the Champions League final! It’s all thanks to Daniel Craig Ivica Olic, we say! Without his three goals, they’d probably be keeping the wine bottles for future fermentation. Like at the next Oktoberfest…

Anyway, it’s Bayern’s eighth Champions League final (they’ve won it four times already) and according to Herr van Gaal, they can now “beat anyone”. Damn… Dani Alves’s tweetie bird tattoo is shivering!

With that, we believe that Bobojan has a message for all of you regarding tonight’s game against Inter! And that’s “Keep Believin’ tias!”

Of course the pessimists and Potter Perez fan clubs of the world would like to believe that Inter will be going to the finals.. but if Julio Cesar flops for Brazil at the World Cup,  eu vou estar com muita raiva! Well, at least Lucio is feeling hopeful about the game and would like you to know that Mou Mou, is once again, the mastermind of it all!

“People make us believe in our dreams, to trust in our team, and that has been making a difference in everyday life in the competition. That’s definitely important, the coach passing his confidence on to the players,” he said.

via Reuters, UEFA

Barca’s football tickets for tomorrow’s blockbuster game against Inter would’ve probably sold out by now. But the Millionen-Dollar-Fragen is… did everyone forget Bayern Munich?! Bastiano and van Bommel themselves have no idea what to expect from tonight against Lyon. Nevertheless, Herr van Gaal thinks ya’ll should stop making fun of the orange easter eggs immediately!

“When I was a coach in the Netherlands and my team had to play against a German one, I used to tell my players that they had to be ready to play until the very end of the game. Our team is made up of German players and of foreign players who have been playing in Germany for quite a long time and are now immersed in this special German mentality,” he declared.

Anyway, here’s the man himself with his wife at Oktoberfest! Oh come on, for old times sake…

So in the end, it was 3-1 to Inter and Julio Cesar’s POSE totally says it! Anyway, after beating the tired Barca, both Julio and his esposa, Susana Werner, left the kids at home and went out for dinner and drinks. The folks at the back obviously have NO idea what’s going on… like the gardener downstairs who suddenly became an Interisti!

“They were unbelievable in their character, in their mentality,” declared MouMou. “We won and we deserved it but experience tells us that we still have a long way to go. Today we did it, though, and we deserved it.”

So the Champions League trophy finally arrived at the Bernabeu yesterday and tres amigos came together to commemorate its arrival next to President Panda Perez. And in case you’re wondering, Greaseano is talking to Raul the Great One about the new fruit blender that’s out in the market right now because THAT’S exactly what they have in common! Anyway, mujer on the left looks incredibly cheesed off… hermana, chillax! You’re walking in front of Kaka por el amor de dios… there’s no need to rush this one!

via AP/AFP

The million dollar question here is… Does Arjen Robben believe himself to be the lead character from The Transporter? Oh dear, look at that swagger… eine Modenschau?!! Airport security better clear the pathway pronto because Robbie over here is NOT going to take NEIN for an answer.

Here he is below again, looking all serious like he’s on a mission. Seriously now, can’t he take out his headphones like Franck Ribery or at least grow out some hair ala Mario Gomez?! You’d expect a member of the CIA to pop out to hand him a basket of Easter Eggs for Louis van Gaal to sign!

Here’s a selection of photos for you to sift through of the Bayern boys arriving at Munich airport, and a bonus of Fabio and his pillow hair (in the background) laughing at Nani. Que tao engraçado?!!

It’s 4-1… and everybody loves The Messiah! Even if he were to walk into my kitchen now and hand my father a bowl of uncooked eggs, papacito would probably go on to poison the whole family. Anyway, although we do feel bad for Samir Nasri and Denilson, they MUST have seen this coming, Nou Camp and all. Meu deus, even Bobojan was in his own league last night! And there’s no need to flash us the PedoGrin, gente he is 20!

Anyway, Barca will go on to meet Inter in the mouthwatering semis (Ah, don’t you love family reunions, Eto’o and Ibracadabra?!!)

As expected, it was certainly an emotionally-charged game (viste Dani Alves!?!!) Of course monsieur Wenger saved the best quotes about “Zee Lyonel” for last. He declared that the player was “from another planet, like a player on Playstation”.

via Gettyimages

So yes, we know everyone’s still reeling from the Arsenal/Barca game which is why Sneijder feels a little lonely! Thanks to Diego Milito, Inter managed to defeat CSKA Moscow narrowly (1-0) last night but it wasn’t exactly the easiest game to play in. We’re not sure what’s it going to be like for them in Moscow next week… but tipos need to find inspiration ORA!

Here’s a photo of Cesc picking up the ball after scoring the penalty for Arsenal last night. Yes, who wouldn’t want to pick up the ball immediately and do a celebratory jig?! Even we are surprised that they did managed well against Barca. And say what you will about the Spaniard but…. Cómo inspirador! España va a estar orgulloso de tener un capitán como él un día! Fighting back to make it 2-2 is bloody impressive.

Unfortunately, following the game, both Cesc and Arshavin are suspected to have picked up injuries and in the Russian Roulette’s own words: “Perhaps I won’t be able to play for another two or three weeks. It is not a relapse of my old injury, this is a new one.”

T’was a wet day in the office for the Blaugranas yesterday, but this did not prevent Geri the Pout Pique from splashing about at training! Ibracadabra was a brilliant choice of a personality to speak to ‘la presse’ although Titipo Henry would’ve been better, seeing that they’re facing the Gunners. Also, don’t forget to watch the match in HD tonight so that your Russian dreamboat, Arsh, can be seen in all his glory!

“I know I haven’t performed my best against English teams, most recently when Manchester United played Inter. But that wasn’t easy. In Italy, the team’s focus is on preventing goals. Where I play now, it’s more important to make the goals. It’s a different way of playing and it’s one that suits me better,” said Ibra.

via AFP, UEFA

It’s Easter Sunday this weekend so Bayern coach, Louis van Gaal, did the honours and autographed an orange Easter Egg for the German press. At present, it looks like something off the Alien Invasion set. They should have totally brought the whole basket along complete with autographed OllieKahn dolls… Wo ist die Kreativität?

Anyway, as ya’ll know, Bayern will be facing off against Nani United tonight and Park Ji Sung “wants to play in a Champions League-winning team.” We’ve been fishing for something to say about the Brazilian gêmeos but they’ve seemingly disappeared from the face of the Earth!! AJUDA!

Here’s a video of Ibracadabra, Fabulouso, Greaseano, GuapoVela, Cescy, Kun Aguero Papa, StableBoy Torres & more (we dare you to say it in ONE BREATH!) in a Nike ad, doing what they do best. Enjoy!

Calling all GERMAN & JAPANESE Futbolitas!

There’s still five more days to till the Futbolita World Cup Application process ends and once again, we’d like to thank all of you lovely chicas y chicos for sending it your passionate messages! If you haven’t applied yet (and qualify) – what are you waiting for?

Currently, we also seek more German and Japanese applicants, por favor! Wo bist du.. Mädchen? and while we chomp our our sushis... Doko ni iru no?!

via AFP, Reuters, Nike Futebol

So Brazil’s U-17 coach, Lucho Nizzo paid a visit to the Arsenal’s Brasileiros yesterday (including Eduardo da Silva, who is now effectively a Croat….but they still love him the same!). He was apparently invited to England by his former U-15 prodigy, Denilson. The official purpose of his trip was to learn more about Arsenal’s working methods. We all know that the REAL reason Uncle Lucho came was for a taste of the infamous Brazilian soup prepared by Gilberto Silva before he left for Greek shores. Admiti-lo!

So the Messiah netted two goals (and we all know he is still the undisputed SuperStar) but everyone, please put your hands together for Bobojan who also scored in Barca’s demolition of Stuttgart last night! Buen trabajo, muchacho. Tiempo de helados!

So your favourite Brazilian Great who is approaching retirement soon aka Ronaldo Lima has gotten himself into another funny mess again. In a flight he boarded that was heading to Bogota last week, he complained that the sandwiches on board were a “misery”. Shortly after that, the flight attendant (accidentally, we’re guessing) passed him some lasagna that was meant for the pilot. “I pay a hundred real for you to leave this lasagna here,” instructed Ronaldo. The flight attendant refused and Ronaldo ended up only with the sandwich!

via Ego/AP

Oh Pep, he’s totally saying “What dicha say about my PUYOLITA?” to that periodista huddled in the corner! And you’d better not mess, Lyon, because Barca know exactly what they want tonight and will probably go get it at the Nou Camp while singing “Cesc On!”

“Of course we can lose as Madrid did, without a doubt. It’s a huge challenge to make it to the quarter-finals, [to be] among Europe’s best, to equal Manchester United in reaching the quarter-finals for the third successive time. The team deserves the stadium to be absolutely full, I want the fans to back the team because we’re much stronger with them behind us,” declared Pep.

Speaking of Puyolita, here he is enjoying the morning sprinklers…. Lovely day, isn’t it?

via Reuters, AFP

Poooor fin! After four years (even the villain himself, Botox Berlusconi considers this a long wait), Inter have made it to the semi finals of the Champions League. And it’s all thanks to Eto’o of course… and maybe Senhor Mourinho’s black coat!

Anyway, a disgruntled Chelski fan just walked in here hurling expletives at Eto’o… but do not worry, amigas! We’ve sent him out the door with The Diving Drogba song.

At least Mourinho prefers to remain modest, which is the way it should be! “I’m so happy because of the way my team played. It was difficult for me to come here as an enemy where my ‘home’ is, here at Chelsea. Yesterday someone asked me if I would still be special if I lost here. Today I’m not so special for Chelsea supporters who will probably never forgive me.”

Awww, check out that sheepish smile from Senhor Mourinho! Just what you needed to start your day eh, dear Mothers of the world?

Anyway, it’s Champions League night again tonight – and hopefully, Inter will not humiliate all their tifosi with a Bolognese performance capable of throwing away their 2-1 lead. That award belongs to Milan side which forgot to turn up for work against United last week!

“Special for me would be to bring Inter over the barrier they have had for a few years of not even going to the quarter-finals. Special for me is to bring the team into the next stage. I’ll read the game the best I can, make the best decisions I can, influence it in the best possible way and give everything I have to help my team win,” declared Jose.

OK, Dani Alves looks a little shocked in this photo (the lights, dear God!) but at least it was for a good cause! He attended an event in aid of the Haitian earthquake victims in Barcelona last night. We know a mano who looks exactly like Dani Alves - albeit a skinnier version, but he’s the equivalent of a douchebag… clearly something Dani is not! Bem feito.

Parabens! The U-20 seleção feminina have made it to the finals of the World Cup (as expected ) after defeating Chile in the semifinals of the South American category. Alana Santana is the name you should be chanting throughout the rest of the day because she scored the goals! Here’s a video of the futbolitas’ 3-1 win over Paraguay a few days ago…

To be honest, it’s not entirely Senor Pellegrini’s fault for Madrid’s elimination but Wedgiellas said kinda covered what we had to say. Futbolitas, don’t cry!

“It’s hard to digest because it is a competition where we have high hopes, especially for those of us who have been here for a long time. It’s a new blow for Real Madrid, but we must recover,” he declared.

Added Pellegrini : “The first person responsible is the coach. My future depends on the board and the only thing I can do is continue working like I have been doing.”

The Pied Piper of Higuain looks like a boy in a candy store in this photo. Alice in Wonderland forgot to cast him in their film, but who cares right? There’s the Champions League to look forward to tonight. Get your priorities right, tipoooo!

“We are going to need our public. It is vital that they support us and push us. We need to do everything in our power to nullify the first leg result. In our stadium, we can’t let them relax for a moment!” he said.

Of course the other big game takes place in Old Trafford between Mickey Mouse Beckham and Foreignchester (No seriously, no one else exists in the game or is supposed to!)

The coolest part about this ManPile is probably the fact that everyone’s colliding into one another – and NOT for the ball. Anyway, Senor Bendtner remembered to wear his Thunderbirds pair of boots last night and scored a hat-trick in Arsenal’s 5-0 demolition of Porto! Ohhh, the pain! Looked like Benfica really did send an eagle to the Emirates stadium after all.

Anyway, Titipo Henry has now come out to declare that the Gunners are going to win something this season. “I know lots of people have a go at (Wenger) over the lack of silverware but every year they are near the top,” he declared. Hmmm.

On a side note, donde esta Carlos Vela?!!

So Arsenal will be playing Hulkalicious Porto tonight and while Denilson will finally shed his Carnaval outfit for boots, Porto do not wished to be undermined! Benfica are not sending owls to the Emirates stadium either but who needs them right? Bruno Alves’s hair alone will be in charge of scoring hat-tricks on behalf of Carlos Queiroz. So prepare yourselves, futbolitas!

Said their treinador Jesualdo Ferreira : “I want to put right the fact that Porto have not won in England before – there’s always a first time for everything.”

So basically, Zagallo aka the Man of my amiga’s dreams (seen here with Edmilson) has spoken up about the evergreen issue of The Dinho playing for Brazil. You could honestly walk into the Copacabana beach these days and start yelling Ron’s name at the Caiprinha stand itself.

Anyway, Zagallo thinks The Dinho doesn’t deserve a place in Dopey’s squad. To be honest, homie needs to do his homework because his quotes do not make sense! “He has an excellent technique and his skills also won (him) the Golden Ball but when he played for the selecao, he only played a good game against England (World Cup 2002), including a goal scored by accident.” VOCÊ É GRAVE, Zagallo?!!

Yesssss, friends! We are excited to announce that the Futbolita World Cup will be launched later this week and that we are looking for futbolitas like YOU to come on board. ¿Estás listo? Por supuesto! We’ve got passionate meninas on board (and are looking for more!) so wherever you are – watch this space, grab your flags, footballs, samba floats and get ready to join us!!

via Reuters & Harng