Fútbolita

We’ve been calling him Mickey Mouse Becks for a long time, but the poor mano tore his Achilles tendon last night and has been ruled of the World Cup. For that, we are lighting candles today and sending Oreos with hugs. Oh dios, Becks really wanted to go South Africa. Qué día tan triste!

“In cases (of the) rupture of the Achilles tendon, players go at least five or six months without playing. He is out of the tournament. Tomorrow Beckham will travel to Finland, where he will be operated on,” declared Uncle Fester Galliani.

On a slightly more positive note, Milan won the game 1-0, although they clearly should have done better.

The Pied Piper of Higuain looks like a boy in a candy store in this photo. Alice in Wonderland forgot to cast him in their film, but who cares right? There’s the Champions League to look forward to tonight. Get your priorities right, tipoooo!

“We are going to need our public. It is vital that they support us and push us. We need to do everything in our power to nullify the first leg result. In our stadium, we can’t let them relax for a moment!” he said.

Of course the other big game takes place in Old Trafford between Mickey Mouse Beckham and Foreignchester (No seriously, no one else exists in the game or is supposed to!)

So unless you’ve been dancing to the sounds of Ne-Yo with Sepp Blatter all month long, you’d know that tonight’s Champions League fixture will be one of the most exciting ones of the season. It’s the showdown between il Rossoneri & NaniUnited!

The bad news is they always photograph the visiting teams when they come to the San Siro, but gracias a Dios we have a couple of the Milanistas training on their own including El Pato’s raver shoe. You know you’ll be able to spot that colour in the dark…. all he needs now are a couple of glow sticks and the look is complete!

Senhor Leoooonardo has stressed the importance of focus in today’s game. That’s right tipos, ya’ll better CONCENTRATE and the last thing Pallone d’Oro (Golden Balls) Beckham needs to do is to get emotionally attached….and he already is! ánimo!!!

“We must be almost perfect, flawless. I want to see the same performance I saw at Real Madrid during the group stage; I think that was our best game this season and when we played the best football. We must repeat that,” said Leonardo.

Sneaky Gennaro! We should have seen this coming from the man who eats US $73,000 snails. It was only a matter of time before your Gangsta Gattuso followed this act up by opening up “Gattuso e Bianchi”, a fish (and all things seafood related) restaurant in the Varese province (north of Milan) with his friend, Andrea Bianchi.

The place was swarmed with tifosi at its opening with fans keen to catch a glimpse of exotic crabs and clamps. Ronaldinho, David Beckham, Luca Antonini, Davide Di Gennaro, Christian Abbiati and Massimo Ambrosini and even Iaquinta all came to support their friend, who by all accounts, is obsessed with fish.

“I love fresh fish, to see it, touch it and, of course, eat it. It has been my passion since childhood and now with my friend Bianchi, I want to start this new adventure,” he declared. And with that, an amiga’s fantasy of seeing Gattuso cooking up a storm in the kitchen has been fulfilled.

So shall we, then…. head over to Chef Gattuso’s?

via Correire dello Sport, Varese

After weeks of rally and support, it has now emerged that River Plate’s promising midfielder, Diego Buonanotte may be discharged from the hospital in two days following his horrifying car accident which claimed the lives of his three friends.

“He’s a very peaceful guy, he’s not a “night-man” and he was not drunk. It was a tragedy, his friends died and nobody expected that. He was so sad and I couldn’t believe it. I hopes he can get over this and find peace in his life,” says a River Plate futbolita, Sabrina, 18 from Buenos Aires.

“Everything went as planned for the operation. Now, we can only wait for his recovery,” said Pedro Hansen, River’s medical chief. As they say in Argentina, Fuerza Diego!

Meanwhile, Greaseano has hit back at Osasuna fans who yelled vulgarities at him at Real’s last game, including the evergreen “hijo puta es” and “Cristiano muérete!” It’s rare to want to be on his side, but this time, we must say that he gets the last laugh.

“Being made unwelcome (during matches) is normal to me. I’ve been there many times in England and ended up being voted the best player in the world.” Ouch!

Look who scored in Milan’s 5-2 thrashing of Genoa last night? The Italian Stallion, himself, Boriello…. and (brace yourselves), Huntelaar! All we can say is they both did a good job of covering for Pato while he was out spreading garlic butter with Sthef. As for Huntelaar, scoring via penalty doesn’t constitute much, but it’s still a goal and unless you do something else, no one is going to be very impressed. At least he did better than The Dinho, who failed to convert a spot-kick… but listen, Thiago Silva scored too OK?

Il Davide featured in the game too (of course) and Leonardo said he “trained in all positions” due to the unexpected injuries prior to the game. So how do things look for Juventus this weekend, then, uomini?

via Reuters, Wenn & Ole

This looks like an ad for D&G don’t you think?! Seriously, what is Palle d’oro even doing on the pitch? All of us already have nightmares of Luca Toni with his new number 30 shirt and now GoldenBalls has returned to wreak havoc on the city of Milan. Prepare yourselves, amici!

Well, at least Balls of Gold is honest with himself about that nightmare move to the Bernabeu in 2003. “I only won something in my last year at Real Madrid. I would have stayed in Manchester until the end of my career,” he said, implying that he does indeed regret listening to whispers from the coat-wearing uncles at Real.

In other news, only €63 million and Galliani’s fake acting separates O Pato from a Madrid move. They’re targetting a July transfer but of course he’s not che stupido, right?

The circus has returned to Milanello! With the return of Palloni d’oro (GoldenBalls Becks), photographers are clamoring to do the “Danger, Kuno Becker!” shots outside the training ground. Poor Boriello, all he wanted was to get home presto and unwrap his brand new 2010 Eros Ramazzotti calendar.

Speaking of Boriello, he recently did an interview with Vanity Fair where he proved just how much of an Italian Stallion he is. He declared : “I am a passionate, but I don’t depend on sex. Those who don’t have (enough) sex will find that it’s (lacking) in their lives. I’m lucky to know that if I want sex, I can have at any time. And then I like traditional things, nothing kinky, no transsexuals.” Qualunque cosa! You can almost imagine him saying that proudly with his 3-D glasses that he got from watching Avatar.

Here’s the rest of the Milan troupe with various “At The Wheel” facial expressions. El Pato looks like he’s seen Willy Wonka... seriously, mano?!

via AFP, Reuters

Who drew the pots at the Champions League draw last night? I mean… it can’t be Santa Sepp, now can it? Whatever the case…. the gifts they’ve bestowed upon us all are amazing! United vs Milan, Chelski vs Inter (all the action will be in the press conference room!) and Arsenal v Porto. Meanwhile, Real Madrid will take on Lyon while Barca face Stuttgart.

Nevertheless, everyone knows that the only team who is under immense pressure to WORK IT this season is Real. They have everything to lose, especially since the grand finale will be held at the Bernabeu. In other news, Mickey Mouse Beckham is thrilled to face United when he fulfills the rest of his odd contract with Milan next month – and so are his former employees. “He was a terrific servant for the club and we all hope he will be playing,” said a United spokesman. Uh-uh, seriously… we just want the Da Silva bros to sing on floats during half time OK? Porque é que tão difícil?!

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Also futbolitas, please take a break from decorating your Christmas trees for a while and watch this….

Felipe Andreoli and Rafael Cortiz of CQC are back! And this time, they went out to wreak havoc in Cape Town, the venue of the World Cup draw. As usual, these folks are muito louco and simply brilliant. You must see how they chased (and made fun of) the likes of Beckham, Figo, Carlos Bilardo, Dunga, Cafu and everyone else who had the misfortune (or fortune, perhaps!) or being stopped by them at the red carpet.

Beckham probably received the best treatment out of the lot. “You are very beautiful, very beautiful (but) I have a problem – my girlfriend loves you more than me!” declared Cortiz to the English player. Becks replies : “I really don’t know what to say.” Meanwhile, Andreoli told Becks at the red carpet : “Here’s a gift from Brazil (hands over a flag). This is good luck for England – because you know, we always win.”

The best part has to be when they stopped the ministers and political figures at the red carpet. Andreoli told the Switzerland contingent : “You should ask for Federer, he’s a good player!” and everyone stopped to laugh. Later, he attempted to give Argentina’s Carlos Bilardo (aka The Dona’s best friend) a bottle containing his piss (well, supposedly, of course…)

So a sad day has come, and according to reliable sources in Argentina, Gianinna and Kun Aguero have officially parted ways. Kun has already packed his bags and left the family home following allegations that he cheated on his wife with a dancer. So it isn’t just Tiger Woods who should be avoiding the feminism society these days!

Anyway, gossip rags are saying that Kun is “not used to married life” and that the emotional discomfort he is facing at home has led to his dismal performances on the pitch. The main problem was he wasn’t comfortable idea of raising a family yet and while he initially showed good behavior, over time the relationship began to crumble and Gianinna often ‘questioned’ her husband’s frequent nights out.

For now, her intention is to stay a while longer with Benjie to save the relationship. But if it does not work out – according to people close to the family – Gianinna could return to Argentina with the child. By the way, what does The Dona have to say about all this and will blood be thicker than water in his team selection? (via La Nacion with thanks to Kickette).

On the eve of the star-studded World Cup Draw, Mickey Mouse’s Muse aka David Beckham remembers Nelson Mandela! What a great PR team he has… “When I was last here with England, I had the honour of meeting Nelson Mandela. That was the highlight of my career; to meet such a great man and a strong man and such a passionate man about sport and life will always stay with me.”

Lastly, your favourite pair of Brazilian gêmeos happened to arrive at the same time as their coach in a UNICEF benefit earlier this week. They tried to tell their older brother to drive slower but…it was too late, and they got out into the pavement at the same time! Look at Rafael’s face.  Nós queremos beliscar-la!

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via La NacionAFP, Bauer Griffin and WIRE Image

Aww, look at the gawwwjus Shakira with Mickey Mouse Beckham! They look like quite a pair, don’t they? Both visited a hospital in the Orange County area yesterday to do a charity event and as their publicists planned luck had it, they bumped into each other in the lobby. How convenient! And no amigas, Shakira did NOT break out into a horrible rendition of “She Wolf“. How dare you?

Elsewhere, Brazilian humanitarian Kaka presented 21 boys between the ages of 7 and 13 with medals and a trophy yesterday, acknowledging them as the champions of the 2nd Barilla Ringo Football Tournament. More than 1,000 children participated in the competition held in Italy… and they all look thrilled to be standing next to him (except for maybe the kids on the left who spent all day trying to look for Grease stains).

Photos via The Sun and Alejandro Gonzalez

So the travelling Corporate Circus that is AC Milan made their midweek rounds once again to play another friendly – this time against the Albanian national team. They couldn’t pull off a win and only managed a 3-3 draw which went into penalties. These guys are really enjoying their holidays, aren’t they?

Anyway, The Dinho scored the equaliser and the other goals came courtesy of Pippo and Sheva. But be excited, Futbolitas, because snail eating Gattuso is back. Mattioni also featured in the game along with Thiago Silva. Two hot defenders with very interesting prospects!

“I feel very secure and the relationship with the players is improving more and more,” said Silva after the game.

Oh, Lula! The first thing he’ll do when he goes back to Brasil is to give David Beckham’s autographed jersey to his neto or grandson.

And that message on the kit has to be a joke, Futbolitas.

“Dear President Lula – In recognition of the friendship in football between England and Brazil. Best wishes, David Beckham.”

Is he referring to the friendship between Ronaldinho and David Seaman at the 2002 World Cup? Ah, of course we remember that friendship!

Oh yes, you can trust The Sun to come up with a imaginative list rounding up the Top 10 Sporting Cry Babies. Ronaldo looks pretty good when he cries, eh Futbolitas? Now now, we’re being serious! Here’s the complete ranking – even Mika Hakkinen wasn’t spared.

1 – Cristiano Ronaldo
2 – Andre Agassi
3 – Paul Gascoigne
4 – Matthew Pinsent
5 – John Terry
6 – Oliver McCall
7 – David Beckham
8 – Mika Hakkinen
9 – Tiger Woods
10 – Pete Sampras

There was a lot to celebrate after Milan’s 5-1 victory against Siena yesterday. Firstly, Pippo’s 300th goal for the club – a double marked by a hastily-assembled Rossonera jersey (above) - Kaka’s anticipated return from injury, and Pato’s new celebratory heart gesture. Yes, amigo is using all ten fingers now to show his devotion to Silicone Brito! Stick to the original plan, mano!

Going back to the football, our excitement about Senor Kaka’s return was unfortunately short lived. He replaced Ambrosini in the second half and missed an open shot at goal from six yards in the 58th minute. Sadly, he was seen visibly limping off the field a few minutes later to make way for Ronaldinho. It was The Dinho’s crucial pass in the 78th minute that led to Pato’s second goal.

Overall, it’s nice to see Milan scoring again. For now, let’s all forget about Pippo’s list of trophy girlfriends and applaud his fervour!

It’s hard to ignore Beckham‘s facial expression in that photo. It’s major “bad ass!”

Anyway, we successfully rolled home to catch the second half of Milan-Atlanta yesterday and were aptly awarded a Pippo hat-trick although the goals came pretty easily. The ferosha Victoria was in the stands again, probably to celebrate the fact that her husband is staying on till July. The woman looks like she needs a slap but she’s really working it!

Ancelotti admitted that Pippo’s goals helped the Rossoneri ‘come out of a crisis’.

“He gave us a real helping hand. It was a tough match and for most of the first half Atalanta caused us problems. Then Pippo’s ability to find the right place to be in allowed us to end the match well. We were in a crisis and now I hope that this result has put an end to the crisis,” he said.

No sign of Kaka yet, but he’d better be fit to face Ecuador later this month!

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CwOCGimGBE]

So it appears Mickey Mouse is staying on Disneyland for the rest of the season.

Early reports have indicated that “In a unique set-up, David Beckham will remain in Italy until July, play for Los Angeles Galaxy between July and October before returning to Milan in November for the rest of next season.”

He is so determined to stay on at Milan that he’s willing to fund the loan fee being paid to Galaxy himself (what’s that worth again – a nickel?).

It’s a really weird set-up if you ask us but he’d better start performing!

Yeah, we know what you’re thinking. Pato looks like an honorary member of the Curva Sud with that new hairdo. They probably already welcomed him with a platinum membership and free coupons to the duck tour! Actually, forget about the Curva Sud, caras has been hanging out with Gattuso too much!

Anyway, Milan defeated Al Sadd 2-1 in a friendly last night and Thiago Silva played. Both Luca Antonini and Pato scored the goals for the Rossoneri and Beckham played the first half of the game for Milan. Ronaldinho and Kaka made celebrity appearances next to Jafal Rashed, the player they were honouring.

And you know that Milan can afford to play testimonial games at greater regularity now. What else do we have to play for this season? The board should organize an extravagant dinner and invite the entire LA Galaxy team to Milanello while they’re at it!

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9AajCvrWM0]

Milan Fashion Week is taking place at this very moment, which means the rich and very fashionable people of the city come together to attend events like the “Extreme Beauty In Vogue Dinner” in lieu with the Autumn/Winter Women’s Wear shows.

Oh, the glam and the fabulous people of Milan!

Anyway, Paolo Maldini and his wife Adriana attended the dinner, and so did power couple Kaka and Carol. Sheva, Seedorf, Beckham, Galliani and his wife Malika El Hazzazi were also present. Malika looks young enough to be Galliani’s daughter. She probably yells, “Wake up tío! Don’t forget those meds!” every night before he …. sleeps.

We should totally send her old tapes of the Adams Family series.