• Sunday Señor : Messiah And The Boozefest

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    So there was no need to scratch our heads to decide this week’s Sunday Señor! After scoring a hat-trick, surely Antonella‘s man, The Messiah, deserves high praise! She must have done something during the holidays to help her novia find his form again for Barca. And no, it can’t be the churrascaria.

    Anyway, David Maravilla must also be smiling, because it’s his first major tournament for Los Cules, and he walked away with a shiny new medal! Un buen comienzo de la temporada, for sure.

    And here’s a bonus of Pique the Pout doing what he does best (besides enjoying the DJ lifestyle – no kidding)… showering booze! You know that they’ve got loads of champagne bottles stocked up in the dressing room, so he’s not worried that they’ll run out of it anytime soon. If they do, Bojan can always make a quick run for the supermart near his home.

  • Barca & Milan’s Pink Deal

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    Obviously David Maravilla has nothing to do with Zlatan Ibracadabra’s fickle-minded nature, but the fact that he’s waltzing past you in a pink shirt should be enough to start us all of to a good note, bubblegum and all.

    Apparently, Milan are very excited at the prospect of getting Ibracadabra and his nose to the club, but Barca have refused to talk unless they get ‘one of their players’ in return. Quién? you say. The three names are Pirlo, Pato or Thiago Silva. The last two seem highly unlikely but knowing Barca, they’re not going to settle for has-beens. To be a Blaugrana, you’d better BRING it to the table!

    And as for the abundance of pinkness in this post, you know what they say

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    Photos via Reuters, EL Pais

  • Los Bitchez Have Arrived For Mexico!

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    What’s this, isn’t the World Cup already over?! It appears not… porque seven of Barca’s men have arrived to play a friendly against Mexico on Wednesday. Before flying off, the boys put up at Hotel Meliá Baraja near the airport. And to all our Mexican chicas (yes, we know there’s many of you, jeje), you have everybody’s blessing to go ahead and Navastate their training ground with your eyes. Puyolita, on the other hand, can only offer a solitary wave in return…

    “The fact we have won the World Cup does not mean that we no longer have goals and objectives to achieve,” declared Fernando Llorente. “We have to carry on as we have been doing with a view to winning as much as possible.”

    via Marca
  • Picture of the Day

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    Villa at Disneyland Paris! They'd better allow him into the Aladdin cave! / via AFP

  • SPANISH FUTBOLITA : ESPANA PREPARES FOR PARAGUAY

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    Tchau BRASIL! Looks like my previous friendly banter with The Dutch Futbolita may become reality…

    Is it just me or has this World Cup been full of the most WTF moments in recent memory, or what?! Reigning champs Italia finishing last in their group, Germany losing to Serbia, USA classifying first… not to mention the most painful of all: Spain losing their first match…

    But we’ve done it-we’ve finally made it to the quarterfinals. Things were looking scary (read: embarrassing!) with our loss to Switzerland, but menos mal, we’re in!

    In Spain’s third edition of the Battle of the Hispanophones, we take on Paraguay in the Quarterfinals as we vie once step closer to the final match on July 11th.

    Paraguay, or the Italia Sudamericana as the Spanish press is calling them, has shown to be very corrosive against teams they are not comfortable playing against. In their first match against the reigning champs, the Paraguayans were able to force a draw by matching Italy for possession of the ball.

    If pressed, Paraguay will try to extend the field of play with long crosses and take advantage of free kicks to get past Casillas. Furthermore, Spain should watch for the Paraguayan counter-attack.  Roque Santa Cruz is without a doubt the best on the team, but for what it’s worth, I think Cardozo and Benitez are pretty good too. However given that Benitez plays for Pachuca, he lacks the experience of playing European style football-aprovéchalo España!

    El Guaje has proven again and again that he is the star of the La Roja offensive this World Cup. He will no doubt continue to be, but his teammates will certainly add shine to his star power. Let’s not forget-praise Iker!-Spain has only conceded two goals so far this tournament. Let’s hope Casillas can continue to hold the hope of a nation in his capable hands. Torres also has to continue working to creating holes for Villa, as the Madrileño has the speed-on a good day mind you-to blow past defenders. You just know he is dying to get a goal of his own though this tournament. Like Samson, I blame his goalless streak on his new haircut. Note to El Niño: Sergio Ramos is having and will continue to have a great World Cup effort AND he still has all his luscious long locks, vale?

    I still think using Fabregas to shake things up late in the match is working great, but El Gran Bigote del Bosque shouldn’t be wait to drop a Cesc-bomb until the 80th minute. Perhaps as soon as the 55th minute? Same goes for Silva and Llorente. Hell, why not really blow the Paraguayan defense away and put Torres in at the 70th minute?

    IF we go to penalties (boring!), I think the kickers for Spain should be:

    Villa (you shall be forgiven for your miss against Chile, te lo prometo)
    Torres
    Xavi
    Xabi Alonso
    Iniesta

    Let’s hope it doesn’t come to this.

    Following some crazy, crazy times at the Bernabeu (cops taking away my beer in Spain? RUDE!) and difficulty finding a bar with authentic ambiance, I really have no clue where I’ll be watching this match. In my porra with my friends, I had bet we’ll win 3:1… vamos a ver, ¡Vamos España!

  • Picture of the Day

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    "Batalla de los muslos" between Pujjjjol, Greaseano and Villa! / via AFP

  • España: The [Not so] Calm Before the Storm

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    All week long it’s been wet and rainy in much of [allegedly always] Sunny Spain—perhaps one last ja! ja! from the weather gods before the unrelenting hot hot heat of a Madrileño summer—but that hasn’t stopped Madrid from becoming swept up in the storm of World Cup madness. Newspaper kiosks on every corner are selling la bandera Española for 1€ a pop and even Burger King has Spanish scarves on offer.

    But with every World Cup that comes, we are reminded that Spain has suffered its share of heartbreak and disappointment—Michels’ “gol fantasma” in Mexico ’86, pobrecito Enrique’s broken nose in USA ’94 and the disallowed goals in Japan-South Korea ’02. For years Spain has been synonymous with underachievement and disappoint on the global playing field. However for the first time in recent memory, it seems the whole world is finally looking to Spain to win the World Cup—but ask anyone here what they think of la Selección Española’s chances are of finally bringing the Copa Mundial home after it has eluded us for years, and chances are it will be answered with typical Spanish circumspect character:

    Says Juan of Madrid, quoting Deus Dixit of Manifiesto Futurista, ¡En pie sobre la cima del mundo lanzamos una vez más el reto a las estrellas! [Roughly translating to, Spain is at the top of their game at the moment, but once again we face the challenge of the other Soccer Superstars of the world.] Juan went on to say that he believes Spain to have the best team they have ever had, but hesitates when asked if Spain are the favorites—”nobody can say it’s going to be easy, nor has it already been decided.”

    Jesús, also of Madrid, counters with: “I see Spain as weak—in the Selección Española there are very good players, but together as a team? I do not know how they’ll work together…” It goes without saying that Jesús later confided that he is not much of fútbol fan. Duh.

    So how has Spain shaken this so-called perennial underachiever tag? Besides winning the Eurocup in 2008—our first major award in over 40 years—many point to the “Generation Barça”—players who currently play for Barcelona or have gone through the ranks of FC Barcelona’s cantera

    Being the staunch Real Madrid fan I am, my cule primo cheekily asked, “Is your joy going to be ruined at all knowing it’s FC Barcelona winning for Spain?” To which I think I can speak for all of Spain when I say, “Barcelona, Madrid, wherever—we are all united during the World Cup.” Even Xavi agrees, proclaiming he is not just of Barcelona and will dye his hair the resplendent colors of the Spanish flag if Spain does indeed go on to win the World Cup. While I feeeeel Spain, I’ll stick to showing my love with my freshly painted yellow manicure.

    In other Spain news, the prodigal son El Niño Torres has returned! Cannot wait to see the yin-yang of the strike force of Torres and David Vill, tempered by the ebb and flow of passes from Xavi and the infamous Spanish midfield. The rumored XI to start:

    Villa-Torres
    Busquets-Xabi Alonso-Xavi-Silva
    Ramos-Piqué-Puyol-Capdevila
    Casillas

    How, pray tell fellow futbolitas, does that rank up in your ideal La Roja line-up?

    So where do I plan on watching this first game? Good question. Will the match be broadcast on a giant screen at Plaza Colon in Madrid as it was done during the Eurocup 2008? I’ve called the city councils, I’ve called the television channels and I’ve called the press offices, only to be answered with the irresolute “I dunno.” Thanks for nothing.

    Well one thing I DO KNOW for sure is, come Wednesday June 16th, you’ll find me wearing my CultZeros Fútbolita camiseta, waiting with baited breath at 15:59, ready to cheer on La Roja as they finally put to rest the underachiever tag with éclat.

    ¡A por ellos!

  • Villa al…. Barça!!

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    Here we go again with the “Villa al Barça!” talk again, except that there are substantial facts to back up the rumours. Yes, El Guaje has apparently passed his medical examination at the club headquarters and his transfer fee apparently cost 50 million euros. Ka-ching to Valencia!

    According to the Catalan press (fuentes muy fiables or very-reliable-sources!) Villa will be unveiled officially as a Barca player on Friday afternoon. It’s a mini el clasico, if you think about it, because everybody wants to watch the CL final at the Santiago Bernabeu… but the Grand Reveal will be at the Nou Camp! Nevertheless, every top flight footballer must play for either Barca or Real at some point of their careers. Es este el momento para Villa?!

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    via Blaugranas & El Mundo Deportivo
  • Spain & Argentina’s World Cup Cribs

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    Amazing! This is where Iniesta, Puyolita, Pique the Pout, tio Del Bosque, Ramos the Raver, David Villa, Xavi etc will bunk at during the World Cup in South Africa. Looking at the beauty of it, you’d half expect an angel to float out with a tray of donuts. Visitors can also expect Bobojan to sleepwalk in the middle of the night (oh, please call him up Del Bosque!) and probably a mini Kinder Bueno vending machine for Cescy. There has to be a mud spa somewhere in there…

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    Meanwhile, the Argentineans will be basking in the sunlight with baskets of empanados in the University of Pretoria! The Dona chose a slightly more educational setting to set up base, because well, you know, the Messiah probably whispered it to him in passing. Kun asked for one nearer to the discotheques and as we speak, millions of students are applying to do their exchange at University of Pretoria! (In case you haven’t seen Brazil’s...)

    Photos via Globoesporte

  • ¡Ay, Barça!

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    The Messiah struck again in last night’s demolition of Valencia and for the record, David Villa no iniciar el juego. Of course, how can you possibly deny this man (on the pitch, we mean!) Winning 3-0 was largely thanks to his hat-trick but the very charming Senor Valdes also delivered when they needed him most. Buen trabajo, tipos! On a note, Titipo Henry deserves a standing ovation for pulling his shorts like that. Spandex, anyone?!

    “During the first half we have been comfortable, but then the circumstances of the side and the merits of our rivals, with Messi captivating the audience, swung the balance in their favour,” said tio Unai Emery.

    via Reuters, Gettyimages, El Mundo Deportivo
  • Exclusivo : David Villa Speaks To Fútbolita!!

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    Yes dear amigas, we had the honour of speaking to a Futbolita Favourite : Senor David Villa himself last Friday! And he knows about all you passionate chicos & chicas and spoke about everything about La Seleccion to his two adorable daughters Zaida and OyalaHere are excerpts from our interview with him including bits on his love for Valencia and Nando Torres. As usual, we’ll post the full version later. Esperamos que os guste!

    On Futbolitas 

    “I think it’s wonderful to see more women attending matches every time. Football is a universal sport for both men and women. I think women are very passionate when they are encouraged (to play) on the pitch so it’s also positive for us.”

    On his Family & La Seleccion


    “I would love for my daughters to come along and see me at the World Cup but that is not possible. Olaya only turns one in the summer and I don’t think it’s good for them to travel so far just to watch meBut I still dedicate every goal I score to them and my parents might come and watch me in South Africa.”

    “I think Spain (is in) a tough group as all other groups. When you go to the World Cup final phase, there is no easy group and no easy opponents. We’re playing a few games within a short time and will have to do very well to beat any team. Hopefully, we can win and achieve something important!” 

     On his David Villa Camp

    “It’s one of my personal projects. To me, education is very important to children. So from day one, I wanted to build a campus, where we can educate children on the values of coexistence, respect and solidarity. This year marks the third year and we have many people from all around Spain and even abroad,” he explained.

    On Loving Valencia

    “I only have good things to say about Valencia and its people. I have been here in this city for five years and from day one, I was received with open arms and the fans have shown me their affection every day,” he said. “So yes, they make me feel at home and it is true that this is my second home. I just want to show my appreciation by putting in my best efforts.”

    Photos via Reuters & AP / Interview © Futbolita
  • Valencia Are Smashin’!

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    Ok, Albelda looks like he’s enjoying a rave right in that photo – so be quiet until the moment passes! Tres, dos, uno… ok, here we go. Los Che pulled off a nice 4-1 victory over Villarreal last night (poor, poor Nilmar) and damn, the goals were coming at you like there was no tomorrow! From the two Davids to former Boca kid, Éver Banega, everyone wanted the win desperately. Sure, their young defender Kiko (it isn’t just Macheda’s nickname, you know) was slapped with a red card but the boys sailed on con orgullo!

    “I think against an opponent who have played some good matches so far, we’ve been very focused and very compact in defence and attack. Furthermore, after the sending off and 2-0 in our favour, we were able to stay on top,” declared Senor Unai Emery.

    As a bonus, here’s Albelda with his mujer, Vicen!

    via Reuters, AP
  • Los Che y Roma’s Victories!

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    Look, even David Albelda can’t help himself from smiling for the cameras! And you can’t really blame him, after Los Che battled back from a goal down to win this away match against Athletic Bilbao last night. Goals by Villa and Mathieu cancelled out 16-year-old Iker Munain’s strike (the young striker is a cross between the Pique and Torres breed, in case you were curious and even if you were, shame on you for checking out jailbaits).

    Also, Queridos futbolitas, everyone loves The Villa at Valencia, so if all goes as planned, he’s all set to be a One Club man ala Raul The Great One. Ignore the calls from distant lands, tipo! We can’t imagine him elsewhere. The only image in our minds of Villa is the exact same one portrayed in that photo above…. where he’s smiling blissfully in a sea of sunflowers.


    Roma wins Il Derby Capitolino

    We thought Juventus’s Chiellini was the real Phantom of the Opera, but damn, De Rossi has the moves to pull it off! Anyway, Roma’s fans will definitely be celebrating their victory over their fiercest rivals, Lazio in the city today. Their ultras went berserk again – letting off firecrackers and fighting in the stands, but like the Messiah (below), they all wanted to see the Opera.

    Nevermind that – Marco Cassetti’s only goal was enough to secure all 3 points for Totti’s side. Even he couldn’t help himself during the celebrations by taking off his shirt – but Cassetti went one step further by knocking down the advertising billboards. Dude, ti credi di essere cool? (dude, you think you’re cool?!)


  • Villa, Valencia y Villarreal!

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    Ei chicas, you have to admit that front page image with David Villaaaaa in his Kung-Fu pose is muito legal!!! He looks ferosha… come on, his daughter already thinks it’s cool and has started to draw on it with her red Crayola. Anyway, Villaaaa opened the scoring against Osasuna in the sixth minute thanks to his outstretched boot (talk about being at the right place, at the right time) last night. David Albelda and Carlos Marchena scored the other two goals.

    “This is a tough place to come and we played really well to win the game,” said Albelda. “We are growing as a team and just have to keep going the way we are and see what happens.”

    Also, David Silva’s hair is calling out to be in a Sunsilk ad…. seriously, darle una oportunidad!


    Nilmar’s Brace Sinks Valladolid!

    So tipo over here was the hero for Villarreal yesterday, following a bad start to their season. Nilmar didn’t even have to change the colour of his jersey… all he needed was two goals bebes! Thanks to him, it looks like El Submarino Amarillo are slowly starting to find their pace again, scoring 14 goals in their last four games.

    “Despite the result it wasn’t easy,” said Villarreal coach Ernesto Valverde. “I liked what I saw of my team and think we were better so we are happy with how we played as well as the result.”

    Photos via AP, Villarreal
  • Noticias

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    • So Marca gave out one of their futbol awards yesterday in an attempt to find out who’d be the next hombre to join Potter Perez’s gang. Both Diego Forlan and David Villaaaaa received the “Pichichi” award for their service to their clubs and national team respectively. Victor Valdes was totally checking out Villa’s hair gel and you know he thinks his “Zamora” award is a big joke because he won’t be a Madrid man anytime soon. Why else is Wedgeillas still Spain’s #1 choice? As for the Valencia hitman…. ¿Por qué tan serio, David??? Ok, at least he’s smiling here….
    • The Brazilian U-17 meninos will face Mexico later tonight, after struggling to beat Japan 3-2. Lucho Nizzo’s man struggled against Japan – despite Neymar’s goal – and needed two own goals to secure a victory.  Ei, acordar caras!! Stop thinking about your girlfriends and your Xbox 360s back at home. Bring home the cup first!
    • Maradona Beer! Does anybody want some? It’s called the “10 Maradó” and is the brainchild of (drumroll)… a Mexican named Roberto de Alba. He says that The Dona hasn’t gotten back to him on franchising the name yet… but this is one beer you wouldn’t want to export to Brazil.

    • Kaka, Greaseano and Raul The Great One paid a tribute to Markus, the nephew of former Real Madrid player Pedro de Felipe, who is suffering from celebral palsy. The best message came from Xabi Alonso : “The person who buys this shirt will be doing something very important for a child. This has no price. A big hug from Xabi Alonso.” Awww!

    Photos via Reuters, Globo & Elisa Estrada
  • The Davids Strike Again!

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    via Gettyimages

    Ah, que fantástico! David Villa struck twice yesterday to help Valencia to a neat 4-2 win at Valladolid. The other goals came from Juan Mata and David Silvaaaaa.

    “My players made a big effort and by the end, they were very exhausted. Looking back at it now, you can see just how difficult it was,” said Unai Emery after the game.

    Anyway, it’s always nice to see Los Che winning, particularly since there was so much talk of them offloading their top players last season to solve their financial problems. Silva was said to be interested in a move to England, but it was all tabloid trash. Why leave when you’re truly happy where you are?

    In other Sunday match-ups, Depor and Sporting Gijón managed 1-0 wins at Malaga and Almeria respectively while Villarreal played out a 1-1 draw against Mallorca at the badly-maintained El Madrigal.

  • Fellaini and Manbeard Speak Up….

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    via AP

    In case you were wondering, that’s not Oompa-Loompa and David James in a tussle. It’s Everton’s Marouane Fellaini messing around with his Belgian teammate, Kevin Mirallas! How does he manage to focus on the pitch? As it stands, Fellaini looks more like a DreamGirl.

    Well, one striker who’s certain to score against Belgium later today would be David Villa. “I am proud to see that people think it is strange that I have not scored during three matches. I hope to score on Saturday to put an end to this streak and so that Spain can be a bit closer to reaching the World Cup,” he said.

    As for Manbeard Casillas, he wants to break his spell at Depor’s El Riazor stadium. “I have never managed to win here but we hope to break this curse with the national squad. After when I come with Real Madrid it will be another story.”

    Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us



  • The Villa Mystery

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    Ooh! Reports from Barcelona have declared that David Veeya will be a Barca player next season after his agent Jose Luis Tamargo and the club’s technical secretary and director, Raul Sanllehí Txiki Begiristain met in Asturias. Well, it could’ve easily been for a round of bingo but who knows?

    Apparently, Veeya reiterated his desire to play in Barcelona and only provided this option. Yes, despite Raver Ramos’s attempts at smoldering him during the Confeds, he ain’t going to the Bernabeu! With Eto’o staying on at the club, he hasn’t been touted as a star replacement yet but it’s clear that his arrival will be a stellar addition to Barca’s squad.

    Anyway, Valencia has also warned Veeya that they “will not tolerate any further delay” and David does not welcome the pressure to join any team in England. So he’ll have to make his decision fast. Snap, snap!

  • No, we didn’t forget Spain

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    Ah, there’s so much going on in this photo. Ramos the Raver must learn to let go of Villa. After all, it’s been confirmed that they won’t be teammates at club level next season!

    South Africa coach, Joel Santana, however, must quickly sign up for English lessons if he does not wish to incur the wrath of everyone who watches the post-match interviews. “Depois the jugadores tranquilo played very well” is the sentence of the year.

  • CR’s Real Madrid Number Is….

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    Fútbol’s Biggest Douche, Greaseano, is expected to choose his all-important Real Madrid number within the next week. Since Raul The Great One is already wearing number 7, his new teammate will have to settle for either 9 or 10. He can’t choose 17 either because Parejo is using it but knowing Flo’ Perez, he’d do anything to make his expensive buys a little happier. This means that the former U-13 player may have to give up his number for Senor Red Shorts above.

    On the issue of David Villa coming to Madrid, Perez is taking a ‘reasonable’ approach to the situation.

    “We have the whole summer to explain to Valencia fans that everything we do will be done based on friendship and not confrontation. It is not a movie with good guys and bad guys. It’s about two prestigious institutions that are rivals and that will compete for the league title. Off the playing field however we are capable of sitting down and reaching an agreement,” he said.

    [Photo via Just Jared]