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Look at that wide smile on Ibracadabra! It speaks volumes of what he thinks about his new Milanese life. As many suspected, Senor Pep and him weren’t on the same page towards the end of his career. He told the Swedish media this yesterday in Stockholm, where he and his fellow KEX BALLERINA from Ikea lovers are preparing for a friendly against Hungary tomorrow.

“There was only one person (on the Barcelona team) who wanted to get rid of me. I have never had problems with any coach before during my career. But suddenly I had a thousand problems and I had no communication with ‘the Philosopher’. No communication whatsoever. I don’t know what his problem was,” said Ibra.

Ibra, you must first show that you want to play before you start putting the blame on the coach. What’s going to happen at Milan? Who’s going to play the role of “Let’s Support The Strikers”? There’s Pato and Robinho now!

Meet Dani Alves, your new Barcelona tour guide. Do not be alarmed by all that bling he’s wearing on his ears, even though it puts the whole Samba parade to shame. Anyway, it’s been two years since he last arrived from Sevilla, but cara is still in love with the Catalan city and wants YOU and your wallet to know that it’s possible to eat out everyday of the year.

“When I moved here, people told me it was possible to eat in different restaurants 365 times per year. I did not believe it. But after you get used to it, you realize it’s true. Today I (searched) for a restaurant in my GPS and you could see that symbol with a fork and knife,” he said in an interview, laughing. Oh Dani, were we supposed to look for a symbol indicating the zoo instead?

“When I got here, I did a “city tour” to know the main points. I really enjoyed it. For example, I visited Holy Family Church, Parque Guell, which has several works by Gaudi (architect). It’s also nice to go to Montjuic, where is the Olympic Village in 1992. My grade for the city is 9.5 because 10 is always perfect, and people always have some complaints. But Barcelona, to live and go for holidays, is the best place in the world,” added Alves.

Oh dear, it seems that MouMou the Mastermind, has been reading too much of his son, Jose Jr’s, Harry Potter books and getting discount coupons from the movie’s themepark. How did he manage to conjure up this statement? It’s pretty ridiculous and brilliant in itself.

“I am a coach, not Harry Potter. He is a magician. Magic is fiction and I live for football, which is real. I’ve only been in Madrid for two months. Do you know how many training sessions I have had with everyone together, including the new signings? Not even 10. My profile as a coach is different to what it has been in recent years. If things go badly I have to leave. I would have one of the best clubs in the world waiting for me.”

via Reuters, Globoesporte

So obviously, Uncle Fester Galliani masterminded the whole Ibra to Milan transfer, and the man himself arrived last night at the Milan-Lecce game. Basically, the oldies in the team like SuperPippo said “NO, GRAZIE!” to their new teammate by doing well in that 4-0 victory. The other three goals came from the Brasileiros, e claro! Two from Pato and his Badass face, and one from Thiago Silva (or as our amiga says, “T.I. Silva”). So why do they need Ibra, again?!

And apparently, the Interistis don’t really care about Ibra going back to the ‘other team’. But you’ll only know the truth when the Milan derby takes place and everybody starts burning the stadium seats again and/or sending empty pasta packets to Moratti’s office, which will make him really pissed.

via Reuters/AFP

T’was a wet day in the office for the Blaugranas yesterday, but this did not prevent Geri the Pout Pique from splashing about at training! Ibracadabra was a brilliant choice of a personality to speak to ‘la presse’ although Titipo Henry would’ve been better, seeing that they’re facing the Gunners. Also, don’t forget to watch the match in HD tonight so that your Russian dreamboat, Arsh, can be seen in all his glory!

“I know I haven’t performed my best against English teams, most recently when Manchester United played Inter. But that wasn’t easy. In Italy, the team’s focus is on preventing goals. Where I play now, it’s more important to make the goals. It’s a different way of playing and it’s one that suits me better,” said Ibra.

via AFP, UEFA

Guti has quickly transformed himself into a disgruntled Real Madrid employee (oooh, ¡caray!) after being confronted by journos last week. It’s no secret that he has fallen out of favour with tío Pellegrini, so obviously they HAD to ask the million-dollar question about leaving the club (no, not that Ibiza dance club!) Yeah, we can almost sense the pressure and it’s not looking very good.

“I would like to end my contract at Real Madrid but it is also true that I would love to be able to play for another team,” he said. “To be able to enjoy another culture, to be able to enjoy another life, other team-mates, another league. It is true that I’ve had a very nice time at Real Madrid, that Madrid is a city where I wanted to live all my life, and now I want to leave Madrid.”

Oh, how apt! The Italian Football Oscars (Oscar del Calcio) took place one day after the Golden Globes and Ibracadabra won the title of Best Footballer for 2009. In his acceptance speech, he said he “missed Italy and Mourinho” as well, but is now growing “fond of Spain” (well… duh!)

Julio Cesar – who arrived late for the ceremony – and El Pato won for Best Goalkeeper and Best Young Player respectively, to which Pato said : “We will not play in the derby!” Meanwhile, Chiellini of Juventus won for best defender (or number of times one bleeds in the game) and the Best Italian Football Player award went to Daniele de Rossi.

Check out the videos!

via Gettyimages, SportItalia

Don’t you hate it when everything ends in a stalemate? Maçante! Where’s the spirit, Madrid? Tipos ought to rewrite their new-year resolutions as soon as possible, and remove the part about getting new car windshields. Pellegrini, victories are the ones that count so stop spending Perez’s credit on nail polish, vale?!

Anyway, in case you think we’re talking in circles, Madrid drew 0-0 with Osasuna last night. Barca themselves gave them a chance to take the lead after their 1-1 draw against Villarreal on Saturday. Apparently, the club’s CEO is pissed that Nilmar wasn’t awarded a penalty after being fouled by Goldilocks Puyol. Shit, he’s right! For Nilmar, the referee should’ve brought out the candy floss machine. How dare they mistreat Nilmaaaar!

In other news, Ibracadabra’s love, Helena Seger made her presence known at Barca’s game. Don’t you think she can be Sylvie van der Vaart’s twin? You can totally imagine their conversations…. Helena : “Oh älskling, did you see the new Vuitton? Splendid, yes?” Sylvie : “Um, ja? Rafael is totally on the VIP-lijst. We get de zakken from Marc Jacobs himself!”

via AFP, AP

Uncle Mancini knows that Robinho’s form at Oil City is already looking like your leftover chicken from last Christmas. Even so, you were incredibly mean not to send him fresh flowers. So now, he’s turning his sights to Ibracadabra and Maicon instead!

Declared ManChin : “I always had a loyal relationship with Ibra. He is a world class player and any coach would like to have him in their team. Also, I would be delighted if I could count on Maicon.”

Well well, It’s pretty obvious that he wants to steal from Mourinho’s pool of favourites.  Don’t you remember how Mou kept on going about how Ibra was the best in the world when he was at Inter last year? C’mon, we all know Ragdoll Crespo secretly cried himself to sleep over that every night!

Also, please don’t hit us with candy canes because we didn’t update about Curly Fries Da Silva’s goal. Obviously, the family gave him a new remote-controlled web cam over the hols and Rafael didn’t end up fighting with Fabio over who’ll be wearing the Futbolita shirt to the family barbecue! Marcar mais golos this year, tipo!

Geri The Pout Piqué …. Quieres ser Sleeping Beauty?! This just shows how tired everyone at the Barca camp is and although we think the World Club Championship can be quite unnecessary at times, they’re all paid millions so they’d better work it!

Anyway, here we have the bevy of Barca beauties for you as they enjoy some “me time” on the plane. Xavi looks delighted to be sitting next to a wide-screen while Puyolita is feeling right at home with his black socks. How dare you judge! Meanwhile, the moment he lands, the Messiah is whisked away to the beaches of Abu Dhabi. Also, let’s not forget Ibracadabra and his fan… thumbs up, anyone?

Photos courtesy of Eduard Omedes

Barca fans must be yelling “Ibracadabra Cha Cha!” all the way to work or school today… and yes, they have ever reason to be muy feliz. Look Madridistas, you cannot afford to have a finishing rate of 0.01 on a night as big as this and it was obvious that tipos like Marcelo Mastercard (no wonder he has been ignored by Dopey) were already thinking of Ibiza. We must say that allowing Benzema Bon Bon to watch episodes of Père et maire on the bench instead of starting the game cost the team greatly. Pipita already said he connects well with the man, so what was misty-eyed Pellegrini thinking?

Anyway, neither team really dominated the game but Barca capitalized on their chances first and in el futbol, you know what you get when that happens. It was nice to see everyone hugging in the tunnel (although there was no such love between Wedgiellas and Valdes, esta bien).

Well, Greaseano showed glimpses of his qualities in the first half, but decided that it was all too much when he suddenly had a revelation from Mama Leopard Dolores. Said Ramos the Raver :“These matches are decided by small details, and we didn’t take advantage when we had the chance. They did. It’s time to turn the page. We are confident knowing that we played well and that we tried our best.”

Added the wise and Senor Pep: “This was a very good test. It’s always difficult against Madrid but even more so when you go in as favourite and them as a big underdog. That’s when Madrid is most dangerous.”

via Reuters, AFP, AP

It’s Barca, Bojan’s giving you the lazy eye, and they thrashed Zaragoza 6-1 yesterday. What more can we say? For all those who can’t stop talking about the midweek loss to Rubin, Xavi wants you to grab an umbrella and sit down NOW.

“It has been proved that the cycle was not finished because the only difference between Rubin and Zaragoza was our success in front of goal, because our philosophy of attacking play is always the same,” he said.

As for Ibracadabra, y’know he was totally giving the Douche face when he said : “I am yet to reach my best level. It is great to win a game with six goals.”

Photos via Reuters and Gettyimages

Oh, Senor Pep! Ha sido un largo tiempo! Now that the internationals are over and done with, Barca’s Babes are getting ready to face the exciting Valencia tomorrow. As expected, the Messiah flew back via private jet which was provided by the club. Everyone else had to walk and among the last to arrive were Piqué, Busquets and Iniesta. Meanwhile, Ibracadabra arrived at the Ciudad Deportivo Joan Gamper with some ‘discomfort in the knees’. Come on, ya’ll all know what he was up to on the dancefloor…!

Meanwhile, Robinho has expressed his interest in the Catalan giants… “Of course I would like to play for Barca, who wouldn’t? We could have so much fun. It would be a pleasure to play next to (Lionel) Messi, to my compatriot (Dani) Alves, Xavi, (Andres) Iniesta, (Zlatan) Ibrahimovic… with all of them. They are a great team,” he said.

“I’ve played against them and I know their quality. But at the moment at the moment I can only do it (play with them) on the PlayStation. It’s an honour that a coach like him (Guardiola) speaks highly of Robinho, and rates me as much as I read he does.”

A little humble pie goes a long way, gato...

Oh dear, Ibracadabra here has that “Everyone-look-at-me-Don’t-you-know-who-I-am?” look on his face. Vän, everyone knows you. They’re intoxicated!

Anyway, the goodbye party was held for coach Lars Lagerback, who announced his retirement after failing to take the team to South Africa on Wednesday. He should be given a Long Service Award for his eleven years at the helm of the Swedish NT. Instead, they booked the entire VIP area of the Cafe Opera in central Stockholm to party. Of course, we’re talking about the WAGS and their vast array of friends in the club scene! They probably went through an exhaustive list… Actually, they should’ve all headed to Pacha instead. Greaseano owns that scene.

Photo via Correire dello Sport

Seems like every team is clinging on to a ‘miracle’ to go to the World Cup these days…and Sweden’s one of them. It now seems that Henrik Larsson will quit the national team whether Ibracadabra likes it or not.

To get into the World Cup playoffs now, Sweden must win and hope Portugal slips up against Malta, who’ve not secured a single victory in their entire campaign.

“It’s probably over now,” Larsson said. “Today, I feel that there will be no World Cup even if we qualify.” Okay, that’s not the end of it. He later contradicted himself and said : “We must still believe that we can qualify. Think if something happens in Portugal and we don’t win … I would never forgive myself.”

Please forgive Ibracadabra. It’s way too early for training and Helena didn’t make waffles. So he thinks he might have spotted a slice of toast from a distance but he’d best ignore it for it could be a trap by the same witch doctor hired to put a nasty spell on Greaseano.

Anyway, Pep thinks Iniesta needs a continuity of sorts, after being out of action for a long time. He may not be “one hundred percent” but it’s better to put him out there than bench him.

“We know (Iniesta) is beloved player of great versatility. He is improving and little by little, we will use him more,” he said, prior to tonight’s Champs’ League game against Dynamo Kiev. “He’s in good spirits and we cannot allow further injury to his leg,” he added.

• Oh Ibracadabra… He who looks ever so eloquent! How strange it must have been for him to return to San Siro. Well at least Julio Cesar was kind about the whole thing. Mano bumped into the Swede – who was his former teammate – in the tunnel before last night’s Champions League showdown. “I saw Zlatan before the match and we joked. He told me he’d score against me and I replied that he wouldn’t. Luckily he didn’t have many chances during the match. He only had one chance during the first half and he shot wide. Just as well for us,” said The Caesar.
• Former Coritiba and Fluminense coach, René Simões has found a new job!! Looks like Ranieri recommended the right employment agency to him. These guys are efficient! Anyway, Rene has been tasked to take over the Costa Rican national team and “ensure qualification” for South Africa next year. He’s going to need all the help he can get because they currently lie in fourth place behind Honduras, Mexico and the United States.
• The u-20 World Cup officially kicks off next week and Douglas Costa, Walter and Wellinton Souza are a few of the meninos who will be representing the selecao jovem in Egypt. On the other hand, Spain has Daniel Parejo and Atletico’s keeper, Sergio Asenjo. Unfortunately, Bobojan will miss the tournament through injury.
• Velez Sarsfield knocked out Boca Juniors in the Copa Sudamericana last night after a superb goal from Jonathan Cristaldo. Tipooo blasted the ball in like there was no tomorrow!! Watch for yourself.

Inter’s favourite Betrayer of Humanity (ha-ha) scored the opening goal against Getafe last night – and set up the Messiah’s second in the 78th minute.

“I am very pleased to have scored two goals, but the most important thing is to reach the rhythm,” he said. “I am not at a hundred percent yet, but I am getting there.” He also acknowledged the all-important role of his teammates.

“(Iniesta and Messi) make it easy for you. They open spaces up and defences do not know which one to mark.”

Bien évidemment… this makes the Ibracadabra our Sunday Senor!

via Reuters

Don’t you hate it when players move to another league and immediately start criticizing their former championship?!!! We don’t remember Ibracadabra being particularly resentful towards Serie A until Barca came knocking on his door, of course!

“In Italy, all teams are strong in defense and defend more than attack,” he told Tuttocampo. Well yes but this doesn’t apply to Milan if you look at the number of goals they’ve conceded recently.

Ibracadabra also thinks that teams who face Barcelona need to “pay more attention to the players” – compared to Inter.

“Here, football is not as stressful as it was at Inter (now now, could he be referring to Mourinho?!! ) The pace and environment is more relaxed and I can concentrate on my game. (La Liga) has bought two of the best players in the Italian and the Premier League. That’s very special,” he said.

Oooh, what a way to start the season… by winning the Supercopa! Aplausos, por favor! Yet another brilliant show from Los Cules after they pulled off this convincing 3-0 win over Bilbao last night. The Messiah scored twice and your best friend Bobojan netted in the third! Ibracadabra had a few chances but give him time and maybe he won’t fall for the curse of Luca Toni. Ya’ll better pray!

As usual, Pep couldn’t help but throw a few jokes at the post match press conference. “It is the fifth (title) because I won the promotion with Barcelona B,” he said before adding seriously : “We do not intend to win three titles, just the next one. The team has been good, moved well and created chances. I congratulate them on the first title of the season.”

Never in our warped minds did we think Ibra and Keirrison would be playing together in the same team. But it’s happening to Barca and obviously they aren’t the only ones in Spain who want to change things a little bit. Potter Perez won that competition by outdoing himself with Real Madrid (seriously, we don’t want to see his mobile phone bills!)

Anyway, despite their €14 million coup of Keirrison, the striker will not be playing first-team football for Barca next season. Sexy Pep thinks he still needs “experience” and will spend one season loaned to another club (Porto, Ajax, Monaco and Liverpool are all interested). Ibra combed his pony locks in front of 50,000 fans at the Nou Camp yesterday – so all is well.

“It was very nice to have known Ibrahimovic, a striker and a great champion. I hope to (win) the double with him soon and give joy to many fans of Barcelona,” said K9.

Too bad for Keirrison though. The Number 9 jersey sadly won’t be his when he returns next year.

By Josep Lago for AFP

Awww, Iniesta. It’s always nice to hear from a player with a good head on his shoulder…and Barca’s bunch pretty much represent that!

On the issue of Eto’o leaving the Nou Camp, Iniesta said : “(Samuel) remains our friend. I have great respect and I always want the best (for him).”

Of course, Iniesta doesn’t mind the Ibra-Eto’o swap deal either adding that “Ibra is one of the best strikers in the world. If he comes, you get to the entire world.”

Still, if you’re one of the cules, the attacking midfielder doesn’t think you should worry about the ‘lack of reinforcements’ so far on their part. “There’s still many days (left) to make things better,” he said.

You all probably know our distaste for Man United (cue the sick bag). Unfortunately, they put up a pretty convincing performance against Inter last night. Yes its the painful truth, amigas.

United managed to clamp down Inter’s midfield. The likes of Cambiasso were playing hide and seek, leaving Mourinho seething at the sidelines. United had better chances at goal – in fact, a lot more opportunities to score (ball flew past the net, Giggs didn’t see it, etc). So you could say they were unlucky not to take advantage of that.

On the other hand, Ibrahimovic wasn’t proving to be much of a threat. He was taking a walk in the park. It’s very embarrassing to be called the ‘Best Player in the World’ by your coach time and time again – and fail to live up to the hype! Also, could someone explain what on earth Adriano was doing in the first half?

Still, some highly laudable performances from the Inter camp. Julio Cesar deserves high praise for his fantastic saves (to think Brazil never produce good goalkeepers!). Davide Santone did a good job trying to pin down Ronaldo although that proved to be quite a challenge for his teammates.

Anyway, Mourinho blamed the ref after the game and said : “Maybe in the second game we will have a referee who is on our side. If we go to Old Trafford and we don’t have the same referee – but we have one who will give the away team so much protection – then my team will get to the quarter-final.”