Poooor fin! After four years (even the villain himself, Botox Berlusconi considers this a long wait), Inter have made it to the semi finals of the Champions League. And it’s all thanks to Eto’o of course… and maybe Senhor Mourinho’s black coat!
Anyway, a disgruntled Chelski fan just walked in here hurling expletives at Eto’o… but do not worry, amigas! We’ve sent him out the door with The Diving Drogba song.
At least Mourinho prefers to remain modest, which is the way it should be! “I’m so happy because of the way my team played. It was difficult for me to come here as an enemy where my ‘home’ is, here at Chelsea. Yesterday someone asked me if I would still be special if I lost here. Today I’m not so special for Chelsea supporters who will probably never forgive me.”
Awww, check out that sheepish smile from Senhor Mourinho! Just what you needed to start your day eh, dear Mothers of the world?
Anyway, it’s Champions League night again tonight – and hopefully, Inter will not humiliate all their tifosi with a Bolognese performance capable of throwing away their 2-1 lead. That award belongs to Milan side which forgot to turn up for work against United last week!
“Special for me would be to bring Inter over the barrier they have had for a few years of not even going to the quarter-finals. Special for me is to bring the team into the next stage. I’ll read the game the best I can, make the best decisions I can, influence it in the best possible way and give everything I have to help my team win,” declared Jose.
OK, Dani Alves looks a little shocked in this photo (the lights, dear God!) but at least it was for a good cause! He attended an event in aid of the Haitian earthquake victims in Barcelona last night. We know a mano who looks exactly like Dani Alves - albeit a skinnier version, but he’s the equivalent of a douchebag… clearly something Dani is not! Bem feito.
Parabens! The U-20 seleção feminina have made it to the finals of the World Cup (as expected ) after defeating Chile in the semifinals of the South American category. Alana Santana is the name you should be chanting throughout the rest of the day because she scored the goals! Here’s a video of the futbolitas’ 3-1 win over Paraguay a few days ago…
So your favourite Churrascaria King, Adriano, wants you to know that he never used drugs in his life and is annoyed that people are throwing all these unjust accusations at him! Relax, mano… tudo é bom. You know that Senhor Mourinho still keeps your file at home and occasionally sifts through it when he’s not on Skype with Z-Ibracadabra!
“I’ve never used drugs – nothing was ever proven. Suddenly, because I live in the slum, people associate me with it,” he said.
His fiancee, Joana Machado, who made a big fuss about finding him with other Flamengo players in the slum in the wee hours of the morning, was also involved in her own controversy known in Brazil as “episódio Chatuba”. Said Adri : “She was not wrong and she did not assault me. If the person likes you, she wants to take care of you. She was afraid because I did not arrive on the time that was determined.”
So the million dollar question for you Greaseañies today is – WOULD YOU TAP THAT? Well, mano looked pretty clean cut at at the launch of his “I’m wearing this for the World Cup” Nike boot launch yesterday. And the Portugal jacket looks ridiculously comfortable (almost like the blue/white selecao bootcamp ones!) Anyway, he also revealed that he speaks to Kaka a lot because they understand a common language and they both share hope for a Brazil/Portugal final on July 11. Você acredita? (do you believe?)
Here’s another brilliant Crackovia episode again – this time featuring two Barca presidential candidates on their way to watch Barca play Stuttgart. Nunez and Gaspart approach the counter to purchase a ticket at the airport – but Nunez is taken aback at the price. You’ll love his classic reaction!
We were surprised at Senhor Julio Cesar’s poor eye injury last night. It kinda reminded us of Rustu Recber, the intimidating Turkish goalkeeper who happens to be our amiga’s favourite goalie of all time – don’t ask. Anyway, it’s high time we applaud the Inter manos for their hard work – particularly Lucio, who has been hailed by the Brazilian press for his performance against Chelski last night. Also, what a stunner from Diegol…. and Cambiasso!!
They left the Rossoneri two days apart form each other, but Ancelotti and la leggenda Maldini still love one another the same! How sweet but too bad many Milanistas don’t share the same sentiments. Anyway, tonight’s Inter-Chelski match up should be exciting even though Senhor Mourinhoooo says knowing too much about his former team isn’t that helpful. Ah, jogos da mente again we see.
“Sometimes it’s more difficult when you know so much about a team as, if you don’t decide the appropriate information you need to give to your players, it can be tough,” he said. Come on Jose, you know everything. There’s no need to be so modest now!
Members of an Italian mafia group have been arrested after police uncovered their plans to abduct none other than Senhor Mourinho! What were they thinking? He’d win them all over in quindici minuti! “Giovanni, I like your spirit but you are not listening to me no? I asked you to shave off your beard on Thursday. I don’t like these things. To become European Champion, you must do it or we don’t talk about it,” he’d say while making the table in a spare Lazio shirt.
Anyway, the authorities found strong traces of wiretapping, photos and the coach’s home address in one of the mafia’s homes in Genoa. Gattuso was cleared of all charges, however, after being found cutting his fish in his restaurant while listening to Andrea Bocelli.
So all eyes will be on Dopey today as he prepares to announce the seleção that’ll face Ireland next month. Everyone’s wondering about The Dinho but unless he stops himself from hitting all of Milan’s hot spots with Boriello and starts showing some discipline, there’s no chance for a return. Dopey is all about discipline and consistency so never cross the line or he’ll scream “vá embora!” and that’s the end of you.
And as for the list of strikers, El Pato has been nursing an injury for 24,241 years so he might not make it. Nilmar has been average (at best) for Villarreal so he might be left out. Fabulousoooo and Robinho will probably get the green light since boot camp ain’t the same without them.
Pep’s legacy, Crackovia style – what else do you need to know about it?!
Last but not least, Ricardo over here would like to tell all his fan girls not to worry about his sports hernia problem. Instead, they should finish all their homework and eat on time. Who are we kidding? The best FanGirl breed still belongs to the Kakazetes!
“I feel good. The sports hernia does not bother me any more. It has disappeared, but I still need to do specific recovery work like any injured player does. Last week it was rumored that it is a chronic problem which isn’t true. It isn’t just in Spain where there has been talk about me not being able to return to my old form. It also happened in Brazil and Italy, but it simply isn’t true.”
Ah, cheeky Materazzi. Always out to create trouble and grab attention. He did it right this time with the caricature mask of Botox Berlusconi. Come on now, Milanistas... even you have to admit it was a pretty good effort on his part. “It was a college prank for the Derby, nothing more. No desire to be controversial, no desire to offend, no political implications,” he said after the game. Hmmm.
Anyway, instead of boring you futbolitas with post-match commentary (you’ve probably already picked up the headlines – and gone through the 2-0 scoreline in Inter’s favour), there are two conclusions that we’ve drawn – Milan are a much better squad than last year but Inter are more complete as a unit. Here are some of the best photos featuring Donatella Versace’s 1045th nose job, Sneijder’s wife and a really awesome video featuring two journalists (one supports Inter, the other Milan) and their reactions during the game. We’d love to be sitting… somewhere in the middle!
Guti has quickly transformed himself into a disgruntled Real Madrid employee (oooh, ¡caray!) after being confronted by journos last week. It’s no secret that he has fallen out of favour with tío Pellegrini, so obviously they HAD to ask the million-dollar question about leaving the club (no, not that Ibiza dance club!) Yeah, we can almost sense the pressure and it’s not looking very good.
“I would like to end my contract at Real Madrid but it is also true that I would love to be able to play for another team,” he said. “To be able to enjoy another culture, to be able to enjoy another life, other team-mates, another league. It is true that I’ve had a very nice time at Real Madrid, that Madrid is a city where I wanted to live all my life, and now I want to leave Madrid.”
Oh, how apt! The Italian Football Oscars (Oscar del Calcio) took place one day after the Golden Globes and Ibracadabra won the title of Best Footballer for 2009. In his acceptance speech, he said he “missed Italy and Mourinho” as well, but is now growing “fond of Spain” (well… duh!)
Julio Cesar – who arrived late for the ceremony – and El Pato won for Best Goalkeeper and Best Young Player respectively, to which Pato said : “We will not play in the derby!” Meanwhile, Chiellini of Juventus won for best defender (or number of times one bleeds in the game) and the Best Italian Football Player award went to Daniele de Rossi.
Check out the videos!
via Gettyimages, SportItalia
Philipe Coutinho, the fetus/striker from Brazil (seriously, don’t you remember him?) is looking forward to the new year for many, many reasons. He’s going to be part of the Inter Milan family – and will finally live the Footballer’s Dream. Yes, everyone knows that moving to Europe is the #1 step and then you choose your friends (in this case, Davide Santon vs Materazzi) and last but not least – you make sure that your national allegiances are set… and for Coutinho, after playing for the U-17 squad, it’s going to be the selecao!
“I hope that 2010 will be good to me, because it will be a year that I have to introduce myself to Inter Milan and to adapt,” Coutinho told Brazilian radio. First, he’ll have to play the Carioca championship with Vasco, so never fear… we’ll keep tabs on him.
Meanwhile, our amigos at SambaFoot want YOU to reward the Best Brazilian player in Europe this year. Will it be Dani Alves, Fabulouso, Elano or… Kaka again? The winner will get the coolest award ever (we mean it). Vote now, Futbolitas!
Alan Kardec is now officially a Benfica player! Of course you remember him… he’s the U-20 Brazil wanderkid from Vasco. Yes, there are thousands (and probably millions) of “Brazilian Wanderkids” but damn, tipo over here is a fineeeee one! Anyway, upon his arrival in Lisbon yesterday, Kardec spent 2 hours at the airport finalizing legal documents and unfortunately, did not grant interviews to any of journalists. But that’s because none of them were wearing bikinis!
Ah, lovely! Senhor Mourn-In-HoHo was at Stamford Bridge to witness Diving Drogba in action last night. Ever the hardworking coach, Mourinho is already taking notes prior to their Champions League encounter with Chelski next February. This man is a workaholic and you can almost imagine him saying, “Please don’t call me arrogant but in Jose world, there is no room for mistakes.” Oh please, in Jose world, there will be a special corner selling Ballackwursts, Ibrahimovic posters at half-price and CDS containing trance remixes of “I think I’m the special one” How can you not be arrogant if you have all that?!
That’s Kun Aguero in happier days… before he pulled a Tiger Woods on Gianinna, of course. Sometimes, all you gotta do is to stop being a Douche and everything can be normal again. And perhaps things are looking up for Kun (maybe not in the national team – if The Dona really believes that blood is thicker than water) according to the latest round of gossip.
Now, it seems that Potter Perez wants to bring Kun to Real Madrid next July and is willing to shell out €60 million to see him wear white. He doesn’t mind Villa either – but it seems pretty unlikely at this point. As for Kun, in order to complete Phase 3 of the glitzy Bachelor lifestyle, he must move to the Bernabeu. Because, que es lo que quieres, verdad?
It’s freezing down in Milan (and perhaps in Fiorentina too – where the Rossoneri’s game had to be postponed due to snow.) But of course, a man named Samuel Eto’o scored the only goal for Inter in last night’s game against Lazio. Still, do these guys think they’re in The Notebook or something?
Anyway, of course everybody is talking about Mancini to Man City now (not the useless Brazilian one – it’s Roberto, one of the ‘Uncle Dude’ breeds and Mourinho’s predecessor) And of course, rumours are flying around saying that Inter’s starlet, Balotelli will be following him to the Oil City. However, he’d best look elsewhere because Inter chief Moratti is texting him messages that read “andare a mangiare una rana, Rob” or “go eat a frog”. Ok, not really but Moratti has issued a strict “hands-off Balotelli” warning. This is like Ancelotti-Pato-Chelsea all over again!
In other news, we really need to come up with an award for Best Goal In The Snow or El gol mejor en la nieve!
Who drew the pots at the Champions League draw last night? I mean… it can’t be Santa Sepp, now can it? Whatever the case…. the gifts they’ve bestowed upon us all are amazing! United vs Milan, Chelski vs Inter (all the action will be in the press conference room!) and Arsenal v Porto. Meanwhile, Real Madrid will take on Lyon while Barca face Stuttgart.
Nevertheless, everyone knows that the only team who is under immense pressure to WORK IT this season is Real. They have everything to lose, especially since the grand finale will be held at the Bernabeu. In other news, Mickey Mouse Beckham is thrilled to face United when he fulfills the rest of his odd contract with Milan next month – and so are his former employees. “He was a terrific servant for the club and we all hope he will be playing,” said a United spokesman. Uh-uh, seriously… we just want the Da Silva bros to sing on floats during half time OK? Porque é que tão difícil?!
Also futbolitas, please take a break from decorating your Christmas trees for a while and watch this….
Senhor Mourinho has finally admitted to insulting a journalist from Corriere dello Sport… but he will not apologize for his actions. Instead, the coach expects a Christmas gift because he thinks that thanks to his actions, the dude is now as famous as Italian pop singer, Eros Ramazzotti.
“I must be honest and say that it is true that I insulted the journalist Andrea Ramazzotti (from the Italian newspaper). But it is not true that there was an attempted assault or physical contact,” Mourinho declared last night. He added that he only insulted the journalist because the man has been getting on his nerves non-stop – particularly after Inter’s draw with Atlanta last weekend.
Dio mio! If Mourinho insults you, you’ve got a scoop … so run with it, man!
Anyway, in case you were wondering about Eros Ramazzotti, he kind of reminds one of the Italian Anderson Cooper.
So in the end, it was Juve’s Claudio Marchisio who scored the winner to save Juventus to save his side against Inter last night. And futbolitas… his quick moves were che belleza to watch. Well, except it was against Julio Cesar of course (and if does this next year in South Africa, nothing but daggers will be thrown in his way. Cara, isso NAO é o caminho para guardar O GOAL!)
Ironically, Marchisio had always wanted to become the club’s next Del Piero, after spending most of his youth at the club’s youth ranks. Someone else saw his potential as a midfielder, and moulded him to become the Marchisio he is today! Not so bad now, isn’t it?
So Juventus fans are losing their patience with the club’s pathetic show of performance as of late – despite the purchase of Juve Kids On The Block. Yes, yes… this is what we love about Italy. The type of posters the ultra fans come up with can drive any pompous suit-wearing man to the brink of humiliation!
Anyway, Juventus will play against Inter this weekend in what is certain to be a crucial Serie A fixture. Ciro Ferrara has decided to close the doors to the training session which means we will not get to see Amauri practising his ad spot for Sunsilk. Yes, you’re gutted, we know.
“We will not hide it – we face a difficult week, first Inter then the Champions League. But all the hard times will go away with the team work. There have been negative moments but that was many years ago (Serie B). We recover from that and we hope to do so even today,” said Del Piero.
Oh, the passion on Pique the Pout’s face speaks volumes, following his goal against Inter last night!! Este tipo puts in a lot of effort when he plays, so you could say that he deserves it and now he can safely resume his role as a Twilight vampire (cue the trees!)
“It was a very important game for us and we’ll think about it later. We had a very good start, we went ahead and we kept their attack at a distance. Now I think only of playing in the game against Real,” he declared.
Unfortunately for Inter, they forgot to come to work last night. Senor Jose is apparently in the mood for Christmas and didn’t bother issuing instructions of any kind, preferring to let the wine things flow. Meanwhile, plenty of hugs were exchanged between Eto’o and the gang (sweet!) and Pique even gave him his jersey after the game. You know you loved it!
“I give my heartfelt thanks to all. It was a little strange to be in the other locker room, but this is football. I hope that Barcelona remains (like this) and we can win (our next game) so that we will qualify,” said Eto’o.
Ei futbolitas, many of us may be familiar with the louco Brazilian CQC gang (even Felipe Andreoli officially knows how much nós adoramos!) In case you happen to be living under Fabio Capello’s rock, it’s a politically-incorrect current affairs programme that stands for ‘Caiga Quien Caiga’. You can still catch up with their madcap antics… no sienten miedo.
Anyway, perhaps you’ll remember The Dona’s visit to Inter’s camp earlier this year when Mooourinho couldn’t help but ask for an autograph. Well, Miguel Rocha from CQC Portugal went stalking the Argentinean around the Giuseppe Meazza and posed absurd questions to Hernan Crespo, which were met with equally classic one-word answers. “I invite you to come play for Portugal, OK?” he said to which Ragdoll Crespo nodded! Special guest appearance from Ibracadabra included.
Botox Berlusconi recently approached Jose Mourinho somewhere in the San Siro (we’re guessing) and the Inter coach’s facial expression is one of absolute relief. What did Botox tell Jose exactly? We hope it wasn’t a lousy joke about grey dye in Mourinho’s hair. He’s the Prime Minister and everything but come on, there’s a limit….
Here’s Samuel Eto’o looking all prim and proper in a tux… must be Jose’s influence. He is, after all, starting to shape Inter’s squad this season. Even Esteban Cambiasso thinks so!
“I have always said that the strikers’ goals are the logic of a team. Diego and Samuel are playing with continuity and they are scoring. It’s true, Ibrahimovic scored most of our goals last season but that was also a consequence of continuity. Zlatan played more than anyone and the others were rotated alongside him. The strikers’ goals are logic. If they score it means the team is working well, he said.” Are you listening, Luca Toni?
Maradona has returned from his luxurious holiday in Buenos Aires. And ya’ll better be nice to El Diez or he’ll send Veronica dolls to you. This time, he has declared that the team to face Ghana in a friendly this weekend will have a great chance of starting against Peru and Uruguay in their WC Qualifers. “Nobody will tell me which players not to choose, I listen to everyone but the one who has the final say is me. Those who will be here, will be here, I won’t give anymore details,” affirmed Maradona. By the way, he left out all the European players this time around.
Goalkeepers > Diego Pozo (Colon de Santa Fe) and Cristian Campestrini (Arsenal)
Defenders > Matias Caruzzo (Argentinos), Ignacio Canuto (Argentinos), Rolando Schiavi (Newell’s), Juan Manuel Insaurralde (Newell’s), Cristian Villagra (River Plate), Clemente Rodriguez (Estudiantes) and Fabian Monzon (Boca Juniors)
Midfielders > Rodrigo Brana (Estudiantes), Enzo Perez (Estudiantes), Leonel Vangioni (Newell’s), Federico Insua (Boca Juniors), Jesus Mendez (Rosario Central) and Mario Bolatti (Huracan)
Strikers > Gabriel Hauche (Argentinos), Martin Palermo (Boca Juniors), Ariel Ortega (River Plate), Esteban Fuertes (Colon de Santa Fe) and Luis Rodriguez (Atletico Tucuman)
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