We’ve been calling him Mickey Mouse Becks for a long time, but the poor mano tore his Achilles tendon last night and has been ruled of the World Cup. For that, we are lighting candles today and sending Oreos with hugs. Oh dios, Becks really wanted to go South Africa. Qué día tan triste!
“In cases (of the) rupture of the Achilles tendon, players go at least five or six months without playing. He is out of the tournament. Tomorrow Beckham will travel to Finland, where he will be operated on,” declared Uncle Fester Galliani.
On a slightly more positive note, Milan won the game 1-0, although they clearly should have done better.
For a moment, we thought that the Senora on the extreme right was The Nereida of your dreams – but of course, Palermo are not that desperate of a club to cast her, are they? No matter, she’s too busy making heads roll at Paris Fashion Week… near the buffet table, of course!
Anyway, instead of forcing the likes of Fabrizio Miccoli to parade down the flanks wearing their new kits, the Italian side left it to our fellow futbolitas to do the job instead. Ben fatto! It looks like what my friend’s nonna would wear to sleep, but whatever… you cheeky tipos are already ordering it off the Palermo website!
Don’t you think that Signore Borriello is a carbon copy of Roberto Baggio from that angle? Naturally, all he needs to do is to grow out that hair and he can start to make special appearances at the flower festival with it! Mamma mia, could these two be long lost gemelli (twins)?
Anyway, everyone’s excited and preparing their sandwiches with more gusto now because once again, The Dinho put in an excellent performance against Bari last night! Besides Baggio’s Twin, El Pato also netted in the other penalty and also remembered to shave his Wolverine beard off. Desculpe, mas você ainda não estão na seleção…. (sorry but you are still not going to the selecao)
Speaking of the seleção, please don’t interrupt Diego and Amauri as they perform the Dança Bandeira (flag dance). Tipos were working their HIPS off as they celebrate Juve’s neat 2-1 win over Bologna last night! Who cares if they were ignored by Dopey or Lippy in their respective national teams? It was time to celebrate!
Que tal, futbolitas?!! So we’ve been working with a few ferosh fashion brands on an article, most of whom dress some of your favourite teams including AC Milan and Real Madrid. And they’ve been molto gentile to share some goodies with us – including photos from the Dolce & Gabbana-inspired Rossoneri book by Stefano Guindiani. In case you haven’t heard, it was published specifically for your Ovaries (those of you who have them – I’m sorry mah brothers, this is a chance to get your Andy-Roddick’s-Wife-Is-On-The-Cover SI Issue!) So go on now, boys and girls… have a look!
Photos via Stefano Guindani for Dolce & Gabbana
Lulu Toni has finally mustered up the courage to speak about first team spots in the Azzurri. Oh dear, that took quite a while, didn’t it, futbolitas? And does anyone really care what Luca thinks about Amauri The Addled Angel? Bambiiiii, sei noioso! Save all this for your Sunday barbecue session with Ranieri Doubtfire, per favore. There will be marshmallows….
“He chose to play for Italy only because Brazil did not pick him (gasp…. Dunga did!) In our league there are many good strikers. Not just those who play at Milan, Inter or Juve. If he is (fit) Amauri can (go) and I will try in every way (for my own spot in the national team). But I think this is an unfair situation,” cried Luca.
Speaking of Amauri, we swear that his hair is capable of kicking Jackie Chan’s ass in FIVE minutes. You know Thiago Silva has already signed the petition to ban its appearance at all Serie A Games. That thing needs go for a walk!
via Gettyimages, Sky Sport Italia
Sneaky Gennaro! We should have seen this coming from the man who eats US $73,000 snails. It was only a matter of time before your Gangsta Gattuso followed this act up by opening up “Gattuso e Bianchi”, a fish (and all things seafood related) restaurant in the Varese province (north of Milan) with his friend, Andrea Bianchi.
The place was swarmed with tifosi at its opening with fans keen to catch a glimpse of exotic crabs and clamps. Ronaldinho, David Beckham, Luca Antonini, Davide Di Gennaro, Christian Abbiati and Massimo Ambrosini and even Iaquinta all came to support their friend, who by all accounts, is obsessed with fish.
“I love fresh fish, to see it, touch it and, of course, eat it. It has been my passion since childhood and now with my friend Bianchi, I want to start this new adventure,” he declared. And with that, an amiga’s fantasy of seeing Gattuso cooking up a storm in the kitchen has been fulfilled.
So shall we, then…. head over to Chef Gattuso’s?
via Correire dello Sport, Varese
Guti has quickly transformed himself into a disgruntled Real Madrid employee (oooh, ¡caray!) after being confronted by journos last week. It’s no secret that he has fallen out of favour with tío Pellegrini, so obviously they HAD to ask the million-dollar question about leaving the club (no, not that Ibiza dance club!) Yeah, we can almost sense the pressure and it’s not looking very good.
“I would like to end my contract at Real Madrid but it is also true that I would love to be able to play for another team,” he said. “To be able to enjoy another culture, to be able to enjoy another life, other team-mates, another league. It is true that I’ve had a very nice time at Real Madrid, that Madrid is a city where I wanted to live all my life, and now I want to leave Madrid.”
Oh, how apt! The Italian Football Oscars (Oscar del Calcio) took place one day after the Golden Globes and Ibracadabra won the title of Best Footballer for 2009. In his acceptance speech, he said he “missed Italy and Mourinho” as well, but is now growing “fond of Spain” (well… duh!)
Julio Cesar – who arrived late for the ceremony – and El Pato won for Best Goalkeeper and Best Young Player respectively, to which Pato said : “We will not play in the derby!” Meanwhile, Chiellini of Juventus won for best defender (or number of times one bleeds in the game) and the Best Italian Football Player award went to Daniele de Rossi.
Check out the videos!
via Gettyimages, SportItalia
The Dinho is back! Well, that was what many futbolitas told us excitedly on Twitter and you could be right! A few days ago, we questioned this cara’s ability to make Dopey’s starting XI, which remains an open call, unless you are Uncle Pele – and even he can’t waltz into the training ground of Granja Comary whenever he pleases. TODAVIA, after his Milan hat-trick yesterday, we can officially establish that The Dinho is now working his beachy butt off to make it to South Africa.
Check this out : in their last three games, Milan have scored a staggering 12 goals – 5 of which were scored by the Brazilian. Oooooh, acredito que você pode fazer a seleção? - do you believe you can make the squad? He hasn’t played a part in any of their qualifiers and has been snubbed in recent friendlies. And yes, Dinho’s discipline simply wanes when he’s with the national team. So what’s it gonna be, Bebê?
Also, your favourite Italian Stallion, Sig. Marco Borriello also got his name on the score sheet yesterday. Lovely, we know how this one will be celebrating….
For a moment, Diego forgot about the team he was playing for (“Boa gol, Dinho! grande abraço!”) Then, he caught Felipe Melo giving him the evil eye on the pitch – and that was it! 3-0 to Milan, and you don’t even know if Juve bothered to turn up at their own stadium at all.
To be fair, neither side was doing much in the first ten minutes, but despite the Rossoneri’s inadequacy - including Ambrosini’s “speed”, Beckham’s disappearance and Pirlo’s bad corners – UncleDude Nesta pulled one for his side while The Dinho (yes, we told you everyone will be scrambling to show off this year) netted in a double!! El Pato was out fretting over his injury on the roller coaster ride, so perhaps their attacking prowess was a little tamed. But in the second half, Milan actually improved and controlled the game – and although they weren’t at their best, Juventus and Amauri proved that they were indeed, better off prawn fishing
Poor Ciro. Now the Italian press are sharpening their pencils and ready to attack! “I don’t feel in danger of losing my job, I am very concentrated. I am trying to put my energy into the team. It is not my decision to make if they sack me or not, and if I am sacked I will accept it,” said tio Ferrara after the game.
via Reuters
Jan 05 2010
Posted by Ash as Daily
Ah, someone’s ego has been bruised! And it’s none other than your favourite Cabezazo or headbutter, Materazzi!! Since he’s merely shaking his legs at Inter these days, all talk of the World Cup is practically irrelevant to him. Well, not like the tournament needs a crying circus anyway.“I know where I will be on June 11, the day of the first match of the World Cup: in my trailer traveling in America. I will not be watching the tournament (and I do not know the time (of the matches),” Materazzi declared to La Repubblica. Run along then, Cabebazo!
So Tio ThunderThighs, better known as Roberto Carlos was unveiled as an official Corinthiano alongside his own figurine yesterday. At least the figurine looked more tolerant than the man himself. Anyway, tio will now play alongside his best friend from 2002, Ronaldo Lima… and they will now proceed to spend more weekends watering plants together. “Ronaldo is not my friend, he is my brother. I lived longer with him than with my own family,” ThunderThighs said. He then added : “Listening to this mass (of people) screaming my name is creepy. The reward will be given on the field.”
Here’s another classic New Year’s eve Crackòvia episode. This one features the characters of Guti and Ramos ringing in 2010 by eating 12 grapes, dancing to techno (as usual) and dressing up in… cloaks! Espanyol’s Raul Tamudo (the same character who played Leo Messi) also enforced this tradition on his guests, Nakamura and goalie, Carlos Kameni. And if you observe Tamudo’s sofa lining carefully, it’s draped with a Real Madrid banner!
You’ve seen him flop at Bayern… but did you see the Luca Toni Going Away party that he threw before his move to Roma? Here it is! With plenty of booze and a light-headed Ribery. At least his new Roma boss, Ranieri Doubtfire loves him. “He is in better shape than I expected. He will now play against Cagliari. Roma is different with Luca Toni,” he declared.
via Reuters, TV3 and Gazetta dello Sport
It’s freezing down in Milan (and perhaps in Fiorentina too – where the Rossoneri’s game had to be postponed due to snow.) But of course, a man named Samuel Eto’o scored the only goal for Inter in last night’s game against Lazio. Still, do these guys think they’re in The Notebook or something?
Anyway, of course everybody is talking about Mancini to Man City now (not the useless Brazilian one – it’s Roberto, one of the ‘Uncle Dude’ breeds and Mourinho’s predecessor) And of course, rumours are flying around saying that Inter’s starlet, Balotelli will be following him to the Oil City. However, he’d best look elsewhere because Inter chief Moratti is texting him messages that read “andare a mangiare una rana, Rob” or “go eat a frog”. Ok, not really but Moratti has issued a strict “hands-off Balotelli” warning. This is like Ancelotti-Pato-Chelsea all over again!
In other news, we really need to come up with an award for Best Goal In The Snow or El gol mejor en la nieve!
So in the end, it was Juve’s Claudio Marchisio who scored the winner to save Juventus to save his side against Inter last night. And futbolitas… his quick moves were che belleza to watch. Well, except it was against Julio Cesar of course (and if does this next year in South Africa, nothing but daggers will be thrown in his way. Cara, isso NAO é o caminho para guardar O GOAL!)
Ironically, Marchisio had always wanted to become the club’s next Del Piero, after spending most of his youth at the club’s youth ranks. Someone else saw his potential as a midfielder, and moulded him to become the Marchisio he is today! Not so bad now, isn’t it?
So Juventus fans are losing their patience with the club’s pathetic show of performance as of late – despite the purchase of Juve Kids On The Block. Yes, yes… this is what we love about Italy. The type of posters the ultra fans come up with can drive any pompous suit-wearing man to the brink of humiliation!
Anyway, Juventus will play against Inter this weekend in what is certain to be a crucial Serie A fixture. Ciro Ferrara has decided to close the doors to the training session which means we will not get to see Amauri practising his ad spot for Sunsilk. Yes, you’re gutted, we know.
“We will not hide it – we face a difficult week, first Inter then the Champions League. But all the hard times will go away with the team work. There have been negative moments but that was many years ago (Serie B). We recover from that and we hope to do so even today,” said Del Piero.
“Now now everybody, queue up if you want to hug Huntelaar!” were the instructions in Italy last night. Yes, the Christmas elf whose stint at Real can only kindly be described as a Spectacular Flop scored a double for the Rossoneri last night. Folks, this was against Catania…it should’ve been a gol-fest! Nevertheless, three points is what’s most important here so yes it’s time to appreciate Berlusconi’s Babies.
Pippo went all out to question his yellow card last night but we’re guessing he must’ve either dashed past the offside flag a little too excitedly or tried to emulate that Middle Eastern dancer.
Each time one looks at Luca Toni, he or she is reminded to immediately visit a pet shop to purchase a cat comb. The word “geeky” cannot even begin to describe this poor man here. The job of a striker is always to score goals and care for your pets later, but Toni forgot this important fact when he signed for Bayern (let’s not talk about the Azzurra, amicas) and now, the boss himself, van Gaal wants him out!
“The player has indicated he wants away. Then he must look for a club,” he declared. Immediately, all the German newspapers took out their trumpets and started to play them because everyone thinks Lazy Luca’s attitude sucks and he should leave.
“I know we can’t accept his behaviour, but on the other hand there is always the possibility for men to apologise,” said Bayern’s team manager Uli Hoeness.
Meanwhile, Gangsta Gattuso pulled out one of his Italian-ego cards and refused to rule out a move to another club in the near future. Check out what he told reporters… this man should be at the opera!
“I’m Rino Gattuso and I shouldn’t have to wait until someone is injured to be able to play,” he said.
“Will I go? There’s still five or six matches to go before the Christmas break, I have to talk to the club and with (vice-president Adriano) Galliani because it’s not nice after 11 years to play only occasionally.”
Milan better keep him. No one else is going to flash his middle finger at the defenders all the way at the other end of the pitch!
Yes, despite cara’s hectic schedule with the selecao late last week, Brazil’s Felipe Melo found the time to answer Futbolita’s questions. En realidad, we spent the whole day running in the airport and walking in the rain last Friday before the all-important call from Felipe’s agent came through! And it’s adorable how paranoid he was about the selecao’s stringent rule with interviews till we had to be the ones to calm him down. Relaxe homem, você é brasileiro….!
Anyway, we’ll reveal the full context of the interview for our national newspaper in due time. Here, Felipe shares some interesting insights about his life in Italy and with Brazil.
“Being a footballer appears to be a ‘glamorous’ job, but it was a lot of hard work getting here. To have achieved the dream of becoming a professional footballer and to wear the Brazil shirt – the best international squad in the world – and Juventus, one of the most important clubs in world, is already something great for me,” Melo told Futbolita proudly.
Poor Amauri… at the rate things are going for RobinHood’s long lost cousin, he’ll never find a national team to call his own! Before you blame it on Little John, it’s all because Dopey and Lippi can’t make up their minds. Also, Amauri is way past his prime age and eating prunes now, so now we’re left with nobody to blame (don’t you dare say Ranieri Doubtfire).
Anyway, it looks like Pazzini, the striker from Sampdoria, has taken a stab at tipo over here over his Brazilian-Italian citizenship.
“At this point, I do not feel I’m (up against) Amauri, because I’m Italian and he is Brazilian. What I feel is that if a person is half Italian and half Brazilian, he is not really Italian. I must confess that this situation bothers me a bit,” Pazzini said.
Ei chico, go back to high school where you belong! Even the Italian Football federation disagrees with you. “Today, the parameter is citizenship. A player, whether it is an Italian citizen, has every right to be called. We do not want to lose our identity, but also do not want to discriminate against any citizen,” said its president, Giancarlo Abete.
We actually thought this was going to be one of those Marion Jones-Rio Ferdinand moments in football. Cannavaro failed a dope test yesterday for allegedly using the drug cortisone. Alas, it turned out that even a bee couldn’t resist the sweet charms of Fabio Cannavaro. Judging from Belen Rodriguez’s pose yesterday (she’s an Argentinean model who dated none other than the ferosha Marco Borriello), he smells of honey!
“When he came to the national team, after the Roma game, he told us what had happened and he told us that without the medicine that contained cortisone he would have had a reaction, an anaphylactic shock,” said Castellacci, the Azzurri’s team doctor.
Added Cannavaro’s team-mate Giorgio Chiellini: “It would be awful to make this out as a doping case when it isn’t. I was there when Fabio was stung by the wasp. His arm swelled up straight away. He is calm and so are we.”
Oh well, the wasp is probably giddy with excitement now. We’d be. It’s Canna-f*cking-Varo!!
A few of you think that we need to stop bullying Luca Toni but we beg to differ! Zio’s worst than Raul The Great at present… and his performance at the Confeds this year were laughable at best. The circus came to town and left an acrobat behind! Anyway, in these new Fred Mello editorials, Luca’s squint into the distance is pretty awkward as opposed to Italian model’s Marta Cecchetto’s ferosha jacket. He looks pretty good in the rest… which will probably help to even out the expenses that Bayern reserves can’t afford to pay him. It’s like Lorenzo Lamas and GreaseDouche in one, but it works.
Also, there are rumors that he might make the switch to Milan (per favore, spare the pain!) or move to Napoli next January. The biggest joke would be if Potter Perez suddenly decides to make a bid for him. Don’t try to hide your excitement, futbolitas. Can you smell what the Luca is cooking?
Comentários