Poooor fin! After four years (even the villain himself, Botox Berlusconi considers this a long wait), Inter have made it to the semi finals of the Champions League. And it’s all thanks to Eto’o of course… and maybe Senhor Mourinho’s black coat!
Anyway, a disgruntled Chelski fan just walked in here hurling expletives at Eto’o… but do not worry, amigas! We’ve sent him out the door with The Diving Drogba song.
At least Mourinho prefers to remain modest, which is the way it should be! “I’m so happy because of the way my team played. It was difficult for me to come here as an enemy where my ‘home’ is, here at Chelsea. Yesterday someone asked me if I would still be special if I lost here. Today I’m not so special for Chelsea supporters who will probably never forgive me.”
They left the Rossoneri two days apart form each other, but Ancelotti and la leggenda Maldini still love one another the same! How sweet but too bad many Milanistas don’t share the same sentiments. Anyway, tonight’s Inter-Chelski match up should be exciting even though Senhor Mourinhoooo says knowing too much about his former team isn’t that helpful. Ah, jogos da mente again we see.
“Sometimes it’s more difficult when you know so much about a team as, if you don’t decide the appropriate information you need to give to your players, it can be tough,” he said. Come on Jose, you know everything. There’s no need to be so modest now!
Members of an Italian mafia group have been arrested after police uncovered their plans to abduct none other than Senhor Mourinho! What were they thinking? He’d win them all over in quindici minuti! “Giovanni, I like your spirit but you are not listening to me no? I asked you to shave off your beard on Thursday. I don’t like these things. To become European Champion, you must do it or we don’t talk about it,” he’d say while making the table in a spare Lazio shirt.
Anyway, the authorities found strong traces of wiretapping, photos and the coach’s home address in one of the mafia’s homes in Genoa. Gattuso was cleared of all charges, however, after being found cutting his fish in his restaurant while listening to Andrea Bocelli.
So all eyes will be on Dopey today as he prepares to announce the seleção that’ll face Ireland next month. Everyone’s wondering about The Dinho but unless he stops himself from hitting all of Milan’s hot spots with Boriello and starts showing some discipline, there’s no chance for a return. Dopey is all about discipline and consistency so never cross the line or he’ll scream “vá embora!” and that’s the end of you.
And as for the list of strikers, El Pato has been nursing an injury for 24,241 years so he might not make it. Nilmar has been average (at best) for Villarreal so he might be left out. Fabulousoooo and Robinho will probably get the green light since boot camp ain’t the same without them.
Pep’s legacy, Crackovia style – what else do you need to know about it?!
Last but not least, Ricardo over here would like to tell all his fan girls not to worry about his sports hernia problem. Instead, they should finish all their homework and eat on time. Who are we kidding? The best FanGirl breed still belongs to the Kakazetes!
“I feel good. The sports hernia does not bother me any more. It has disappeared, but I still need to do specific recovery work like any injured player does. Last week it was rumored that it is a chronic problem which isn’t true. It isn’t just in Spain where there has been talk about me not being able to return to my old form. It also happened in Brazil and Italy, but it simply isn’t true.”
Alan Kardec is now officially a Benfica player! Of course you remember him… he’s the U-20 Brazil wanderkid from Vasco. Yes, there are thousands (and probably millions) of “Brazilian Wanderkids” but damn, tipo over here is a fineeeee one! Anyway, upon his arrival in Lisbon yesterday, Kardec spent 2 hours at the airport finalizing legal documents and unfortunately, did not grant interviews to any of journalists. But that’s because none of them were wearing bikinis!
Ah, lovely! Senhor Mourn-In-HoHo was at Stamford Bridge to witness Diving Drogba in action last night. Ever the hardworking coach, Mourinho is already taking notes prior to their Champions League encounter with Chelski next February. This man is a workaholic and you can almost imagine him saying, “Please don’t call me arrogant but in Jose world, there is no room for mistakes.” Oh please, in Jose world, there will be a special corner selling Ballackwursts, Ibrahimovic posters at half-price and CDS containing trance remixes of “I think I’m the special one” How can you not be arrogant if you have all that?!
That’s Kun Aguero in happier days… before he pulled a Tiger Woods on Gianinna, of course. Sometimes, all you gotta do is to stop being a Douche and everything can be normal again. And perhaps things are looking up for Kun (maybe not in the national team – if The Dona really believes that blood is thicker than water) according to the latest round of gossip.
Now, it seems that Potter Perez wants to bring Kun to Real Madrid next July and is willing to shell out €60 million to see him wear white. He doesn’t mind Villa either – but it seems pretty unlikely at this point. As for Kun, in order to complete Phase 3 of the glitzy Bachelor lifestyle, he must move to the Bernabeu. Because, que es lo que quieres, verdad?
Senhor Mourinho has finally admitted to insulting a journalist from Corriere dello Sport… but he will not apologize for his actions. Instead, the coach expects a Christmas gift because he thinks that thanks to his actions, the dude is now as famous as Italian pop singer, Eros Ramazzotti.
“I must be honest and say that it is true that I insulted the journalist Andrea Ramazzotti (from the Italian newspaper). But it is not true that there was an attempted assault or physical contact,” Mourinho declared last night. He added that he only insulted the journalist because the man has been getting on his nerves non-stop – particularly after Inter’s draw with Atlanta last weekend.
Dio mio! If Mourinho insults you, you’ve got a scoop … so run with it, man!
Anyway, in case you were wondering about Eros Ramazzotti, he kind of reminds one of the Italian Anderson Cooper.
Oh, the passion on Pique the Pout’s face speaks volumes, following his goal against Inter last night!! Este tipo puts in a lot of effort when he plays, so you could say that he deserves it and now he can safely resume his role as a Twilight vampire (cue the trees!)
“It was a very important game for us and we’ll think about it later. We had a very good start, we went ahead and we kept their attack at a distance. Now I think only of playing in the game against Real,” he declared.
Unfortunately for Inter, they forgot to come to work last night. Senor Jose is apparently in the mood for Christmas and didn’t bother issuing instructions of any kind, preferring to let the wine things flow. Meanwhile, plenty of hugs were exchanged between Eto’o and the gang (sweet!) and Pique even gave him his jersey after the game. You know you loved it!
“I give my heartfelt thanks to all. It was a little strange to be in the other locker room, but this is football. I hope that Barcelona remains (like this) and we can win (our next game) so that we will qualify,” said Eto’o.
Ei futbolitas, many of us may be familiar with the louco Brazilian CQC gang (even Felipe Andreoli officially knows how much nós adoramos!) In case you happen to be living under Fabio Capello’s rock, it’s a politically-incorrect current affairs programme that stands for ‘Caiga Quien Caiga’. You can still catch up with their madcap antics… no sienten miedo.
Anyway, perhaps you’ll remember The Dona’s visit to Inter’s camp earlier this year when Mooourinho couldn’t help but ask for an autograph. Well, Miguel Rocha from CQC Portugal went stalking the Argentinean around the Giuseppe Meazza and posed absurd questions to Hernan Crespo, which were met with equally classic one-word answers. “I invite you to come play for Portugal, OK?” he said to which Ragdoll Crespo nodded! Special guest appearance from Ibracadabra included.
Many have been mesmerized by the sensual dancers on Italian TV show Chiambretti Night, but no one enjoyed it as much as Uncle Carlo! We don’t know what’s going on “behind” but someone bring a bucket of water, per favore!
Also, Chelski’s coach has made it clear that he does not want to be on the same table as Jose Mourinho – if UEFA ever decides to hold one of those awkward gala dinners that Pele ever so enjoys. “If Mourinho is Jesus, I’m not his apostle,” he declared. Surprisingly, Uncle Carlo did not criticise Leoooonardo’s current work at the club, saying that he believed in the Brazilian coach. Oh dear, what is going on?!
Anyway, enjoy the rest of the photos. They’re all equally as painful as the one above, but still awesome.
Botox Berlusconi recently approached Jose Mourinho somewhere in the San Siro (we’re guessing) and the Inter coach’s facial expression is one of absolute relief. What did Botox tell Jose exactly? We hope it wasn’t a lousy joke about grey dye in Mourinho’s hair. He’s the Prime Minister and everything but come on, there’s a limit….
VIA AP Photo
Marcelo Lippi was wrong – Juventus are not the best team in Italy and they’re certainly not favorites to win the Serie A. Listen to Lucio instead, amigas! At least you can’t accuse him of looking like Paul Newman.
“Just because Lippi said it (and he’s the national coach) doesn’t mean he’s right. Inter have been champions in recent years, but we are not the automatic favorites. We have difficulties but we have the strongest team in Serie A,” declared Lucio with pride.
Earlier this week, Mourinho also claimed that Lippi showed a “lack of respect” to other clubs in the championship by openly choosing his favorites, but the Portuguese refrained from commenting further on the Azzurra.
“I don’t wish to speak a word of it,” he said.
Inter will take on newly promoted Bari this Sunday while Milan play Siena tomorrow. Benvenuto, Serie A!
via GETTY
Uh-oh, looks like these two tios won’t be having backyard barbecues anytime soon, judging from Ancelotti’s curt words.
“Mourinho is a colleague, not a friend. I have friends outside of football – he is just a colleague and as such I respect him,” the Italian told The Sunday Times.
“Friends? Maybe in the future when I finish my career and he ends his. Then we can all remember our meetings.”
This doesn’t sound very good. They should both just take a chill pill and laugh at one another. Sadly, we can’t begin to imagine these two on a beach enjoying a piña colada while discussing non-football matters. Like, you know, a shared affinity for mistresses.
On a different note, Chelski’s coach shared a little bit about his childhood. “My father had a small plot and worked the land for 50 years producing milk which was used to make (Parmesan cheese). Working in the fields taught me a great lesson: to wait and have patience,” added Ancelotti.
Why does everybody at Inter Milan love to talk about Mathematics? Ibrahimovic did it, their sporting director, Marco Branco said it… and now, Senor Mourinho has joined the gang.
“We will be Italian champions when the mathematics says so. Inter have always shown that they are psychologically strong, they have always replied to defeats with victories, like in the derby or in Manchester, and this is why they deserve to win the championship. But there’s a distance between deserving and winning, and it is that distance that we have to travel. Football is mathematics,” he said.
Inter will play Juventus tonight and Mourinho would like you to know that he isn’t afraid of their fans.
“There’s no fear if the Juventus fans are waiting for me. A bit of verbal aggression can be part of the game, but we live and work in a great, civil country, so there’s no fear.”
Your lady of perpetual hotness, Gisele Bündchen has won R$1 million on football betting placed on Inter Milan this season alone. Yes, amigos… that officially makes her a serial betting queen!
According to the Metropolitan Post, Gisele has “complete faith” in Jose Mourinho and started placing her weekly bets last December.
In January 2008, the Brazilian model declared that she would strip along Broadway if her husband’s team, the New England Patriots won the Superbowl. Well, they did Correction : THEY LOST (gracias Cate!) which means Giselle did not fulfill that promise after all.
First it was Fabio Capello. Now it’s Jose Mourinho. Man, they even had that CSI dude getting a lap-dance on the show. The awkwardness factor in this show is about to hit the roof! Who else do the producers of Chiambretti Night want? More importantly, what the heck is it supposed to be about?
For now, we know it’s being shown on Botox Berlusconi’s TV network and there’s a Burlesque/Moulin Rouge theme tagged to it. Should we petition to get Juande Ramos on the show?!
For a man who picks his girlfriends off the streets of Carnaval, you can see why Adriano and Jose Mourinho hardly see eye-to-eye. He’s been involved in numerous disciplinary problems as of late – and Corriere dello Sport has unearthed yet another weekend tale.
The newspaper reported that shortly after Inter’s Champs League elimination, both Maicon and Adriano went to a Milan nightclub to watch a show called ‘Terra Samba Ondanomala‘. Witnesses told the newspaper they saw Adriano with a blonde woman and other friends. After a while, Adriano’s friends left but he remained in the club till 2am.
The next day, Mourinho opted to leave Adriano on the bench against Fiorentina. The striker got angry and decided to drown his sorrows by throwing a party on his boat – the Leonardo 72 (what?) – anchored at Porto Cervo, Sardinia. Both Mancini and Adriano flew by private jet to attend the party on that U.S $6 million yacht. We’re guessing he invited the whole Terra Samba Ondanomala group aboard.
The newspaper also declared that Inter are preparing to sell their resident Bad Boy to rivals Milan. Desculpe, we already have Pato and Cardacio!
Even the policemen in Manchester know that you have to be nice to Mourinho! Chap on the right isn’t taking his chances, so he looks away. And you know Mourinho is thinking of what to say about the man’s Manchester United landyard. But he decided the Paco Bandeira song on his ipod could not be ignored!
To sum it up, Inter have arrived in Manchester for Wednesday night’s crucial game. We’ll add more fotos interessantes as they come along.
Juventus are not happy about Sr. Mourinho’s recent declarations that “Juventus, Milan and Roma will win nothing at the end of the season.”
Clearly, who’d be smiling after that remark… especially if you’re a hot-blooded Italian uomo from one of the opposing teams?!
“After reading the serious statements (from) the Inter coach, Juventus expresses surprise and indignation and asks Inter to (deny these) allegations publicly,” the club said in a statement.
“With those statements, the coach of Inter failed to respect not only Juventus and their 14 million fans, but everyone in Italian football.”
“These declarations feed (into) a dangerous culture of suspicion. Leaders have a duty to demonstrate education and a sense of responsibility – before, during and after games – for the good of Italian football and its international image.”
Well, we all know Sr. Mourinho is a very passionate Portuguese cavalheiro, so perhaps his words came at a very bad time. Funny that we can’t bring ourselves to disagree with him.
You all probably know our distaste for Man United (cue the sick bag). Unfortunately, they put up a pretty convincing performance against Inter last night. Yes its the painful truth, amigas.
United managed to clamp down Inter’s midfield. The likes of Cambiasso were playing hide and seek, leaving Mourinho seething at the sidelines. United had better chances at goal – in fact, a lot more opportunities to score (ball flew past the net, Giggs didn’t see it, etc). So you could say they were unlucky not to take advantage of that.
On the other hand, Ibrahimovic wasn’t proving to be much of a threat. He was taking a walk in the park. It’s very embarrassing to be called the ‘Best Player in the World’ by your coach time and time again – and fail to live up to the hype! Also, could someone explain what on earth Adriano was doing in the first half?
Still, some highly laudable performances from the Inter camp. Julio Cesar deserves high praise for his fantastic saves (to think Brazil never produce good goalkeepers!). Davide Santone did a good job trying to pin down Ronaldo although that proved to be quite a challenge for his teammates.
Anyway, Mourinho blamed the ref after the game and said : “Maybe in the second game we will have a referee who is on our side. If we go to Old Trafford and we don’t have the same referee – but we have one who will give the away team so much protection – then my team will get to the quarter-final.”
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