Fútbolita

It’s funny how the Juventus squad is made up of players whom the critics love to hate (and vice-versa). They have Amauri, Felipe Melo, Trezeguet and Aquilani within their ranks and these guys haven’t exactly been in the best of situations. Look at the hate Melo’s been getting… and let’s not start with Amauri!

Anyway, all you snobbish fans can’t yell “perdenti per la vita!” in Turin anymore for Del Piero’s Men walked away with the Luigi Berlusconi trophy last night. Seriously, Milan should be ashamed - it was theirs for the taking!

Botox Berlu – who named the tournament after his father – did a little wave from the stands, but apart from that, he was probably trying to book the first flight to Madrid to get to Irina Shayk! Geez!

So it looks like Italy have solved the Big Amauri Problem… simply by fielding him! Come on, Menezes obviously didn’t have Robin Hood in his sights, so it was really down to Cesare Prandelli to pick and choose. Unfortunately, Italy lost the a 1-0 friendly to Ivory Coast but who says you have to be all negative in the face of defeat?

“I am playing in one of the top national teams in the world. Of course they want to get back up there and I’ll work hard to stay in the squad, as one cap isn’t enough for me!” he said.

He added: “It’s wonderful playing alongside Balotelli and Cassano; I hope we can do it many more times. They’re fantastic players and once we find the right movements, we can do something spectacular. Everything is fun with those two, on and off the field, so they contribute to the enthusiasm around the side.”

No, you’re not looking at Clash of the Interistis .. but for the love of Materazzi, welcoming Inter from Barcelona was such a grand affair! Today, I consoled a Barca chica who declared :”We fought to the end” and then you could see the anger creeping up in her and quickly decided it was best to consult the dandelions instead.

Also, Barca can’t be winning all the time (they achieved all they needed to) so Senor Pep should chill and focus on the La Liga now. As for Joan Laporta, he wants a response AHORA! “Today we have experienced the cruel face of football but now we have need to lift ourselves and think about the league,” he said.

Anyway, Pique sends his condolences to all our fans. ”It was all I could do, turn and shoot, but sadly it was not enough. We are disappointed. This elimination leaves us dissatisfied, disappointed. But football continues, we have another final on Saturday [against Villarreal] and we hope to win. Let’s give it our best and go for that game.”

Del Piero went on the much-loved Chiambretti nights to talk about Juventus.

“I think Inter will win the Scudetto. Roma was unlucky, the last game he deserved to win. It was a misstep that can be costly,” said Prince of Piero.

via Reuters, Correire dello Sport

There’s something about Iaquinta that kinda reminds you of the Pippo Inzaghi “cool uncle” type. Yes, the sort who listens to Tokio Hotel in order to better fit in with his nieces! Nevertheless, if he had some, they’d be proud of his performance against Bari yesterday where he scored a double. Lippi would’ve taken notes… except Iaquinta has already won the World Cup, va bene!

Anyway, the Italian pressies are getting overexcited again because apparently Zaccheroni and Prince Piero had a heated “clash” during the game. “There is nothing to clarify,” insisted Zac. “We are two civil people. There was a bit of distance between us, so we had to raise our voices to make sure we were heard.”

Did you HEAR that?! They had to raise their voices!

via Gettyimages

Inter and Milan are all in hot water now and it’s all Luciano Moggi’s fault! The former Juventus executive has summoned new ghosts from the grave by demanding that 75 phone-tap conversations be admitted for evidence. And they apparently involved Interrrr, whom the Juve fans hate. Well, the sign above reads : “Respect, Justice, Honesty, that’s why we are here.” Sono grave?!

“And it’s not over now. In the next hearings we will bring out other new conversations that involve Inter and AC Milan,” Moggi said, taking out phone-tap transcripts from a folder after the court session.

Uncle Ancelotti will also take the stands next week when Chelski let him go on a holiday…

via Gettyimages

So Senhor Felipe Melo has decided that he really does love the city of Turin – and would like to stay and help Juve win more trophies. And why not right? When he returned to his former stomping ground of Fiorentina last weekend, the tifosi loooooved it!

“No, thanks. It is a pleasure to be observed, praised by a technician as good as (Arsene Wenger), but I have eyes only for Juventus. I’m just focused on my work here. My goal is to play well at Juve,” he declared.

The way he said it – it’s almost like the Gunners are made up of flirty chicas prancing around in Carnaval samba outfits! Yes Dame Denilson, that’s quite possible. o que é sonho!

Don’t you think that Signore Borriello is a carbon copy of Roberto Baggio from that angle? Naturally, all he needs to do is to grow out that hair and he can start to make special appearances at the flower festival with it! Mamma mia, could these two be long lost gemelli (twins)?

Anyway, everyone’s excited and preparing their sandwiches with more gusto now because once again, The Dinho put in an excellent performance against Bari last night! Besides Baggio’s Twin, El Pato also netted in the other penalty and also remembered to shave his Wolverine beard off. Desculpe, mas você ainda não estão na seleção…. (sorry but you are still not going to the selecao)

Speaking of the seleção, please don’t interrupt Diego and Amauri as they perform the Dança Bandeira (flag dance). Tipos were working their HIPS off as they celebrate Juve’s neat 2-1 win over Bologna last night! Who cares if they were ignored by Dopey or Lippy in their respective national teams? It was time to celebrate!

The Dame of Turin himself, Del Piero played his 445th game for Juventus yesterday but all he got was a lousy shirt. Even Roberto Bettega knew that they printed that out at Uncle Corioni’s shop in exchange for Panini stickers! For 445 games, they should have held a massive concert and thrown gold confetti with his name on it. Everyone from Tiziano Ferro to Al Pacino would’ve paid their tributes to him because Del Piero is L’UOMO! But it seemed that the captain himself took matters into his own hands and scored TWICE. Sorprendente – this is how you do it, Ashley Cole!

Well, at least Amauri’s hair didn’t ruin the party and he too got his name into the score sheet. You know he quickly went home to check if Dunga sent him a Hallmark card with the words “You’re Invited…” at the front. Aah, que pena…

via Reuters, AFP

It’s the little things that count most these days for Juventus and in yesterday’s encounter against Livorno, they needed defender Nicola Legrottagli to save their ASSinis! And look, our Sunday Señor this week even pulled up a holier-than-thou shirt after scoring which translates to “Jesus is the Truth”. No surprise here… Nicola is known to be one of the more religious Italian footballers who is anti-homosexuality (like Cannavaro) and whose favourite book is the Holy Bible. Could Nicola be the Kaka of the Serie A? Quick, Francesco Coco asked for a rehabilitation slot!

Here’s a bonus of Nicola looking bored at a DSquared Fashion show in Milan. The models don’t wear anything at those shows so it’s safe to say that he’s in disagreement!

via Reuters

Despite Wolverine Piero’s efforts at goal and Uncle Ciro’s new replacement, Juveeee could only manage a draw against Lazio last night. But ascoltare, they’re getting somewhere. The man in the hot seat, Alberto Zaccheroni, is now tasked to pick up Juve from the garage like a battered up Maserati after a 92-hour jungle trek. He’s yet to find the ignition because it’s being blocked by Camoranesi’s hair but you’d better hope he will soon or Diegoooo may never get to see the South African morning sky.

via AP, Gettyimages

Oh finally, Diego and friends are starting to win… for the love of Ciro and Juve! We were starting to believe that the insults thrown at everyone from Felipe Melo to the boardroom were never going to end. But perhaps Napoli threw them a 3-0 lifeline (ok, in calcio Italia, no one ever throws you a lifeline…) which led to Del Piero’s and Diego’s goal.

Finally, here we have Greaseano WORKINGGG IT it for Armani! His eyebrows are trying to send a message to you in that photo so ya’ll better focus! The city of Milan is preparing itself for the larger-than-life ads to replace the Beckhams and before you grab that sandwich, do enjoy Greaseano’s abs and remind yourself that the mayo is never a good idea.

Meanwhile, Romario has been spotted all around Rio in his Ferrari with David Brazil, a famous club promoter in the country. We’re getting bad vibes from this photo, but really, they’re best friends more than anything else so there’s no need to dig up all those old clippings about Ronaldo Lima and the transvestites! And yes, they are really striking a ‘pose’ for ya!

via Ego, Ambito, Reuters

In many ways, it’s good that the Rojiblancos are starting to realize that they’re entitled to purchase a few new manos to save themselves. So President Enrique Cerezo did not waste any time during this short and cruel January transfer window (ha-ha) and aptly summoned the services of Juventus’s Tiago!

Of course, the Portuguese International is one of 4255th other footballers dying for a taste of first-team football to make their World Cup squads. For now, it’s looking a bit like a shoe sale frenzy. “Rápido! Esta es la mitad del precio!” they scream.

Anyway, Tiago denies all of this absurd accusations so we shall put our hands together and be silent. “I have not come to Atleti because of the World Cup because I believe that I have the confidence of Queiroz. I am here to play in Spanish football and to help this team,” he said. Be good, Tiago, and you too will receive a warm hug from the fans.

via Reuters

For a moment, Diego forgot about the team he was playing for (“Boa gol, Dinho! grande abraço!”) Then, he caught Felipe Melo giving him the evil eye on the pitch – and that was it! 3-0 to Milan, and you don’t even know if Juve bothered to turn up at their own stadium at all.

To be fair, neither side was doing much in the first ten minutes, but despite the Rossoneri’s inadequacy - including Ambrosini’s “speed”, Beckham’s disappearance and Pirlo’s bad corners – UncleDude Nesta pulled one for his side while The Dinho (yes, we told you everyone will be scrambling to show off this year) netted in a double!! El Pato was out fretting over his injury on the roller coaster ride, so perhaps their attacking prowess was a little tamed. But in the second half, Milan actually improved and controlled the game – and although they weren’t at their best, Juventus and Amauri proved that they were indeed, better off prawn fishing

Poor Ciro. Now the Italian press are sharpening their pencils and ready to attack! “I don’t feel in danger of losing my job, I am very concentrated. I am trying to put my energy into the team. It is not my decision to make if they sack me or not, and if I am sacked I will accept it,” said tio Ferrara after the game.

via Reuters

Bayern may have qualified for the Champs League (quello che è successo, Juve?!) but Luca Toni is saying goodbye for real, and van Gaal himself has already returned his Laura Pausini CD to the striker.

“I have nothing else to talk to Luca Toni about. He has made it clear he wants to leave Bayern Munich, therefore, he can start looking for a new club. It is too late to come up with excuses now. He should have thought about it before. He decided to behave in a (certain way) and he did not achieve what we (planned) for him and therefore, there is no more place for him in Bayern Munich,” said the coach.

According to German newspapers, West Ham, Fenerbahce, Roma and Inter Milan have shown in the attacker. And yes, he does want to go back to Italy but Luca, you do not want to incur the wrath of Jose Mourinho!

Yes, that’s Diego looking all morose and arty. And you can’t really blame him. Tipos failed to find their footing in the most important European competition. Their elimination and humiliating 4-1 loss to Bayern screams utter humiliation! What about all those purchases they made? Melooooo!!!

“It’s hard to find words because in this case there is very little to say and so much to do,” admitted Del Piero.  “There is not only one culprit, it is not who is more or less guilty. We all equally share the blame with no exceptions and we will all fight together to get out of this situation.”

Before you start getting excited over that photo (thanks Somosche), we must tell you that David Albelda’s sense of humour is pretty darn awesome. And in case you haven’t heard, he’s got the personality of a 8 year old boy whose joy can be found in a Kinder Egg.

Anyway, as ya’ll know, Real and Valencia will face off this weekend and David Silva has been ruled out of the game due to his injury. So of course, they had to ask Albelda a few cliché questions at the pre-match conference.

“We do not have Silva and we are not taking the pain in the ass every day!” Albelda declared. He was also asked about the absence of Ronaldo at the Mestalla (after receiving a double booking) The reporters laughed his response but he added fuel to the fire by saying : “Do not laugh, it’s true, dammit!”

via El Pais, Reuters, AP and Somosche

So in the end, it was Juve’s Claudio Marchisio who scored the winner to save Juventus to save his side against Inter last night. And futbolitas… his quick moves were che belleza to watch. Well, except it was against Julio Cesar of course (and if does this next year in South Africa, nothing but daggers will be thrown in his way. Cara, isso NAO é o caminho para guardar O GOAL!)

Ironically, Marchisio had always wanted to become the club’s next Del Piero, after spending most of his youth at the club’s youth ranks. Someone else saw his potential as a midfielder, and moulded him to become the Marchisio he is today! Not so bad now, isn’t it?

So Juventus fans are losing their patience with the club’s pathetic show of performance as of late – despite the purchase of Juve Kids On The Block. Yes, yes… this is what we love about Italy. The type of posters the ultra fans come up with can drive any pompous suit-wearing man to the brink of humiliation!

Anyway, Juventus will play against Inter this weekend in what is certain to be a crucial Serie A fixture. Ciro Ferrara has decided to close the doors to the training session which means we will not get to see Amauri practising his ad spot for Sunsilk. Yes, you’re gutted, we know.

“We will not hide it – we face a difficult week, first Inter then the Champions League. But all the hard times will go away with the team work. There have been negative moments but that was many years ago (Serie B). We recover from that and we hope to do so even today,” said Del Piero.

Photo via AP

Yes, despite cara’s hectic schedule with the selecao late last week, Brazil’s Felipe Melo found the time to answer Futbolita’s questions. En realidad, we spent the whole day running in the airport and walking in the rain last Friday before the all-important call from Felipe’s agent came through! And it’s adorable how paranoid he was about the selecao’s stringent rule with interviews till we had to be the ones to calm him down. Relaxe homem, você é brasileiro….!

Anyway, we’ll reveal the full context of the interview for our national newspaper in due time. Here, Felipe shares some interesting insights about his life in Italy and with Brazil.

“Being a footballer appears to be a ‘glamorous’ job, but it was a lot of hard work getting here. To have achieved the dream of becoming a professional footballer and to wear the Brazil shirt – the best international squad in the world – and Juventus, one of the most important clubs in world, is already something great for me,” Melo told Futbolita proudly.

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• That’s The Dona’s son, Diego Sinagra and not a reincarnation of Wolverine, mind you. He demands that you give his papa all the respect in the world! “He was brutally attacked. Qualifying for the World Cup is his victory. My father deserved it as well as the rest of the nation. Of course, the football team can and must improve, but players like Messi are back to what he was before. I’m sure my father will bring great joy to the people of Argentina,” he declared. By the way, Diego Jr’s mother is Cristina Sinagra, a Neopolitan woman whom The Dona had an affair with when he was at Napoli. And no, he probably doesn’t get text messages from The Dona’s favourite son, Kun Aguero. Qué triste!




• Uh-oh.. it has now emerged that Riquelme is in talks to move to Corinthians! No surprise there, he said so himself earlier this year. Corinthians’ President, Andres Sanches said : “I will not deceive spectators and say that Riquelme has (already joined). Once we are endorsed by the investor, we will start negotiations with the club and player. For now, there’s nothing.”
• It was Del Piero’s 35th birthday yesterday, and they still love him despite his injuries. That’s the mark of a true captain! Trezeguet says “Hmmmm”.



• Last but not least, we can’t say adieu without a little CQC and Andreoli loconess. Here’s Futbolita’s Favourite Host at Sorin’s last professional game against Argentino Juniors last week. From daring them to eat a peach to asking the trainer and players in the dressing room politically incorrect questions, ele é um gênio!

Photos via La voce di Napoli & Reuters

Yes, the photo explains it all! Mauro Camoranesi scored a molto veloce double in Juve’s 5-2 thumping of Atalanta last night. Say what you will about his hair, but this dude still has it. Inviamo i fiori (we send flowers) to this Senor!

• We know of many mujeres who’d like to be seated in that car with Gangsta Gattuso! He’s the Sexiest man in Italy, don’t ever forget that. Anyway, the entire Milan squad (yes, including Dida – how dare you accuse tio of being ineffective!) received keys to a set of new wheels yesterday. Looks like Milan, Uncle Fester and commercialism are all going a loooong way!  Agradeço a Deus, Pato doesn’t have to take a rollercoaster to Milano anymore and if our memory serves us right, they’ve all received 2 cars and are on course to receive the third one next year.



• On the other hand, the Madrid boys look annoyed at being dragged to the Audi ‘Snowdriving Experience’ roadshow (apart from Kaka, who is always happy). Also, Karim Benzema looks more like a Children’s Entertainer than a top-tier striker these days. What’s with the cap?
• Our French friends at Hourrafoot met The Messiah at an Adidas closed-door event yesterday. Ooooh, très bon! The Barca man looks like our P.E teacher the photos, but someone should’ve yelled “Ei Leo, donde esta Maradona, seu amigo mejorrrr!?!?!”
• Awww… even the referee couldn’t tell Fabio and Rafael apart so he booked the wrong twin! Get used to it, our irmãos here are not to be messed with.
• RobinHood Amauri scored twice yesterday as Juventus thrashed Sampdoria 5-1. Sometimes, the big teams need to learn to relax against the smaller ones. But besides Amauri, Giorgio Chiellini, Mauro Camoranesi and David Trezeguet all wanted their names on the scoresheet, which is good of course. “Everything worked to perfection,” coach Ciro Ferrara said. “We were coming off a few negative results but we’re bouncing back. This is Juventus’ real spirit.” Meanwhile, Milan drew 2-2 against Napoli.