So Senhor Felipe Melo has decided that he really does love the city of Turin – and would like to stay and help Juve win more trophies. And why not right? When he returned to his former stomping ground of Fiorentina last weekend, the tifosi loooooved it!
“No, thanks. It is a pleasure to be observed, praised by a technician as good as (Arsene Wenger), but I have eyes only for Juventus. I’m just focused on my work here. My goal is to play well at Juve,” he declared.
The way he said it – it’s almost like the Gunners are made up of flirty chicas prancing around in Carnaval samba outfits! Yes Dame Denilson, that’s quite possible. o que é sonho!
Don’t you think that Signore Borriello is a carbon copy of Roberto Baggio from that angle? Naturally, all he needs to do is to grow out that hair and he can start to make special appearances at the flower festival with it! Mamma mia, could these two be long lost gemelli (twins)?
Anyway, everyone’s excited and preparing their sandwiches with more gusto now because once again, The Dinho put in an excellent performance against Bari last night! Besides Baggio’s Twin, El Pato also netted in the other penalty and also remembered to shave his Wolverine beard off. Desculpe, mas você ainda não estão na seleção…. (sorry but you are still not going to the selecao)
Speaking of the seleção, please don’t interrupt Diego and Amauri as they perform the Dança Bandeira (flag dance). Tipos were working their HIPS off as they celebrate Juve’s neat 2-1 win over Bologna last night! Who cares if they were ignored by Dopey or Lippy in their respective national teams? It was time to celebrate!
The Dame of Turin himself, Del Piero played his 445th game for Juventus yesterday but all he got was a lousy shirt. Even Roberto Bettega knew that they printed that out at Uncle Corioni’s shop in exchange for Panini stickers! For 445 games, they should have held a massive concert and thrown gold confetti with his name on it. Everyone from Tiziano Ferro to Al Pacino would’ve paid their tributes to him because Del Piero is L’UOMO! But it seemed that the captain himself took matters into his own hands and scored TWICE. Sorprendente – this is how you do it, Ashley Cole!
Well, at least Amauri’s hair didn’t ruin the party and he too got his name into the score sheet. You know he quickly went home to check if Dunga sent him a Hallmark card with the words “You’re Invited…” at the front. Aah, que pena…
It’s the little things that count most these days for Juventus and in yesterday’s encounter against Livorno, they needed defender Nicola Legrottagli to save their ASSinis! And look, our Sunday Señor this week even pulled up a holier-than-thou shirt after scoring which translates to “Jesus is the Truth”. No surprise here… Nicola is known to be one of the more religious Italian footballers who is anti-homosexuality (like Cannavaro) and whose favourite book is the Holy Bible. Could Nicola be the Kaka of the Serie A? Quick, Francesco Coco asked for a rehabilitation slot!
Here’s a bonus of Nicola looking bored at a DSquared Fashion show in Milan. The models don’t wear anything at those shows so it’s safe to say that he’s in disagreement!
via Reuters
Despite Wolverine Piero’s efforts at goal and Uncle Ciro’s new replacement, Juveeee could only manage a draw against Lazio last night. But ascoltare, they’re getting somewhere. The man in the hot seat, Alberto Zaccheroni, is now tasked to pick up Juve from the garage like a battered up Maserati after a 92-hour jungle trek. He’s yet to find the ignition because it’s being blocked by Camoranesi’s hair but you’d better hope he will soon or Diegoooo may never get to see the South African morning sky.
via AP, Gettyimages
Oh finally, Diego and friends are starting to win… for the love of Ciro and Juve! We were starting to believe that the insults thrown at everyone from Felipe Melo to the boardroom were never going to end. But perhaps Napoli threw them a 3-0 lifeline (ok, in calcio Italia, no one ever throws you a lifeline…) which led to Del Piero’s and Diego’s goal.
Finally, here we have Greaseano WORKINGGG IT it for Armani! His eyebrows are trying to send a message to you in that photo so ya’ll better focus! The city of Milan is preparing itself for the larger-than-life ads to replace the Beckhams and before you grab that sandwich, do enjoy Greaseano’s abs and remind yourself that the mayo is never a good idea.
Meanwhile, Romario has been spotted all around Rio in his Ferrari with David Brazil, a famous club promoter in the country. We’re getting bad vibes from this photo, but really, they’re best friends more than anything else so there’s no need to dig up all those old clippings about Ronaldo Lima and the transvestites! And yes, they are really striking a ‘pose’ for ya!
via Ego, Ambito, Reuters
In many ways, it’s good that the Rojiblancos are starting to realize that they’re entitled to purchase a few new manos to save themselves. So President Enrique Cerezo did not waste any time during this short and cruel January transfer window (ha-ha) and aptly summoned the services of Juventus’s Tiago!
Of course, the Portuguese International is one of 4255th other footballers dying for a taste of first-team football to make their World Cup squads. For now, it’s looking a bit like a shoe sale frenzy. “Rápido! Esta es la mitad del precio!” they scream.
Anyway, Tiago denies all of this absurd accusations so we shall put our hands together and be silent. “I have not come to Atleti because of the World Cup because I believe that I have the confidence of Queiroz. I am here to play in Spanish football and to help this team,” he said. Be good, Tiago, and you too will receive a warm hug from the fans.
For a moment, Diego forgot about the team he was playing for (“Boa gol, Dinho! grande abraço!”) Then, he caught Felipe Melo giving him the evil eye on the pitch – and that was it! 3-0 to Milan, and you don’t even know if Juve bothered to turn up at their own stadium at all.
To be fair, neither side was doing much in the first ten minutes, but despite the Rossoneri’s inadequacy - including Ambrosini’s “speed”, Beckham’s disappearance and Pirlo’s bad corners – UncleDude Nesta pulled one for his side while The Dinho (yes, we told you everyone will be scrambling to show off this year) netted in a double!! El Pato was out fretting over his injury on the roller coaster ride, so perhaps their attacking prowess was a little tamed. But in the second half, Milan actually improved and controlled the game – and although they weren’t at their best, Juventus and Amauri proved that they were indeed, better off prawn fishing
Poor Ciro. Now the Italian press are sharpening their pencils and ready to attack! “I don’t feel in danger of losing my job, I am very concentrated. I am trying to put my energy into the team. It is not my decision to make if they sack me or not, and if I am sacked I will accept it,” said tio Ferrara after the game.
via Reuters
Bayern may have qualified for the Champs League (quello che è successo, Juve?!) but Luca Toni is saying goodbye for real, and van Gaal himself has already returned his Laura Pausini CD to the striker.
“I have nothing else to talk to Luca Toni about. He has made it clear he wants to leave Bayern Munich, therefore, he can start looking for a new club. It is too late to come up with excuses now. He should have thought about it before. He decided to behave in a (certain way) and he did not achieve what we (planned) for him and therefore, there is no more place for him in Bayern Munich,” said the coach.
According to German newspapers, West Ham, Fenerbahce, Roma and Inter Milan have shown in the attacker. And yes, he does want to go back to Italy but Luca, you do not want to incur the wrath of Jose Mourinho!
Yes, that’s Diego looking all morose and arty. And you can’t really blame him. Tipos failed to find their footing in the most important European competition. Their elimination and humiliating 4-1 loss to Bayern screams utter humiliation! What about all those purchases they made? Melooooo!!!
“It’s hard to find words because in this case there is very little to say and so much to do,” admitted Del Piero. “There is not only one culprit, it is not who is more or less guilty. We all equally share the blame with no exceptions and we will all fight together to get out of this situation.”
Before you start getting excited over that photo (thanks Somosche), we must tell you that David Albelda’s sense of humour is pretty darn awesome. And in case you haven’t heard, he’s got the personality of a 8 year old boy whose joy can be found in a Kinder Egg.
Anyway, as ya’ll know, Real and Valencia will face off this weekend and David Silva has been ruled out of the game due to his injury. So of course, they had to ask Albelda a few cliché questions at the pre-match conference.
“We do not have Silva and we are not taking the pain in the ass every day!” Albelda declared. He was also asked about the absence of Ronaldo at the Mestalla (after receiving a double booking) The reporters laughed his response but he added fuel to the fire by saying : “Do not laugh, it’s true, dammit!”
So in the end, it was Juve’s Claudio Marchisio who scored the winner to save Juventus to save his side against Inter last night. And futbolitas… his quick moves were che belleza to watch. Well, except it was against Julio Cesar of course (and if does this next year in South Africa, nothing but daggers will be thrown in his way. Cara, isso NAO é o caminho para guardar O GOAL!)
Ironically, Marchisio had always wanted to become the club’s next Del Piero, after spending most of his youth at the club’s youth ranks. Someone else saw his potential as a midfielder, and moulded him to become the Marchisio he is today! Not so bad now, isn’t it?
So Juventus fans are losing their patience with the club’s pathetic show of performance as of late – despite the purchase of Juve Kids On The Block. Yes, yes… this is what we love about Italy. The type of posters the ultra fans come up with can drive any pompous suit-wearing man to the brink of humiliation!
Anyway, Juventus will play against Inter this weekend in what is certain to be a crucial Serie A fixture. Ciro Ferrara has decided to close the doors to the training session which means we will not get to see Amauri practising his ad spot for Sunsilk. Yes, you’re gutted, we know.
“We will not hide it – we face a difficult week, first Inter then the Champions League. But all the hard times will go away with the team work. There have been negative moments but that was many years ago (Serie B). We recover from that and we hope to do so even today,” said Del Piero.
Yes, despite cara’s hectic schedule with the selecao late last week, Brazil’s Felipe Melo found the time to answer Futbolita’s questions. En realidad, we spent the whole day running in the airport and walking in the rain last Friday before the all-important call from Felipe’s agent came through! And it’s adorable how paranoid he was about the selecao’s stringent rule with interviews till we had to be the ones to calm him down. Relaxe homem, você é brasileiro….!
Anyway, we’ll reveal the full context of the interview for our national newspaper in due time. Here, Felipe shares some interesting insights about his life in Italy and with Brazil.
“Being a footballer appears to be a ‘glamorous’ job, but it was a lot of hard work getting here. To have achieved the dream of becoming a professional footballer and to wear the Brazil shirt – the best international squad in the world – and Juventus, one of the most important clubs in world, is already something great for me,” Melo told Futbolita proudly.
Yes, the photo explains it all! Mauro Camoranesi scored a molto veloce double in Juve’s 5-2 thumping of Atalanta last night. Say what you will about his hair, but this dude still has it. Inviamo i fiori (we send flowers) to this Senor!
Ah, it’s been a while since we last heard from zio-hermano. Yeah, Amauri’s just one of those who prefers to let his feet do the talking (maybe not for Dunga) so it was nice to see him score in the bianconeri’s 1-1 draw against Fiorentina, yesterday. Well, it would’ve been nice to see Felipe Meloooo getting on the score sheet too but alas, he just recovered from an injury and wanted to give his former side a break. For now, enjoy Iaquinta’s well-timed assist that led to Senor Amauri’s goal. Robinhood twins!
We actually thought this was going to be one of those Marion Jones-Rio Ferdinand moments in football. Cannavaro failed a dope test yesterday for allegedly using the drug cortisone. Alas, it turned out that even a bee couldn’t resist the sweet charms of Fabio Cannavaro. Judging from Belen Rodriguez’s pose yesterday (she’s an Argentinean model who dated none other than the ferosha Marco Borriello), he smells of honey!
“When he came to the national team, after the Roma game, he told us what had happened and he told us that without the medicine that contained cortisone he would have had a reaction, an anaphylactic shock,” said Castellacci, the Azzurri’s team doctor.
Added Cannavaro’s team-mate Giorgio Chiellini: “It would be awful to make this out as a doping case when it isn’t. I was there when Fabio was stung by the wasp. His arm swelled up straight away. He is calm and so are we.”
Oh well, the wasp is probably giddy with excitement now. We’d be. It’s Canna-f*cking-Varo!!
OK, ignore the Fernando Alonso & Ferrari headlines in La Gazzetta. Pessoas, we have a real problem here. Bayern played to a stalemate against Juventus- despite numerous chances – in Munich. And your favorite striker, Luca Toni could be seen happily socializing in the stands! Yes, he was perfectly happy being a spectator. Luca, we have a suggestion! Stay there and provide the half-time entertainment, per favore. There’s no need for a mascot suit!
At the San Siro, Milan couldn’t even find an equaliser in a match which was pretty open. They actually created good chances but no one cleared the ball and in the end, Marco Storari had to go one-on-one with FC Zurich’s Tihinen. Tipos, stop listening to Berlusconi’s election speeches…. they never work. The fans are all worried!
Said Uncle Fester Galliani after the game : “I reconfirm our faith in Leonardo. At the moment everything is sorted. I think a draw would have been fair, we must move forward.”
Luca Toni may be a running joke in many households, including mine but you can’t help but feel un po ‘triste for the man after van Gaal ruled him out of tonight’s game against Juventus. Amicas, if Grandma F.C were on a lookout for a striker, Luca would fit the bill perfectly. Not heavyweights like Bayern, however.
“I feel fine and I am really disappointed at missing out. I truly wanted people to have a look at me against Juventus. van Gaal says I need to have a full game in my legs in order to get back into the side, so next Saturday is also out of the question. He would like for me to play again for the reserve team,” he snapped, according to Gazetto dello Sport.
Meanwhile, Buffon thinks the game will be ferosh. “Against Bayern it will be a match for those with brave hearts, it is a match that is ferocious for footballers,” he told Datasport. For a lack of a better word uncle dude…..
via Gettyimages
Ei Yoaan! Quoi de neuf?!! It looks like the rain really worked in Bordeaux’s favour last night as they held Juventus to a 1-1 draw at home. Amauri’s Robin Hood bro, Iaquinta gave Juventus the lead in the second half but the visitors fought back in the 75th minute and Plašil shot from point-blank range to earn the visitors one point. So that explains Gourcuff’s facial expression above. What ever happened to his bright future at Milan, Galliani? He was dubbed the ‘young Zidane’ at one point….
“Never say never. I would gladly return (to Milan) all right,” said Gourcuff. “Unfortunately, the Rossoneri club’s strategy did not plan at the time of relying on young talent and for me there was no space.
“Now things have changed at Milan and there would be room for me, but unfortunately for them I’m now at Bordeaux.”
Comentários