We’re in day two of the Seleção Bootcamp specials… and these manos skipped gym conditioning and went to the Emirates stadium to start work immediately! According to Dopey, the objective was to get the players back to their clubs in ‘fine form’. And if you’re in London and have yet to wrap yourself in a flag at Hotel Dorchester, please sit up AGORA!
The team was divided into two as usual for an 11-a-side match-up yesterday evening , but since there was one extra player, Lucio wore a white vest and was allowed to play for both sides! As a result, whenever he picked up the ball, they started booing him. “Please do not mention who was the worst player on the field today,” joked Kaka. “Today there were so many that you can’t choose (only) one.”
Sadly, the game takes place tomorrow – so tipos won’t be getting into the jacuzzi anytime soon!
fotos de R.Ribeiro
Not gonna lie, the Pied Piper of Higuain is starting to really grow on us! Take out your flutes because he is now officially Los Blancos‘ top scorer – two goals behind the Messiah – after their 6-2 thrashing of Villarreal last night. It’s OK, Nilmaaar, você vai ficar bem.
And with each passing day, Kaka and Greaseaño’s Bromance is growing in strength and causing dandelions to fall from the sky. Manos should be competing at the figure skating event at the Winter Olympics! The judges will hold up empty placards and there will be an intermission because you know they too can’t help themselves.
Amigas, all we have to say about last night’s game is that the Rossoneri threw it away like a Carl’s Jr burger wrapper on a marshmallow stove. Despite The Dinho’s brilliance, men like Huntelaar and Dida need to be taken out because they obviously switched off in the second half and Leonardo couldn’t locate their manuals so that explains the 3-2 loss. Debería darte vergüenza! You should be playing for Disney FC and NOT AC Milan. Where’s the CLASS, hombres? You’re supposed to be the best European team in Italy with eight trophies… so act like it and don’t play like Merda!
And by the way, Rafael (who lost those luscious curls..!) did a pretty good job trying to cover the likes of The Dinho. What a hardworking menino. Um aplauso para ele, por favor. If you want Becks to reassure you…. watch the video below!
As for Los Blancos, they have a lot of incentive to reach the Champions League final so losing 0-1 away from the Bernabeu wasn’t such a bad thing. Não, este não é um caso de duplo standard – it’s just the fact that Real know that if they don’t make it to the finals, everyone will literally get into a bitch fit!
Greaseano seemed muito tranquilo about it all and said: “I’m calm. In this competition you have to suffer. I’m sure that we will give a good answer in the return game and that we will win. The Bernabeu will help us. We will have to give to give it everything from the first minute until the last. The tie is not lost.”
via AP, Reuters, FIFA
Members of an Italian mafia group have been arrested after police uncovered their plans to abduct none other than Senhor Mourinho! What were they thinking? He’d win them all over in quindici minuti! “Giovanni, I like your spirit but you are not listening to me no? I asked you to shave off your beard on Thursday. I don’t like these things. To become European Champion, you must do it or we don’t talk about it,” he’d say while making the table in a spare Lazio shirt.
Anyway, the authorities found strong traces of wiretapping, photos and the coach’s home address in one of the mafia’s homes in Genoa. Gattuso was cleared of all charges, however, after being found cutting his fish in his restaurant while listening to Andrea Bocelli.
So all eyes will be on Dopey today as he prepares to announce the seleção that’ll face Ireland next month. Everyone’s wondering about The Dinho but unless he stops himself from hitting all of Milan’s hot spots with Boriello and starts showing some discipline, there’s no chance for a return. Dopey is all about discipline and consistency so never cross the line or he’ll scream “vá embora!” and that’s the end of you.
And as for the list of strikers, El Pato has been nursing an injury for 24,241 years so he might not make it. Nilmar has been average (at best) for Villarreal so he might be left out. Fabulousoooo and Robinho will probably get the green light since boot camp ain’t the same without them.
Pep’s legacy, Crackovia style – what else do you need to know about it?!
Last but not least, Ricardo over here would like to tell all his fan girls not to worry about his sports hernia problem. Instead, they should finish all their homework and eat on time. Who are we kidding? The best FanGirl breed still belongs to the Kakazetes!
“I feel good. The sports hernia does not bother me any more. It has disappeared, but I still need to do specific recovery work like any injured player does. Last week it was rumored that it is a chronic problem which isn’t true. It isn’t just in Spain where there has been talk about me not being able to return to my old form. It also happened in Brazil and Italy, but it simply isn’t true.”
So Sao Paulo’s resident funnyman Hernanes, is looking at three proposals from top clubs in Europe and is finally, finally, ready to leave Brazil for European shores. After that Barca hoo-ha last year, he says : “I’m 24 to 25 years, and I think that now is time. I’m trying to stay calm. If not now, I am still happy here in Sao Paulo. I cannot get anxious.” Who is he kidding? AC, Inter, Barcelona and even CSKA Moscow are closely monitoring him.
We say… ir a AC, Hernanes!. They need you more than ever although Uncle Fester may try to be funny on your first day on the job and you will get random MMS messages from Botox Berlusconi. Fa tutto parte di un esperimento, as they say.
Speaking of AC, they didn’t too well against Udinese last night, losing 0-1 and getting themselves eliminated from the Coppa Italia. Why on Earth is Pippo attempting to do a bicycle-kick when he knows that it’s not one of his strengths?
Anyway, the game marked the return of Abbiati after a ten-month layoff (Senhor Leonardo and his faith in people!) which meant that Dida could only sit at Milanello by himself playing Monopoly : Edição do Brasil.
“My family has been close to me during this tough period, as well as all my friends. I have a good rapport with (Leonardo) and he knows that I am at the club’s disposal, because they have given me so much,” declared Abbiati.
Oh, talk about former employees! Here’s Kaka and Carol enjoying a nice snog at the Alicia Keys concert last week. AS IF we could write anything else to justify this picture! (Thanks, Verdi) And you know their son, Baby Luca, rolls his eyes whenever this happens in the family kitchen.
Jan 26 2010
Posted by Ash as Daily
Zizou and amigos played out to a nice 3-3 draw in last night’s “Match of the Stars” to help Haiti. And don’t you agree that it’s tres bien to see Rui Costa, Luis Figo and Edgar David’s Mask on the field again?! Daaaamn, feels like old times. Anyway forty international football stars from across the world joined UNDP (United Nations Development Programme) to play that match against Benfica All Stars. This is the match which Kaka played on behalf of Greaseano cuz’ their Bromance is going out of hand and bros don’t let bros down. Anyway, once again it’s amazing how futbol has transcended all boundaries and reached out to those in need!
“By coming to the stadium people have done a great thing. I am very happy we can do something to help,” said Zizou. Added Louis Van Gaal, who was in charge of the All-Star squad : “This is a very good cause, that’s why there are so many players here. Football is with the people of Haiti.”
van Nistelrooy has switched sides from Madrid to Hamburg (a pity, since we hear he’s one of our dear amiga’s favourite interviewees!) .Granted, he did look a little zoned out at his own presentation but it was all done for the Oranje.
There’s a lot riding on Nistelrooy’s quest to join the national team and only first-team football will give him that chance, seeing that Madrid are very content with Higuain and Benzema. He will remain at Hamburg until his contract ends in 2011. And as the Dutch say… veel succes!
Do not fear, Robinho is not pulling a R.Carlos and getting married again. Instead of showing him looking all gloomy on the bench, we decided that a smiling-and-spoilt Robinho would be the better option for your precious eyes.
Anyway, A Douche has declared that he wants to take a pay cut, return to Santos and play regular football again. He’s looking at a Beckham/Milan deal where Oil City continues to pay his wages while he parties at the Catwalk club in Rio. Ah cara, sei lá…! Sao Paulo better be ready for the return of Robinho and his entourage.
Jan 21 2010
Posted by Ash as Daily
My my, what do we have here? It’s Elano scooping the lovely snow up with his wheelbarrow. And this is no playground, futbolitas. It’s his own backyard in Istanbul, Turkey! Oh, how we wished all our backyards looked like this. It’s nice to pretend to be a Snow Samaritan sometimes, especially if you’re trying to break into Dopey’s squad and can’t manage hat-tricks every week. But what are we talking about? Elano helped Galatasaray to a 5-1 thrashing of Denizli Belediye on Sunday. Então … acho que você é super cool agora, cara? He must now create and score every week as April’s squad-selection date looms closer!
As we’ve said before, men who dress well are our weaknesses. Check out Sergio Ramos as he disembarked from Madrid’s plane which landed in Albania. Gurlllll looks like he’s parading down the D&G runway and heading off to Project Ponyway to be on the judging panel. Ferosh!!! Can’t say the same about Jerzy Dudek, though. There are rumours that Gattuso’s restaurant needs a fish-chopping assistant. As for Raul The Great One, okay… we’ll leave it at that before the haters come prancing at us with a Heidi Montag poster.
Anyway, Madrid were in Albania to play in a friendly game or the “Taci Oil Cup”. Of course they won the game 2-1 (Potter Perez would not have tolerated anything less), Fernando Gago played and the screaming Albanian fans went home happy from the Qemal Stafa Stadium.
So Argentina’s Oscar Ruggeri is really annoyed that Argentina’s team manager, Carlos Bilardo is being a bitch and not allowing him to assume the role as The Dona’s assistant coach.
“I did everything I had to do to be in the national squad. I talked to Savino, with Grondona, with Bilardo. I’m still waiting,” said Ruggeri. “A year ago I hoped to be in the selection. A year ago I was quiet and spoke to people on the bench. I think it’s unfair. (Julio) Grondona knows how I handled 11 years in the National Team. I defended the shirt, for me it was my life.”
via AP, David Anchuelo and Globo
Little Twin Star - is that you?! Come on futbolitas, it’s a great photo (not only because Kaka is in it). Just look at the lovely snow in Madrid! Sometimes you just need to stop and kneel down in the middle of the pitch to truly experience it. Even Greaseano couldn’t help but feel a little bit envious, so he too gave up after being brought down for the 34,455th time and allowed the snowflakes to fall on his well-moisturized million-dollar… cheeks.
Anyway, Pellegrini’s Pack defeated Mallorca 2-0 yesterday, with goals from the Pied Piper of Higuain and Estie Granero. We must say that Pipita’s goal was muy impresionante and therefore, he fully deserves a place in The Dona’s rumoured World Cup squad list. Which still does not include Kun, of course.
You know Potter Perez had plans to marry his daughters off to these three jugadores but they all politely declined! Ok, maybe not. Raul already blacked out when he saw Mamen serving cocktail back in 1999 so there was no way he was going to marry El Presidente’s daughter (kkk, except Salgado). Plus, no one is holier than Senorita Celico – no matter how hard you try, and Kaka already made up his mind. So that leaves us with Greaseano and in the spirit of Christmas, we will refrain ourselves….
Anyway, here they are toasting to a great new year in front of that sparkling Christmas tree! “We have one more (kid) this year,” said Raul. “We will enjoy the time to relax in everybody’s company and to eat and laugh a lot. I will also take advantage of the time we all have off to spend every minute with my kids.” Added Greaseano : “I will celebrate Christmas with the whole family. It is a very special time that I thoroughly enjoy because I am unable to be with my family throughout most of the year. For all of us to be able to come together makes us very happy”.
And here’s BoBojan doing a charity dive to raise awareness of the environment in Barcelona! Gotta love the six fingers. Molt adorable, si?
You know Sepp Blatter is trying to give the Messiah dating tips there – but tipo ain’t taking it! Abuelo, you failed at the World Cup Draw and no one wants to go and watch Miss Universe tapes with you OK?! Anyway, we don’t have to tell you who the FIFA Player of the Year is because if you don’t know, go and stand by the window “immediatamente!” (we say that with Roberto Mancini’s voice).
In other news, Iniesta needs to hire a stylist as soon as possible. Last year’s fashion theme at the FIFA Gala was “Barbecued Dads” and this year is The Harley Davidson Crew goes Trick & Treating. Everyone looks pretty fierceeeee but Andres could’ve worn something other than my university jacket.
Meanwhile, someone needs to make Kaka the UN Ambassador of Peace. Everything that he says is peppered with sugar and spice and everything nice. For example : “Marta is amazing. Congratulations to her. It is the fourth year in a row. I hope she can be here for more and more years as well.” Not to forget : “Everybody talks about the Barcelona players who have won six titles, but Daniel (Alves) was the only man to win seven, because he won the Confederations Cup as well.” Kkkkkk, even Papá Noel himself is giving him evils now…
Greaseano’s like : “Imma stand right ‘ere and be cool.” Anyway, don’t forget to check out the video below where everyone is on stage enjoying the music (not really, FIFA forgot to commission dance classes for futbolistas). The Princess of Jordan is muito lindaaaa!
So here comes Higuain, looking as suave as ever on the streets of Madrid. Lovely…! Anyway, the Madridistas all came together to attend Guti’s dinner celebration that the Fallen Favourite held to honour his “14 years at the club in the number 14″ on Wednesday. Raul The Great One couldn’t attend it because he had to be with his wife, Mamen, who is expecting her fifth child. Greaseano gave it a miss too because he was experimenting on the effects of Clear Shampoo on Mama Dolores’s new pet poodle. Kkkkk, the truth is his ankle injury is still being a bitch so he stayed at home cutting vegetables.
Nevertheless, everyone else (who was important to Guti) came and that included Iker Casillas, Kaka, Sergio Ramos, Xabi Alonso, Raul Albiol, Pepe, Karim Benzema, Marcelo, Arbeloa, Lass Diarra and (gasp) Gago. According to the gossip rags, no one stayed up late to partaaaay because of the morning training session they’re having today. Yeah right – you can bet Gago went to Pacha to look for Pellegrini.
Disculpe but Wedgiellas looks like a washed-out 72 year old David Hasslehoff clone…
Kaka dude, is that foundation you have on your face? Seriously though… he has such an amazing face! It’s glowing. I know, you know so it’s time for us to be quiet!
On the other hand, we think that these loco fans who stop players’ cars in the middle of the road are either incredibly brilliant or stupid. Shit! What if he speeds right into you? (like in Goal 2, where Kuno Becker shouted at a fan and proceeded to hit him) Of course, this won’t happen with a good Samaritan like Ricky or those who’re insured millions, like Greaseano and the rest of Potter Perez’s army. But if he lowers the windows like that, you can bet some kid will try to crawl in…
Anyway, the point of this is to inform you that Kaka has come down with a nasty injury called Athletic pubalgia which is also known as Groin disruption. Yeah, tell your 11-year-old sister to stop giggling at that phrase. And nosotros no inventamos la noticia.. so don’t give us the evils. The Madrid doctors say that he will be extensively treated this week and sent to the gym. Melhoras, mano, melhoras!
Barca fans must be yelling “Ibracadabra Cha Cha!” all the way to work or school today… and yes, they have ever reason to be muy feliz. Look Madridistas, you cannot afford to have a finishing rate of 0.01 on a night as big as this and it was obvious that tipos like Marcelo Mastercard (no wonder he has been ignored by Dopey) were already thinking of Ibiza. We must say that allowing Benzema Bon Bon to watch episodes of Père et maire on the bench instead of starting the game cost the team greatly. Pipita already said he connects well with the man, so what was misty-eyed Pellegrini thinking?
Anyway, neither team really dominated the game but Barca capitalized on their chances first and in el futbol, you know what you get when that happens. It was nice to see everyone hugging in the tunnel (although there was no such love between Wedgiellas and Valdes, esta bien).
Well, Greaseano showed glimpses of his qualities in the first half, but decided that it was all too much when he suddenly had a revelation from Mama Leopard Dolores. Said Ramos the Raver :“These matches are decided by small details, and we didn’t take advantage when we had the chance. They did. It’s time to turn the page. We are confident knowing that we played well and that we tried our best.”
Added the wise and Senor Pep: “This was a very good test. It’s always difficult against Madrid but even more so when you go in as favourite and them as a big underdog. That’s when Madrid is most dangerous.”
Kaka and Dani Alves welcome you to Day 4 of the Brazilian Bootcamp! And you really need to clap your hands at that photo. What on Earth were those two thinking?! They’re putting all of us in the spirit of el clasico next week. Vamos a preparar!
Anyway, manos had another one of their fun Orange Bibs VS Blue Shirts duels yesterday. This time, the laughs went to Julio Baptista and Lucas who were elected Captains of the Orange and Blue sides respectively. Sadly, the men wearing the blue shirts did a lot better and thrashed their compatriots 6-1. Dani Alves was already yelling :” Let’s do more, they are lost! They’re not looking at the ball!” when they were up 4-0. Kaka tried to score a “goal of honour” for his side, but changed his position to that of a “recreational defender” much to everyone’s amusement.
Julio Baptista left the field looking for the worst player in his team. “My vote goes to Kaka!” he yelled.
Anyway, the guys are very happy to be in Oman now to play a friendly in honour of the Sultan’s birthday (he’s turning 69 tomorrow). It will also be the last time the selecao will gather together this year and Fabulouso said : “In particular, it was a very happy year for me. I scored many important goals. I’ll end this year with one more victory.” Added Kaka : “I‘ve been in Qatar (transit), but never actually explored it. It’s a pretty cool experience.”
What a great show the tifosi put on last night! Perhaps they couldn’t all contain their whistles when Ricky got hold of the ball, but they certainly showed their cuori che sono grandi (big hearts) nevertheless. On the pitch, it’s safe to say that Los Blancos played strikingly better than the first leg, even without the sadly missed Greaseano. Kaka is the Original San Siro homie so he knows the pitch inside out! Also, we were delighted to see The Pied Piper of Higuain in the starting line-up…bellezaaa. Benzema had a great night too, although we were prepared to call him the Circus Clown until he struck in the 29th minute. Kkk, for now… nous serons tranquilles!
“I am very happy with the welcoming I received. It means I did well during my stay in Milan. I want to do the same at Real Madrid in order to gain the same level of affection from their fans,” said Kaka (translates to : “Thank God they didn’t throw umbrellas at me.“)
Alas, despite numerous chances, El Pato’s beauty of a goal was disallowed. “I desperately wanted to score tonight, and to win, and I did that, but the referee cancelled out a perfectly good goal,” he said (watch the interview here). Eeee, quero apertar as bochechas!
“On a normal day we are usually at the studios, writing, cutting and producing news pieces or reports for our programmes. I record Real Madrid Life, the show that I present, every Thursday. It’s a nice day, as I get pampered by my make-up artists and stylists before I go on set!” Murray enthused.
And although she doesn’t get to share a lunch table with Florentino Perez (“He is a very busy man!”), Murray’s job with Real Madrid TV means that she boards the same plane as the Madrid boys when they travel to away games and also enjoys exclusive sit-down interviews with them. And in case you were wondering, that list includes Kaka and Ronaldo.
They’re such an adorable family so it makes us sad to learn that Ronaldo has filed a lawsuit against his former wife (and probably the best one – she was a futebolista after all), Milene Domingues. The suit alleges that his oldest son, Ronald has been ‘inadequately taken care of’ under her and Ronaldo is also demanding a review of the custody.
Milene current resides in Madrid and Ronald plays for a youth team there. “I am very sad because in the end what we are discussing is only in the interest of our child ; as far as I’m concerned, I’ve been (taking care of him) because they’ve been separated from for many years,” she said. Milene’s recent break up with footballer David Aganzo (Rayo Vallecano striker) has also left her down in the dumps but she has found support, surprisingly in Madrid’s latest Power Couple, Kaka and Caroline. “They’re two great friends who have great support for me. There was a time when I was tempted to return to (Brazil). Although I have many friends here, I miss my family because I see them only twice a year. But eventually I will stay in Spain,” she said.
Boo, Ronaldo! What makes you think that Bia Antony deserves a Mother’s Day bouquet? She can’t even cook and she hates Shrek! No one hates Shrek. Bia IS the evil stepmother. Naaaao!
Our eyes!! Sálvanos! Our friends here want you to pay attention to the Crease on the Grease in this picture …. can you see it? Many of you chicas may be wondering why we had to put you through the pain of Greaseano Watching two weekends in a row. Yes, it’s sad but he makes it so easy for us, sometimes. In a span of a few days, we’ve established that 1) he can’t sing, 2) cries for love 3) enjoys getting his feet massaged 4) is loved by Peruvian witch doctors and 5) can’t wear his shorts properly. Amazing!
Anyway, tipo over here is posing in what appears to be his Castrol Ranking spot. He looks amazingly annoyed to be in third place, and although Titipo Henry and The Messiah both preceded him in by coming in first and second respectively, Kaka ended up in 85th place. That’s absurd! One more thing – Milan’s Christian Abbiati was hailed as the “best performing goalkeeper of the last 12 months”. For someone who conceded 27 goals in 28 appearances, that does not make sense. Dammi il pane… now.
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