Fútbolita

So here comes Higuain, looking as suave as ever on the streets of Madrid. Lovely…! Anyway, the Madridistas all came together to attend Guti’s dinner celebration that the Fallen Favourite held to honour his “14 years at the club in the number 14″ on Wednesday. Raul The Great One couldn’t attend it because he had to be with his wife, Mamen, who is expecting her fifth child. Greaseano gave it a miss too because he was experimenting on the effects of Clear Shampoo on Mama Dolores’s new pet poodle. Kkkkk, the truth is his ankle injury is still being a bitch so he stayed at home cutting vegetables.

Nevertheless, everyone else (who was important to Guti) came and that included Iker Casillas, Kaka, Sergio Ramos, Xabi Alonso, Raul Albiol, Pepe, Karim Benzema, Marcelo, Arbeloa, Lass Diarra and (gasp) Gago. According to the gossip rags, no one stayed up late to partaaaay because of the morning training session they’re having today. Yeah right – you can bet Gago went to Pacha to look for Pellegrini.

Disculpe but Wedgiellas looks like a washed-out 72 year old David Hasslehoff clone…

Images via Hola

Hardly a flattering pose from Benzema BonBon, The Children’s Party Entertainer, but the Madrid-Xerez match up yesterday was full of it! Los Blancos pulled off a 5-0 win thanks to other goals from van Nistelrooy, Greaseano, Guti. It wasn’t a “five star” performance but Kaka’s hair needs to visit the salon ahora por favor.

Said Granero : “Cristiano Ronaldo is proving that he is a decisive player in every respect. We didn’t play our best, but we proved how strong we are. The substitutes are also contributing, which is very important. We tried to play too directly at times, but the fans would rather see us be patient. They are right. They must also have fun. That is why they come.”

Meanwhile, it has been revealed that Potter Perez and his fan club have amassed a debt of £296m. In true Madrid style, the assembly then approved a new record budget of £381m (€422m) for the current season. Marvelous… are they all on mushrooms?

“We’re going through a delicate moment with the world financial crisis, but we had to make a big effort for the new arrivals of players, which explains the debt,” said Potter Perez.

By Miguel Riopa/AFP

All this photo needs is Goldilocks Puyol and the woods will be magically transformed! Greaseano’s pout is not helping the cause though, so we suggest he’d best get with the plan in Ireland, where Real Madrid’s pre-season training is taking place. According to Pellegrini, he’s been showing commitment as of late. “He is the first to arrive at a training session; he has fully integrated into the team and he doesn’t act like a star,” declared the Chilean.

Also, someone please tell Karim Benzzzzzema that lifting weights is not a sight to behold. Kaka who looks to be on a perpetual holiday break (with about 900 more weddings to attend in Brazil) was MIA, but you can expect photos of him and Greaseano stretching pretty soon – stuff that defines the art of Ferosha Fangirlism.

Amusingly though, after the training, several dozen local fans pleaded for Ronaldo to stop “walking and sign autographs” as camera crews walked through puddles to keep up. “I must go to training,” he said “Maybe you wait for me after.” He will also give you the eye if you have jet black hair and silicone boobs, so be prepared!

Also, Aofie Finneran from The Belfast Telegraph met the Madrid players yesterday. You can read her encounter here!

Via Alejandro Gonzalez for Real Madrid

We have no words for this epic pose, unfortunately. Part time childrens’ party entertainer Karim Benzzzzema is the next in line to join the Let’s Hit The NightClub y Douche gang owned by Sergio Ramos. That pose just earned him brownie points and they will now welcome him to Madrid and Greaseano’s tanning salon with open arms.

Anyway, he claims that he turned down United and Barca for Madrid. “Real Madrid are an excellent club. I’ve dreamt about playing here since I was 15 years old,” he said.

Yeah, Benzema has every reason to turn up at Potter Perez’s garden parties for his grandchildren’s birthdays now (“Abuelo, the clown is here.”)

Top of the morning to you too, Karim! All these ‘morning expressions’ are pretty hilarious – especially Rafael da Silva’s pillow face and Lionel Messi’s epic yawn.

Not like it’s much of a surprise but Lyon have accepted Real Moneda‘s 35 million euros ($50m) bid for the 21-year-old striker. As you can see, history is quickly repeating itself and Karim would be perfect for the squad seeing how Real did the exact same thing when they bought Robinho in 2005.

Come to think of it, Karim would probably join the Raver Ramos-Greaseano-Gago-Casillas clique. These hombres will  petition for Potter Perez to set up a nightclub within the training centre with vice girls on call 24/7. Madrid’s nightlife will be transformed immediately!

We know Karim Benzema is good, etc, but there’s something about him that reminds us of a children’s party mascot.

Anyway, the French striker has come out to say that he wants to play for Real Madrid. He told “Le Buteur” magazine that it is his dream to play for Juande Ramos’ team. Come on! I’m sure he didn’t say “I would like to play for Juande Ramos one day.” Anyone who says that needs to stand by the window immediately.

“It’s my secret dream and I believe that I am close to achieving that dream. I like the white shirt and the environment of the Santiago Bernabéu. I promised my mother that one day, I would play for Real,” Benzema said.

Do you hear papers shuffling furiously? That’s president Calderon throwing his 104th file at Pedja Mijatovic screaming, “GET HIM NOW!”