Fútbolita

Drop your sewing machines NOW because Saint Robinho has arrived back at Santos!!!! And amigas, his welcome home party was like a prelude to Carnaval itself – without the floats of course. As always, King Pele made his presence known to everyone at the Urbano Caldeira by breaking into one of his 2,134 speeches. Then, Robinho and himself gazed into one another’s eyes and they ran through the field with their arms interlocked. We’re not kidding! Sthefany Brito called and she wants them to be in her next soap opera called Páginas do Futebolista Falha.

On a serious note, Robster sobbed to journalist about his time at Madrid. Yeah yeah, we know he was mistreated, left out of Raul’s numerous tea-parties and basically, benched like there was no tomorrow. Você é tão CHATO, cara! (you’re so boring, dude).

“I went the wrong way from Real Madrid. I know that the fans will never understand. But it was the only time. My departure from City was on friendly terms. We talked and they released me. There was no controversy,” he said.

via AP/Reuters

Keirrison is swapping teams like he’s Beyoncé at the Grammys! From Barcelona to Benfica… and now, taking advantage of the Mutu kerfuffle, he’s PUTTING A RING ON IT with Fiorentina. We suspect his agent once auditioned to be on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” but Regis Philbin aptly said “No” in a deep voice.

Anyway, they asked K9 – or K39 in this case – whether he wanted to emulate Fiorentina’s Edmundo who went home to Brazil for Carnaval in 1999. It also cost him his job as he was asked to leave the club for failing to seek consent. “To me, Carnaval is only on television,” joked Keirrison. Kekekeke, que é uma piada de mau gosto!

Querido Dios… Fernando Gago is simply GAWJUS but too bad he plays like merda! And now even Man City have failed to sign him. The deal only fell through because of the ‘lack of time’ during the transfer window. Shit, Gago can sign for our team anytime he fancies but we can’t afford to pay him 18 million. All he has to do is to sit there, comb his hair and the gate receipts alone will take care of ITSELF!

In general, listening to ArrrrghKon can be quite an experience. Many generally compare the experience to Microwave Throwing (trust us, he once performed right opposite our balcony. To put it kindly, it was hell on Earth) but he’s singing the World Cup theme so you know that at some point, you’re going to be downloading this into your pods and nods! The song is mediocre but the face paint is amazing – so enjoy that instead.

via VEVO, Fiorentina

Não mais … não mais! You know you’ve had enough of all this Robinho talk (he was so Wednesday). All of us moved quickly from Adrian SibutraMutu to John Terry over the course of the week but the question remains – who gets to keep Robinho’s Lamborghini at Manchester City when he leaves? Will it be Sylvinho or that random dude next to him in the video below?

In another bizarre message to his fans… don’t sweat it, Santos futbolitas. Robinho can’t wait to see you either so lembre-se, recebê-lo em biquínis!

Zizou and amigos played out to a nice 3-3 draw in last night’s “Match of the Stars” to help Haiti. And don’t you agree that it’s tres bien to see Rui Costa, Luis Figo and Edgar David’s Mask on the field again?! Daaaamn, feels like old times. Anyway forty international football stars from across the world joined UNDP (United Nations Development Programme) to play that match against Benfica All Stars. This is the match which Kaka played on behalf of Greaseano cuz’ their Bromance is going out of hand and bros don’t let bros down. Anyway, once again it’s amazing how futbol has transcended all boundaries and reached out to those in need!

“By coming to the stadium people have done a great thing. I am very happy we can do something to help,” said Zizou. Added Louis Van Gaal, who was in charge of the All-Star squad : “This is a very good cause, that’s why there are so many players here. Football is with the people of Haiti.”

van Nistelrooy has switched sides from Madrid to Hamburg (a pity, since we hear he’s one of our dear amiga’s favourite interviewees!) .Granted, he did look a little zoned out at his own presentation but it was all done for the Oranje.

There’s a lot riding on Nistelrooy’s quest to join the national team and only first-team football will give him that chance, seeing that Madrid are very content with Higuain and Benzema. He will remain at Hamburg until his contract ends in 2011. And as the Dutch say… veel succes!

Do not fear, Robinho is not pulling a R.Carlos and getting married again. Instead of showing him looking all gloomy on the bench, we decided that a smiling-and-spoilt Robinho would be the better option for your precious eyes.

Anyway, A Douche has declared that he wants to take a pay cut, return to Santos and play regular football again. He’s looking at a Beckham/Milan deal where Oil City continues to pay his wages while he parties at the Catwalk club in Rio. Ah cara, sei lá…! Sao Paulo better be ready for the return of Robinho and his entourage.

via AP, Globo

Yes, he’s glaring at you, so you’d better smile. Now! Anyway, speaking of Signore Mancini, it appears that he’s harboring a slight fascination towards the Reject Breed. He told La Gazetta dello Sport that he wants to bring Madrid’s Gaga (otherwise known as Fernando Gago) and Milan’s Flamini to Manchester (“An epic flop. I’d like to forget he never came to Arsenal,” proclaimed an amigo). What’s scary is the fact that Oil City are looking pretty formidable these days at fourth place. Granted, it was kinda Curly Fries Da Silva’s fault that ForeignChester lost the last game. Looking at his careless form, he’ll probably be called to Brazil’s U-15 Olympic squad soon … so não se preocupe, cara!

Anyway, the best quote of the day has to come from Carlito Tevez. He thinks that “Gary Neville is an idiot and a boot-licker. He said I was not worth £25 million just to stay in the manager’s good books.” Oh, it probably sounds a lot better in Carlito’s native language. “Gary Neville es un gran pendejo.. Me dijo que no valía 25 millones. Espero que muere!”  Ah yes indeed.

Uncle Mancini knows that Robinho’s form at Oil City is already looking like your leftover chicken from last Christmas. Even so, you were incredibly mean not to send him fresh flowers. So now, he’s turning his sights to Ibracadabra and Maicon instead!

Declared ManChin : “I always had a loyal relationship with Ibra. He is a world class player and any coach would like to have him in their team. Also, I would be delighted if I could count on Maicon.”

Well well, It’s pretty obvious that he wants to steal from Mourinho’s pool of favourites.  Don’t you remember how Mou kept on going about how Ibra was the best in the world when he was at Inter last year? C’mon, we all know Ragdoll Crespo secretly cried himself to sleep over that every night!

Also, please don’t hit us with candy canes because we didn’t update about Curly Fries Da Silva’s goal. Obviously, the family gave him a new remote-controlled web cam over the hols and Rafael didn’t end up fighting with Fabio over who’ll be wearing the Futbolita shirt to the family barbecue! Marcar mais golos this year, tipo!

Sylvinho reminds us of our best friend’s namorado who is also the World’s Biggest Douche and perhaps that is why we can’t stand this photo. Nevertheless, in an amusing interview with the club’s official TV station, Robinho told the defender how much he appreciated him!

“He is my teacher (of English). I don’t speak very good English, but he does! I love (him), ” Robinho told his teammate, proceeding to (air?) kiss him Sylvinho the cheek. He then left the room – singing one of Man City’s fan chants. Sylvinho added : “He is a typical Brazilian, you know, Robinho...” É claro!

Watch it here!

It’s freezing down in Milan (and perhaps in Fiorentina too – where the Rossoneri’s game had to be postponed due to snow.) But of course, a man named Samuel Eto’o scored the only goal for Inter in last night’s game against Lazio. Still, do these guys think they’re in The Notebook or something?

Anyway, of course everybody is talking about Mancini to Man City now (not the useless Brazilian one – it’s Roberto, one of the ‘Uncle Dude’ breeds and Mourinho’s predecessor) And of course, rumours are flying around saying that Inter’s starlet, Balotelli will be following him to the Oil City. However, he’d best look elsewhere because Inter chief Moratti is texting him messages that read “andare a mangiare una rana, Rob” or “go eat a frog”. Ok, not really but Moratti has issued a strict “hands-off Balotelli” warning. This is like Ancelotti-Pato-Chelsea all over again!

In other news, we really need to come up with an award for Best Goal In The Snow or El gol mejor en la nieve!

Ok, here you go.. Del Potro and Carlito Tevez, the new BFFS and Tennis/Football pairing (albeit a sadder version of Nadal/Casillas) at the O2 Arena in London yesterday at the ATP World Tour Finals. Ya’ll know The Dona welcome them both to his Thanksgiving dinner celebrated in honour of Benjie, which the duo kindly declined in favour of a movie (New Moon) and popcorn (a mix of sweet and salty).

Oh, who are we kidding? The Dona apparently hates everything that comes from the USA so the dinner would have to show Hugo Chavez dancing to tango to warrant any sort of attention…

Anyway, it’s great that Del Potro defied Federer last night but this weekend is about the Clasicos so unfortunately, only blow fishes will be paying attention to tennis. Let’s go, futbolitas!

via Globo

Right… ¿Qué es eso, futbolitas? It seems that Carlos Tevez has been compared to Marxist revolutionary leader, Sr. Che Guevara himself on the cover of ShortList magazine. Nice colours, but everything else is a big no-no!

You see, they’re both Argentineans but that’s where the similiarities end. One’s a Rosario kid while the other belongs to the city. One was highly equipped in guerrilla warfare while the other, in, denial. Yeah, Robinho can call another one of his self-pitying press conferences but comparing Tevez to Che is pretty bizzare.

“I would not play up here if I didn’t believe we could win... If you look at the players who have been hired and are coming, you will see the club’s intentions. We have a great base now and we’ve hired some of the best in Europe. I believe we can be champions in England and Europe,” said Tevez.

All we can say is buena suerte with that “revolution” of yours…

These transfers are harder to keep up with than our university readings! Indeed, now Elano seems to be on the way to Galatasaray after Manchester City officially announced that they had sold the player to the Turkish side. The British press are speculating that the transfer cost 6.5 million pounds although the official figure was not revealed.

“Everyone at Manchester City would like to thank the services of Elano and wish him much luck at his new club,” read the announcement.

Elano failed to find any form of stability at Man City after joining them from Shakthar Donetsk in 2007. Obviously, he was at the wrong club!

Here is Amaury Dumbo from our favorite Brazilian TV Show, Pânico na TV, at Robinho’s wedding earlier this week. Words cannot explain the absolute hilarity of the situation… and the crazy characters who crashed the wedding. Brilliant stuff. We demand that you enjoy it agora!

Via Ag news

Not one to miss out on all the action, Robinho married his fiance of 1,129 years, Vivian in Sao Paulo on Thursday. The wedding decor was by Vic Meirelles, who also conceptualized Ronaldo’s wedding to Daniela Cicarelli in Paris four years ago. It ended in divorce. Must’ve been Meirelles pale purple flowers.

Anyway, ya’ll know The Dinho snubbed Pato because he wants to be Milan’s Main Man next season but to his amigo mayor, Robinho? That sucks! At least Dunga made the effort! “The (Brazilian) selection is like family, and Robinho is part of it. Of course I had to come,” he declared. Baptista was also there with his wife – a clone of my best friend, Rebekah. “Robinho is like a friend and a brother to me. My presence doesn’t need to be questioned.”

Photos via LatinContent Editorial

Awwwww, here’s a photo of Robinho and his son, Robson Junior at Santos vs Sport on Saturday. Thankfully, his former team won 1-0 thanks to a goal by Paulo Henrique Lima. Robson is muito adorável and his dad is probably saying “You know what son? Someday you could be playing there on that field too, just like me!” Of course all Robson is thinking in that photo above is “Are you kidding me? Pele is giving us evils on the left pai, don’t look yet!”

You probably know that we don’t post EPL-related bites here, but Manchester City (along with Robinho, Mark Hughes and the Sheiks) are starting to look like perpetual losers. Bellamy who?

Well, it seems that their ‘quest’ to prise Roque Santa Cruz away from Blackburn has failed spectacularly. “On Thursday afternoon, we offered an improved bid for Roque Santa Cruz, but it was rejected,” sighed Hughes told the club’s official website.

At least Hughes was honest. You shouldn’t expect people to look at you the same way again after all that Kaka fracas, Man City. You know… your displays of unprofessionalism, turning up late, making us all wait in the snow, failing to come up with a proposal, etc.

They probably sent in a 3-page bid to Blackburn with a Powerpoint template put together in 2 minutes, detailing a new ‘marketing deal’ involving budget holidays (“Aaaand Thomas Cook’s ‘Man-of-the-Month’ is Ro-ke-Juunior!”).

And surely Roque’s not buying into all that. We think he’d be better off in Blackburn.

[All this Roque talk brings us back to the summer of 2002, when we watched the opening World Cup games just to see this guapo striker in the Paraguay shirt...]

Of course, the story that has set tongues wagging (oh, poor overexcited English newspapers) is that of Man City’s 100 million euro bid for Kaka. Yeah, we think that’s vulgar and a downright shame to football. Man City think they can solve all their problems with a hundred-fricking-million-pounds.

One thing’s for sure though -  Man City (as pathetic as they are) ought to learn from Florentino Perez. He masterminded the entire Real Madrid/Galactico era… and at least he succeeded in bringing players to Madrid while others were simply floored. Granted, like most businessmen, Perez had his tricks but he delivered. He spectacularly failed in the end… but look at the players who wore the lilac white shirt! Zidane! Figo! Beckham!

When will the Man City and Chelski douchebags learn that Kaka is not going anywhere? He’s got everything he needs in Milan – Caroline and Luca, in particular, are settling in fine. Milan is like family to him. Sure, there comes a time when every player needs a ‘change of scenery’ but he knows that if he moves now, it’ll just be irresponsible. His agent is being misquoted (as usual – happens all the time) and the Premier League will have to live with the fact that they will not be able to get their hands on Kaka. Face it.

(We don’t like Man United or City, but please enjoy the sight of Brazilian defender, Rafael da Silva, futbolitas. “He is so fine!” claims a reader. We have to agree. )

Anyway, it appears that things are not going well (in the attitude front) for Robinho. A few of City’s players held a ‘meeting’ last week to discuss the striker’s behaviour and specifically, ‘how he deals with Hughes’. According to Globo, they claimed that the set of rules rules are different for Robinho and for them. They even accused the coach of letting go of a few of their ‘older players’ because they have questioned Robinho’s ‘priviledges’.

“Robinho thinks he’s untouchable and Hughes hasn’t done anything to show that he’s not. Many of the players think he doesn’t dig in for the team, that he’s injured too often and is picking and choosing his games,” said a source close to the main players of the team, according to British newspaper “News of the World.

Did they just build a condom-dispensing nightclub nearby? Because we all know how Robinho reacts to those.

I don’t like to write about EPL teams, but unfortunately, one of the players that’s making an actual difference there is the talented but fickle minded Brazilian, Robinho. He scored a prominent goal to allow Man City to scrape past FC Twente (3-2) in yesterday’s UEFA cup game.

We hope Robinho is not pulling a Tevez in the following picture, because it means that he’s probably 1) dating a blonde 2) going to take her to a golf game and 3) never going to start a family. Baby signs are a little tricky, unless you are Fernando Torres of course.

Globo says former England coach Steve MacLaren was raving over Jo and Robinho‘s performances on BBC. Can someone remind him that they are, after all, Brazilians?