So unless you’ve been dancing to the sounds of Ne-Yo with Sepp Blatter all month long, you’d know that tonight’s Champions League fixture will be one of the most exciting ones of the season. It’s the showdown between il Rossoneri & NaniUnited!
The bad news is they always photograph the visiting teams when they come to the San Siro, but gracias a Dios we have a couple of the Milanistas training on their own including El Pato’s raver shoe. You know you’ll be able to spot that colour in the dark…. all he needs now are a couple of glow sticks and the look is complete!
Senhor Leoooonardo has stressed the importance of focus in today’s game. That’s right tipos, ya’ll better CONCENTRATE and the last thing Pallone d’Oro (Golden Balls) Beckham needs to do is to get emotionally attached….and he already is! ánimo!!!
“We must be almost perfect, flawless. I want to see the same performance I saw at Real Madrid during the group stage; I think that was our best game this season and when we played the best football. We must repeat that,” said Leonardo.
Yes, he’s glaring at you, so you’d better smile. Now! Anyway, speaking of Signore Mancini, it appears that he’s harboring a slight fascination towards the Reject Breed. He told La Gazetta dello Sport that he wants to bring Madrid’s Gaga (otherwise known as Fernando Gago) and Milan’s Flamini to Manchester (“An epic flop. I’d like to forget he never came to Arsenal,” proclaimed an amigo). What’s scary is the fact that Oil City are looking pretty formidable these days at fourth place. Granted, it was kinda Curly Fries Da Silva’s fault that ForeignChester lost the last game. Looking at his careless form, he’ll probably be called to Brazil’s U-15 Olympic squad soon … so não se preocupe, cara!
Anyway, the best quote of the day has to come from Carlito Tevez. He thinks that “Gary Neville is an idiot and a boot-licker. He said I was not worth £25 million just to stay in the manager’s good books.” Oh, it probably sounds a lot better in Carlito’s native language. “Gary Neville es un gran pendejo.. Me dijo que no valía 25 millones. Espero que muere!” Ah yes indeed.
Fabio and his Foreignchester Friends are in Doha now for a training camp (What? In the bloody middle of the week?! you scream) and the answer is yes. Toño Valencia looks quite confused in that lift – and this reminds us of a conversation we had with a futbolita from Ecuador a few weeks ago. “Él es un futbolista muy bueno. Estamos orgullosos de él,” she said. It also takes us back to one of our football encounters, where we met Patrice Evra in the lift, said that we were journalists (true) from Bolivia (false) and he believed us. “¿Hablas español?” he said. Ummm, bien sûr!
Anyway, Forbes have revised their annual list of the Richest Sports Bodies in the World again – and even Potter Perez lost out on this one! Los Diablos Rojos (Red Devils) are at the top with assets valued at £3.22 billion. The Madrilenos only made it to fifth place at £2.33 billion. Surprisingly, Arsenal are one spot below at £2.07 billion.
And if you’re from the UK and watch a certain show call Misfits, don’t you think that the lead character below looks like a hybrid of Fabio Curly da Silva and Brazil TV host, Felipe Andreoli?
Uncle Mancini knows that Robinho’s form at Oil City is already looking like your leftover chicken from last Christmas. Even so, you were incredibly mean not to send him fresh flowers. So now, he’s turning his sights to Ibracadabra and Maicon instead!
Declared ManChin : “I always had a loyal relationship with Ibra. He is a world class player and any coach would like to have him in their team. Also, I would be delighted if I could count on Maicon.”
Well well, It’s pretty obvious that he wants to steal from Mourinho’s pool of favourites. Don’t you remember how Mou kept on going about how Ibra was the best in the world when he was at Inter last year? C’mon, we all know Ragdoll Crespo secretly cried himself to sleep over that every night!
Also, please don’t hit us with candy canes because we didn’t update about Curly Fries Da Silva’s goal. Obviously, the family gave him a new remote-controlled web cam over the hols and Rafael didn’t end up fighting with Fabio over who’ll be wearing the Futbolita shirt to the family barbecue! Marcar mais golos this year, tipo!
Who drew the pots at the Champions League draw last night? I mean… it can’t be Santa Sepp, now can it? Whatever the case…. the gifts they’ve bestowed upon us all are amazing! United vs Milan, Chelski vs Inter (all the action will be in the press conference room!) and Arsenal v Porto. Meanwhile, Real Madrid will take on Lyon while Barca face Stuttgart.
Nevertheless, everyone knows that the only team who is under immense pressure to WORK IT this season is Real. They have everything to lose, especially since the grand finale will be held at the Bernabeu. In other news, Mickey Mouse Beckham is thrilled to face United when he fulfills the rest of his odd contract with Milan next month – and so are his former employees. “He was a terrific servant for the club and we all hope he will be playing,” said a United spokesman. Uh-uh, seriously… we just want the Da Silva bros to sing on floats during half time OK? Porque é que tão difícil?!
Also futbolitas, please take a break from decorating your Christmas trees for a while and watch this….
So a sad day has come, and according to reliable sources in Argentina, Gianinna and Kun Aguero have officially parted ways. Kun has already packed his bags and left the family home following allegations that he cheated on his wife with a dancer. So it isn’t just Tiger Woods who should be avoiding the feminism society these days!
Anyway, gossip rags are saying that Kun is “not used to married life” and that the emotional discomfort he is facing at home has led to his dismal performances on the pitch. The main problem was he wasn’t comfortable idea of raising a family yet and while he initially showed good behavior, over time the relationship began to crumble and Gianinna often ‘questioned’ her husband’s frequent nights out.
For now, her intention is to stay a while longer with Benjie to save the relationship. But if it does not work out – according to people close to the family – Gianinna could return to Argentina with the child. By the way, what does The Dona have to say about all this and will blood be thicker than water in his team selection? (via La Nacion with thanks to Kickette).
On the eve of the star-studded World Cup Draw, Mickey Mouse’s Muse aka David Beckham remembers Nelson Mandela! What a great PR team he has… “When I was last here with England, I had the honour of meeting Nelson Mandela. That was the highlight of my career; to meet such a great man and a strong man and such a passionate man about sport and life will always stay with me.”
Lastly, your favourite pair of Brazilian gêmeos happened to arrive at the same time as their coach in a UNICEF benefit earlier this week. They tried to tell their older brother to drive slower but…it was too late, and they got out into the pavement at the same time! Look at Rafael’s face. Nós queremos beliscar-la!
via GETTYIMAGES
Ok chicas, this story cracked us up and the randomness of it all is mind-blowing! Yes, it appears that Greaseano has moved out of his luxurious Cheshire mansion and left Futbolito Fabio a gift.
“He left a refrigerator at his house and mine was broken, so I got his. A VIP refrigerator,” Fabio laughed. “We have not spoken much. Now he’s coming to charge me (for the fridge).”
When asked if Greaseano made him pay cash for the fridge, Fabio laughed again and said : “His Portuguese hand closed the fridge. But seriously, I’m rooting for him too. Sure, he’ll do well at Real Madrid. He is a player who works hard and always seeks to improve more and more.”
Anyway, of course he had to speak about his gemelo Rafael…
“He is recovering from an injury in the right shoulder. The curious part is that I had the same injury which left me out of the squad for a long time. We’re twins (even in injury)” he joked.
Tipo is hilarious and we must say it again…. Seu cabelo e muito legal!
via Gettyimages
Come on now, futbolitas… let’s gather around the fire and play a game! Which one of these lindo meninos is Rafael… and which one is Fabio? This one’s pretty easy and ya’ll know which twin we prefer but didn’t get to meet (hey, at least the other was equally sweet!).
Need more time? By the love of Kun, you need a lesson in Twin Identification agoraaa! [Ok, we'll give you 20 seconds....]
Ombre on the left looking slightly stern is Faaaaaaabio (ya’ll remember his LOL-worthy quote which evoked laughter from Rafael). Cutie grinning to the right is his twin bro. Whatever the case, they both have lovely hair and gostaria de penteá-lo.
A few weeks ago, we were out with a friend and spotted more than 11 “mini-Fabios” with the exact same hairstyle (albeit differences in height, age, weight etc). Interestingly though, none of them were Brazilian. Looks like the Da Silva love is spreading internationally. Adorável!
Photo via Audi
Everybody wants a piece of Leonardo! Thing is… we don’t really understand the significance of this spectacle they call the Audi Cup, though. Granted, they’re major sponsors of Milan, United, Boca and Bayern but with all their pre-season tours, isn’t this corporate tournament a little irrelevant?
As they say in futbol – if you’ve got the moneda – ye gotta flaunt it!
United are slated to play Bayern in the “finale” tonight after the German side convincingly thrashed Milan 4-1 (hello thur, what is going on?) thanks to goals from Thomas Müller’s double and goals from Bastian Schweinsteiger and Saer Sene. Milan will fight for third place with Ursula’s Boca Juniors.
They don’t stand among our favorite teams but we had a blast covering Man United when they travelled to Malaysia for their Far East tour. All our preconceptions of them were wrong and they’re all really nice hombres- everyone from the folks in their entourage to the players!
We spoke to Anderson, Fabio, Nani, Rooney, Tosic, Evra, Carrick and even Sir Alex, Kiko Macheda and Paul Scholes briefly.
Rather excitingly, we met one half of our fav Brazilian twin-defenders, Fabio! And among other things, we told him he had sexy hair (thanks to Mari and Sabrina Sato for the inspiration). He chuckled – eyes twinkling – and said, “Obrigado!” By the way, the boy is left-handed and has soft hands. Sadly for us, Rafael wasn’t around for us to hang with so we gave Fabio the Futbolita camisa instead. “Ah, futbolita. Muito prazer!” Fabio said, taking the shirt with a smile. Charming!
We also met Nani - who believe it or not – is the friendliest hombre around and exudes NO douchebag behaviour whatsoever! Halfway throughout our convo, he said to me : “You speak good Portuguese, did you study it?” I replied, “Yes!” and Nani said, “Yes, you speak it well. Very good.” Then he added that he was bored in the hotel and there was nothing much for the players to do following the Jakarta bomb blasts and tight security. So I had to ask : “Do you guys feel sad that Cristiano is gone?” and he replied : “Well, we are getting used to it.” Tosic – who was next to him – told us he didn’t like the weather there.
Photo by Priscilla Liu
Sim, futbolitaaaas! We met United’s Brazilian full-back Fabio da Silva (too bad Rafael wasn’t in Malaysia) as part of United’s Asian tour and told him how we loved his sexy hair. We also spoke to Anderson, Nani, Rooney, Tosic, Evra, Carrick and even Sir Alex. It was a blast… and we’ll have more on this in the next few days so look out for it. Tchau!
Two days ago, a tipo wearing a Foreignchester United jersey got into the same lift as my parents. My dad who hates United with a burning rage couldn’t resist a stab at him and said :”Did you see Messi’s goal in the Champs League Finals? Wasn’t it legendary?” To which mamá replied : “Oh yes, Manchester United were outclassed. And I don’t even watch football.” The poor man in the jersey refused to make eye contact but my dad pressed on. “Did you Iniesta’s amazing goal against Chelsea? And Xavi’s flick.. oh I could go on and on…!” and before he started on Samuel Eto’o, the lift door opened and the poor fan hurried out.
We shake our heads apologetically at that horrid experience (we got the same thing from the drunk French fans in 2006, whatevs) but the moral of the story is, if you’re wearing United, please don’t get into the same lift as mi padres.
Anyway, a survey conducted in Spain also pipped Iniesta’s 93rd minute goal against Chelsea as the best in Barcelona’s season. Other special moments – according to Barca fans – were the two goals scored in the Rome final (14.84%) followed by Puyolita lifting the cup (13.47%) and the treble celebrations at the Nou Camp.
Sorry, these photos of Greaseano tanning alone in Sardinia are too priceless to pass up. In some of the shots, he can even be seen coyly flashing a middle finger at the papparazzo. Where on Earth is Heidi-The-Wig-Montag? [via Holymoly]
In the end, the better team won. Barca were by far the superior ones who took advantage of United’s weak midfield and a lack of initiative from the likes of Anderson last night. Although they needed time to get into the game, Barca found their pace thanks to the brilliant Iniesta. Eto’o found a fantastic angle to shoot from, shaking his marker off and slotting in a shot past Van der Sar.
And did you guys see the class act that is Leo Messi last night?! Xavi’s pinpoint cross for Messi was perfect for him to convert and the Argentinean duly converted, cementing his position as the tournament’s top scorer this season. And the ruthless Valdes (will Del Bosque please call him up to the national team already? What the hell is going on here?!) showed that he is probably the best keeper in Spain now.
We were yelling our heads off next to the Catalan-bred Barca fans at a pub for Pep to field Bobojan but unfortunately, that didn’t happen. “Where’s Ronaldo? Where is he? Go Ronaldo! He will score now. A hat trick I think!” cried a sarcastic Spaniard to a United-fan on our left, while dancing. “Nereida Gallardo is on her way to cheer you up, Ron! Tonight! ” added our friend. It was pure delirium to the point where we felt sad for the United fans.
“United are very good, but tonight they came up against another great team,” said Puyol after the game. “We worked very hard and they didn’t make our life easy, but if we wanted to win tonight we knew we had to battle.”
Added Samuel Eto’o : “I think United were very surprised by using Leo [Messi] as an attacking midfielder and I hope our fans will now celebrate, because they really deserve it.”
Photos : AP & Getty Images
Photo : AP
Yes, amigos, we spoke to Barça’s Gerard Piqué on Monday! Well, it wasn’t as bad as the Clarence Seedorf interview earlier this year where we had to wait up for his assistant to call us at 3AM. Piqué lived up to his reputation as the fun-loving and rubbish-talker based on our 13 minute conversation that the lovely folks at Barca arranged for us before the trip to Rome.
Anyway, we decided that hombre had enough of all the technical talk. So, with Messa Garcia’s help, we went with the iPod theme. A little lazy to rewrite the story we did for our local paper so here are a few quotes…
On his music tastes
“Whenever we win, I like to play Queen’s ‘We are the Champions’. I have the Robbie Williams version too and sometimes we play it on repeat. But the songs always come from my iPod.”
“Yes, the stewardesses were not very happy on the flight back to Barcelona from London. They saw Thierry (Henry) and Eric (Abidal) dancing a little and they left us alone for a while!”
On what he’ll play if Barca Win
“It’s something I haven’t thought about yet. And we can’t think about that now. I’ll just try to play my best and win the match. ?It will be very complicated as we’ll be facing the current champion and one of the best teams in the world.”
On returning to play against his former side
“Yes, of course there will be some emotions. There will be many memories coming into the game because I grew (as a player) in England and learnt many things there from Sir Alex.”
“We want to make history in Spain (achieving a treble) and this is the best chance for us.”
Oh look! What a pleasant surprise… Greaseano has once again attracted a classy lady to his den. Well, to be completely honest, many would find it hard to resist this man’s charms in real life but the key is to whisper “oily douchebag” about a million times and it will go away.
We’ve checked with four of our friends and all of them have questioned i) the bad wig ii) the person’s sexuality iii) the fact that she might be an evil Heidi Montag clone. But in the photos below, Greaseano is seen with a few members of his family and having a tranny in the kitchen is a big no-no. Unless you’re the other Ronaldo.
According to Correire dello Sport, however, those photos taken are actually of Luana Belletti, whose brother is none other than Juliano Belletti from Chelsea! Greaseano has been (apparently) dating her for two months and considers this relationship ’special and different’. Save your laughs for the big game, people.
Words can’t explain the immense Douche radiating from this photo of Usain Bolt and Greaseano. We know some of you have warmed up to the the Portuguese Princess, so wipe your tears! You know they both headed to the clubs to get some along with Anderson and Nani. And we’d like to believe that bebê Rafael da Silva was in no way involved.
Anyway, Bolt’s signature pose should’ve been done about 3o years ago. No one likes disco here – plus, we all know Grease is into all that Ricky Martin stuff. How inspirational!
Everything Arsenal’s Nicklas Bendtner wore to the club was at best, a mild case of DoucheBaggery. But he has apologized in light of his behaviour.
“I love this club and I was very disappointed to lose to Manchester United last night. Reaching the final of the Champions League was one of my big dreams and be eliminated was a huge hit. However, there is no excuse for my behavior. I am sorry and I ask (for) forgiveness from the club and the fans,” he said.
Ok, Cescy is getting nervous and it’s raining. Still, if you are like us and refuse to listen to 99% of the people around you, you can still appreciate Arsenal ahead of tonight’s clash against Foreignchester United. At least they have a solid, impressive youth strategy that Real Madrid do not.
“To play football well, you have to be happy to play. It’s not because you say to players that if you don’t do this or that, you will die. That doesn’t make them better players,” said Monsieur Wenger.
“No matter what happens (tonight), I believe this team will make a big impact in the game and that is what we want to continue to develop.”
Fantastique! With that, we eagerly welcome you to tonight’s Champions League semi-final with a picture special. There’s a bonus of Hair Grease and Rafael da Silva (olá, querida!) too. We know, we couldn’t help it.
Quick! Someone get this kid his Fruit Loops or he’ll get pissed!
Anyway, today’s a big day for the Arsenal niños because they will meet Foreignchester United at Old Trafford. They’re the only EPL side we genuinely love so we hope they do themselves proud.
“We have built a young team because we wanted to develop a special way of playing, a special spirit. We think when the players have been educated together from the age of 16-24 there is something special that I hope will come out at this level of the competition,” said Monsieur Wenger.
As a bonus, here are some photos. Fashionista Arshavin’s hair is gleaming in the glorious sunlight – how ferosh!
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