Feb 18 2010
Posted by Ash as Daily
Arsenal may have lost to Porto last night but Senor GuapoVela here needs to work harder if he wants to intimidate the linesman. Pippo Inzaghi gives part-time classes on that when no one is looking, so tipo Carlos better sign up pronto before all the slots get filled up! Luca Toni already graduated with honours two seasons ago but Pippo never mentioned a money back guarantee. A Sneaky man!
Anyway, the Gunners are now mulling over their 2-1 loss to Hulkamania Porto. Yeah, Fabianski probably needs to find a watering hole asap after yesterday’s performance. Gooners, if you see him walking in the streets of London today, do not hesitate to hand him a lawnmower and a Spandau Ballet CD. He will immediately do a back-pass with those things… you’ll see!
Our dear amis at SambaFoot finally presented Fabulousooooo with his “Best European Footballer in Europe” or Samba d’Or award at the Sevilla HQ on Monday. And thanks to many of your votes, he won it! My my, doesn’t it look muito legal? Je veux que le prix! Of course he didn’t juggle this ball…
It was pretty interesting to hear Fabulouso speaking about his family. “(My family) is not used to calling me before the games. Usually, they call me (after) to know how was the game. My mother never watches the games, she is too nervous,” he said. “She is afraid I will get hurt. One day, I left the field injured, having seizures during a game between Palmeiras and Ponte Preta. I had to leave in an ambulance. After that, it was very difficult for her to watch a game.” (Read the full interview)
The Dona has already decided on 50% of his World Cup list and says that he will tell the players after Argentina’s friendly with Germany next month.
The Messiah, Carlito Tevez, Pied Piper of Higuain and Kun were all called up for the game, leaving no space for Boca’s Martin Palermo. Futbolitas, it’d be a shame to leave him out of the WC squad seeing that he played a HUGE role in Argentina’s qualification in the first place. But as they say, competition is incredibly tough… Prepárense, muchachos!
via Ole, SambaFoot, Reuters
It’s time to check in on Deportivo’s Filipe Luis who is suffering from a fracture in his right leg. He was recently discharged from the hospital and almost everyone – especially Pepe - sent flying kisses and wishes. Que doce! “Unfortunately, I could not fight for a place in the seleção, but the Brazilian team is in my heart and I certainly have hope for the group. When I was there (at bootcamp), I was always treated very well and those and were great moments of my life. I have many friends in the seleção and will be here rooting for everyone,” he said.
Cue the Forrest Gump music now… those are pretty sad words, my friend. Also, Filipe bears an uncanny resemblance to Maxi Lopez but there’s no sign of a blooming Argie-Brazilian Bromance yet because The Dona would be crossed.
Just pretend that you can spot Geri The Pout Piqué from here because the man is standing at attention! Even Puyolita couldn’t be arsed to pose for the group photo…he was too happy smiling away. Anyway, Barca played a friendly against a lower-tier side, Reus Deportiu over the week in aid of the Haiti earthquake victims. You can’t go wrong with something like this. Such a warmhearted gesture from Los Cules!!
Mama Palermo!! Are our eyes playing tricks again… why does Argentina’s away kit look so much like Japan’s? But well, to be honest these electric blue tones are a lot more feroshaaaaa then the light-blue of their home kit. It brings out the colour of their hair, no? And Veron, this does not apply to you. Sin embargo, te ves mejor calvo…. Speaking of which, Martin Palermo really did score against Jamaica in a friendly last night while Ignacio Canuto netted in the other. Yes, yes, competition is heating up.
Look, it’s Sevilla’s Renato Dirnei (who last won the Confederations Cup with Brazil in 2005!) celebrating Sevilla’s entry into the King’s Cup final. Well, they lost to Getafe 0-1 but no matter… they’re all going to meet the Spanish King!! You know Fabulouso’s preparing his speech RIGHT NOW. “Sua Alteza, o rei…” (Your highness..). Sevilla’s opponents will be the winners of the Atletico-Racing clash tonight.
So Argentinean journalists asked The Dona how he was feeling about his “new fatherhood” status and he merely laughed in response! Tio, is that all we’re getting? Listen, father of Giannina, if it’s true – you must embrace it. Although it makes you wonder how on earth the Fertility Gods are being compensated for that miraculous feat. Nevertheless, this smells like a load of mierda so we should take it with a pinch of salt!
Anyway, his hastily-assembled Argentinean squad (without the European-based jugadores who were busy doing cartwheels) defeated Costa Rica 3-2 in a friendly last night. One of their many fetuses, Guillermo Burdisso scored the winner. Here are photos of all the goal-scorers who were immediately issued backstage passes to wine and dine Dalma Maradona, because well, you know Giannina’s kinda over ‘ballers for now.
via Reuters
Jan 21 2010
Posted by Ash as Daily
My my, what do we have here? It’s Elano scooping the lovely snow up with his wheelbarrow. And this is no playground, futbolitas. It’s his own backyard in Istanbul, Turkey! Oh, how we wished all our backyards looked like this. It’s nice to pretend to be a Snow Samaritan sometimes, especially if you’re trying to break into Dopey’s squad and can’t manage hat-tricks every week. But what are we talking about? Elano helped Galatasaray to a 5-1 thrashing of Denizli Belediye on Sunday. Então … acho que você é super cool agora, cara? He must now create and score every week as April’s squad-selection date looms closer!
As we’ve said before, men who dress well are our weaknesses. Check out Sergio Ramos as he disembarked from Madrid’s plane which landed in Albania. Gurlllll looks like he’s parading down the D&G runway and heading off to Project Ponyway to be on the judging panel. Ferosh!!! Can’t say the same about Jerzy Dudek, though. There are rumours that Gattuso’s restaurant needs a fish-chopping assistant. As for Raul The Great One, okay… we’ll leave it at that before the haters come prancing at us with a Heidi Montag poster.
Anyway, Madrid were in Albania to play in a friendly game or the “Taci Oil Cup”. Of course they won the game 2-1 (Potter Perez would not have tolerated anything less), Fernando Gago played and the screaming Albanian fans went home happy from the Qemal Stafa Stadium.
So Argentina’s Oscar Ruggeri is really annoyed that Argentina’s team manager, Carlos Bilardo is being a bitch and not allowing him to assume the role as The Dona’s assistant coach.
“I did everything I had to do to be in the national squad. I talked to Savino, with Grondona, with Bilardo. I’m still waiting,” said Ruggeri. “A year ago I hoped to be in the selection. A year ago I was quiet and spoke to people on the bench. I think it’s unfair. (Julio) Grondona knows how I handled 11 years in the National Team. I defended the shirt, for me it was my life.”
via AP, David Anchuelo and Globo
The Dona is in South Africa to “inspect the facilities” that his boys will be using in Tshwane for their World Cup preparations. It’s a 5-day visit and as expected, he was greeted with much love and adulation (no snickering, come on!) by the country’s people. He found the time to attend a clinic with female jugadores (way to go!) at the High Performance Centre.
Anyway, The Dona thinks Argentina are hardly favourites to win the title. “We are not the favorites, we still need to work hard for that title. The main candidates for the title are the same as always – Brazil, Germany, Italy and now Spain.” He also added that he is perplexed with all the bad press The Dinho is getting. Well, that’s another story…
Finally, all these months of sulking and lack of form have passed and Kun Aguero is starting to score again – in the right places, por supuesto! It’s pretty difficult not to refer to The Dona when a photo of Kun comes up because you know they’re perpetually bounded by Benjie and baby pacifiers for the rest of their lives.
Anyway, we’re afraid that Kun’s GolScramble against Recreativo Huelva in their 5-1 victory is only the beginning. He’s trying to squeeze his way into that Argentinean line-up - the one written by The Dona as he ate the Family Saver meal in a fit of rage at Chuck E Cheese. Everyone knew that Gianinna was Kun’s golden ticket, but he had to go mess that one up… so hermano, it’s time to get to work!!!
Now now, doesn’t that look amazing? A Laser light show right in the middle of the Nou Camp? The last time Senor Laporta demanded for this to happen was when Barca won the treble. And ya’ll know how passionate he is about Catalunya’s independence so it was obvious that he was going to pull all the stops to make it increïble!
Anyway, Catalonia and Argentina played to a friendly yesterday and of course, Bobojan scored in their 4-2 victory. To be fair, The Dona’s men were without influential players like the Messiah so they fielded a… well, tired side. Also, speaking of The Dona, we found him in the stands! In case you miss him….we’ve got photos.
The Dona is missing! Don’t bother… he’s just hiding somewhere in Barcelona. He’s supposed to be serving a suspension until January 15, remember? And now that his C-team is playing a friendly against Catalonia two days before Christmas, the Argentinean press is reporting that he’s been seen everywhere but the pitch. Yeah, that means he’s holed up in his hotel room with nothing but WII.
Anyway, whatever he’s doing in Barcelona (seriously), he’s not allowed to eat with the players or come into contact with them – except through his aides. And still, The Dona is walking around wearing the official training kit. If you see him, don’t forget to ask him about Kun Aguero.
Meanwhile, Milan’s Uncle Fester Galliani has declared Marco van Basten as AC Milan’s “Best Signing Ever”. Well, they asked him about Sheva, Pato and Kaka but he doesn’t seem all that impressed with them.
“When you make assessments of this kind you need to consider value for money. For we paid 7 million euros, but there is another signing that I feel is unbeatable and I speak of a certain Dutchman. If Pato wins ten golden balls, then it would be different, but until then Van Basten will remain our best buy,” he said.
It’s the Luis Fabiano Rap by a cara named Professor Pablo. Well, of course he deserves his own song… they should play this during the team birthdays!
Doesn’t The Messiah look all forlorn and contemplative in that photo? And haven’t we seen that familiar look before…. on a Mime’s face somewhere? Il est un acteur beau! UEFA should commission an opera about football and call it Le Grande Affair. All that’s left for Leo to do is to put on white gloves and wait for the lights to go out! Domenech, The Dona and Henry will each have their own parts to play (unscripted, naturally!) Tickets to the play will be sold out in ten minutes – especially when it starts showing at Milan’s La Scala Opera House and Berlusconi buys the entire front row.
Anyway, we’re digressing as usual but your hero of European Mimes for 2009 has claimed his gold and glistening Ballon d’Or award in Paris. He said : “I want to thank my family, my friends, and my brothers who are always there for me.”
Yes, Messiah’s referring to those protective bro’s of his who ban him from chilling with The Dona at the hotel bars. Tipos need to chillllllll…. he’s only having Coke!
So a sad day has come, and according to reliable sources in Argentina, Gianinna and Kun Aguero have officially parted ways. Kun has already packed his bags and left the family home following allegations that he cheated on his wife with a dancer. So it isn’t just Tiger Woods who should be avoiding the feminism society these days!
Anyway, gossip rags are saying that Kun is “not used to married life” and that the emotional discomfort he is facing at home has led to his dismal performances on the pitch. The main problem was he wasn’t comfortable idea of raising a family yet and while he initially showed good behavior, over time the relationship began to crumble and Gianinna often ‘questioned’ her husband’s frequent nights out.
For now, her intention is to stay a while longer with Benjie to save the relationship. But if it does not work out – according to people close to the family – Gianinna could return to Argentina with the child. By the way, what does The Dona have to say about all this and will blood be thicker than water in his team selection? (via La Nacion with thanks to Kickette).
On the eve of the star-studded World Cup Draw, Mickey Mouse’s Muse aka David Beckham remembers Nelson Mandela! What a great PR team he has… “When I was last here with England, I had the honour of meeting Nelson Mandela. That was the highlight of my career; to meet such a great man and a strong man and such a passionate man about sport and life will always stay with me.”
Lastly, your favourite pair of Brazilian gêmeos happened to arrive at the same time as their coach in a UNICEF benefit earlier this week. They tried to tell their older brother to drive slower but…it was too late, and they got out into the pavement at the same time! Look at Rafael’s face. Nós queremos beliscar-la!
What is Spain’s key to beating Argentina tonight? If you believe Uncle Del Bosque, it’s being tranquilo (“even when you’re on a plane that’s about to crash…” a Brazilian reporter once told us).
“We must always be thinking about maintaining our enthusiasm, because there is no comfort zone. We must have more excitement, more effort, more desire to win every game. A World Cup is coming which is exciting for everyone but we can’t go thinking we are unbeatable,” he said. Nando Blondie is out of today’s game so David Villa is expected to start in place of him as a sole striker.
Also, The Dona has hailed Messiah - despite not being given 100% access to his hotel room… still. “He must be the owner of the team. He knows it. We have the best player in the world in our team,” your favourite coach declared. “We will give him lots of responsibility. He is doing the work that I have asked of him. I am very happy with Messi.”
Awww, we hope Kun is not writhing with envy now. Siéntate, papá!
Vale, you gotta admit that Baby Benjie is adorable but bears no resemblance to his grandpa, The Dona. He does however, look a lot like Kun Aguero. Speaking of your favourite Grammy award-winning singer, he has been included in the squad list for tomorrow’s Madrid derby. Quique Sánchez Flores hasn’t decided if he’ll start yet….but all Kun needs to do is to send Resino’s successor a copy of his EP and the decision will be made immediately!
“Kun is so young that I still think that he does not know his body well,” said Flores. “He has very different feelings – very different and it contradicts what he’s able to contribute, but he is 20 and he’s a guy who is getting to know his profession, his body and his feelings. Let’s see. (The players) must contribute to the game tomorrow.”
Photo via Reuters
The Pied Piper of Higuain may have opened the scoring for Los Albicelestes but it was Martin Palermo’s close-range effort that secured a crucial win 2-1 win over Peru last night. The Dona actually dived into the wet grass – on his stomach – in celebration. Lighten up, uncle. You don’t want the empanados to be flattened. He’s lucky that the Rain Gods approved of Palermo – except that the Boca man’s goal was ten years into the making.
“The victory gives us new life,” said The Dona. “It was a very dramatic finish. Now we go to Uruguay to play for a place in the World Cup.” And because ya’ll are in love with him, here you go…
That mop of hair Riquelme is smoldering belongs to none other than the Messiah. Obviously times have changed and one year on, no one would have anticipated his fall out with The Dona. And and if the rumours are true, Riquelme will be joining the Timão gatos at Corinthians next season. It’ll be pretty cool to see him with Ronaldo Lima… maybe even better than watching Veterans Football F.C that Milan are offering now!
“Corinthians called my representative several times,” Riquelme told Ole. “I don’t know if I’ll be contacting the club, but I’m right here. I have an important year ahead and want to do the best I can (for Boca). Let’s see if I am lucky to be champion again and after June 30, we’ll see what we’ll do.” Anyway, the rumored sum is believed to be U.S.$5 million a season and don’t worry, this does not include a large payout to Tevez’s shady agents.
So The Dona and gang have a mission to qualify for the World Cup. And obviously a place in South Africa is muy importante! As you can see, he probably cracked a ball joke in the photo above and Kind Messiah decided that it would’ve only been polite if he laughed along. The Pied Piper of Higuain, however, could not be arsed.
Meanwhile, Argentinean newspapers are alleging that he will quit (no matter the outcome) after these two upcoming games against Peru and Uruguay.
Anyway, The Dona wanted Carlos Bilardo to travel to Manchester to pressure Tevez and Zabaleta from playing against Aston Villa yesterday – which eventually happened. Zabaleta then arrived to join the Argentinean team with an injury and has resulted in The Dona having to improvise, find another player to replace Zanetti. All this has angered el tio.
“After these two games, I’ll see if I continue (with Argentina) and I will evaluate (what has happened),” he said. “At the time, Julio called me to his house and offered me the job, I said it was the happiest guy in the world. But then, there were things that I didn’t like and to continue (as coach), my conditions will have to be met,” he said.
Fotos de Reuters, AP
Messiah’s dad, Jorge Messi, has denied the threats alleging that a futbolista from the Argentinean team wants to break his son’s legs… Oh Veron, your time was over. Ok, ok, estamos solo bromeando! We’re only joking..
“If a teammate tells you that and continues to be called up to the team, something is wrong,” Jorge pointed out, following a radio interview made by the player’s lawyer, Marcelo Open. The Messiah was also said to “feel uncomfortable” around The Dona and Jorge vehemently denied this as well. Of course we all know he’d much rather be on his Playstation than eat chocolates with the coach.
Someone needs to produce a telenovela about this.
So the Albicelestes are facing another crisis – and this time, it involves a rift between The Dona and the squad’s general manager and former midfielder, Carlos Bilardo. Can’t anybody get along anymore?!
Anyway, it’s common knowledge that the coach didn’t call up any Europe-based players for Argentina’s friendly against Ghana tomorrow but now, it seems that The Dona has told Bilardo to “stay out of his decisions” because he “prefers a distance”. Bilardo also feeling bitter because apparently, his role as ‘general manager’ has been disregarded. He does not get a say in player selections or other decisions The Dona makes. Basically, his job is “to go and see the stadium and hotel.” Es insultante!
Also, according to Ole, Maradona told Bilardo that “the player lists, meetings … It’s all in the computer,” before adding: “After qualifying, we’ll see (what happens with you).”
Meanwhile, Boca’s Martin Palermo is hopeful that his performance on Wednesday will earn him a place in Argentina’s remaining crucial qualifiers. “(We) must seize the game if we have a chance to play in Wednesday’s friendly. We must be able to do things (in) the best way possible, to live for the moment, and then wait. Hopefully I can play against Peru and Uruguay,” he said.
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