Guti has quickly transformed himself into a disgruntled Real Madrid employee (oooh, ¡caray!) after being confronted by journos last week. It’s no secret that he has fallen out of favour with tío Pellegrini, so obviously they HAD to ask the million-dollar question about leaving the club (no, not that Ibiza dance club!) Yeah, we can almost sense the pressure and it’s not looking very good.
“I would like to end my contract at Real Madrid but it is also true that I would love to be able to play for another team,” he said. “To be able to enjoy another culture, to be able to enjoy another life, other team-mates, another league. It is true that I’ve had a very nice time at Real Madrid, that Madrid is a city where I wanted to live all my life, and now I want to leave Madrid.”
Oh, how apt! The Italian Football Oscars (Oscar del Calcio) took place one day after the Golden Globes and Ibracadabra won the title of Best Footballer for 2009. In his acceptance speech, he said he “missed Italy and Mourinho” as well, but is now growing “fond of Spain” (well… duh!)
Julio Cesar – who arrived late for the ceremony – and El Pato won for Best Goalkeeper and Best Young Player respectively, to which Pato said : “We will not play in the derby!” Meanwhile, Chiellini of Juventus won for best defender (or number of times one bleeds in the game) and the Best Italian Football Player award went to Daniele de Rossi.
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via Gettyimages, SportItalia
So these days, The Dinho’s form is picking up and everyone – your hamster included – believes there’s good chance he’ll be called up to the selecao. The dude’s still got it in him, of course, but what’s worrying is his fluctuating stamina. Sometimes, he runs like a florist on the way to pick up a basket of Daisies.
“He still likes to party into the night as he celebrated victory over Juventus in a nightclub,” said one Italian journalist, Mattia Fontana. “They said in December that he would be barred from the game against Fiorentina because of one of these escapades. But the game didn’t take place because of bad weather in Italy at that time. In other words, his behavior has not changed, but he found a coach who helped him a lot.”
All The Dinho needs now is consistency and looking at that photo above, probably a shampoo and conditioner from The Body Shop for El Pato’s dry hair. Futbolitas, time to go old school again…
via AP, Globo
This looks like an ad for D&G don’t you think?! Seriously, what is Palle d’oro even doing on the pitch? All of us already have nightmares of Luca Toni with his new number 30 shirt and now GoldenBalls has returned to wreak havoc on the city of Milan. Prepare yourselves, amici!
Well, at least Balls of Gold is honest with himself about that nightmare move to the Bernabeu in 2003. “I only won something in my last year at Real Madrid. I would have stayed in Manchester until the end of my career,” he said, implying that he does indeed regret listening to whispers from the coat-wearing uncles at Real.
In other news, only €63 million and Galliani’s fake acting separates O Pato from a Madrid move. They’re targetting a July transfer but of course he’s not che stupido, right?
The circus has returned to Milanello! With the return of Palloni d’oro (GoldenBalls Becks), photographers are clamoring to do the “Danger, Kuno Becker!” shots outside the training ground. Poor Boriello, all he wanted was to get home presto and unwrap his brand new 2010 Eros Ramazzotti calendar.
Speaking of Boriello, he recently did an interview with Vanity Fair where he proved just how much of an Italian Stallion he is. He declared : “I am a passionate, but I don’t depend on sex. Those who don’t have (enough) sex will find that it’s (lacking) in their lives. I’m lucky to know that if I want sex, I can have at any time. And then I like traditional things, nothing kinky, no transsexuals.” Qualunque cosa! You can almost imagine him saying that proudly with his 3-D glasses that he got from watching Avatar.
Here’s the rest of the Milan troupe with various “At The Wheel” facial expressions. El Pato looks like he’s seen Willy Wonka... seriously, mano?!
No no, not Ronaldinho but Patinho! The award is officially called the “Golden Boy” award and is given out by Italian newspaper, Tuttosport. It recognizes the best U-21 player in the game, and Pato won most of the votes this year – beating out Balotelli, Bobojan and Ghana’s Adiyiah. Quite amazing, for esse cara who hasn’t been called up to the selecao in recent months!
Anyway, here Pato waxes lyrical about his interest to see Rafael da Silva clinch the next edition of the award (from one jovem to the next!) and his memories at Internacional, where he was pretty much a cracker. Which is a nicer word for “douche”, which we can’t bring ourselves to say.
“I see many familiar faces. I like Jovetic, who eliminated Liverpool in the Champions League with a double. I like Balotelli, I like (Bojan) Krkicand I like Adiyiah, a very fast striker who made my cry Brazil in Under-20 World Cup final in Cairo where his Ghana won on penalties,” said Pato. “But above all, I can say I have many friends and countrymen in the list of candidates. Beginning with the Benfica defender Sidnei: we arrived when we were 11 in the youth team of Internacional in Porto Alegre and spent six seasons together. Then Rodrigo Possebon, now at Sporting Braga on Manchester United – he comes from the same school. And as for Rafael da Silva, I root for him to become the next Golden Boy.”
Don’t ask what happened to the defense, but Milan eventually defeated Cagliari 4-3 yesterday with goals from Seedorf, Borriello, Mr Sthefany and Ronaldinho.
“All four forwards scored, which is something very positive,” Leonardooooo said. “We had some problems defending and with coverage at times but that’s to be expected when you play with (four forwards).” Sadly, we don’t quite get his tactics but as long as they work and grandfathers like Ancelotti can only watch in jealousy….
Also, reports have emerged linking Gangsta Gattuso to Oil City in Manchester, which sounds to us like rubbish. “I often speak to Gattuso and it’s not true. There is no truth in claims that he wants to leave,” declared Leonardo. Quick Gattuso, say something smart!
Thiago Silva looks a little overwhelmed there, don’t you think? (“So Pirlo, you want a hug too? Ok, let’s widen the circle. Everybody make space”) He scored twice in Milan’s 2-1 win over Lazio yesterday, including an own goal for the visiting team! El Pato scored the other goal – a neat bouncing header that drifted in beautifully.
Anyway, it’s good to see cara doing well because he’s one of those players who nearly didn’t make it in the game – and had to work extra hard. Bom trabalho!
“In the locker room, I was made fun of by the others who said I achieved two goals,” said Silva. “The important thing was to have played well with personality. It’s hard to play against teams like Lazio, who have quality players who (play) well, but in the end we won and this is the most important thing. As for me I am happy to work well, they all speak well of me and I’m happy.”
What a great show the tifosi put on last night! Perhaps they couldn’t all contain their whistles when Ricky got hold of the ball, but they certainly showed their cuori che sono grandi (big hearts) nevertheless. On the pitch, it’s safe to say that Los Blancos played strikingly better than the first leg, even without the sadly missed Greaseano. Kaka is the Original San Siro homie so he knows the pitch inside out! Also, we were delighted to see The Pied Piper of Higuain in the starting line-up…bellezaaa. Benzema had a great night too, although we were prepared to call him the Circus Clown until he struck in the 29th minute. Kkk, for now… nous serons tranquilles!
“I am very happy with the welcoming I received. It means I did well during my stay in Milan. I want to do the same at Real Madrid in order to gain the same level of affection from their fans,” said Kaka (translates to : “Thank God they didn’t throw umbrellas at me.“)
Alas, despite numerous chances, El Pato’s beauty of a goal was disallowed. “I desperately wanted to score tonight, and to win, and I did that, but the referee cancelled out a perfectly good goal,” he said (watch the interview here). Eeee, quero apertar as bochechas!
Incrível! We guessed right… and Milan pulled off a shock 3-2 win over the Madridistas thanks to Pato’s killer last night. He’s going home to cry on his webcam now, but he can do whatever he wants! O Stef, bring out the candles… two goals against Real Moneda is something to scream about. Judging from the match last night, desculpe but Kaka didn’t shine as much as ya’ll expected. The Rossoneri actually played with some heart last night – save for The Dinho’s pathetic pace and Dida’s mistakes (actually, other than that, he wasn’t sleeping)
Also, we’ve established that Raul The Great One needs join King Juan Carlos’s court as a jester because his acting skills supersede that of Al Pacino. The Pied Piper of Higuain is a million times better than him and would have created more opportunities. Breaking out into a fight with Nesta was totally unnecessary. Quit being arrogant – you’re the capitano!
Said Kaka : “It was an evening full of many emotions. I found many (of) friends on the field. But the result was not good – we wanted to win. Right now we lack an identity - I knew Milan and I did not expect a team in disarray. Of course I was surprised to see them so aggressive in the beginning. As for Pato, he’s only twenty years and as I said, do not give him too many responsibilities: Give him time and you will see his talents. Tonight, he made he clear what he could do.”
Also, did you see how Pirlo and Ambrosini anticipated Kaka’s movements on the field? They are grandfathers all right, but they did not forget those six years Ricky spent training at Milanello!
As they say, tonight’s the night and what better way to celebrate one of the more poignant Champions League clashes to date, then huddling beneath an umbrella with Uncle Fester Galliani? Come on, è romantico, sì? Anyway, lovely thoughts aside, we all know what Kaka thinks about the game but everyone forgot Leooo! There will be a lot of hugs and kisses tonight, so don’t forget to grab a towel.
“They must improve a little bit and focus on returning Milan to what it was,” said Leooonardo.. “I would prefer not to face them this season but it’s better to do it now than in the final. I’m a Real Madrid fan but also support Milan and Sao Paulo.”
Ideally, they play to a draw and no one gets hurt. Enjoy the photos of Pepe dancing below!
Photos via Reuters & AP
Sorry, we’re literally laughing at that picture. Damn tipo, we know you want to answer to your critics and all that…but your facial expression will not summon a deal from Signor Armani anytime soon!
Anyway, Milan fans can now celebrate and sleep in peace for the next 2 days (at least) over their 2-1 victory over Roma. They had to come back after going one goal down in the first half, and thanks to the combo of Uncle Ron and Duckling, who pulled it off! That doesn’t mean that the Rossoneri crisis is over. They still needed the The Dinho to convert a penalty – a highly questionable decision. Everyone needs to be ready for Madrid on Wednesday.
“The most important thing was the incredible spirit we showed,” said Leonardo. “The three points are all well and good but the main thing is the desire we’ve shown in all our performances.”
“I always want to do very well for this team, and I feel that I have achieved this tonight,” added Pato. “A lot has changed for us over the past two weeks, and tonight we are very happy and satisfied with this victory. Doing well here, hopefully means a return to the Selecao for me, but I must I say thanks to Ronnie, as he played me in front of the goalkeeper.”
via GETTYIMAGES
Ohhhh Milan!! They’re living a nightmare after failing to pull off a win against Atalanta last night. And seeing that both The Dinho, Thiago Silva and Pato have not been summoned to Dopey’s squad for the remaining qualifiers (even though Brazil have already qualified… that says a lot), now they’d better all focus on working hard! Despite managing a 1-1 draw, one point is not enough. We’re talking about AC Milan here. What happened to their winning mentality?
“Unfortunately, we are going through a bad time because every game has turned out to be complicated. We lost a bit ‘away and now we have to recover. We could win the game, but unfortunately it went wrong,” said Nesta. Added Zambrotta : “Against us all the teams play on the counterattack. We (got so much) possession in the second half, but missed the goal.” Oh, how romantic.
Apparently, Uncle Fester is also annoyed with all the media attention surrounding Leooonardo. Well, he’s also pissed that The Dinho went out partying till 2am so clearly, they need a disciplinarian… someone like Mourinho. It’s not just a problem – it’s a crisis!!!
via REUTERS
The last we heard, El Pato wanted to buy a fantasy island with Sthef. Now, rapaz says he misses Kaka. Awwwwww. “Sinto saudades dele, mas estamos sempre em contato,” he told Chi magazine in Portuguese. In English, this translates to : “Kaká is a great friend of mine. I miss him, but we are always in touch.” Of course! We’re talking about the 21st century kid here… the Skype and Webcam King!
On a serious note (haaaah!), there’s nothing wrong with being affectionate. Plus, Kaka was amigo’s inspiration from Day One. It’s always important to find a reference point at the club – someone who understands you off and on the pitch. Not everyone gets invited to Gattuso’s backyard barbecues or Berlusconi’s raunchy parties, you know. Speaking of Botox Berlusconi (Barack Obama’s best friend), he still believes the Rossoneri are the best team in the world.
via Reuters
Pippo reminds us of that old uncle character who comes to family gatherings and tries hard to fit in with the young ones by casually mentioning Rihanna. He gets excited when the kids identify with him (phew, all that research!) and feels like he’s actually part of the crowd. Anyway, Zio Inzaghi – who is 36 by the way – scored a double to steer the Rossoneri to a 2-1 win over Lyon last night. Yes, Milan actually needed him to win the game. If you ask us, that’s really sad.
Nevertheless, a win is still a win and at least he achieved a record last night as his 70 goals in European football equaled Gerd Muller’s achievement. Also, Alessandro Nesta is back playing for Milan in the Champs League (after 13145 years). Say what you will, but he desperately needs to step up…
After 9 million years, El Pato is finally took advantage of his AC Milan celeb status and went to a Formula 1 race as Red Bull’s guest yesterday! Esposa Sthefany went along but choose to hide behind the mechanical engineers (as you can in the second photo). Yes, it is an intimidating experience to be in the paddock… but at least they were not standing with the tipos from Ferrari or Renault. The wrath of Flavio Briatore would’ve been like Uncle Fester G. on drugs all over again.
Seriously though… Rubens Barrichello???
via Gettyimages
El Duck struck twice yesterday to give Milan a win in their league opener against Siena. And with that, ombre is our first Sunday Señor of the start of the 09/10 season. Now now, let’s all sit down and roast beans by the fire!
“We have won which is good, because we seemed to have forgotten how to,” he said. “We had a great game and I have to thank my teammates for all the chances they made for me.”
Unforch, Siena’s players were unhappy with Pato’s apparent “showboating” yesterday and their midfielder, Simone Vergassola did not bother to conceal his annoyance. “Pato can play how he likes, but he must not make fun of us and do these little tricks. He showed a lack of respect and I clearly said that to [Marco] Borriello, Ronaldinho and [Alessandro] Nesta,” he said.
“Pato did this gesture with his hands, waving us on to try and get the ball off him. That didn’t seem very professional to me.”
It was the same gesture he did while snorkeling underwater with Sthef .. among the coral reefs and sea urchins! Simone needs a Siesta!
Aaaaah, futbolitas! What is happening to Milan? More importantly, has Leoooonardo been a little too lenient? Mr.Fine has only managed one win in the last eight games and truth be told, that is extremely worrying.
Milan lost to Benfica 6-5 on penalties last night in another one of those odd pre-season tournaments (this one’s called the Eusebio Cup….. what?) And their form has pretty much sucked as of late. They lost in friendlies against América, Chelsea, Inter Milan and Bayern Munich and only managed draws with Los Angeles Galaxy, Benfica and Boca Juniors respectively. Of course they lost the last two when it came to penalty shoot-outs.
“I saw good movement at the front, although Pato needs to improve his physical condition. Ronaldinho needs to give a little more and be more consistent,” Leo told La Gazzetta dello Sport.
Ugh, less talking and more action please. Send them all to Milanello bootcamp and make them worrrrrk! We’ve established that The Dinho can’t be arsed to return to his best… so the next possible solution is for Botox Berlu to open his cheque book adesso!
via AP
This man is a tragic case of Real Moneda’s Merciless treatment of their players. It’s like dating Greaseano – you never know when you’ll actually get dumped until he blatantly ignores your presence despite your efforts or laugh at your texts by the poolside (Herpey Hilton!!)
Anyway, Uncle Fester and Leooooo decided that it was about time they did something with the Kaka-Gold-Money-Pot. Like purchasing new strikers, for example. We’re not sure if this will work with Pato’s “I want to be a second striker” bitching tirade but let’s hope Christmas Elf Huntelaar gets more playing chances. What he can be assured of is the “Milan warmth”. The Rossoneri are probably the most family-friendly team in Italy and Huntelaar will be giving out candy in no time.
“Milan is a special place for the Dutch (players),” he said, upon his arrival at the Milan airport yesterday.
“I know Van Basten very well as he was my coach in Ajax and (in) the Dutch national team. Milan must have a good season.”
Thiago Silva scored his first goal for the Rossoneri in the Audi Cup yesterday – a game which they later lost 4-3 on penalties to Boca Juniors. It was nice to see the Brazilian scoring his debut goal for the Rossoneri.
Now let’s get down to los problemas, shall we niñas? Milan are clearly experiencing the drawbacks of selling Kaka and failing to invest in new players. The Married Duck had the best chances yesterday but left his boots in Bora Bora and decided that it was better to take a penalty and miss.
“Pato has not been in training for very long and he’s only had a few sessions with us,” said Leonardo. “He played almost a full game against Chelsea, but what he is lacking is training, also to understand the way we work in match situations. Therefore, he did not have the freshness that you need in front of goal.”
Excuses, excuses! Ya’ll better worrrrrrkk!!
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