Fútbolita

This is why we love Spanish and European football! There’s still so much solidarity and amor eterno between the players and teams, even after they’ve long left the club. Anyway, all this love happened yesterday to The Dinho at the Joan Gamper trophy challenge between Barca and Milan. The Brazilian was given a fantastic welcome back to the Nou Camp from the fans and Captain Puyolita (obviously, in that picture above, Dani Alves wanted to stand next to his friend and countryman but Fontas said “NO” with a strict face.)

Barca left their “play for pride” style behind and opted to relax instead. In the end, they still won 3-1 on penalties with The Dinho giving his boots away to a fan. O que é um grande homem! The kid will remember him for life.

via Reuters, Gettyimages

What’s this, isn’t the World Cup already over?! It appears not… porque seven of Barca’s men have arrived to play a friendly against Mexico on Wednesday. Before flying off, the boys put up at Hotel Meliá Baraja near the airport. And to all our Mexican chicas (yes, we know there’s many of you, jeje), you have everybody’s blessing to go ahead and Navastate their training ground with your eyes. Puyolita, on the other hand, can only offer a solitary wave in return…

“The fact we have won the World Cup does not mean that we no longer have goals and objectives to achieve,” declared Fernando Llorente. “We have to carry on as we have been doing with a view to winning as much as possible.”

via Marca

We know how many of you love to gloss over the gawjuz boys from La Seleccion but Puyolita is NO BUZZKILL. He is as important as Robert Downey Xavi and Mano Maravilla to Spain so ya’ll better appreciate him!

Anyway, the point of this is to inform you that the Spaniards aren’t distracted by Muller’s absence in tonight’s game. At least they know Ozil is the man they should be looking out for because he is just brilliant and should be playing for Brazil instead! So it’ll be a battle between Puyol and Ozil and probably Klose and Pique.

“We can be happy with the absence of Müller, as he is in great shape. Klose is a born goalscorer and he’s very fast. But the big surprise is Özil,” Xavi told German newspapers earlier this week.

FIFA has launched their official World Cup game (always a favourite – we once made Rio Ferdinand score 20 own goals because we had no bloody idea how to work it!) So while everyone looks like a bad replica of the Avatards in Red and Puyol’s hair is looking like take-out noodles, the facial structures are improving. Granted, I’m not sure who is supposed to be Dani Guiza or David Villa but Wedgiellas’s Frankenstein nose and chin debe ir… ahora!

And futbolitas, don’t you think Xavi’s virtual stylist applied  little too much hair wax for him? Apparently, over a “hundred changes” were made to this game, but someone please explain WHY Xabi Alonso is checking out the back of Wedgiellas’s hair! Oh, the madness of FIFA 10!

Bom dia!! It’s Friday… which means that it’s time to put everything aside for another installment of Crackòvia AHORA, because this is just one of the more brilliant elements of the show. Yes, it’s their “One on One” specials with the real futbolitos themselves!

This time, Puyol the actor faces off against the real Goldilocks. He basically asks the player a series of questions (including favorite player) and how to pronounce “Keita!” Goldilocks can’t decide on whether he’s pissed off or amused but it’s probably a bit of both – you can’t get too angry at these tipos!

Oh Pep, he’s totally saying “What dicha say about my PUYOLITA?” to that periodista huddled in the corner! And you’d better not mess, Lyon, because Barca know exactly what they want tonight and will probably go get it at the Nou Camp while singing “Cesc On!”

“Of course we can lose as Madrid did, without a doubt. It’s a huge challenge to make it to the quarter-finals, [to be] among Europe’s best, to equal Manchester United in reaching the quarter-finals for the third successive time. The team deserves the stadium to be absolutely full, I want the fans to back the team because we’re much stronger with them behind us,” declared Pep.

Speaking of Puyolita, here he is enjoying the morning sprinklers…. Lovely day, isn’t it?

via Reuters, AFP

Geri The Pout Piqué …. Quieres ser Sleeping Beauty?! This just shows how tired everyone at the Barca camp is and although we think the World Club Championship can be quite unnecessary at times, they’re all paid millions so they’d better work it!

Anyway, here we have the bevy of Barca beauties for you as they enjoy some “me time” on the plane. Xavi looks delighted to be sitting next to a wide-screen while Puyolita is feeling right at home with his black socks. How dare you judge! Meanwhile, the moment he lands, the Messiah is whisked away to the beaches of Abu Dhabi. Also, let’s not forget Ibracadabra and his fan… thumbs up, anyone?

Photos courtesy of Eduard Omedes

Is this the curse of Rubin Kazan? Even exasperated Pep has run out of hand movements to last the entire game… and you know that’s bad!

Anyway, after pulling off a shock victory at Nou Camp, everyone from the strange bloke who looks like Robert Pattinson on crack to the stray cat next door is wondering if the mighty Barca are really faltering. They were held to a 0-0 draw in Russia, so understandably, you’d be looking for holes in the cheese.

“We looked for a goal at all times, but the ball did not want to go in. It was very difficult to create chances,” said Puyolita after the match. “We knew they would play a very defensive game, with two lines of four players very close together. They have closed down the spaces very well. They have a number of players of great quality, and that are very dangerous on the counterattack. They are a great team.”

Here are some great photos from yesterday’s games… someone grab Wesley Sneijder a kite!

Photos via Gettyimages and AP

It’s Barca, Bojan’s giving you the lazy eye, and they thrashed Zaragoza 6-1 yesterday. What more can we say? For all those who can’t stop talking about the midweek loss to Rubin, Xavi wants you to grab an umbrella and sit down NOW.

“It has been proved that the cycle was not finished because the only difference between Rubin and Zaragoza was our success in front of goal, because our philosophy of attacking play is always the same,” he said.

As for Ibracadabra, y’know he was totally giving the Douche face when he said : “I am yet to reach my best level. It is great to win a game with six goals.”

Photos via Reuters and Gettyimages

Yeah, yeah, Iker we know you want to be Spain’s Minister of Wedgies but disculpe cara. You’d be better quick because our bets are on Geri-Florentino-Perez-Is-A-Lion-Pique. Besides, Zapetaro’s goth daughters already decided. They only want him.

Anyway, Goldilocks Puyol has finally renewed his contract with Los Cules and he’ll be at the club till 2014. Meu Deus! we’ll be 89 by then.

Xavi was so happy that his good friend is staying that he also signed an extension. “Carles has been here for many years – he is the soul of the team and therefore, this news is fantastic,” he said. “We started together here and in the selection and hopefully we’ll (retire) here. We’re both very much culés and we love this club which demonstrates their confidence (in us). It is a privilege to be here.”

Oooh, Commitment… that’s what we’re talking about! Anyway, enjoy this video of Puyi looking embarrassed…

Photo via AP

There were once a bunch of douchebags who were openly laughing at Puyolita at a dingy pub we went to. One our amigas couldn’t help it so she yelled : “He’s a Spanish and European champion. Are you?!!!!” We left early that night.

Anyway, Goldilocks is so important to the club that Xavi wants him to put pen to paper now and renew his contract! “They are two superb players who have so much for the club,” he told Sport, referring to Rafael Marquez and the club captain. “I am convinced that they can still contribute a lot more to Barcelona. I expect that everything will be sorted soon because their renewals are important for everyone.” Indeed.. Puyolita has been extremely instrumental to Los Cules’ achievements and he did it all without a haircut!

Meanwhile, if you’re wondering what happened to Jailbait Bobojan, he resumed training after a long injury layoff… so all you pervs can finally stop watching videos like these!

Photo via Gettyimages

Los Cules strolled to a comfortable 4-1 win over Racing last night thanks to a double from the Messiah and two additional goals from Pique and Ibracadabra. What else did you expect? For Puyolita to bag a hat-trick of own goals? That won’t be happening anytime soon! These folks are on a roll… and Pep Guardiola didn’t even need a mud bath.

“I am satisfied with the first and second half. We were serious throughout. We didn’t want to go crazy making unnecessary efforts, we passed the ball well and that made us stronger. We controlled the game,” Pep said after the game.

In other news, Samuel Eto’o is demanding around €3m (£2.7m) from Senor Laporta as part of the Barca to Inter deal. If he needs help, Potter Perez is just a phone call away…. or not.

By Miguel Riopa/AFP

All this photo needs is Goldilocks Puyol and the woods will be magically transformed! Greaseano’s pout is not helping the cause though, so we suggest he’d best get with the plan in Ireland, where Real Madrid’s pre-season training is taking place. According to Pellegrini, he’s been showing commitment as of late. “He is the first to arrive at a training session; he has fully integrated into the team and he doesn’t act like a star,” declared the Chilean.

Also, someone please tell Karim Benzzzzzema that lifting weights is not a sight to behold. Kaka who looks to be on a perpetual holiday break (with about 900 more weddings to attend in Brazil) was MIA, but you can expect photos of him and Greaseano stretching pretty soon – stuff that defines the art of Ferosha Fangirlism.

Amusingly though, after the training, several dozen local fans pleaded for Ronaldo to stop “walking and sign autographs” as camera crews walked through puddles to keep up. “I must go to training,” he said “Maybe you wait for me after.” He will also give you the eye if you have jet black hair and silicone boobs, so be prepared!

Also, Aofie Finneran from The Belfast Telegraph met the Madrid players yesterday. You can read her encounter here!

Goldilocks doesn’t think you should mourn or scream at his team for mysteriously losing out to the USA on Wednesday. Instead, you should all sit down and allow la seleccion to take this as a lesson as they battle for third place in the Confederations Cup.

“We know that in football is like this – one day you are the best but the criticism comes after the first defeat. But we must be prepared and this will help us to us grow. We have to start winning again, secure third place in the Cup and prove we can (beat our opponents),” he said.

“ We are thinking about the holidays, but we must fight to the end.”

Oh Puyolita! We hope that he eventually found a decent hairdresser in South Africa. You know he could work Lady Gaga’s bangs and still look the same.

That nina on the left is seeing stars. Look at the way she’s looking at Stable Boy Torres! Better still, she’s holding on to his arm for dear life. Oh what the hell? We’d probably touch his blonde mane first before asking a question but her reaction is epic.

Anyway, the Spaniards met a few fans outside their Bloemfontein hotel yesterday and happily (this applies to Uncle Del Bosque) signed autographs for them. Unforch, Xavi looks like a deer caught in ‘daylights’ while Puyol is frowning again. Sonrisa, hombres!

Photos via AFP

Goldilocks and co’ have arrived in Rustenburg, South Africa for the Confederations Cup which kicks off this weekend! And in the photo above, hombre looks pretty sly. Did Pujjjjol spot a hair salon by the corner? Oh, and it accepts international credit cards too!

Anyway, Spain will be playing New Zealand on Sunday (yes, they have a football team) and Grandpa Del Bosque would rather sit back and enjoy himself.

“We’re here as reigning European champions, but we have the utmost respect for our opponents. We’re taking on the role of favourites, and we will give our all, but the main thing is that the fans enjoy the tournament,” he said.

Techno raver Sergio Ramos looks genuinely excited about that mobile phone and Olala’s husband, Stable Boy Torres‘ facial expression just screams B-O-R-E-D.

PHOTO : AFP

Rome has transformed itself into a virtual tourist hotspot overnight. Visitors have flocked to take photos with the Champions League trophy – and even a caricature version of Puyolita. Here are some photos which stood out. Enjoy!

So while H.Potter Perez and his witchcraft amigos were in search of new wands yesterday, the real magic happened when Barca arrived at the Camp Nou carrying their Copa Del Ray trophy! Bobojan was clearly checking out a fan in the photo above. He’s 18, so everyone please chill and ignore this photo. Or maybe not.

By the way, why weren’t there any sporting streakers ready to run over the barricades to get to the players? Punch security in the balls if you have to. You know Puyol was waiting for it!