So the million dollar question for you Greaseañies today is – WOULD YOU TAP THAT? Well, mano looked pretty clean cut at at the launch of his “I’m wearing this for the World Cup” Nike boot launch yesterday. And the Portugal jacket looks ridiculously comfortable (almost like the blue/white selecao bootcamp ones!) Anyway, he also revealed that he speaks to Kaka a lot because they understand a common language and they both share hope for a Brazil/Portugal final on July 11. Você acredita? (do you believe?)
Here’s another brilliant Crackovia episode again – this time featuring two Barca presidential candidates on their way to watch Barca play Stuttgart. Nunez and Gaspart approach the counter to purchase a ticket at the airport – but Nunez is taken aback at the price. You’ll love his classic reaction!
We were surprised at Senhor Julio Cesar’s poor eye injury last night. It kinda reminded us of Rustu Recber, the intimidating Turkish goalkeeper who happens to be our amiga’s favourite goalie of all time – don’t ask. Anyway, it’s high time we applaud the Inter manos for their hard work – particularly Lucio, who has been hailed by the Brazilian press for his performance against Chelski last night. Also, what a stunner from Diegol…. and Cambiasso!!
Not gonna lie, the Pied Piper of Higuain is starting to really grow on us! Take out your flutes because he is now officially Los Blancos‘ top scorer – two goals behind the Messiah – after their 6-2 thrashing of Villarreal last night. It’s OK, Nilmaaar, você vai ficar bem.
And with each passing day, Kaka and Greaseaño’s Bromance is growing in strength and causing dandelions to fall from the sky. Manos should be competing at the figure skating event at the Winter Olympics! The judges will hold up empty placards and there will be an intermission because you know they too can’t help themselves.
Amigas, all we have to say about last night’s game is that the Rossoneri threw it away like a Carl’s Jr burger wrapper on a marshmallow stove. Despite The Dinho’s brilliance, men like Huntelaar and Dida need to be taken out because they obviously switched off in the second half and Leonardo couldn’t locate their manuals so that explains the 3-2 loss. Debería darte vergüenza! You should be playing for Disney FC and NOT AC Milan. Where’s the CLASS, hombres? You’re supposed to be the best European team in Italy with eight trophies… so act like it and don’t play like Merda!
And by the way, Rafael (who lost those luscious curls..!) did a pretty good job trying to cover the likes of The Dinho. What a hardworking menino. Um aplauso para ele, por favor. If you want Becks to reassure you…. watch the video below!
As for Los Blancos, they have a lot of incentive to reach the Champions League final so losing 0-1 away from the Bernabeu wasn’t such a bad thing. Não, este não é um caso de duplo standard – it’s just the fact that Real know that if they don’t make it to the finals, everyone will literally get into a bitch fit!
Greaseano seemed muito tranquilo about it all and said: “I’m calm. In this competition you have to suffer. I’m sure that we will give a good answer in the return game and that we will win. The Bernabeu will help us. We will have to give to give it everything from the first minute until the last. The tie is not lost.”
via AP, Reuters, FIFA
It’s time to celebrate this week’s Sunday Señor but seeing that it’s Carnival, Valentine’s and Lunar New Year weekend (for all our amigos chinos!)… we’re putting el futbol aside to share some fantastic photos from Brasil and parts of Europe! Yes, futbolitas, it’s Carnaval weekend and even Cafu joined the battle of the samba schools!! Contrary to popular belief, it’s never always about Adriano’s girlfriends… there was even a Ronaldo Lima float! Não se surpreenda. Sit back and enjoy.
via Gettyimages, Reuters
One upon a time, before the grease, step overs and the Jersey Shore Makeover, Greaseaño was a shy young lad. “Este menino tem potencial,” said a deep voice in his head while he was filing his nails in Madeira. Alas, today that young boy has turned into an exquisite creature – one who quickly morphed into a tipo legal in our books after a nice 1am phone conversation. There’s no point being in denial, futbolitas. You will discover it someday too. Also, in our opinion, Greaseano remains one of the most professional “jugadores” to date. So today, quickly pick up all the spray tan cans you can find and sing: “Feliz Cumpleañossssss!!!”
“Quien es mas guapo…. quien tiene mas sex appeal? Cristiano, tu Cristiano! Pim Pam Pim Pam…”
Oh finally, Diego and friends are starting to win… for the love of Ciro and Juve! We were starting to believe that the insults thrown at everyone from Felipe Melo to the boardroom were never going to end. But perhaps Napoli threw them a 3-0 lifeline (ok, in calcio Italia, no one ever throws you a lifeline…) which led to Del Piero’s and Diego’s goal.
Finally, here we have Greaseano WORKINGGG IT it for Armani! His eyebrows are trying to send a message to you in that photo so ya’ll better focus! The city of Milan is preparing itself for the larger-than-life ads to replace the Beckhams and before you grab that sandwich, do enjoy Greaseano’s abs and remind yourself that the mayo is never a good idea.
Meanwhile, Romario has been spotted all around Rio in his Ferrari with David Brazil, a famous club promoter in the country. We’re getting bad vibes from this photo, but really, they’re best friends more than anything else so there’s no need to dig up all those old clippings about Ronaldo Lima and the transvestites! And yes, they are really striking a ‘pose’ for ya!
via Ego, Ambito, Reuters
Little Twin Star - is that you?! Come on futbolitas, it’s a great photo (not only because Kaka is in it). Just look at the lovely snow in Madrid! Sometimes you just need to stop and kneel down in the middle of the pitch to truly experience it. Even Greaseano couldn’t help but feel a little bit envious, so he too gave up after being brought down for the 34,455th time and allowed the snowflakes to fall on his well-moisturized million-dollar… cheeks.
Anyway, Pellegrini’s Pack defeated Mallorca 2-0 yesterday, with goals from the Pied Piper of Higuain and Estie Granero. We must say that Pipita’s goal was muy impresionante and therefore, he fully deserves a place in The Dona’s rumoured World Cup squad list. Which still does not include Kun, of course.
Awwww, qué dulce! Greaseano visited Uzbekistan yesterday to see how they do stuff at FC Bunyodkor, the club which Scolari coaches and the same one which tried to buy Eto’o last year. Anyway, he held a football clinic for young players, visited the club’s premises and also the museum of football. For that, he received a cool €600 thousand euros.
Anyway, here is Crackòvia’s version of Greaseano cracking everyone up on Catalan TV. Crackovia is a skit show that pokes fun at Real Madrid – and Barca mostly. And yes… it’s absolutely brilliant (especially this one of Messi!)
You know Sepp Blatter is trying to give the Messiah dating tips there – but tipo ain’t taking it! Abuelo, you failed at the World Cup Draw and no one wants to go and watch Miss Universe tapes with you OK?! Anyway, we don’t have to tell you who the FIFA Player of the Year is because if you don’t know, go and stand by the window “immediatamente!” (we say that with Roberto Mancini’s voice).
In other news, Iniesta needs to hire a stylist as soon as possible. Last year’s fashion theme at the FIFA Gala was “Barbecued Dads” and this year is The Harley Davidson Crew goes Trick & Treating. Everyone looks pretty fierceeeee but Andres could’ve worn something other than my university jacket.
Meanwhile, someone needs to make Kaka the UN Ambassador of Peace. Everything that he says is peppered with sugar and spice and everything nice. For example : “Marta is amazing. Congratulations to her. It is the fourth year in a row. I hope she can be here for more and more years as well.” Not to forget : “Everybody talks about the Barcelona players who have won six titles, but Daniel (Alves) was the only man to win seven, because he won the Confederations Cup as well.” Kkkkkk, even Papá Noel himself is giving him evils now…
Greaseano’s like : “Imma stand right ‘ere and be cool.” Anyway, don’t forget to check out the video below where everyone is on stage enjoying the music (not really, FIFA forgot to commission dance classes for futbolistas). The Princess of Jordan is muito lindaaaa!
Check out Jorginho’s intensely confused facial expression there which screams :”Que diabos é Charlize Theron dizendo?” (what the hell is Charlize saying?) Don’t worry, you weren’t the only ones rolling in anguish yesterday during the 192-hour draw proceedings. Grandpa Sepp’s blatant flirting with the linda host was the highlight of the evening. Also, where on Earth was King Pele? He should’ve had his own special segment on stage! How dare they forget about King Pele!
Anyway, the next person to text us with “you’re in the Group of Death” will be strangled with a hot cross bun. Portugal haven’t been that impressive lately (on the brink of not qualifying… and seriously, 6-2 guys?) and as for Ivory Coast, if Drogba wants to dive, then sorry Luisao is going to have to cut that bitch. Do not mess – Brasil is Brasil, at the end of the day, vamos para a próxima rodada.
Also, for an inexplicable reason, Real Madrid made all their World Cup players line-up in a row to take the following photo at the Bernabeu. Dude, Higuain looks like an English gentleman from the 1700-era while Greaseano looks zoned out. Maybe he’s envisioning a separate showdown between Simao’s ass and Luis Fabulouso’s locks next year. Não podemos esperar!
We’re also sad to learn that Dopey has decided to step down as coach of the selecao. Many may have questioned his tactics (and starting line-ups, gah!) but his disciplinarian ways have come a significant way in shaping the current squad. We know all of you want Joel Santana to be the next coach….
So here comes Higuain, looking as suave as ever on the streets of Madrid. Lovely…! Anyway, the Madridistas all came together to attend Guti’s dinner celebration that the Fallen Favourite held to honour his “14 years at the club in the number 14″ on Wednesday. Raul The Great One couldn’t attend it because he had to be with his wife, Mamen, who is expecting her fifth child. Greaseano gave it a miss too because he was experimenting on the effects of Clear Shampoo on Mama Dolores’s new pet poodle. Kkkkk, the truth is his ankle injury is still being a bitch so he stayed at home cutting vegetables.
Nevertheless, everyone else (who was important to Guti) came and that included Iker Casillas, Kaka, Sergio Ramos, Xabi Alonso, Raul Albiol, Pepe, Karim Benzema, Marcelo, Arbeloa, Lass Diarra and (gasp) Gago. According to the gossip rags, no one stayed up late to partaaaay because of the morning training session they’re having today. Yeah right – you can bet Gago went to Pacha to look for Pellegrini.
Disculpe but Wedgiellas looks like a washed-out 72 year old David Hasslehoff clone…
Barca fans must be yelling “Ibracadabra Cha Cha!” all the way to work or school today… and yes, they have ever reason to be muy feliz. Look Madridistas, you cannot afford to have a finishing rate of 0.01 on a night as big as this and it was obvious that tipos like Marcelo Mastercard (no wonder he has been ignored by Dopey) were already thinking of Ibiza. We must say that allowing Benzema Bon Bon to watch episodes of Père et maire on the bench instead of starting the game cost the team greatly. Pipita already said he connects well with the man, so what was misty-eyed Pellegrini thinking?
Anyway, neither team really dominated the game but Barca capitalized on their chances first and in el futbol, you know what you get when that happens. It was nice to see everyone hugging in the tunnel (although there was no such love between Wedgiellas and Valdes, esta bien).
Well, Greaseano showed glimpses of his qualities in the first half, but decided that it was all too much when he suddenly had a revelation from Mama Leopard Dolores. Said Ramos the Raver :“These matches are decided by small details, and we didn’t take advantage when we had the chance. They did. It’s time to turn the page. We are confident knowing that we played well and that we tried our best.”
Added the wise and Senor Pep: “This was a very good test. It’s always difficult against Madrid but even more so when you go in as favourite and them as a big underdog. That’s when Madrid is most dangerous.”
Bruno Alves may be Portugal’s Man of the Moment, but our sad and forgotten hero is Greaseano. He returned to training with the Pellegrini Pack yesterday, after witnessing his national team’s narrow 1-0 victory over Bosnia. No one came to ask him if he wanted M&Ms during half time, so do forgive his bitterness.
“Seeing my mates down there on the pitch, and (the fact that I) could not help them was really hard. I felt helpless because the emotions are really different. I must admit I suffered (during) a very important game for Portugal,” he told the Spanish dailies, immediately after the game.
By the way, have you seen Mama Dolores’ leopard prints? That woman needs to be rescued by Andre Arshavin’s stylist pronto!
Desculpe, but it’s our third Greaseano Saturday in a row and unfortunately, his persistent ankle injury means that he’ll not ferociously parading around the field in the Derby Madrileno tomorrow. Yes, we hear the dejected howls all the way from the Moon, but they’re doing all they can for him in the trance land of Amsterdam, so ya’ll better APPRECIATE. Here he is with one of his 10024 assistants (now now, it’s not Rafaella Fico’s aunt) watching his favourite Sade music video.
“I don’t believe I will watch the World Cup on TV. I will be in South Africa because we will qualify. We’ve improved since the qualifiers, but it’s not easy. “I don’t play in all positions, so the bad form is not because I am not there. It is impossible to have a team at the top all the time; every team has its bad moments.”
“On a normal day we are usually at the studios, writing, cutting and producing news pieces or reports for our programmes. I record Real Madrid Life, the show that I present, every Thursday. It’s a nice day, as I get pampered by my make-up artists and stylists before I go on set!” Murray enthused.
And although she doesn’t get to share a lunch table with Florentino Perez (“He is a very busy man!”), Murray’s job with Real Madrid TV means that she boards the same plane as the Madrid boys when they travel to away games and also enjoys exclusive sit-down interviews with them. And in case you were wondering, that list includes Kaka and Ronaldo.
So Your Lady of perpetual Grease is enjoying a feet massage and earning £16000 a minute, just by just sitting there and being a Douche. Ok, não se zangue, he’s just recuperating and according to los blancos, he’s focused on “getting rid of (his) bone edema (injury) by lymph drainage, a process used to alleviate the damaged zone.”
“My ankle no longer hurts, I think I am ready to play,” he declared. Also, he wants to play the return leg of the Milan-Madrid game at the San Siro on November 3. Oh yes, they do need him now, do they?
In addition, Greaseano has been doing contrasting exercises in cold and warm water in the pool and has been at the gym toning his muscles. Meanwhile, his Amor Mio Raffaella Fico is nowhere to be seen (that’s not her fo’sho). And if you haven’t seen the edited version of his musical masterpiece yet, watch it below. Our housemates are throwing frisbees on the door for having it on loudspeaker. Ayuda!!!!
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