28th Aug 10
Ash
Who says it has to be Inter all the way? Atletico Madrid proved that football is truly an unpredictable game by winning the UEFA SuperCup last night. Parabeeeens!!!!
It's Kun Aguero and Benjie celebrating the SuperCup! Grandpa Dona was nowhere to be seen...
Photos via REUTERS
19th Jul 10 Ash
What could The Dona's son in law be up to now? / (Gracias Annie!)
31st Mar 10 Ash
These stories have no relation to each other – although Kun does qualify as a perro for what he did to Giannina! (¿quién se cree que es?) The photo of Aguero showing off his ink is pretty ancient, especially since he’s had that tattoo forever. Tipo, the whole black skull “rebel” shirt does NOT fit your image!
Anyway, The Dona got bitten by a dog on his own turf of Bela Ezeiza on Monday after he tried to kiss it (for real). You know Mezgaya tried to send the dog as a gift to rekindle their musical friendship, but it failed. The Dona then spent the night in Sanatario de los Arcos, a private clinic in the Palermo neighbourhood with his girlfriend, Veronica Ojeda, where he was discharged from in the last few hours.
1st Mar 10 Ash
After weeks of mercilessly making fun of Simao and tio Quique Flores, Atletico Madrid decided to snap their fingers and yell “¡Es suficiente!” to our faces. And we got the memo after they gave Valencia a 4-1 thrashing yesterday. Yes Kun, we know you’re thrilled but Valencia were down to nine men… so that’s a vantage point, tipo!
“We have recovered our football, the mood and feeling. We have a string of good results and are in good form. The team maintains a regular basis and we believe that we have a good dynamic,” said Flores proudly after the game.
Can Rojiblancos maintain this form or return to empanados again?! Diego Forlan rightfully deserves the belated Sunday Senor title so Applause, por favor!
12th Feb 10 Ash
Awww, so much love between Tiago and Kun! Despite losing 3-2 to Racing Santander last night, Rojiblancos are still going to meet Sevilla and His majesty, King Juan Carlos I in the Copa del Ray final. Well KJC (that’s the cooler short form of his name) will probably be quite annoyed that his favourite player, Raul did not make it to the finals but at least he’ll get to reward the other Madrid this season if they win it. It’ll be exciting!
15th Jan 10 Ash
Finally, all these months of sulking and lack of form have passed and Kun Aguero is starting to score again – in the right places, por supuesto! It’s pretty difficult not to refer to The Dona when a photo of Kun comes up because you know they’re perpetually bounded by Benjie and baby pacifiers for the rest of their lives.
Anyway, we’re afraid that Kun’s GolScramble against Recreativo Huelva in their 5-1 victory is only the beginning. He’s trying to squeeze his way into that Argentinean line-up - the one written by The Dona as he ate the Family Saver meal in a fit of rage at Chuck E Cheese. Everyone knew that Gianinna was Kun’s golden ticket, but he had to go mess that one up… so hermano, it’s time to get to work!!!
29th Dec 09 Ash
Alan Kardec is now officially a Benfica player! Of course you remember him… he’s the U-20 Brazil wanderkid from Vasco. Yes, there are thousands (and probably millions) of “Brazilian Wanderkids” but damn, tipo over here is a fineeeee one! Anyway, upon his arrival in Lisbon yesterday, Kardec spent 2 hours at the airport finalizing legal documents and unfortunately, did not grant interviews to any of journalists. But that’s because none of them were wearing bikinis!
Ah, lovely! Senhor Mourn-In-HoHo was at Stamford Bridge to witness Diving Drogba in action last night. Ever the hardworking coach, Mourinho is already taking notes prior to their Champions League encounter with Chelski next February. This man is a workaholic and you can almost imagine him saying, “Please don’t call me arrogant but in Jose world, there is no room for mistakes.” Oh please, in Jose world, there will be a special corner selling Ballackwursts, Ibrahimovic posters at half-price and CDS containing trance remixes of “I think I’m the special one” How can you not be arrogant if you have all that?!
That’s Kun Aguero in happier days… before he pulled a Tiger Woods on Gianinna, of course. Sometimes, all you gotta do is to stop being a Douche and everything can be normal again. And perhaps things are looking up for Kun (maybe not in the national team – if The Dona really believes that blood is thicker than water) according to the latest round of gossip.
Now, it seems that Potter Perez wants to bring Kun to Real Madrid next July and is willing to shell out €60 million paid out over time like structured settlement annuities are to see him wear white. He doesn’t mind Villa either – but it seems pretty unlikely at this point. As for Kun, in order to complete Phase 3 of the glitzy Bachelor lifestyle, he must move to the Bernabeu. Because, que es lo que quieres, verdad?
3rd Dec 09 Ash
So a sad day has come, and according to reliable sources in Argentina, Gianinna and Kun Aguero have officially parted ways. Kun has already packed his bags and left the family home following allegations that he cheated on his wife with a dancer. So it isn’t just Tiger Woods who should be avoiding the feminism society these days!
Anyway, gossip rags are saying that Kun is “not used to married life” and that the emotional discomfort he is facing at home has led to his dismal performances on the pitch. The main problem was he wasn’t comfortable idea of raising a family yet and while he initially showed good behavior, over time the relationship began to crumble and Gianinna often ‘questioned’ her husband’s frequent nights out.
For now, her intention is to stay a while longer with Benjie to save the relationship. But if it does not work out – according to people close to the family – Gianinna could return to Argentina with the child. By the way, what does The Dona have to say about all this and will blood be thicker than water in his team selection? (via La Nacion with thanks to Kickette).
On the eve of the star-studded World Cup Draw, Mickey Mouse’s Muse aka David Beckham remembers Nelson Mandela! What a great PR team he has… “When I was last here with England, I had the honour of meeting Nelson Mandela. That was the highlight of my career; to meet such a great man and a strong man and such a passionate man about sport and life will always stay with me.”
Lastly, your favourite pair of Brazilian gêmeos happened to arrive at the same time as their coach in a UNICEF benefit earlier this week. They tried to tell their older brother to drive slower but…it was too late, and they got out into the pavement at the same time! Look at Rafael’s face. Nós queremos beliscar-la!
1st Dec 09 Ash
14th Nov 09 Ash
What is Spain’s key to beating Argentina tonight? If you believe Uncle Del Bosque, it’s being tranquilo (“even when you’re on a plane that’s about to crash…” a Brazilian reporter once told us).
“We must always be thinking about maintaining our enthusiasm, because there is no comfort zone. We must have more excitement, more effort, more desire to win every game. A World Cup is coming which is exciting for everyone but we can’t go thinking we are unbeatable,” he said. Nando Blondie is out of today’s game so David Villa is expected to start in place of him as a sole striker.
Also, The Dona has hailed Messiah - despite not being given 100% access to his hotel room… still. “He must be the owner of the team. He knows it. We have the best player in the world in our team,” your favourite coach declared. “We will give him lots of responsibility. He is doing the work that I have asked of him. I am very happy with Messi.”
Awww, we hope Kun is not writhing with envy now. Siéntate, papá!
7th Nov 09 Ash
Vale, you gotta admit that Baby Benjie is adorable but bears no resemblance to his grandpa, The Dona. He does however, look a lot like Kun Aguero. Speaking of your favourite Grammy award-winning singer, he has been included in the squad list for tomorrow’s Madrid derby. Quique Sánchez Flores hasn’t decided if he’ll start yet….but all Kun needs to do is to send Resino’s successor a copy of his EP and the decision will be made immediately!
“Kun is so young that I still think that he does not know his body well,” said Flores. “He has very different feelings – very different and it contradicts what he’s able to contribute, but he is 20 and he’s a guy who is getting to know his profession, his body and his feelings. Let’s see. (The players) must contribute to the game tomorrow.”
11th Sep 09 Ash
via Reuters
“The loss to Brazil killed us – we were very discouraged. It was a tremendous blow to our morale. We were very ill and knew that against Paraguay would have a very difficult match. What did Maradona say? It’s the same for us. When you lose, nobody wants to talk. Diego is as concerned as we are. I think next month, when we play with Peru, we do our best to win and then play for qualification against Uruguay,” – Kun Aguero, before flying back to rejoin his club, Atletico Madrid.
2nd Sep 09 Ash
via GettyImages
Yes Kun Aguero, we know you’d like three additional kids in future with The Dona but lighten up lady!!! Messiah is unimpressed and you’d best leave all the petty family talk off the pitch.
Anyway, the Argentinean tipos have started their training sessions under the watchful eye of Kun’s suegro. And already, Messiah has isolated himself from the rest of the team (naturally). He sleeps in a five star hotel with an entourage comprised of his brothers Rodrigo and Matías as well as a Barca rep, Juanjo Brau. He doesn’t watch TV or listen to music, said Argentinean journalists, but spends his time on PlayStation instead. The football association claim that they “don’t want to isolate him completely” – but they seem to be doing exactly that.
“It’s harder to talk to Leo than Obama,” joked The Dona. Or maybe it’s just a tactic by the Albicelestes to get our hombres to relax about the prospect of facing a lethal Messiah. Não, não!
31st Aug 09 Ash
via Reuters
The Valencia kit designers obviously had too much of a Dark Knight experience…. so it doesn’t matter if Juan Mata and David Silva look like they have extra chest hair. Valencia defeated Sevilla 2-0 and Freddy Kanoute was sent off for two “unfair” challenges in Unai Emery’s opening test of the season yesterday. The other goal came from Pablo Hernandez.
“We have passed one test and will continue studying for the next one,” said the Valencia coach.
Meanwhile, poor Atletico fell to a 3-0 defeat at Malaga which saw goals from Nabil Baha and defender, Manu (in his full league debut) before Xavi Torres added a third. ¡que pasaaaaa la gente?!
“It was our worst game since the pre-season,” said coach Abel Resino. “We have to keep working to rectify these mistakes because the league has only just started.”
26th Aug 09 Ash
via AP
Benjie’s dad scored a double yesterday to sink Gilberto Silva’s Panathinaikos… and with that, Atletico have won the right to compete in the Champions League! Sadly for the Greeks, they will play in the “Europa Cup”, formerly known as the UEFA Cup. Yeah… it’s always painful to settle for second best. My dad called once called UEFA Cup the “Losers Pool” until Milan played in it and he had to keep quiet for the rest of the season.
Anyway, you remember Djibril Cissé, don’t you? The Matrix wannabe was sent off in the second half for an unfair tackle on former Palmeiras player, Paulo Assunção. No surprise though – pote tried one of his infamous moves but picked the wrong game to star in. Très triste en effet!
The championship draw will take next Thursday, at 13h (GMT) in Monaco. Be ready, futbolitas!
3rd Jul 09 Ash
A model named Luisana Varacalli has been going around telling people that she spent a hot night with Kun Aguero at a nightclub, thus cheating on Gianina behind her back. Varacalli also confirmed that she has “photos” of their time spent together. Alas! Those allegations have come crashing down and the couple can now live in peace with Benjie‘s Premium Disney Channel subscriptions.
“It’s all a lie. She used it to get attention from the press. We were never with Kun, ever ” said Noelia Barrios, who is friends with Varacalli. “We stayed that night at the bowling alley in Kika and had a drink in the VIP area – (that part) is true. But we arrived together and we all left (the place) together.”
By the looks of it, no one would ever dare to step on The Dona’s head so Varacalli probably popped too much pills or dreamt up the whole encounter. In an interview with Primicias Ya, the wannabe-WAG said : “I think people on the streets really believe me and are on my side. I will wait a while. I know that sooner or later, I will communicate with Kun or someone else.” Enjoy the wait!
11th Jun 09 Ash
So we’ve kinda established by now that Chelski are in need of a striker to partner the Diving Drogba. Besides Pato – who is obviously exasperated about Kaka’s move to Spain – other names in Chelski’s list include David Villa and even Clarence Seedorf. They want it all – keep your nephews and sons out of sight!
The latest name that’s been thrown into Ancelotti’s Macbeth-witch pot is Kun Aguero Papa. And this, despite the common knowledge that he’d rather play in Spain and that his father-in-law isn’t well-received in England and vice-versa. The Dona advises Kun about everything from how to free himself from his marker to Benjie Aguero’s baby clothing brands. And we’re willing to bet that he told Kun to stay at Atletico and makes all his transfer decisions for him.
With The Dona’s bad press in England, you can write off Kun’s move to Chelski – unless Ancelotti, by some miracle, manages to convince both parties otherwise. Keep stirring Uncle Carlo…
10th Jun 09 Ash
Pay close attention to this – it’s Argentinean Football’s homage to Three Men and a Baby, except that four of their players have kids. And it seems like the Messiah is not amused!
Well, at least he doesn’t have to endure another one of these “Baby Baller Anthems” prior to kick-off. The Dona will not start him against Ecuador later today. Messiah has a yellow card to his name and Dona doesn’t want to risk losing him for the Brazil game in September. Mascherano will also not be playing as he picked up a yellow card against Colombia last weekend.
Brasil had a pretty tough time up at Quito the last time, so all the best to Argentina. The 2,800 metre altitude is not to be messed with! Well at least the fans who bought the tickets (below) can be assured of a good time.
Photos : AFP
8th Jun 09 Ash
Proud daddy Kun Aguero may not be interested in Real Madrid but he doesn’t mind joining their rivals, Barca. That is subject to The Dona’s approval of course. You can’t marry into the Maradona family without him deciding on your football future. He even makes sure that Kun doesn’t watch videos of Pele’s on YouTube!
“I will never betray (Atletico) because I was always treated very well. If (I played) for Real Madrid, I will lose the fans’ respect,” he said.
The bigger surprise was when he implied that he’s open to joining the Catalan Caras.
“I hope Messi can help (me to) join the team, but it’s a matter of waiting for the leaders to decide,” he said.
6th Jun 09 Ash
Awww… isn’t that just so sweet? Messiah is hugging an old fan – and it isn’t just a random amigo of The Dona’s, in case you’re wondering (it’s actually his father!) Because if you get close to Maradona’s dad… the benefits will be great!
Speaking of The Dona, he’s pissed that the pitch that Argentina will play on tomorrow against Colombia has been used for a rock concert – comparing it to that of a waste ground.
“It’s disastrous.I hoped we could look for another stadium but I was told that River (Plate’s) is the only one approved by FIFA,” he said. “I’m not bothered about River wanting to earn money but I think they should be able to organise the dates properly.”
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