Fútbolita

You know Sepp Blatter is trying to give the Messiah dating tips there – but tipo ain’t taking it! Abuelo, you failed at the World Cup Draw and no one wants to go and watch Miss Universe tapes with you OK?! Anyway, we don’t have to tell you who the FIFA Player of the Year is because if you don’t know, go and stand by the window “immediatamente!” (we say that with Roberto Mancini’s voice).

In other news, Iniesta needs to hire a stylist as soon as possible. Last year’s fashion theme at the FIFA Gala was “Barbecued Dads” and this year is The Harley Davidson Crew goes Trick & Treating. Everyone looks pretty fierceeeee but Andres could’ve worn something other than my university jacket.

Meanwhile, someone needs to make Kaka the UN Ambassador of Peace. Everything that he says is peppered with sugar and spice and everything nice. For example : “Marta is amazing. Congratulations to her. It is the fourth year in a row. I hope she can be here for more and more years as well.” Not to forget : “Everybody talks about the Barcelona players who have won six titles, but Daniel (Alves) was the only man to win seven, because he won the Confederations Cup as well.” Kkkkkk, even Papá Noel himself is giving him evils now…

Greaseano’s like : “Imma stand right ‘ere and be cool.” Anyway, don’t forget to check out the video below where everyone is on stage enjoying the music (not really, FIFA forgot to commission dance classes for futbolistas). The Princess of Jordan is muito lindaaaa!

via AP, Reuters

Aaaaand Raul Albiol appears to be impressed with Nando’s penchant for descriptive storytelling! A proud papá moment, indeed and you know rapaz asked everyone (including Raver Ramos) to be Nora’s godfather.

Anyway, la seleccion have lost David Villa to injury and Madrid’s youngster Alvaro Negredo has been called up to replace him. “This is the happiest day of my life. The chance to go with the national team doesn’t come around often. It’s been a long time coming. I am so happy, and for any player this is the ultimate,” he declared.

Meanwhile, the Spanish football Association celebrated their 100th anniversary yesterday and Spanish Prime Minister, Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero finally received a jersey of his own. It’s about time… seeing that Lula probably has a dozen stored away! He also launched the “1 Goal Education For All” international campaign with Puyolita yesterday, which promotes education for everyone and Titipo Henry also supports the cause. The prime minister also scored a penalty against Iker Casillas yesterday – and obviously, Wedgie let the ball through… duh!

Following up on our previous adventure with the Foreignchester United squad, here’s a little bit on our Liverpool experience which took place a few days later… as promised. Lo siento para la retraso.

Firstly, we met our friend Lucas Leiva (who loved our newspaper article on him and sent us a text message about it!) He was painfully shy throughout the entire trip. Xabi Alonso was also pretty moody when we saw him and looked at us weirdly when we were exchanging hand signals with Lucas on the bus. Also, Rafa Benitez is the coolest entrenador we’ve encountered so far. Whenever we shrieked “Rafa, que huboooo?!!“, he’d wink, give us a thumbs up and reply.

The highlight for us was obviously speaking to Stable Boy Fernando Torres at a Carlsberg event. We were separated by a coffee table and had to kneel near the microphones to avoid hitting the TV cameras but we were face to face with hombre! Nando answered our questions in Spanish and even asked if we wanted a reply in English. And yes, he also spoke about Olala and Nora and said they were both very well and resting at home. Nando was polite and pretty normal, if you ask us! He laughed at everything around him and seemed really amused by all the attention. 

Also, Pepe Reina is as loco IRL as he is with la seleccion. He’s really funny and someone needs to show him more love! Enjoy the photos. More under the cut.

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Ah, there’s so much going on in this photo. Ramos the Raver must learn to let go of Villa. After all, it’s been confirmed that they won’t be teammates at club level next season!

South Africa coach, Joel Santana, however, must quickly sign up for English lessons if he does not wish to incur the wrath of everyone who watches the post-match interviews. “Depois the jugadores tranquilo played very well” is the sentence of the year.

It sucks to play for third or fourth place… but at least you’ll get to enjoy the rest of your ‘trip’ knowing that nothing else can be done. Stable Boy Torres thinks there’s no such thing as ‘favourites’ in the Confederations Cup anymore. Yeah, because Spain were favourites and are now forced to play in the losers pool…

“I think the USA have a good chance of winning against Brazil,” he said. “In moments of great importance, there’s no such thing as favourites.”

Like his captain, Puyolita, Torres maintained that he isn’t thinking about the holidays. God, these Spaniards are too serious. Grab a Kinder Bueno already from Cescy’s backpack!

Torres added : “What matters to me is winning before leaving on vacation.”

That boy on the right seems to be completely mesmerized by Stable Boy’s lovely hair up there. Wouldn’t you be too if you were standing in the tunnel?

Anyway, David Villa scored the winner for Espana yesterday against Iraq and Xabi Alonso’s quick thinking decisions earned him the Man of the Match award. Just like that, Spain are in the semis of the Confeds!

Photos : Getty Images Sport

When we heard New Zealand were playing in the Confederations Cup… and meeting the selección in their opening game, all sorts of ideas and stereotypes started forming in our heads. Sadly, we half-expected Tana Umaga to make an appearance during the match and follow this up with a pre-match haka! The New Zealanders would be in all black! There would be a kiwi on the field! It would be like a party.

Except none of that happened and Spain thrashed the living daylights out the kiwis with a hat-trick from Stable Boy Torres and goals from Fabregas and Villa. The folks on twitter were complaining about the pathetic match turn-out and we echo their sentiments. This is Spain after all!

“The truth is that it was a great boost for the team to come out and start like that,” Torres said after the game.

“I don’t think you or they are surprised by what happened on the field,” New Zealand coach Riki Herbert said. “It was always going to be tough for us, but we still have two big matches left.”

Just for the record, ya’ll know Ramos the Raver would win that Tana Umaga stare hands down.

Photos : AFP

Goldilocks and co’ have arrived in Rustenburg, South Africa for the Confederations Cup which kicks off this weekend! And in the photo above, hombre looks pretty sly. Did Pujjjjol spot a hair salon by the corner? Oh, and it accepts international credit cards too!

Anyway, Spain will be playing New Zealand on Sunday (yes, they have a football team) and Grandpa Del Bosque would rather sit back and enjoy himself.

“We’re here as reigning European champions, but we have the utmost respect for our opponents. We’re taking on the role of favourites, and we will give our all, but the main thing is that the fans enjoy the tournament,” he said.

Techno raver Sergio Ramos looks genuinely excited about that mobile phone and Olala’s husband, Stable Boy Torres‘ facial expression just screams B-O-R-E-D.

If you’re like us and can’t stop watching those viral videos featuring Sr. Torres, than don’t despair. He’s been quite serious as of late and has stopped starring in gems promoting dodgy hair salons.

Instead, Stable amigo’s focusing on the futbol – particularly next week’s crucial second-leg fixture against Real Madrid.

“My ankle is better, but recovery is slow. I hope to be back against Real Madrid and Man United – two impressive games. The injury left me upset, and (I’m) not moving as fast as I expected. Anyway, I’m optimistic and I hope to play,” he said.

Good news for Real, perhaps?

We literally rolled out of our seats at this one.

Stable amigo Fernando Torres has admitted that he would like to be on the English Television show ‘Dancing on Ice‘ which shows celebrities learning the art of skating.

“The program is good and I love watching TV. There is a program called “Dancing on Ice” where a celebrity dances with a skater. It is very artistic and elegant. Sometimes a celebrity falls and is very fun. It must be difficult. One day, perhaps, you might also see me in the program,” he said.

There are so many things wrong with that statement, but we applaud Torres for staying true to himself. He probably fired his PR spokesperson. The question is… who’ll be his partner on the show?!

We didn’t mean to completely ignore them but the Spanish seleccion will take on England in a few hours, which means it’s time to brew the coffee.

Enjoy sifting through the photos of Uncle Del Bosque, Sr. Torres and his mane because you know you will never be able to forget his series of viral advertisements, EVER. In fact, why not relive the moment?

Here’s another classic Torres ad and this time it involves a training school for dogs. In it, the Stable hombre can be seen issuing strict instructions to the canine creatures and in the beginning, he says “shit” (which actually means ‘sit).

Of course, you must be living under a rock if you haven’t seen the rest. They’re all remarkably bad but you know you love them all the same.

My mum’s starting up a bridal biz, Nando, perhaps you could be of some help to her.

You may be familiar with Stable amigo’s slew of recent LOL-inducing ads and we’re happy to report one more addition to the family. Here’s a vid of Torres promoting Club de Tenis Saque Directo at Vicente Calderon. There’s a priceless moment where he’s looking slowly from left to right – imitating a tennis umpire. Another shows him ‘hard at work’ practising.

We insist you enjoy it, Futbolitas.

Fernando Torres is the undisputed king of cheesy ads, but he makes them all work. In this latest creative venture by the Liverpool ace, our favourite Stable Boy is out to promote a salon in A Coruña, called ‘Gessbra’.

Seriously, please stop doing what you’re doing and watch it, Futbolitas!

You know this picture kinda reminds me of a Family movie about 5 brothers with completely different personalities. Then they all come home for Christmas and create a ruckus within the family home. Steve Martin should team up to do one about footballers.

Stable boy, Torres tussled hair looks a little too casual for a Fifa Gala .. don’t you think? It doesn’t matter though, since all of them changed into their suits shortly after. We don’t need to tell you which one of them won, but Marta did it again shortly after announcing her move to the USA.

Sylvie van der Vaart had the honour of hosting the event with her whiney voice. Hair Grease did his entire speech in Portuguese which you can watch below. And Pele tried to remain relevant again but even Ronaldo’s mild ‘obrigado’ wasn’t enough to hide his dislike – perhaps – for the statements Pele made about his preference for Kaka’s attitude.

I would like everyone to take a break from the buzz surrounding Brazil and Portugal now and we will do that that by talking about footballer ad campaigns. Sportsman Street Perfume recently hired Fernando Torres to be the face of their interesting new video ad. Although the lanky striker looks like a stable boy, who really cares! The ad is simply smokin’, futbolitas!

See More!

El Nino’s jumping off buildings and doing acrobatic stunts in this one… it looks like high fashion potential.

Watch it here!

SPAIN. Deserved campeons of Europe… I must say. Nothing else justifies the 44-year drought better than this sweet win. It was unbelievable to see Iker lifting up the trophy man… Spain have fought hard for the last six years and you can see it in the way they’ve played at every single International match. They were unlucky in Korea, unlucky again in Portugal.. but this time, they really got it!

About the match, everyone is saying Torres goal didn’t do justice to the “huge” celebration. Well, admittedly, Germany dominated in the opening ten minutes and the Spaniards looked beside themselves. It must’ve been the nerves because later, Ramos managed to execute his flank runs (again) and although Fabregas was clamped in midfield, he did deliver the balls that Torres needed, no matter how fast they were. Everything about yesterday’s game wasn’t in Germany’s favour… and it’s pretty obvious (well I’d put it this way) that Spain were meant to win it. The referee was a little dodgy I must admit… but the odds were never against Spain throughout the 90 minutes. Germany fought long and hard but in the end, they couldn’t match up to us. I’d give them credit in that they’re fighters and when you’re 0-1 down, that’s all that matters.

The Man of the Match award went to Torres, but I think we must all give credit to David Silva, Ramos, Casillas and Senna for their outstanding performance throughout the game. Ramos even paid tribute to his Sevilla team-mate and good friend, Puerta who died last year. Overall, I think Spanish football deserved what it has gotten. We truly are the best league in the world (the next time someone tells me about the deft and swiftness of the EPL, I will stuff a cow into their mouth).

Viva La Espana!

WE’RE IN THE FINALS!

WHAT A MATCH. Fabulous Fabregas came in and totally changed the pace of the game when Aragones fielded him. Spain’s strength throughout the tournament has been their slick passing (omg have you seen that). And they’ve continued this run. It’s like magic. Ramos was constantly running up and down the flanks, pulling a Real-Madrid-Brasil Roberto Carlos in his prime years. David Silva and Marcos Senna were at right place at the right time. Casillas did some of the most incredulous saves I have ever seen in my frickin’ history of watching him play. You know all that matters is that Spain deserve to be where they are right now. They were always good on paper, but luck has never been on our side.

We meet Germany in the finals, and we’re going to need a whole lot more than just luck. They will always be the best team in Europe, with the best football. You’d better believe the Spanish play the best in that continent.

Yes, I did it. I ditched the second half of Germany-Turkey to finish up some work. That’s some boring shit right there… where’s the excitement we got from the quarter-finals? Or maybe it’s just an unfair hatred towards the Germans. They are really cunts.

Thanks to procrastination, I am not at the stage I’d like to be right now. Also, RecycloFashion got invited to give a talk next Friday at a cool event called Pecha Kucha and there’s free beer (not that I care), so we’re preparing the slides now. Except that the format’s straying away from your conventional 6p and we’re going to make it image intensive. Do come and say ola! Also, there’s an eco-launch this Friday we’re supposed to attend and the dress code is ‘Design Chic’. Interesting… so you can come with a vintage stool over your head and everyone’s going to smile at you and say that it looks completely natural.

Work on the fashion show has started officially, after a month and a half of throwing ideas around. The school wants us to do one as well except the people handling the event we’re featuring in are complete idiots with their utter unprofessionalism etc.

I don’t want Spain to get killed off by Russia. Arshavin, you look like you can be Russia’s Next Top High Fashion Model. Please go and live that dream. All that guy needs is a shitload of face powder and he can be the face of Dior Homme. VIVA LA ESPANA. And Ramos better defend to his death tomorrow.

Helloooooooooo there.

So Portugal’s Euro 2008 dream is effectively over. And as Brazil’s former colonial brothers, it was almost like seeing the Selecao themselves eliminated from a championship. Portugal had a hundred chances but didn’t make use of it like they should’ve. Germany only had three chances and converted all three of them into goals. And in the end, you wonder why the Germans had so much space at the flanks to roam. Deco’s run-ins came too late, and Scolari decided to field Gomes as the lone striker at such a crucial time.

The Germans are known for their incredibly boring defensive tactics and relying on 1) Corner kicks 2) Tap in goals 3) Man-marking to death. They did just that last night. Playing the most boring football in the world as usual, just like England. Scolari could’ve at least fielded Nani from the very first minute. Gomes is like Portugal’s answer to Luca Toni. Both have been firing blanks and making the midfielders do all the work for them. I’ve never seen Deco and Ronaldo create more perfect through-balls than yesterday.

You know what’s funny was I had the longest sleep after that and dreamt that Portugal won 5-4 on penalties. Deco scored the winning goal. In my dream, he was actually running real fast and the commentator had gone absolutely berserk. Waking up was a bitch.

On hindsight, many things have changed about this Portuguese squad. Ronaldo, four years ago, was like the 18-year-old Kaka in Korea/Japan. He’d cry or blame the referee for every small decision that was made. But yesterday, he played the role of a very composed young captain, even when Portugal was two goals down. Very impressive for a player I loathed for his utter arrogance. And yes, if the reports are true and he does come to Real Madrid to play for his ‘childhood dream club’, I may actually not harbour such hatred for Cristiano Ronaldo. Every player knows they need to get the hell out of Manchester United at some point of their professional careers. Ronaldo wants to come to Spain because they have Ibiza and Club Pacha where he can carry out all his dodgy activities there. Who cares, just win us titles man!

Spain’s next and we have a lot to look forward to in their match against Italy, whose key players will not be playing due to suspension. Oh well, the sexiest team in Europe better work it! I’d be really sad if they were out. Euro has never been a better tournament.

VILLA VS TORRES MID-THIGH AIR SHOWDOWN

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I’m working on a few sports scripts at the mo and went to the library today in an attempt to find a book that would’ve helped me in my pursuit. Fail! Even the librarian couldn’t help me. Had to make do with one measly find. I’m going to the main branch in town although the books I want are marked as reference, and the security guard there’s a major bitch. Whatevs, go jerk off!