The Messiah struck again in last night’s demolition of Valencia and for the record, David Villa no iniciar el juego. Of course, how can you possibly deny this man (on the pitch, we mean!) Winning 3-0 was largely thanks to his hat-trick but the very charming Senor Valdes also delivered when they needed him most. Buen trabajo, tipos! On a note, Titipo Henry deserves a standing ovation for pulling his shorts like that. Spandex, anyone?!
“During the first half we have been comfortable, but then the circumstances of the side and the merits of our rivals, with Messi captivating the audience, swung the balance in their favour,” said tio Unai Emery.
Not gonna lie, the Pied Piper of Higuain is starting to really grow on us! Take out your flutes because he is now officially Los Blancos‘ top scorer – two goals behind the Messiah – after their 6-2 thrashing of Villarreal last night. It’s OK, Nilmaaar, você vai ficar bem.
And with each passing day, Kaka and Greaseaño’s Bromance is growing in strength and causing dandelions to fall from the sky. Manos should be competing at the figure skating event at the Winter Olympics! The judges will hold up empty placards and there will be an intermission because you know they too can’t help themselves.
What a dramatic turn of events for Alvaro Negredo! Stellar performances from the past two weeks and a Sunday Señor title (don’t you know you get a tub of Ben & Jerry’s for that?!) wasn’t enough to tide Alvaro over for another week. Tipo scored an own goal and got himself sent off last night in Sevilla’s 2-1 loss to Zaragoza. Se destacó, hombre?
Elsewhere, Geri The Pout Piqué also got himself sent off within 24 minutes of Barca’s encounter against Getafe. Immediately, all the Catalan dance clubs extended their operating hours to 7AM and changed their music genres from House to Rock. Because you know… there’s no party unless DJ Pique turns up!
Anyway, even with nine men down, Barca obviously emerged unscathed and won the game thanks to goals from The Messiah and Xavi. They then proceeded to the club and were approached like this…. (ok, ok we’re really kidding here).
Anyway here are some of our favorite photos from the La Liga weekend. Madrid’s The Pied Piper of Higuain looks to be in fine shape (in every possible way, yes yes) for the World Cup! The Dona better draft him into his Argentinean squad pronto and quit trying to figure out what the fuss about the Superbowl is about.
Parabens to Alvaro Negredo who has had a great, great week with Sevilla! And thanks to his solitary goal against Almeria last night, he helped Los palanganas climb out of a run of 4-match defeats. Now now, it was an easy goal but don’t forget that he also scored against Deportivo in the midweek Copa del Ray clash.
Looking at Alvaro, he looks like he should be in a telenovela playing the role of a suave boyfriend, but Gracias a Dios we have him in football! And if he keeps this up, Uncle Del Bosque will have many reasons to stop playing FIFA 10 and finally get down to that list (no, not the grocery list- it’s the crucial striker list!). Anyway, here’s a cute photo of the Negrado brothers smiling for the cameras. Is that Jason Mraz in the middle?
It’s very tragic when a promising player from the youth ranks ends up stricken and helpless, like Real’s Ruben de la Red. Yesterday, the club rolled out a decision to consider Ruben an “indefinite absence”, which means they will pay him a ‘disability pension’ of €1,500 a month for the rest of his 2-year contract. So that your Uncle Puyi understands, it also means they’re chucking Ruben to the side and not paying his fees because they don’t know when he’ll recover from his complex heart situation.
The official explanation from the club is…
“Once a year of Temporal Incapacity has gone by, according to the Social Security Law it is possible for the Society to issue a report regarding the possibility to extend the Temporal Incapacity period to a maximum of 18 months, or to begin an inquiry for disability because it considers the medical perspective doesn’t allow for the player to be cured in said period of time.”
Oh, all those hopes and dreams… Siento su dolor! (We feel his pain). Here’s a video of Ruben visiting a sick young girl at a hospital.
It looks like zio Ranieri is getting himself all worked up – or rather, excited – over the possibility of the ToniTotti pairing for Roma this weekend against Genova. He even compared the spectacle to Drogba’s favourite film, Avatar! Ok, we made that last bit up about your beloved Diving genius, but whatever you say, Tsu’tey the clan leader is still his twin.
“There are more expectations to see Totti-Toni than (the opening of) ‘Avatar’ itself” said Ranieri. By the way, the film opens to the Italian public on Friday and you know Marcello Lippi already bought his 3-D glasses in hopes of seeing the tribe’s princess in all her blueness. “Let’s hope that the captain recovers (from tendinitis). When he is fit, will talk about how he can play for Roma,” added Ranieri.
One of Argentina’s starlets, Eduardo “Toto” Salvio is set to become an Atletico Madrid player… and yes, he’s touted to be Kun Aguero’s replacement (so that he can finally make that dream move to wherever he wants). Los colchoneros fans must be thrilled!
It cost 8 million to bring Toto to the club (caro, tal vez?) because his former club, Lanús charged EUR 6.8 million and the Argentine Football Association paid an additional 1.2 million euros. The rest will be paid in installments and the player arrives in Madrid on Friday. Toto is probably frantically packing away now, knowing that neither Forlan nor Kun will not be sharing their toothpaste tubes with him!
The Barca Elections are back and while the club’s vice-president, Jaume Ferrer, has declared that he wants to run for position of president this year, Joan Laporta feels “hurt to learn this from the media” instead of from Ferrer directly. “Of course we not limit the choices of anyone to be president and we have already discussed this,” Laporta said.
One interesting addition to the Barca elections if the grand-daughter of the club’s founder itself, Emma Gamper. She will be backing candidate Jaume Guixà, who is also running for presidency. “ Is a great thrill for any (of us) to have the legacy of Joan Gamper in their ranks and I have this privilege,” said Guixa.
As always… here’s a spoof from the Crackovia folks about Sandro Rosell - the club’s former director, who is also running for president. Genial!
Little Twin Star - is that you?! Come on futbolitas, it’s a great photo (not only because Kaka is in it). Just look at the lovely snow in Madrid! Sometimes you just need to stop and kneel down in the middle of the pitch to truly experience it. Even Greaseano couldn’t help but feel a little bit envious, so he too gave up after being brought down for the 34,455th time and allowed the snowflakes to fall on his well-moisturized million-dollar… cheeks.
Anyway, Pellegrini’s Pack defeated Mallorca 2-0 yesterday, with goals from the Pied Piper of Higuain and Estie Granero. We must say that Pipita’s goal was muy impresionante and therefore, he fully deserves a place in The Dona’s rumoured World Cup squad list. Which still does not include Kun, of course.
Don’t you hate it when everything ends in a stalemate? Maçante! Where’s the spirit, Madrid? Tipos ought to rewrite their new-year resolutions as soon as possible, and remove the part about getting new car windshields. Pellegrini, victories are the ones that count so stop spending Perez’s credit on nail polish, vale?!
Anyway, in case you think we’re talking in circles, Madrid drew 0-0 with Osasuna last night. Barca themselves gave them a chance to take the lead after their 1-1 draw against Villarreal on Saturday. Apparently, the club’s CEO is pissed that Nilmar wasn’t awarded a penalty after being fouled by Goldilocks Puyol. Shit, he’s right! For Nilmar, the referee should’ve brought out the candy floss machine. How dare they mistreat Nilmaaaar!
In other news, Ibracadabra’s love, Helena Seger made her presence known at Barca’s game. Don’t you think she can be Sylvie van der Vaart’s twin? You can totally imagine their conversations…. Helena : “Oh älskling, did you see the new Vuitton? Splendid, yes?” Sylvie : “Um, ja? Rafael is totally on the VIP-lijst. We get de zakken from Marc Jacobs himself!”
via AFP, AP
Bayern may have qualified for the Champs League (quello che è successo, Juve?!) but Luca Toni is saying goodbye for real, and van Gaal himself has already returned his Laura Pausini CD to the striker.
“I have nothing else to talk to Luca Toni about. He has made it clear he wants to leave Bayern Munich, therefore, he can start looking for a new club. It is too late to come up with excuses now. He should have thought about it before. He decided to behave in a (certain way) and he did not achieve what we (planned) for him and therefore, there is no more place for him in Bayern Munich,” said the coach.
According to German newspapers, West Ham, Fenerbahce, Roma and Inter Milan have shown in the attacker. And yes, he does want to go back to Italy but Luca, you do not want to incur the wrath of Jose Mourinho!
Yes, that’s Diego looking all morose and arty. And you can’t really blame him. Tipos failed to find their footing in the most important European competition. Their elimination and humiliating 4-1 loss to Bayern screams utter humiliation! What about all those purchases they made? Melooooo!!!
“It’s hard to find words because in this case there is very little to say and so much to do,” admitted Del Piero. “There is not only one culprit, it is not who is more or less guilty. We all equally share the blame with no exceptions and we will all fight together to get out of this situation.”
Before you start getting excited over that photo (thanks Somosche), we must tell you that David Albelda’s sense of humour is pretty darn awesome. And in case you haven’t heard, he’s got the personality of a 8 year old boy whose joy can be found in a Kinder Egg.
Anyway, as ya’ll know, Real and Valencia will face off this weekend and David Silva has been ruled out of the game due to his injury. So of course, they had to ask Albelda a few cliché questions at the pre-match conference.
“We do not have Silva and we are not taking the pain in the ass every day!” Albelda declared. He was also asked about the absence of Ronaldo at the Mestalla (after receiving a double booking) The reporters laughed his response but he added fuel to the fire by saying : “Do not laugh, it’s true, dammit!”
Barca fans must be yelling “Ibracadabra Cha Cha!” all the way to work or school today… and yes, they have ever reason to be muy feliz. Look Madridistas, you cannot afford to have a finishing rate of 0.01 on a night as big as this and it was obvious that tipos like Marcelo Mastercard (no wonder he has been ignored by Dopey) were already thinking of Ibiza. We must say that allowing Benzema Bon Bon to watch episodes of Père et maire on the bench instead of starting the game cost the team greatly. Pipita already said he connects well with the man, so what was misty-eyed Pellegrini thinking?
Anyway, neither team really dominated the game but Barca capitalized on their chances first and in el futbol, you know what you get when that happens. It was nice to see everyone hugging in the tunnel (although there was no such love between Wedgiellas and Valdes, esta bien).
Well, Greaseano showed glimpses of his qualities in the first half, but decided that it was all too much when he suddenly had a revelation from Mama Leopard Dolores. Said Ramos the Raver :“These matches are decided by small details, and we didn’t take advantage when we had the chance. They did. It’s time to turn the page. We are confident knowing that we played well and that we tried our best.”
Added the wise and Senor Pep: “This was a very good test. It’s always difficult against Madrid but even more so when you go in as favourite and them as a big underdog. That’s when Madrid is most dangerous.”
We were surprised to learn that Victor Valdes exudes both an insightful and humorous persona after our interview (done for the el clasico) with him. And yes, futbolitas, we did ask about his son, Dylan and whether he wants the nino to follow in his dad’s footsteps. Casillas may be the preferred goalkeeper in La Seleccion, but after interviewing both goalkeepers, we must say that the Barca man deserves points for his personality. And rather excitingly, he told us that he’d like to visit us! Como muy bueno… Here, we share a little of what he said.
ON HIS 3-MONTH OLD SON DYLAN :
“I’d love for my son to be more than what wants for himself really, but to be goalie in professional football team is much harder and complicated than what people imagine!”
“Anyway as a parent, I will support him Dylan whatever he wants to do.”
ON RETIRING AT BARCA
“You can never be sure of finishing your career at a (certain) club, but that is my wish. I would like to retire at Barca, but I am aware that this is very complicated because this club, like all great clubs, will require a lot from me.”
ON LA LIGA :
“I think the Spanish league is currently the best in the world. All great players want to come to play in Spain. We have many of the best talents in world football. It’s a very competitive league.”
ON BARCA’S SEASON :
“For us, we had a much more difficult season in Europe than most people predicted and this has meant that until the last moment, we could not ensure our qualification. But the team is responding well and running with the same motivation and energy as last year.”
Photos via Reuters, AP
Ei chicas, you have to admit that front page image with David Villaaaaa in his Kung-Fu pose is muito legal!!! He looks ferosha… come on, his daughter already thinks it’s cool and has started to draw on it with her red Crayola. Anyway, Villaaaa opened the scoring against Osasuna in the sixth minute thanks to his outstretched boot (talk about being at the right place, at the right time) last night. David Albelda and Carlos Marchena scored the other two goals.
“This is a tough place to come and we played really well to win the game,” said Albelda. “We are growing as a team and just have to keep going the way we are and see what happens.”
Also, David Silva’s hair is calling out to be in a Sunsilk ad…. seriously, darle una oportunidad!
So tipo over here was the hero for Villarreal yesterday, following a bad start to their season. Nilmar didn’t even have to change the colour of his jersey… all he needed was two goals bebes! Thanks to him, it looks like El Submarino Amarillo are slowly starting to find their pace again, scoring 14 goals in their last four games.
“Despite the result it wasn’t easy,” said Villarreal coach Ernesto Valverde. “I liked what I saw of my team and think we were better so we are happy with how we played as well as the result.”
The last time that happened to us, a friend from the selecao came to our rescue (Agradeço a Deus!) The trick is to scream at 92 decibels.
Also, who cares if you’re royalty? It’s pathetic that they can’t teach their children any basic manners – they were tugging at Lucio’s shirt while he was doing an interview and he looked disturbed (você está inculto?).
Diego Perotti didn’t know what he was in for when he decided to join Kanoute and Fabulousooo in their celebratory group hug! Anyway, Los palanganas fought hard in their 3-2 victory over Villarreal last night and Manolo Jimenez thinks it’s all down to the fans. Gotta give credit where it’s due, senor!
“The most important player today has been the fans, because the team lacked rhythm and there was also an accumulation of fatigue. Today we won thanks to the support of the fans,” he said.
Fabulousooo netted in twice and Kanoute added in the third goal to cancel out goals from Robert Pires and David Fuster. This is why he keeps getting called up to Bootcamp, bebês!
“On a normal day we are usually at the studios, writing, cutting and producing news pieces or reports for our programmes. I record Real Madrid Life, the show that I present, every Thursday. It’s a nice day, as I get pampered by my make-up artists and stylists before I go on set!” Murray enthused.
And although she doesn’t get to share a lunch table with Florentino Perez (“He is a very busy man!”), Murray’s job with Real Madrid TV means that she boards the same plane as the Madrid boys when they travel to away games and also enjoys exclusive sit-down interviews with them. And in case you were wondering, that list includes Kaka and Ronaldo.
Oh, Senor Pep! Ha sido un largo tiempo! Now that the internationals are over and done with, Barca’s Babes are getting ready to face the exciting Valencia tomorrow. As expected, the Messiah flew back via private jet which was provided by the club. Everyone else had to walk and among the last to arrive were Piqué, Busquets and Iniesta. Meanwhile, Ibracadabra arrived at the Ciudad Deportivo Joan Gamper with some ‘discomfort in the knees’. Come on, ya’ll all know what he was up to on the dancefloor…!
Meanwhile, Robinho has expressed his interest in the Catalan giants… “Of course I would like to play for Barca, who wouldn’t? We could have so much fun. It would be a pleasure to play next to (Lionel) Messi, to my compatriot (Dani) Alves, Xavi, (Andres) Iniesta, (Zlatan) Ibrahimovic… with all of them. They are a great team,” he said.
“I’ve played against them and I know their quality. But at the moment at the moment I can only do it (play with them) on the PlayStation. It’s an honour that a coach like him (Guardiola) speaks highly of Robinho, and rates me as much as I read he does.”
A little humble pie goes a long way, gato...
Well, it looks like Greaseano was badly missed in Madrid’s first 2-1 defeat of the season to Sevilla. We like it that they’re finally losing because Potter Perez needs to know that he cannot assemble a perfect squad with his moneda. Still, you know he’s at the golf course with Jorge Valdano now, enjoying a club sandwich on a lovely summer day!
Anyway, Jesus Navas and Renato both scored for Sevilla and Fabulousoooo is muito feliz. “We played really well and are on a roll at the moment,” he enthused. “If we continue playing like that we can compete with Real and Barca at the top.” Meanwhile, Madrid committed mistakes in their set pieces and were paid to pay for it in the 66th minute. Kaka acknowledged the loss and said, “We knew we would lose at some stage. We were beaten by a good team and we need to improve some things.”
Well, ya’ll know that Sevilla should not be messed with and it’ll be nice to see them emerge as La Liga’s surprise package this season. They’ve been underperforming in the last few seasons and perhaps, all this could change... correcta?
So it was Portrait Day at the Bernabeu yesterday and as you can see, Greaseano and Kaka both enjoyed a lovely conversation with Alfredo di Stefano. That look of mischief twinkling in Greaseano’s eyes screams a lack of common ground. Come on, Alfredo will never tattoo “CR” on his wrist or lump GelDouche on his hair for Nereida to comb. Nevertheless, everyone knows that talking to Sr. Alfredo is a tricky process and one must tread carefully. One misstep and you will be gone! Like the rest! If you can’t impress him, do what Guti did in the photo below and casually ask if he’s seeing anyone new.
In other exciting Madrid-related news, Patrick Dempsey decided to pay a visit to the Bernabeu during the Madrid-Tenerife game last weekend. Apparently he is a “big Real Madrid fan” and loves Spain for its climate and gastronomy. Ok, McDreamy… at least standing next to Wedgeillas makes you look a lot younger! Your show still sucks, sorry.
Hardly a flattering pose from Benzema BonBon, The Children’s Party Entertainer, but the Madrid-Xerez match up yesterday was full of it! Los Blancos pulled off a 5-0 win thanks to other goals from van Nistelrooy, Greaseano, Guti. It wasn’t a “five star” performance but Kaka’s hair needs to visit the salon ahora por favor.
Said Granero : “Cristiano Ronaldo is proving that he is a decisive player in every respect. We didn’t play our best, but we proved how strong we are. The substitutes are also contributing, which is very important. We tried to play too directly at times, but the fans would rather see us be patient. They are right. They must also have fun. That is why they come.”
Meanwhile, it has been revealed that Potter Perez and his fan club have amassed a debt of £296m. In true Madrid style, the assembly then approved a new record budget of £381m (€422m) for the current season. Marvelous… are they all on mushrooms?
“We’re going through a delicate moment with the world financial crisis, but we had to make a big effort for the new arrivals of players, which explains the debt,” said Potter Perez.
Messiah has signed a new deal with Los Cules… and Potter Perez better watch out, because the agreement runs until 2016 and Laporta’s lovely bow-tie wearing comrades have included a buy-out clause of €250million in the contract. It’s still hard to believe that este tipo is only 22 and has already achieved so much in world football. Well, there’s still the World Cup of course. And the quest to become The Dona’s second son-in-law. Dalma’s still around, OK?
Also, while we’re at it, nothing like Drunk Messi ringing in the weekend for ya! Enjoy…
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