Fútbolita

Welcome to Futbolita’s “La Liga Lunes!” (say it with a merry little voice). It’s one of our fresh new features for the new season, which means ya’ll better stop the hair waxing or whateverchu been doin’ and get back to the Spanish futbol business. So let’s ring the bell and dance to the new season!

DE TODOS MODOS, Matchday 1 consisted of a lot of mid-air fistpumps (David Maravilla style), Greaseano whining and sheer disappointment on MouMou’s face. Obviously, Barca weren’t feeling the pain of losing Ibracadabra to their friends in Italy and handed Racing a nice 3-0 gift courtesy of Maravilla, Iniesta and the Messiah. Sergio Canales cried all the way from his Madrid apartment, but after leaving Racing for better shores, that was inevitable!

As for Mourinho…. acorda, tio! You can do better than that goaless draw against Mallorca! Where was the mascot (Juande Ramos) when you needed him?

Said MouMou : “I’m disappointed that with the number of chances we created we didn’t score. When you aren’t at your best you have to do two things, defend so your opponents don’t score, and take your chances. We deserved to win.”

All photos via AP & Reuters

Our good friend from Buenos Aires once dated the man they call Gago Gaga, but don’t worry, she’s not about to write a book about it cos’ she is a Classy Chica Caliente!

Anyway, amiga’s at no loss now because the player in question has been quite the sad flop at Madrid. Even though Flo’Prez and friends have brought over half of Die Mannschaft (that was a joke) to Spain this season, Gago still believes he’ll have a good season at the club. Yeah, if the lawnmowers decide to have a friendly game at the Bernabeu, perhaps…

“I will stay at Real Madrid this year. I’ve already talked about it with Jorge Valdano (club sports director) and Mourinho, and at no time did they say (that) they wanted me to leave. I am very comfortable and quiet. Some will have to leave but I will stay. What was published out there surprised me. I had already spoken to the coach and Valdano.”

Photos via Gettyimages, OLE

Obviously David Maravilla has nothing to do with Zlatan Ibracadabra’s fickle-minded nature, but the fact that he’s waltzing past you in a pink shirt should be enough to start us all of to a good note, bubblegum and all.

Apparently, Milan are very excited at the prospect of getting Ibracadabra and his nose to the club, but Barca have refused to talk unless they get ‘one of their players’ in return. Quién? you say. The three names are Pirlo, Pato or Thiago Silva. The last two seem highly unlikely but knowing Barca, they’re not going to settle for has-beens. To be a Blaugrana, you’d better BRING it to the table!

And as for the abundance of pinkness in this post, you know what they say…

Photos via Reuters, EL Pais

“Ei Kaka, o que você está fazendo?!!” must be the only thing to come out of Senhor MouMou’s mouth in that picture. After all, Kaka hasn’t been training with the Merry Madrid Men and spent the most of yesterday suntanning and on the chairs next to Wedgeillas. There was certainly a little bit of “Mano a Mano” going on there between the Spaniard and the Brazilian. Even Kaka wanted to find out with Eva Langoria made them all eat for dinner in LA last week!

On the subject of MouMou, his favourite protégé, Zlatan Ibracadabra has declared that he is ready to face his old boss in the upcoming La Liga season. Ya’ll know what will happen if he moves from Barca! There’s simply no way that will happen without some sort of backlash.

“He is the best or one of the best coaches in the world. I don’t believe in Madrid, but I believe in Mourinho,” said Zlatan. Aawww.

via Sky Sports, Gettyimages

All you can say about this photo is “DUDEEEEEEE…” Why does Potter Perez subject all new Madridistas to that obligatory “check-up” photo? The angle is just weird and Di Maria looks uncomfortable, almost as if The Dona is peaking at him from behind the curtains and singing “Peek a boo … te veo!”

Anyway, the Argentinean Ace is now officially a member of the Los Blancos family. They’ve been chasing the Rosario kid (Messiah!) for the longest time and finally got him. Three cheers for The Pied Piper of Higuain who finally found a new friend he can take to club Pacha’s VIP area during the weekends!

On the subject of these classic Check Up shots, Greaseano’s orange “Hot Chicks With Douchebags” photo remains the BEST. As we speak, the man himself is wreaking havoc in Jersey Shore New York so if ya’ll spot him in the clubs, please try to contain yourselves!

via David Anchuelo for Real Madrid

Here we go again with the “Villa al Barça!” talk again, except that there are substantial facts to back up the rumours. Yes, El Guaje has apparently passed his medical examination at the club headquarters and his transfer fee apparently cost 50 million euros. Ka-ching to Valencia!

According to the Catalan press (fuentes muy fiables or very-reliable-sources!) Villa will be unveiled officially as a Barca player on Friday afternoon. It’s a mini el clasico, if you think about it, because everybody wants to watch the CL final at the Santiago Bernabeu… but the Grand Reveal will be at the Nou Camp! Nevertheless, every top flight footballer must play for either Barca or Real at some point of their careers. Es este el momento para Villa?!

via Blaugranas & El Mundo Deportivo

In the end, a draw with Malaga helped Bobojan and friends to celebrate their four successive La Liga title in six seasons! Mi Dios, it was a really close call and both teams fought till the end. But for Real Madrid, they were not supposed to come in second, en absoluto. Queridos niños, was it so difficult to get all three points against Malaga?

“Potter Perez’s investments needed time to settle in, Kaka was a shadow of himself and they don’t play like a team,” are assertions we’ve been hearing all season. Many of you think we’re anti-Madrid, which we can assure you is pretty far from the truth because the fact is we’ve been following their playing style for nearly a decade and although it’s a case of ‘Déjà vu’ sometimes, they’ve certainly improved.

Said Pellegrini after the draw against Malaga: “I’m not saying that we are the best Real Madrid in history, because you have to win titles to show that you are the best, but these figures and data are important.”

“Real had an exceptional season with a lot of points and we had to get 99 points to win the title,” said Senor Guardiola. “I would like to congratulate Real for a great season. They have a great squad and are capable of reinforcing the team for next season so it will be difficult for us.”

Happy Friday! Oh, Gracias a dios… we’re glad to have reached the end of this week in particular and we hope you’re getting ready to kick off your shoes (even if it’s for a few hours), wherever you may be!

Well, at least the Crackovia boys are here again (as always) to bring the laughs. This time, both the Madrid and Barca characters come together to sing about the “one point difference” that separates them. Barca remain optimistic about their chances of winning, which is why they’re singing to the tune of “I will Survive”. molt graciós!

In news that is certain to make the Curly Fro Bros (aka Rafael and Fabio) weep for joy, Fabulousoooo has expressed his admiration for Nani United.

“If you are asking me what team I most admire it is Manchester United,” he said. “If you play under Sir Alex Ferguson then you are probably going to win a title or another major trophy.”

Forget it! Papa Perez will sign him before he can even say ‘brigado! And since we’re going on about him, here are highlights from Sevilla’s (unfortunate) loss to Getafe last night…

We were wondering where on earth Oliver Twist GagoGaga disappeared to and lo and behold… aquí está!! Poor tipo wants to leave Pellegrini’s Pack for lack of chances but we say stay because Ibiza still wants you there!

Anyway, los blancos did pretty well against Valencia last night, winning 2-0 with goals from the Pied Piper of Higuain and Greaseaño. Barca dropped boys against Espanyol over the weekend, and as a few already know, they’ll will now have to focus their thoughts on a grueling bus journey to Milan, after the Iceland volcanic drama!

Yes amicis, here is Signore Amauri with his wife as they march on with pride to officially sign and receive his Italian citizenship! It’s supposed to be a dark day for Brazilian futebol, but unfortunately, Fabulouso and Nilmar are still going about their daily routine and eating black peas. Many of you would also be familiar with Amauri’s insistence on playing for the Azzurri but we all secretly know that Luca Toni is L’uomo del momento! Marcelo Lippi will certainly be proud (or according to our Italian sources, non interessato!)

Here’s this interesting – albeit highly disturbing – image of Tevez the Tasmanian Devil (from the Daily Mail) having a go at modelling. Seriously, you’d have thought that the wannabe hair ad commercial was bad enough but this one takes the cake. Noah Mills, is that you?!

Anyway, another interesting bit of information about Carlito is the fact that he thinks Wayne Rooney is better than The Messiah…his own countryman!  But tranquilo, tios! The World Cup odds are not finalized and from the way this was written, Carlito is still a pretty cool guy. Just lose the jeans… and the tacky orange jacket, tipo.

Mi Dios, Pedroooo is on a ROLL! He scored a brilliant 40-yard goal for Barca against Deportivo last night and according to Senor Pep, he was embarrassed about all the praise. Que sexy!

“It’s a surprise for all of us, but the best thing of all is that he is an extraordinary guy and when you praise him, he is embarrassed – imagine the price a player like that would have in the market,” said Pep.

via Reuters, Daily Mail

As the title says, we promise not to disappoint anyone today. It’s pretty obvious that the Madridistas are writhing all over the floor from the name “Messiah” being chanted, whispered or screamed incessantly into their ears. You must remember, however, that Messiah is from planet Mercury (Pele was from Pluto, Maradona from Mars, Valdano from Venus and so on..) and every generation has its own set of indomitable players! You guys can still be Messiahdistas... there’s nothing wrong with that!

Our Madrid futbolita predicted the score correctly on Saturday (alas, it went the other way… 2-1 in favour of Los Cules). As for Greaseano, he declared that “We’re still missing seven games and we know that we can still win the Spanish league.” Someone please tell Kaka to wine and dine his Bromance partner AGORA!

Added Rrrrraul Albiolll : “We cannot fail any more. We will try to win every single game and reach the 98 point mark. We will not let go of the title before then.”

Last but not least, good ol’ Iniesta says everyone should chill the merda out! “The team knows what we have to do. We are aware that we have won a big game, but there are seven games remaining and we cannot stop working until the end of the season.”

As for Pedrito….O HAY thur, mi hombre!

via AFP, Reuters

El clasico’s tonight, and while you’re busy dusting off your Messiah jersey or piling on the hair wax ala good ol’ Greaseaño, it’s time for another edition of “Tres Cosas” or the 3 things game! Last year, we had fun playing it with Barca and Real chicas Messa and Leo, so here we go again with Christina (from Madrid) and Emma (from the USA). Let’s all say “Bienvenido, tias” and buena suerte!

Read more to find out what they’d like to do to OPPONENT PLAYERS!

Read the rest of this entry »

Bom dia, futbolitas! It was the Madrid derby last night with plenty of thrills and spills! It was, of course, only natural that the Pied Piper of Higuain had to feature in this one with the likes of Xabi Alonso and Alvaro Arbeloa. There was nothing from Senor Kun, however (OK, estamos justo really, he did help Reyes to score the second goal for Atletico!) but you know The Dona failed to send him a congratulatory text message when he checked his phone!

“We scored three goals but the worrying thing is that our opponents, almost without reaching our goal, scored twice,” tío Pellegrini said after the game.

I’ve also added a photo of Marcelo the Ballerina as a bonus! For that alone, Dopey should summon him to Seleção Bootcamp!

So the day belonged to Juan Mata and David Silva (who is half Asian by the way… although he failed to emphasize on it when we asked him more about it last year!) as they sailed to a nice 2-0 victory over Almeria last night.

Of course Unai Emery would like to give a hug to all the die hard fans of Los Che who stayed on despite the downpour. What a show of bravery! “The fans have been with the team on a day where it has rained non stop. All the team has taken responsibility and we have won the game,” he declared

via Levante

The Messiah struck again in last night’s demolition of Valencia and for the record, David Villa no iniciar el juego. Of course, how can you possibly deny this man (on the pitch, we mean!) Winning 3-0 was largely thanks to his hat-trick but the very charming Senor Valdes also delivered when they needed him most. Buen trabajo, tipos! On a note, Titipo Henry deserves a standing ovation for pulling his shorts like that. Spandex, anyone?!

“During the first half we have been comfortable, but then the circumstances of the side and the merits of our rivals, with Messi captivating the audience, swung the balance in their favour,” said tio Unai Emery.

via Reuters, Gettyimages, El Mundo Deportivo

Not gonna lie, the Pied Piper of Higuain is starting to really grow on us! Take out your flutes because he is now officially Los Blancos‘ top scorer – two goals behind the Messiah – after their 6-2 thrashing of Villarreal last night. It’s OK, Nilmaaar, você vai ficar bem.

And with each passing day, Kaka and Greaseaño‘s Bromance is growing in strength and causing dandelions to fall from the sky. Manos should be competing at the figure skating event at the Winter Olympics! The judges will hold up empty placards and there will be an intermission because you know they too can’t help themselves.

What a dramatic turn of events for Alvaro Negredo! Stellar performances from the past two weeks and a Sunday Señor title (don’t you know you get a tub of Ben & Jerry’s for that?!) wasn’t enough to tide Alvaro over for another week. Tipo scored an own goal and got himself sent off last night in Sevilla’s 2-1 loss to Zaragoza. Se destacó, hombre?

Elsewhere, Geri The Pout Piqué also got himself sent off within 24 minutes of Barca’s encounter against Getafe. Immediately, all the Catalan dance clubs extended their operating hours to 7AM and changed their music genres from House to Rock. Because you know… there’s no party unless DJ Pique turns up!

Anyway, even with nine men down, Barca obviously emerged unscathed and won the game thanks to goals from The Messiah and Xavi. They then proceeded to the club and were approached like this…. (ok, ok we’re really kidding here).

Anyway here are some of our favorite photos from the La Liga weekend. Madrid’s The Pied Piper of Higuain looks to be in fine shape (in every possible way, yes yes) for the World Cup! The Dona better draft him into his Argentinean squad pronto and quit trying to figure out what the fuss about the Superbowl is about.

via Reuters, AP, Marca

Parabens to Alvaro Negredo who has had a great, great week with Sevilla! And thanks to his solitary goal against Almeria last night, he helped Los palanganas climb out of a run of 4-match defeats. Now now, it was an easy goal but don’t forget that he also scored against Deportivo in the midweek Copa del Ray clash.

Looking at Alvaro, he looks like he should be in a telenovela playing the role of a suave boyfriend, but Gracias a Dios we have him in football! And if he keeps this up, Uncle Del Bosque will have many reasons to stop playing FIFA 10 and finally get down to that list (no, not the grocery list- it’s the crucial striker list!). Anyway, here’s a cute photo of the Negrado brothers smiling for the cameras. Is that Jason Mraz in the middle?

It’s very tragic when a promising player from the youth ranks ends up stricken and helpless, like Real’s Ruben de la Red. Yesterday, the club rolled out a decision to consider Ruben an “indefinite absence”, which means they will pay him a ‘disability pension’ of €1,500 a month for the rest of his 2-year contract. So that your Uncle Puyi understands, it also means they’re chucking Ruben to the side and not paying his fees because they don’t know when he’ll recover from his complex heart situation.

The official explanation from the club is…

“Once a year of Temporal Incapacity has gone by, according to the Social Security Law it is possible for the Society to issue a report regarding the possibility to extend the Temporal Incapacity period to a maximum of 18 months, or to begin an inquiry for disability because it considers the medical perspective doesn’t allow for the player to be cured in said period of time.”

Oh, all those hopes and dreams… Siento su dolor! (We feel his pain). Here’s a video of Ruben visiting a sick young girl at a hospital.