To be honest, it’s not entirely Senor Pellegrini’s fault for Madrid’s elimination but Wedgiellas said kinda covered what we had to say. Futbolitas, don’t cry!
“It’s hard to digest because it is a competition where we have high hopes, especially for those of us who have been here for a long time. It’s a new blow for Real Madrid, but we must recover,” he declared.
Added Pellegrini : “The first person responsible is the coach. My future depends on the board and the only thing I can do is continue working like I have been doing.”
It takes a real man to stand up in the face of pressure and for Rafael van der Vaart, the lucky stars were on his side last night! Tipo scored Madrid’s decisive (and winning goal) against Sevilla in the 90th minute. He received a yellow card moments later for removing his shirt but the way he celebrated his goal speaks volumes about his desire to contribute to the Madridistas! Tanta pasión, ¿no? Chances haven’t been on Rafael’s side as of late, but could this be divine intervention for our Sunday Señor?
Also, Sylvie had better laid a nice steak for him on the table….
via Reuters & Catenaccio.nl
So we all know that Senor Joan Laporta is standing for Barca elections again this year. And here he is looking like a St. Regis butler and kissing the Queen of Jordan’s hands. Isn’t she just gawwwwjus! Anyway, Polonia (a part of the Catalan comedy sketch show Crackovia) decided to spoof his presidential web video – this time with that horrid Chicken Little jingle.
And yes, you know you want to watch it… even all you overzealous Real Madrid fanaticos! Don’t disappoint us now…. Sergio Canales probably loved it too.
So the million dollar question for you Greaseañies today is – WOULD YOU TAP THAT? Well, mano looked pretty clean cut at at the launch of his “I’m wearing this for the World Cup” Nike boot launch yesterday. And the Portugal jacket looks ridiculously comfortable (almost like the blue/white selecao bootcamp ones!) Anyway, he also revealed that he speaks to Kaka a lot because they understand a common language and they both share hope for a Brazil/Portugal final on July 11. Você acredita? (do you believe?)
Here’s another brilliant Crackovia episode again – this time featuring two Barca presidential candidates on their way to watch Barca play Stuttgart. Nunez and Gaspart approach the counter to purchase a ticket at the airport – but Nunez is taken aback at the price. You’ll love his classic reaction!
We were surprised at Senhor Julio Cesar’s poor eye injury last night. It kinda reminded us of Rustu Recber, the intimidating Turkish goalkeeper who happens to be our amiga’s favourite goalie of all time – don’t ask. Anyway, it’s high time we applaud the Inter manos for their hard work – particularly Lucio, who has been hailed by the Brazilian press for his performance against Chelski last night. Also, what a stunner from Diegol…. and Cambiasso!!
Not gonna lie, the Pied Piper of Higuain is starting to really grow on us! Take out your flutes because he is now officially Los Blancos‘ top scorer – two goals behind the Messiah – after their 6-2 thrashing of Villarreal last night. It’s OK, Nilmaaar, você vai ficar bem.
And with each passing day, Kaka and Greaseaño’s Bromance is growing in strength and causing dandelions to fall from the sky. Manos should be competing at the figure skating event at the Winter Olympics! The judges will hold up empty placards and there will be an intermission because you know they too can’t help themselves.
By now, we’ve all accepted the fact that Zizou will never be satisfied solely with pain au chocolat from Didier Deschamps’ wife. After winning almost all there is to win in world futbol, he wants more out of life! What a charming go getter.. nous sommes ravis!
You see, Zizou has gone ahead to produce and participate in a TV show called “Football Cracks” with his idol, former Uruguayan player Enzo Francescoli (whom he named his own son after... quelle belle!) The program is open to “all children who want to try out” and the prize is to be a part of pre-season training with a Spanish team. Casting will be done outside of Spain too…. so if you know anyone between 16 and 18, keep them in mind and round those niños up, aussitôt!
“Football Cracks is an academy that consists of two things: discovering new talents and teaching values. Enzo and I are the godparents of the academy. We will not train, but to be there, close to the players, to try to give advice and value for all… The camaraderie, teamwork and effort,” said Zizou.
As always, you know how much you love blasts from the past. So meet Zizirella, the Blushing Bride!
via Reuters/Angeli
Amigas, all we have to say about last night’s game is that the Rossoneri threw it away like a Carl’s Jr burger wrapper on a marshmallow stove. Despite The Dinho’s brilliance, men like Huntelaar and Dida need to be taken out because they obviously switched off in the second half and Leonardo couldn’t locate their manuals so that explains the 3-2 loss. Debería darte vergüenza! You should be playing for Disney FC and NOT AC Milan. Where’s the CLASS, hombres? You’re supposed to be the best European team in Italy with eight trophies… so act like it and don’t play like Merda!
And by the way, Rafael (who lost those luscious curls..!) did a pretty good job trying to cover the likes of The Dinho. What a hardworking menino. Um aplauso para ele, por favor. If you want Becks to reassure you…. watch the video below!
As for Los Blancos, they have a lot of incentive to reach the Champions League final so losing 0-1 away from the Bernabeu wasn’t such a bad thing. Não, este não é um caso de duplo standard – it’s just the fact that Real know that if they don’t make it to the finals, everyone will literally get into a bitch fit!
Greaseano seemed muito tranquilo about it all and said: “I’m calm. In this competition you have to suffer. I’m sure that we will give a good answer in the return game and that we will win. The Bernabeu will help us. We will have to give to give it everything from the first minute until the last. The tie is not lost.”
via AP, Reuters, FIFA
Members of an Italian mafia group have been arrested after police uncovered their plans to abduct none other than Senhor Mourinho! What were they thinking? He’d win them all over in quindici minuti! “Giovanni, I like your spirit but you are not listening to me no? I asked you to shave off your beard on Thursday. I don’t like these things. To become European Champion, you must do it or we don’t talk about it,” he’d say while making the table in a spare Lazio shirt.
Anyway, the authorities found strong traces of wiretapping, photos and the coach’s home address in one of the mafia’s homes in Genoa. Gattuso was cleared of all charges, however, after being found cutting his fish in his restaurant while listening to Andrea Bocelli.
So all eyes will be on Dopey today as he prepares to announce the seleção that’ll face Ireland next month. Everyone’s wondering about The Dinho but unless he stops himself from hitting all of Milan’s hot spots with Boriello and starts showing some discipline, there’s no chance for a return. Dopey is all about discipline and consistency so never cross the line or he’ll scream “vá embora!” and that’s the end of you.
And as for the list of strikers, El Pato has been nursing an injury for 24,241 years so he might not make it. Nilmar has been average (at best) for Villarreal so he might be left out. Fabulousoooo and Robinho will probably get the green light since boot camp ain’t the same without them.
Pep’s legacy, Crackovia style – what else do you need to know about it?!
Last but not least, Ricardo over here would like to tell all his fan girls not to worry about his sports hernia problem. Instead, they should finish all their homework and eat on time. Who are we kidding? The best FanGirl breed still belongs to the Kakazetes!
“I feel good. The sports hernia does not bother me any more. It has disappeared, but I still need to do specific recovery work like any injured player does. Last week it was rumored that it is a chronic problem which isn’t true. It isn’t just in Spain where there has been talk about me not being able to return to my old form. It also happened in Brazil and Italy, but it simply isn’t true.”
What a dramatic turn of events for Alvaro Negredo! Stellar performances from the past two weeks and a Sunday Señor title (don’t you know you get a tub of Ben & Jerry’s for that?!) wasn’t enough to tide Alvaro over for another week. Tipo scored an own goal and got himself sent off last night in Sevilla’s 2-1 loss to Zaragoza. Se destacó, hombre?
Elsewhere, Geri The Pout Piqué also got himself sent off within 24 minutes of Barca’s encounter against Getafe. Immediately, all the Catalan dance clubs extended their operating hours to 7AM and changed their music genres from House to Rock. Because you know… there’s no party unless DJ Pique turns up!
Anyway, even with nine men down, Barca obviously emerged unscathed and won the game thanks to goals from The Messiah and Xavi. They then proceeded to the club and were approached like this…. (ok, ok we’re really kidding here).
Anyway here are some of our favorite photos from the La Liga weekend. Madrid’s The Pied Piper of Higuain looks to be in fine shape (in every possible way, yes yes) for the World Cup! The Dona better draft him into his Argentinean squad pronto and quit trying to figure out what the fuss about the Superbowl is about.
One upon a time, before the grease, step overs and the Jersey Shore Makeover, Greaseaño was a shy young lad. “Este menino tem potencial,” said a deep voice in his head while he was filing his nails in Madeira. Alas, today that young boy has turned into an exquisite creature – one who quickly morphed into a tipo legal in our books after a nice 1am phone conversation. There’s no point being in denial, futbolitas. You will discover it someday too. Also, in our opinion, Greaseano remains one of the most professional “jugadores” to date. So today, quickly pick up all the spray tan cans you can find and sing: “Feliz Cumpleañossssss!!!”
“Quien es mas guapo…. quien tiene mas sex appeal? Cristiano, tu Cristiano! Pim Pam Pim Pam…”
Feb 05 2010
Posted by Ash as Daily
Ok, we’re only posting this photo because the fabulous Cristianeeee is in it! But as always, the big news in women’s football today belongs to Marta “O Melhor” who has joined FC Gold Pride in the USA. She was formerly a player of Los Angeles Sol (where she did those awesome appearances with Kobe) but sadly, LA Sol’s potential new owners backed out at the last minute as a result, their players had to look for other teams. Unfortunately, no one resembling Roman AbramoRich stepped up to the plate. Anyway, ya’ll know Marta will continue to rock wherever she plays! Ela é incrível!
The Spanish tabloids caught up with Guti at some event where they asked him one of the Cheesiest Questions Alive aka “Do you feel like falling in love (again)?” Con toda seriedad, who asks that?! Even your toes are cringing… admit it. Anyway, equally cheesy Guti answered the journalist: “Who does not (like it)? Not you?” Oh damn, where’s CQC Brasil when you need them? You know they would’ve said something classic about falling in love with his eyebrows….
Anyway, the background to all this is that Guti and his wife, Arancha are divorced with two kids. Since then, he has been linked to a bevy of mujers including university student, Paula, Spanish actress Amaia Salamanca and someone he was photographed with in Miami. Apparently, the girl just wanted The Fame, like Gago Gaga. “I met her, we (were together) for a few days and she seemed like a good girl, but wanting to be rich or famous with a picture of me is ridiculous,” he said. Pim Pam Pim Pam!
Ya’ll have to admit that Bruno Oro does a pretty awesome Greaseaño Portuglish accent in Crackòvia! (thanks Elliot) It’s almost impossible not to laugh. If the Madrid boys are watching (not quite possible since this is shown on Catalan TV.. but there’s the interwebzzzz!!) they’d probably be cringing like pájaros locos. Well, especially Kaka.
Anyway, in this episode, Guti, Sergio Ramos, Potter Perez and Greasey wonder about the ’secrets’ behind forming a team that is capable of destruction i.e. spreading a ‘riot’ to the rest of the world. Guti’s fur jacket has a life of its own!!
Drop your sewing machines NOW because Saint Robinho has arrived back at Santos!!!! And amigas, his welcome home party was like a prelude to Carnaval itself – without the floats of course. As always, King Pele made his presence known to everyone at the Urbano Caldeira by breaking into one of his 2,134 speeches. Then, Robinho and himself gazed into one another’s eyes and they ran through the field with their arms interlocked. We’re not kidding! Sthefany Brito called and she wants them to be in her next soap opera called Páginas do Futebolista Falha.
On a serious note, Robster sobbed to journalist about his time at Madrid. Yeah yeah, we know he was mistreated, left out of Raul’s numerous tea-parties and basically, benched like there was no tomorrow. Você é tão CHATO, cara! (you’re so boring, dude).
“I went the wrong way from Real Madrid. I know that the fans will never understand. But it was the only time. My departure from City was on friendly terms. We talked and they released me. There was no controversy,” he said.
via AP/Reuters
Keirrison is swapping teams like he’s Beyoncé at the Grammys! From Barcelona to Benfica… and now, taking advantage of the Mutu kerfuffle, he’s PUTTING A RING ON IT with Fiorentina. We suspect his agent once auditioned to be on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” but Regis Philbin aptly said “No” in a deep voice.
Anyway, they asked K9 – or K39 in this case – whether he wanted to emulate Fiorentina’s Edmundo who went home to Brazil for Carnaval in 1999. It also cost him his job as he was asked to leave the club for failing to seek consent. “To me, Carnaval is only on television,” joked Keirrison. Kekekeke, que é uma piada de mau gosto!
Querido Dios… Fernando Gago is simply GAWJUS but too bad he plays like merda! And now even Man City have failed to sign him. The deal only fell through because of the ‘lack of time’ during the transfer window. Shit, Gago can sign for our team anytime he fancies but we can’t afford to pay him 18 million. All he has to do is to sit there, comb his hair and the gate receipts alone will take care of ITSELF!
In general, listening to ArrrrghKon can be quite an experience. Many generally compare the experience to Microwave Throwing (trust us, he once performed right opposite our balcony. To put it kindly, it was hell on Earth) but he’s singing the World Cup theme so you know that at some point, you’re going to be downloading this into your pods and nods! The song is mediocre but the face paint is amazing – so enjoy that instead.
via VEVO, Fiorentina
Jan 26 2010
Posted by Ash as Daily
Zizou and amigos played out to a nice 3-3 draw in last night’s “Match of the Stars” to help Haiti. And don’t you agree that it’s tres bien to see Rui Costa, Luis Figo and Edgar David’s Mask on the field again?! Daaaamn, feels like old times. Anyway forty international football stars from across the world joined UNDP (United Nations Development Programme) to play that match against Benfica All Stars. This is the match which Kaka played on behalf of Greaseano cuz’ their Bromance is going out of hand and bros don’t let bros down. Anyway, once again it’s amazing how futbol has transcended all boundaries and reached out to those in need!
“By coming to the stadium people have done a great thing. I am very happy we can do something to help,” said Zizou. Added Louis Van Gaal, who was in charge of the All-Star squad : “This is a very good cause, that’s why there are so many players here. Football is with the people of Haiti.”
van Nistelrooy has switched sides from Madrid to Hamburg (a pity, since we hear he’s one of our dear amiga’s favourite interviewees!) .Granted, he did look a little zoned out at his own presentation but it was all done for the Oranje.
There’s a lot riding on Nistelrooy’s quest to join the national team and only first-team football will give him that chance, seeing that Madrid are very content with Higuain and Benzema. He will remain at Hamburg until his contract ends in 2011. And as the Dutch say… veel succes!
Do not fear, Robinho is not pulling a R.Carlos and getting married again. Instead of showing him looking all gloomy on the bench, we decided that a smiling-and-spoilt Robinho would be the better option for your precious eyes.
Anyway, A Douche has declared that he wants to take a pay cut, return to Santos and play regular football again. He’s looking at a Beckham/Milan deal where Oil City continues to pay his wages while he parties at the Catwalk club in Rio. Ah cara, sei lá…! Sao Paulo better be ready for the return of Robinho and his entourage.
Jan 21 2010
Posted by Ash as Daily
My my, what do we have here? It’s Elano scooping the lovely snow up with his wheelbarrow. And this is no playground, futbolitas. It’s his own backyard in Istanbul, Turkey! Oh, how we wished all our backyards looked like this. It’s nice to pretend to be a Snow Samaritan sometimes, especially if you’re trying to break into Dopey’s squad and can’t manage hat-tricks every week. But what are we talking about? Elano helped Galatasaray to a 5-1 thrashing of Denizli Belediye on Sunday. Então … acho que você é super cool agora, cara? He must now create and score every week as April’s squad-selection date looms closer!
As we’ve said before, men who dress well are our weaknesses. Check out Sergio Ramos as he disembarked from Madrid’s plane which landed in Albania. Gurlllll looks like he’s parading down the D&G runway and heading off to Project Ponyway to be on the judging panel. Ferosh!!! Can’t say the same about Jerzy Dudek, though. There are rumours that Gattuso’s restaurant needs a fish-chopping assistant. As for Raul The Great One, okay… we’ll leave it at that before the haters come prancing at us with a Heidi Montag poster.
Anyway, Madrid were in Albania to play in a friendly game or the “Taci Oil Cup”. Of course they won the game 2-1 (Potter Perez would not have tolerated anything less), Fernando Gago played and the screaming Albanian fans went home happy from the Qemal Stafa Stadium.
So Argentina’s Oscar Ruggeri is really annoyed that Argentina’s team manager, Carlos Bilardo is being a bitch and not allowing him to assume the role as The Dona’s assistant coach.
“I did everything I had to do to be in the national squad. I talked to Savino, with Grondona, with Bilardo. I’m still waiting,” said Ruggeri. “A year ago I hoped to be in the selection. A year ago I was quiet and spoke to people on the bench. I think it’s unfair. (Julio) Grondona knows how I handled 11 years in the National Team. I defended the shirt, for me it was my life.”
via AP, David Anchuelo and Globo
It’s very tragic when a promising player from the youth ranks ends up stricken and helpless, like Real’s Ruben de la Red. Yesterday, the club rolled out a decision to consider Ruben an “indefinite absence”, which means they will pay him a ‘disability pension’ of €1,500 a month for the rest of his 2-year contract. So that your Uncle Puyi understands, it also means they’re chucking Ruben to the side and not paying his fees because they don’t know when he’ll recover from his complex heart situation.
The official explanation from the club is…
“Once a year of Temporal Incapacity has gone by, according to the Social Security Law it is possible for the Society to issue a report regarding the possibility to extend the Temporal Incapacity period to a maximum of 18 months, or to begin an inquiry for disability because it considers the medical perspective doesn’t allow for the player to be cured in said period of time.”
Oh, all those hopes and dreams… Siento su dolor! (We feel his pain). Here’s a video of Ruben visiting a sick young girl at a hospital.
Fabio and his Foreignchester Friends are in Doha now for a training camp (What? In the bloody middle of the week?! you scream) and the answer is yes. Toño Valencia looks quite confused in that lift – and this reminds us of a conversation we had with a futbolita from Ecuador a few weeks ago. “Él es un futbolista muy bueno. Estamos orgullosos de él,” she said. It also takes us back to one of our football encounters, where we met Patrice Evra in the lift, said that we were journalists (true) from Bolivia (false) and he believed us. “¿Hablas español?” he said. Ummm, bien sûr!
Anyway, Forbes have revised their annual list of the Richest Sports Bodies in the World again – and even Potter Perez lost out on this one! Los Diablos Rojos (Red Devils) are at the top with assets valued at £3.22 billion. The Madrilenos only made it to fifth place at £2.33 billion. Surprisingly, Arsenal are one spot below at £2.07 billion.
And if you’re from the UK and watch a certain show call Misfits, don’t you think that the lead character below looks like a hybrid of Fabio Curly da Silva and Brazil TV host, Felipe Andreoli?
Little Twin Star - is that you?! Come on futbolitas, it’s a great photo (not only because Kaka is in it). Just look at the lovely snow in Madrid! Sometimes you just need to stop and kneel down in the middle of the pitch to truly experience it. Even Greaseano couldn’t help but feel a little bit envious, so he too gave up after being brought down for the 34,455th time and allowed the snowflakes to fall on his well-moisturized million-dollar… cheeks.
Anyway, Pellegrini’s Pack defeated Mallorca 2-0 yesterday, with goals from the Pied Piper of Higuain and Estie Granero. We must say that Pipita’s goal was muy impresionante and therefore, he fully deserves a place in The Dona’s rumoured World Cup squad list. Which still does not include Kun, of course.
This looks like an ad for D&G don’t you think?! Seriously, what is Palle d’oro even doing on the pitch? All of us already have nightmares of Luca Toni with his new number 30 shirt and now GoldenBalls has returned to wreak havoc on the city of Milan. Prepare yourselves, amici!
Well, at least Balls of Gold is honest with himself about that nightmare move to the Bernabeu in 2003. “I only won something in my last year at Real Madrid. I would have stayed in Manchester until the end of my career,” he said, implying that he does indeed regret listening to whispers from the coat-wearing uncles at Real.
In other news, only €63 million and Galliani’s fake acting separates O Pato from a Madrid move. They’re targetting a July transfer but of course he’s not che stupido, right?
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