We’ve been calling him Mickey Mouse Becks for a long time, but the poor mano tore his Achilles tendon last night and has been ruled of the World Cup. For that, we are lighting candles today and sending Oreos with hugs. Oh dios, Becks really wanted to go South Africa. Qué día tan triste!
“In cases (of the) rupture of the Achilles tendon, players go at least five or six months without playing. He is out of the tournament. Tomorrow Beckham will travel to Finland, where he will be operated on,” declared Uncle Fester Galliani.
On a slightly more positive note, Milan won the game 1-0, although they clearly should have done better.
For a moment, we thought that the Senora on the extreme right was The Nereida of your dreams – but of course, Palermo are not that desperate of a club to cast her, are they? No matter, she’s too busy making heads roll at Paris Fashion Week… near the buffet table, of course!
Anyway, instead of forcing the likes of Fabrizio Miccoli to parade down the flanks wearing their new kits, the Italian side left it to our fellow futbolitas to do the job instead. Ben fatto! It looks like what my friend’s nonna would wear to sleep, but whatever… you cheeky tipos are already ordering it off the Palermo website!
Don’t you think that Signore Borriello is a carbon copy of Roberto Baggio from that angle? Naturally, all he needs to do is to grow out that hair and he can start to make special appearances at the flower festival with it! Mamma mia, could these two be long lost gemelli (twins)?
Anyway, everyone’s excited and preparing their sandwiches with more gusto now because once again, The Dinho put in an excellent performance against Bari last night! Besides Baggio’s Twin, El Pato also netted in the other penalty and also remembered to shave his Wolverine beard off. Desculpe, mas você ainda não estão na seleção…. (sorry but you are still not going to the selecao)
Speaking of the seleção, please don’t interrupt Diego and Amauri as they perform the Dança Bandeira (flag dance). Tipos were working their HIPS off as they celebrate Juve’s neat 2-1 win over Bologna last night! Who cares if they were ignored by Dopey or Lippy in their respective national teams? It was time to celebrate!
The Dame of Turin himself, Del Piero played his 445th game for Juventus yesterday but all he got was a lousy shirt. Even Roberto Bettega knew that they printed that out at Uncle Corioni’s shop in exchange for Panini stickers! For 445 games, they should have held a massive concert and thrown gold confetti with his name on it. Everyone from Tiziano Ferro to Al Pacino would’ve paid their tributes to him because Del Piero is L’UOMO! But it seemed that the captain himself took matters into his own hands and scored TWICE. Sorprendente – this is how you do it, Ashley Cole!
Well, at least Amauri’s hair didn’t ruin the party and he too got his name into the score sheet. You know he quickly went home to check if Dunga sent him a Hallmark card with the words “You’re Invited…” at the front. Aah, que pena…
Keirrison is swapping teams like he’s Beyoncé at the Grammys! From Barcelona to Benfica… and now, taking advantage of the Mutu kerfuffle, he’s PUTTING A RING ON IT with Fiorentina. We suspect his agent once auditioned to be on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” but Regis Philbin aptly said “No” in a deep voice.
Anyway, they asked K9 – or K39 in this case – whether he wanted to emulate Fiorentina’s Edmundo who went home to Brazil for Carnaval in 1999. It also cost him his job as he was asked to leave the club for failing to seek consent. “To me, Carnaval is only on television,” joked Keirrison. Kekekeke, que é uma piada de mau gosto!
Querido Dios… Fernando Gago is simply GAWJUS but too bad he plays like merda! And now even Man City have failed to sign him. The deal only fell through because of the ‘lack of time’ during the transfer window. Shit, Gago can sign for our team anytime he fancies but we can’t afford to pay him 18 million. All he has to do is to sit there, comb his hair and the gate receipts alone will take care of ITSELF!
In general, listening to ArrrrghKon can be quite an experience. Many generally compare the experience to Microwave Throwing (trust us, he once performed right opposite our balcony. To put it kindly, it was hell on Earth) but he’s singing the World Cup theme so you know that at some point, you’re going to be downloading this into your pods and nods! The song is mediocre but the face paint is amazing – so enjoy that instead.
via VEVO, Fiorentina
Despite Wolverine Piero’s efforts at goal and Uncle Ciro’s new replacement, Juveeee could only manage a draw against Lazio last night. But ascoltare, they’re getting somewhere. The man in the hot seat, Alberto Zaccheroni, is now tasked to pick up Juve from the garage like a battered up Maserati after a 92-hour jungle trek. He’s yet to find the ignition because it’s being blocked by Camoranesi’s hair but you’d better hope he will soon or Diegoooo may never get to see the South African morning sky.
via AP, Gettyimages
Ah, cheeky Materazzi. Always out to create trouble and grab attention. He did it right this time with the caricature mask of Botox Berlusconi. Come on now, Milanistas... even you have to admit it was a pretty good effort on his part. “It was a college prank for the Derby, nothing more. No desire to be controversial, no desire to offend, no political implications,” he said after the game. Hmmm.
Anyway, instead of boring you futbolitas with post-match commentary (you’ve probably already picked up the headlines – and gone through the 2-0 scoreline in Inter’s favour), there are two conclusions that we’ve drawn – Milan are a much better squad than last year but Inter are more complete as a unit. Here are some of the best photos featuring Donatella Versace’s 1045th nose job, Sneijder’s wife and a really awesome video featuring two journalists (one supports Inter, the other Milan) and their reactions during the game. We’d love to be sitting… somewhere in the middle!
Ok, Albelda looks like he’s enjoying a rave right in that photo – so be quiet until the moment passes! Tres, dos, uno… ok, here we go. Los Che pulled off a nice 4-1 victory over Villarreal last night (poor, poor Nilmar) and damn, the goals were coming at you like there was no tomorrow! From the two Davids to former Boca kid, Éver Banega, everyone wanted the win desperately. Sure, their young defender Kiko (it isn’t just Macheda’s nickname, you know) was slapped with a red card but the boys sailed on con orgullo!
“I think against an opponent who have played some good matches so far, we’ve been very focused and very compact in defence and attack. Furthermore, after the sending off and 2-0 in our favour, we were able to stay on top,” declared Senor Unai Emery.
As a bonus, here’s Albelda with his mujer, Vicen!
The Dinho is back! Well, that was what many futbolitas told us excitedly on Twitter and you could be right! A few days ago, we questioned this cara’s ability to make Dopey’s starting XI, which remains an open call, unless you are Uncle Pele – and even he can’t waltz into the training ground of Granja Comary whenever he pleases. TODAVIA, after his Milan hat-trick yesterday, we can officially establish that The Dinho is now working his beachy butt off to make it to South Africa.
Check this out : in their last three games, Milan have scored a staggering 12 goals – 5 of which were scored by the Brazilian. Oooooh, acredito que você pode fazer a seleção? - do you believe you can make the squad? He hasn’t played a part in any of their qualifiers and has been snubbed in recent friendlies. And yes, Dinho’s discipline simply wanes when he’s with the national team. So what’s it gonna be, Bebê?
Also, your favourite Italian Stallion, Sig. Marco Borriello also got his name on the score sheet yesterday. Lovely, we know how this one will be celebrating….
For a moment, Diego forgot about the team he was playing for (“Boa gol, Dinho! grande abraço!”) Then, he caught Felipe Melo giving him the evil eye on the pitch – and that was it! 3-0 to Milan, and you don’t even know if Juve bothered to turn up at their own stadium at all.
To be fair, neither side was doing much in the first ten minutes, but despite the Rossoneri’s inadequacy - including Ambrosini’s “speed”, Beckham’s disappearance and Pirlo’s bad corners – UncleDude Nesta pulled one for his side while The Dinho (yes, we told you everyone will be scrambling to show off this year) netted in a double!! El Pato was out fretting over his injury on the roller coaster ride, so perhaps their attacking prowess was a little tamed. But in the second half, Milan actually improved and controlled the game – and although they weren’t at their best, Juventus and Amauri proved that they were indeed, better off prawn fishing
Poor Ciro. Now the Italian press are sharpening their pencils and ready to attack! “I don’t feel in danger of losing my job, I am very concentrated. I am trying to put my energy into the team. It is not my decision to make if they sack me or not, and if I am sacked I will accept it,” said tio Ferrara after the game.
via Reuters
The circus has returned to Milanello! With the return of Palloni d’oro (GoldenBalls Becks), photographers are clamoring to do the “Danger, Kuno Becker!” shots outside the training ground. Poor Boriello, all he wanted was to get home presto and unwrap his brand new 2010 Eros Ramazzotti calendar.
Speaking of Boriello, he recently did an interview with Vanity Fair where he proved just how much of an Italian Stallion he is. He declared : “I am a passionate, but I don’t depend on sex. Those who don’t have (enough) sex will find that it’s (lacking) in their lives. I’m lucky to know that if I want sex, I can have at any time. And then I like traditional things, nothing kinky, no transsexuals.” Qualunque cosa! You can almost imagine him saying that proudly with his 3-D glasses that he got from watching Avatar.
Here’s the rest of the Milan troupe with various “At The Wheel” facial expressions. El Pato looks like he’s seen Willy Wonka... seriously, mano?!
It’s freezing down in Milan (and perhaps in Fiorentina too – where the Rossoneri’s game had to be postponed due to snow.) But of course, a man named Samuel Eto’o scored the only goal for Inter in last night’s game against Lazio. Still, do these guys think they’re in The Notebook or something?
Anyway, of course everybody is talking about Mancini to Man City now (not the useless Brazilian one – it’s Roberto, one of the ‘Uncle Dude’ breeds and Mourinho’s predecessor) And of course, rumours are flying around saying that Inter’s starlet, Balotelli will be following him to the Oil City. However, he’d best look elsewhere because Inter chief Moratti is texting him messages that read “andare a mangiare una rana, Rob” or “go eat a frog”. Ok, not really but Moratti has issued a strict “hands-off Balotelli” warning. This is like Ancelotti-Pato-Chelsea all over again!
In other news, we really need to come up with an award for Best Goal In The Snow or El gol mejor en la nieve!
Senhor Mourinho has finally admitted to insulting a journalist from Corriere dello Sport… but he will not apologize for his actions. Instead, the coach expects a Christmas gift because he thinks that thanks to his actions, the dude is now as famous as Italian pop singer, Eros Ramazzotti.
“I must be honest and say that it is true that I insulted the journalist Andrea Ramazzotti (from the Italian newspaper). But it is not true that there was an attempted assault or physical contact,” Mourinho declared last night. He added that he only insulted the journalist because the man has been getting on his nerves non-stop – particularly after Inter’s draw with Atlanta last weekend.
Dio mio! If Mourinho insults you, you’ve got a scoop … so run with it, man!
Anyway, in case you were wondering about Eros Ramazzotti, he kind of reminds one of the Italian Anderson Cooper.
So in the end, it was Juve’s Claudio Marchisio who scored the winner to save Juventus to save his side against Inter last night. And futbolitas… his quick moves were che belleza to watch. Well, except it was against Julio Cesar of course (and if does this next year in South Africa, nothing but daggers will be thrown in his way. Cara, isso NAO é o caminho para guardar O GOAL!)
Ironically, Marchisio had always wanted to become the club’s next Del Piero, after spending most of his youth at the club’s youth ranks. Someone else saw his potential as a midfielder, and moulded him to become the Marchisio he is today! Not so bad now, isn’t it?
So Juventus fans are losing their patience with the club’s pathetic show of performance as of late – despite the purchase of Juve Kids On The Block. Yes, yes… this is what we love about Italy. The type of posters the ultra fans come up with can drive any pompous suit-wearing man to the brink of humiliation!
Anyway, Juventus will play against Inter this weekend in what is certain to be a crucial Serie A fixture. Ciro Ferrara has decided to close the doors to the training session which means we will not get to see Amauri practising his ad spot for Sunsilk. Yes, you’re gutted, we know.
“We will not hide it – we face a difficult week, first Inter then the Champions League. But all the hard times will go away with the team work. There have been negative moments but that was many years ago (Serie B). We recover from that and we hope to do so even today,” said Del Piero.
Yes, despite cara’s hectic schedule with the selecao late last week, Brazil’s Felipe Melo found the time to answer Futbolita’s questions. En realidad, we spent the whole day running in the airport and walking in the rain last Friday before the all-important call from Felipe’s agent came through! And it’s adorable how paranoid he was about the selecao’s stringent rule with interviews till we had to be the ones to calm him down. Relaxe homem, você é brasileiro….!
Anyway, we’ll reveal the full context of the interview for our national newspaper in due time. Here, Felipe shares some interesting insights about his life in Italy and with Brazil.
“Being a footballer appears to be a ‘glamorous’ job, but it was a lot of hard work getting here. To have achieved the dream of becoming a professional footballer and to wear the Brazil shirt – the best international squad in the world – and Juventus, one of the most important clubs in world, is already something great for me,” Melo told Futbolita proudly.
Thiago Silva looks a little overwhelmed there, don’t you think? (“So Pirlo, you want a hug too? Ok, let’s widen the circle. Everybody make space”) He scored twice in Milan’s 2-1 win over Lazio yesterday, including an own goal for the visiting team! El Pato scored the other goal – a neat bouncing header that drifted in beautifully.
Anyway, it’s good to see cara doing well because he’s one of those players who nearly didn’t make it in the game – and had to work extra hard. Bom trabalho!
“In the locker room, I was made fun of by the others who said I achieved two goals,” said Silva. “The important thing was to have played well with personality. It’s hard to play against teams like Lazio, who have quality players who (play) well, but in the end we won and this is the most important thing. As for me I am happy to work well, they all speak well of me and I’m happy.”
One of Milan’s prominent Uncle Dudes (from the Pippo Inzaghi gang), Alessandro Nesta, scored a double against Chievo to help the Rossoneri win the game 2-1 last night. Obviously, Borriello was too busy practising his model-like poses upfront. Why else would a defender like Zio Nesta need to salvage the situation?
Also, the Rossoneri are starting to master the art of turning the game around. Good on you, Uncle Fester! At least you’re not making Leoooonardo feel molto triste now.
Speaking of the coach, he said : “About Nesta, what more can I say? He has become far more than a player for us and he’s indescribable. He needs a halo at the moment. He started this season not really knowing if he would ever play again. That is a very big thing to have in a players’ mind and it shines through in his performances, as he gives everything he’s got.
He added : “ This squad is finding its joy of playing and the more we win, the more than grows within us. Right now we are starting to find our balance, even if the games themselves are dramatic, and just looking at the way they celebrate says it all.”
Sorry, we’re literally laughing at that picture. Damn tipo, we know you want to answer to your critics and all that…but your facial expression will not summon a deal from Signor Armani anytime soon!
Anyway, Milan fans can now celebrate and sleep in peace for the next 2 days (at least) over their 2-1 victory over Roma. They had to come back after going one goal down in the first half, and thanks to the combo of Uncle Ron and Duckling, who pulled it off! That doesn’t mean that the Rossoneri crisis is over. They still needed the The Dinho to convert a penalty – a highly questionable decision. Everyone needs to be ready for Madrid on Wednesday.
“The most important thing was the incredible spirit we showed,” said Leonardo. “The three points are all well and good but the main thing is the desire we’ve shown in all our performances.”
“I always want to do very well for this team, and I feel that I have achieved this tonight,” added Pato. “A lot has changed for us over the past two weeks, and tonight we are very happy and satisfied with this victory. Doing well here, hopefully means a return to the Selecao for me, but I must I say thanks to Ronnie, as he played me in front of the goalkeeper.”
Comentários