What a dramatic turn of events for Alvaro Negredo! Stellar performances from the past two weeks and a Sunday Señor title (don’t you know you get a tub of Ben & Jerry’s for that?!) wasn’t enough to tide Alvaro over for another week. Tipo scored an own goal and got himself sent off last night in Sevilla’s 2-1 loss to Zaragoza. Se destacó, hombre?
Elsewhere, Geri The Pout Piqué also got himself sent off within 24 minutes of Barca’s encounter against Getafe. Immediately, all the Catalan dance clubs extended their operating hours to 7AM and changed their music genres from House to Rock. Because you know… there’s no party unless DJ Pique turns up!
Anyway, even with nine men down, Barca obviously emerged unscathed and won the game thanks to goals from The Messiah and Xavi. They then proceeded to the club and were approached like this…. (ok, ok we’re really kidding here).
Anyway here are some of our favorite photos from the La Liga weekend. Madrid’s The Pied Piper of Higuain looks to be in fine shape (in every possible way, yes yes) for the World Cup! The Dona better draft him into his Argentinean squad pronto and quit trying to figure out what the fuss about the Superbowl is about.
Haven’t we all seen this from Robinho before? The jersey kissing and outraged facial expressions? Only this time it’d better be for a good cause because Dopey probably still considers him a favourite for SELECAO BOOTCAMP : South Africa!
“He fulfilled what he promised and I was happy with his performance. Robinho decided the game. I think (by Robinho being on the field) it just gets better for the Saints. With the three of us playing together (Neymar, Robinho and Paulo Henrique), we hope to give joy to supporters,” declared Neymar aka Santos’s Fetus Extraordinaire after their 2-1 win over Sao Paulo in the Paulista Championship over the weekend. Sim, estamos tristes….
What a safe statement, Neymar. Everyone knows that upon his arrival, Robinho was treated like Sultan and fed a bowl of Premium Turkish delights. King Pele personally saw that all this was taken care of… that’s how it really works!
It’s the little things that count most these days for Juventus and in yesterday’s encounter against Livorno, they needed defender Nicola Legrottagli to save their ASSinis! And look, our Sunday Señor this week even pulled up a holier-than-thou shirt after scoring which translates to “Jesus is the Truth”. No surprise here… Nicola is known to be one of the more religious Italian footballers who is anti-homosexuality (like Cannavaro) and whose favourite book is the Holy Bible. Could Nicola be the Kaka of the Serie A? Quick, Francesco Coco asked for a rehabilitation slot!
Here’s a bonus of Nicola looking bored at a DSquared Fashion show in Milan. The models don’t wear anything at those shows so it’s safe to say that he’s in disagreement!
via Reuters
Guess what Berlin's new US ambassador received upon his appointment at office? A calendar featuring the German national female team! / via Gettyimages
Seedorf welcomes Diego to his Japanese restaurant, "Finger's" in Milan. Chuka kurage, anyone?!!! / via Globo
One upon a time, before the grease, step overs and the Jersey Shore Makeover, Greaseaño was a shy young lad. “Este menino tem potencial,” said a deep voice in his head while he was filing his nails in Madeira. Alas, today that young boy has turned into an exquisite creature – one who quickly morphed into a tipo legal in our books after a nice 1am phone conversation. There’s no point being in denial, futbolitas. You will discover it someday too. Also, in our opinion, Greaseano remains one of the most professional “jugadores” to date. So today, quickly pick up all the spray tan cans you can find and sing: “Feliz Cumpleañossssss!!!”
“Quien es mas guapo…. quien tiene mas sex appeal? Cristiano, tu Cristiano! Pim Pam Pim Pam…”
Feb 05 2010
Posted by Ash as Daily
Ok, we’re only posting this photo because the fabulous Cristianeeee is in it! But as always, the big news in women’s football today belongs to Marta “O Melhor” who has joined FC Gold Pride in the USA. She was formerly a player of Los Angeles Sol (where she did those awesome appearances with Kobe) but sadly, LA Sol’s potential new owners backed out at the last minute as a result, their players had to look for other teams. Unfortunately, no one resembling Roman AbramoRich stepped up to the plate. Anyway, ya’ll know Marta will continue to rock wherever she plays! Ela é incrível!
The Spanish tabloids caught up with Guti at some event where they asked him one of the Cheesiest Questions Alive aka “Do you feel like falling in love (again)?” Con toda seriedad, who asks that?! Even your toes are cringing… admit it. Anyway, equally cheesy Guti answered the journalist: “Who does not (like it)? Not you?” Oh damn, where’s CQC Brasil when you need them? You know they would’ve said something classic about falling in love with his eyebrows….
Anyway, the background to all this is that Guti and his wife, Arancha are divorced with two kids. Since then, he has been linked to a bevy of mujers including university student, Paula, Spanish actress Amaia Salamanca and someone he was photographed with in Miami. Apparently, the girl just wanted The Fame, like Gago Gaga. “I met her, we (were together) for a few days and she seemed like a good girl, but wanting to be rich or famous with a picture of me is ridiculous,” he said. Pim Pam Pim Pam!
Lulu Toni has finally mustered up the courage to speak about first team spots in the Azzurri. Oh dear, that took quite a while, didn’t it, futbolitas? And does anyone really care what Luca thinks about Amauri The Addled Angel? Bambiiiii, sei noioso! Save all this for your Sunday barbecue session with Ranieri Doubtfire, per favore. There will be marshmallows….
“He chose to play for Italy only because Brazil did not pick him (gasp…. Dunga did!) In our league there are many good strikers. Not just those who play at Milan, Inter or Juve. If he is (fit) Amauri can (go) and I will try in every way (for my own spot in the national team). But I think this is an unfair situation,” cried Luca.
Speaking of Amauri, we swear that his hair is capable of kicking Jackie Chan’s ass in FIVE minutes. You know Thiago Silva has already signed the petition to ban its appearance at all Serie A Games. That thing needs go for a walk!
via Gettyimages, Sky Sport Italia
Our “chers amis” at SambaFoot want you to write a letter to Fabulousoooo! Thanks partly to your votes, he has won their one-of-a-kind Samba d’Or award which Kaka received last year. The best part is… if your letter wins, Fabulouso will read it, stroke the paper lovingly and send you an autographed Sevilla FC shirt. Trust us, these Brazilian futbolitos know how to APPRECIATE!
So what are you waiting for? You have until midnight on Friday the 12th to send your lovely messages HERE. Be creative i.e. don’t tell him Robinho needs to fry an egg… you can do better than that, pessoas! Also, for creativity’s sake, Fabulouso’s son demands that you find that book of Shakespeare poems now. How could you trade them for old Busted CDS?
Ya’ll have to admit that Bruno Oro does a pretty awesome Greaseaño Portuglish accent in Crackòvia! (thanks Elliot) It’s almost impossible not to laugh. If the Madrid boys are watching (not quite possible since this is shown on Catalan TV.. but there’s the interwebzzzz!!) they’d probably be cringing like pájaros locos. Well, especially Kaka.
Anyway, in this episode, Guti, Sergio Ramos, Potter Perez and Greasey wonder about the ’secrets’ behind forming a team that is capable of destruction i.e. spreading a ‘riot’ to the rest of the world. Guti’s fur jacket has a life of its own!!
Drop your sewing machines NOW because Saint Robinho has arrived back at Santos!!!! And amigas, his welcome home party was like a prelude to Carnaval itself – without the floats of course. As always, King Pele made his presence known to everyone at the Urbano Caldeira by breaking into one of his 2,134 speeches. Then, Robinho and himself gazed into one another’s eyes and they ran through the field with their arms interlocked. We’re not kidding! Sthefany Brito called and she wants them to be in her next soap opera called Páginas do Futebolista Falha.
On a serious note, Robster sobbed to journalist about his time at Madrid. Yeah yeah, we know he was mistreated, left out of Raul’s numerous tea-parties and basically, benched like there was no tomorrow. Você é tão CHATO, cara! (you’re so boring, dude).
“I went the wrong way from Real Madrid. I know that the fans will never understand. But it was the only time. My departure from City was on friendly terms. We talked and they released me. There was no controversy,” he said.
via AP/Reuters
Keirrison is swapping teams like he’s Beyoncé at the Grammys! From Barcelona to Benfica… and now, taking advantage of the Mutu kerfuffle, he’s PUTTING A RING ON IT with Fiorentina. We suspect his agent once auditioned to be on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” but Regis Philbin aptly said “No” in a deep voice.
Anyway, they asked K9 – or K39 in this case – whether he wanted to emulate Fiorentina’s Edmundo who went home to Brazil for Carnaval in 1999. It also cost him his job as he was asked to leave the club for failing to seek consent. “To me, Carnaval is only on television,” joked Keirrison. Kekekeke, que é uma piada de mau gosto!
Querido Dios… Fernando Gago is simply GAWJUS but too bad he plays like merda! And now even Man City have failed to sign him. The deal only fell through because of the ‘lack of time’ during the transfer window. Shit, Gago can sign for our team anytime he fancies but we can’t afford to pay him 18 million. All he has to do is to sit there, comb his hair and the gate receipts alone will take care of ITSELF!
In general, listening to ArrrrghKon can be quite an experience. Many generally compare the experience to Microwave Throwing (trust us, he once performed right opposite our balcony. To put it kindly, it was hell on Earth) but he’s singing the World Cup theme so you know that at some point, you’re going to be downloading this into your pods and nods! The song is mediocre but the face paint is amazing – so enjoy that instead.
via VEVO, Fiorentina
Ooooh, our Sunday Senor from last week has done it again for Sevilla! Aplausos para Álvaro Negredo and his TWO GOLS against Valencia last night, please! His transformation from being part of Real Madrid’s B squad to a Sevilla hero is truly an achievement. Now Fabulouso better get excited because he has a new striking partner. It’s impossible to bench this man now, Manolo Jimenez. Everyone’s busy APPRECIATING. Tal vez, llorando también.. ha-ha.
Here are the goals and the obligatory random photo of Alvaro.
via AP
Despite Wolverine Piero’s efforts at goal and Uncle Ciro’s new replacement, Juveeee could only manage a draw against Lazio last night. But ascoltare, they’re getting somewhere. The man in the hot seat, Alberto Zaccheroni, is now tasked to pick up Juve from the garage like a battered up Maserati after a 92-hour jungle trek. He’s yet to find the ignition because it’s being blocked by Camoranesi’s hair but you’d better hope he will soon or Diegoooo may never get to see the South African morning sky.
via AP, Gettyimages
The stories are rolling in like hot-fire! All that’s left for John Terry to do is needs to book an air ticket to Madrid ASAP to join Kun Aguero because that’s where cheating douchies go to for help. It’s also where Tiger Woods will check into immediately after his sex rehab and all members will enroll into Kun’s imaginary PhDs for their Womenomics studies which they will fail upon their encounter with the first reading. Pizza will also be on the house (doucheychicken) and perhaps, if they’re lucky, The Dona might hold a workshop for all three of them. Who else is joining the club?
Truth be told, this is just disgusting. How can JT do this to his own amigo? SICK!
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