Fútbolita

If not for this merciless tongue ulcer we’re suffering from today, we’d be screaming “POR FIN YA ES VIERNES!” into the gardener’s ears. Unfortunately, like the sulky Giampaolo on the far end of the photo above, there’s nothing to rave about. Unless you’re a certain Italian stallion named Marco Boriello, who did the right thing by makin’ that move to Roma. There was absolutely no way he was going to stick around the Milanello dressing room playing chess with Pippo Inzaghi next season.

(Photo via O Dia)

Since so many of you are asking, here’s a photo of Douchie of the year, Pato and his new girlfriend, photographed in San Marcos, Italy! It was his birthday yesterday, so both of them took the gondola and stayed at a hotel which costs $3000 for two nights. Kaching! Galliani footed the bill, obviously.

And as we wait around for the weekly Panico na TV and CQC shows to return to our screens, here’s a completely irrelevant and hilarious video of the zany Sabrina Sato interviewing the fetus from another world, Justin Bieber. This one will make your day, we assure you!

via O DIA, EGO, Correire dello sport

Look at that wide smile on Ibracadabra! It speaks volumes of what he thinks about his new Milanese life. As many suspected, Senor Pep and him weren’t on the same page towards the end of his career. He told the Swedish media this yesterday in Stockholm, where he and his fellow KEX BALLERINA from Ikea lovers are preparing for a friendly against Hungary tomorrow.

“There was only one person (on the Barcelona team) who wanted to get rid of me. I have never had problems with any coach before during my career. But suddenly I had a thousand problems and I had no communication with ‘the Philosopher’. No communication whatsoever. I don’t know what his problem was,” said Ibra.

Ibra, you must first show that you want to play before you start putting the blame on the coach. What’s going to happen at Milan? Who’s going to play the role of “Let’s Support The Strikers”? There’s Pato and Robinho now!

Meet Dani Alves, your new Barcelona tour guide. Do not be alarmed by all that bling he’s wearing on his ears, even though it puts the whole Samba parade to shame. Anyway, it’s been two years since he last arrived from Sevilla, but cara is still in love with the Catalan city and wants YOU and your wallet to know that it’s possible to eat out everyday of the year.

“When I moved here, people told me it was possible to eat in different restaurants 365 times per year. I did not believe it. But after you get used to it, you realize it’s true. Today I (searched) for a restaurant in my GPS and you could see that symbol with a fork and knife,” he said in an interview, laughing. Oh Dani, were we supposed to look for a symbol indicating the zoo instead?

“When I got here, I did a “city tour” to know the main points. I really enjoyed it. For example, I visited Holy Family Church, Parque Guell, which has several works by Gaudi (architect). It’s also nice to go to Montjuic, where is the Olympic Village in 1992. My grade for the city is 9.5 because 10 is always perfect, and people always have some complaints. But Barcelona, to live and go for holidays, is the best place in the world,” added Alves.

Oh dear, it seems that MouMou the Mastermind, has been reading too much of his son, Jose Jr’s, Harry Potter books and getting discount coupons from the movie’s themepark. How did he manage to conjure up this statement? It’s pretty ridiculous and brilliant in itself.

“I am a coach, not Harry Potter. He is a magician. Magic is fiction and I live for football, which is real. I’ve only been in Madrid for two months. Do you know how many training sessions I have had with everyone together, including the new signings? Not even 10. My profile as a coach is different to what it has been in recent years. If things go badly I have to leave. I would have one of the best clubs in the world waiting for me.”

via Reuters, Globoesporte

So the boys of Corinthians joined their fans and celebrity friends in yesterday’s centenary celebrations! More than 130,000 people packed the Vale do Anhangabaú, Sao Paulo’s equivalent of the Hyde Park region (or slightly better, amicis?) Que legal! In the midsts of all the celebrations and Lula-loving, somebody forgot to call Pele. How dare they!

According to the Brazilian media, many fans who packed the place “suffered a lot, were overwhelmed by the crowd and tried to break into the press area, but the police acted quickly and prevented them from doing more.”

“This is a wonderful party, just gotta thank you,” said Ronaldo Lima to the adoring crowd. “I will not say too much or I may cry,” he added, singing a congratulatory song for the club.

via Globoesporte

THE DEAL IS DONE. Milan have officially transformed into Brasil FC (now where is Ibracadabra going to fit in?) and all they need now is for Kaka to return and complete the rest of the picture! For our own reasons (he-he), he’d better stay at Real for at least one more season.

“AC Milan communicates it has acquired the player Robinho, outright from Manchester City. The Brazilian has signed a contract with the Rossoneri club for four years,” read a statement which was undoubtedly written by Berlusconi’s annoyed secretary.

Right now, you know that the zany producers of “Chiambretti Night” are also probably scrambling to get Robinho on the show. It’d be the best welcome gift ever!

via AP

Huntelaar and Raul in one season! What’s all this Überraschung der Deutschen?!! Schalke fans must surely be brimming from ear to ear with this Huntelaar coup. Even better, The Hunted said that :“It is true I never wanted to leave Milan but that changed when Zlatan Ibrahimovic came from Barcelona.” Oooo, prepare the popcorn NOW amicis.

Individually, these two just can’t be compared to each other. In our humble opinion, Huntelaar was plain overrated while Raul the Great One left a legacy behind. Don’t say a mean word… King Juan Carlos‘ aides are standing by the door now!

Here’s Elano,  sporting his favourite “deer in headlights” look for the cameras! If you had approached him with some hotdog buns, we swear he’d have thrown you a different look.

Anyway, mano was seen attending a game from the World Basketball Championships yesterday. The tournament is now taking place in Istanbul, where Elano plays for Galatasaray. Alex also attended the games, refuting claims that the club president wants him to leave Galatasaray’s rivals, Fenerbahçe.

Oi Slash! Is that you trying to creep up to Chicharito? Sheesh, the kid is signing autographs… the least you could do was to rip out your electric guitar and do a solo right there and then. Ok, enough of all estas bromas. Chicharito attended a Nike Mexico event to promote their new “Tiempo Legend” boots yesterday where he signed autographs for all his fans. Ya’ll better appreciate!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKexlBT0MMg

via Skysports, Globoesporte, Nike Futbol

So obviously, Uncle Fester Galliani masterminded the whole Ibra to Milan transfer, and the man himself arrived last night at the Milan-Lecce game. Basically, the oldies in the team like SuperPippo said “NO, GRAZIE!” to their new teammate by doing well in that 4-0 victory. The other three goals came from the Brasileiros, e claro! Two from Pato and his Badass face, and one from Thiago Silva (or as our amiga says, “T.I. Silva”). So why do they need Ibra, again?!

And apparently, the Interistis don’t really care about Ibra going back to the ‘other team’. But you’ll only know the truth when the Milan derby takes place and everybody starts burning the stadium seats again and/or sending empty pasta packets to Moratti’s office, which will make him really pissed.

via Reuters/AFP

Welcome to Futbolita’s “La Liga Lunes!” (say it with a merry little voice). It’s one of our fresh new features for the new season, which means ya’ll better stop the hair waxing or whateverchu been doin’ and get back to the Spanish futbol business. So let’s ring the bell and dance to the new season!

DE TODOS MODOS, Matchday 1 consisted of a lot of mid-air fistpumps (David Maravilla style), Greaseano whining and sheer disappointment on MouMou’s face. Obviously, Barca weren’t feeling the pain of losing Ibracadabra to their friends in Italy and handed Racing a nice 3-0 gift courtesy of Maravilla, Iniesta and the Messiah. Sergio Canales cried all the way from his Madrid apartment, but after leaving Racing for better shores, that was inevitable!

As for Mourinho…. acorda, tio! You can do better than that goaless draw against Mallorca! Where was the mascot (Juande Ramos) when you needed him?

Said MouMou : “I’m disappointed that with the number of chances we created we didn’t score. When you aren’t at your best you have to do two things, defend so your opponents don’t score, and take your chances. We deserved to win.”

All photos via AP & Reuters

Who says it has to be Inter all the way? Atletico Madrid proved that football is truly an unpredictable game by winning the UEFA SuperCup last night. Parabeeeens!!!!

It's Kun Aguero and Benjie celebrating the SuperCup! Grandpa Dona was nowhere to be seen...

Photos via REUTERS

It was a maravilloso night for the Inter boys as they made a clean sweep of all the UEFA Gala Awards, two of which naturally went to Brasileiros! Parabens to Sneijder, Julio Cesar, Maaaaaicon and Milito! Of course, Platini and friends opted to save on air tickets by making the already present winners draw the lots themselves. They obviously couldn’t afford Cruyff, who was busy tanning at a golf course somewhere in the world.

And as for the draw, many questions have risen over the authenticity of the process. Milan and Madrid in the same group AGAIN (with the added threat of Ajax!) is broma completa while Chelski and Barca will obviously sail through to the second round. Theose GORDO men in grey suits sitting at the front must stop all their dirty tricks before the Champs’ League turns into a joke!

Anyway, it’s the SuperCup Finale tonight! Kun Aguero Papa thinks Atletico will win it, but with Inter high on form (and confidence), they’ll probably prevent that from happening. Buennna suerteeee!

via UEFA, AFP, AP Photos

So the exciting UEFA Football Awards (aka the Oscars of European futbol… duh) takes place in the glam city of Monaco tonight. In other words, glitter will be falling from the sky as idiots like Michel Platini continuously insist on everyone to watch really bad Opera performances. Here are the nominees – and our picks are in green!

Club Goalkeeper of the Year
Julio Cesar (FC Internazionale Milano)
Hugo Lloris (Olympique Lyonnais)
Victor Valdés (FC Barcelona)

Club Defender of the Year
Lucio (FC Internazionale Milano)
Maicon (FC Internazionale Milano)
Gerard Piqué (FC Barcelona)

Club Midfielder of the Year
Xavi Hernández (FC Barcelona)
Arjen Robben (FC Bayern München)
Wesley Sneijder (FC Internazionale Milano)

Club Forward of the Year
Lionel Messi (FC Barcelona)
Diego Milito (FC Internazionale Milano)
Wayne Rooney (Manchester United FC)?

Young kid on Platini’s right has every reason to be afraid!

via Gettyimages, UEFA

This is why we love Spanish and European football! There’s still so much solidarity and amor eterno between the players and teams, even after they’ve long left the club. Anyway, all this love happened yesterday to The Dinho at the Joan Gamper trophy challenge between Barca and Milan. The Brazilian was given a fantastic welcome back to the Nou Camp from the fans and Captain Puyolita (obviously, in that picture above, Dani Alves wanted to stand next to his friend and countryman but Fontas said “NO” with a strict face.)

Barca left their “play for pride” style behind and opted to relax instead. In the end, they still won 3-1 on penalties with The Dinho giving his boots away to a fan. O que é um grande homem! The kid will remember him for life.

via Reuters, Gettyimages

Now that he has found true happiness at Manchester City, your friend Robinho thinks he can go and snub Andre Santos at Fenerbahçe in the midst of all this transfer talk. Geez!

“With all due respect to Turkish football, I’m not going to play there right now. The team (Fenerbahçe) was the one who sent me an official proposal, but I’ve already decided that I will not (move there)” said Robinho, who has also been sought out by Besiktas.

Apparently, he wants to leave Manchester for better shores and this means he will continue in Europe, “Italy or Spain.” Oh well, as long as cara has his tambourine and drums for a ‘pagode’ show, everything will be fine…

via EGO

Okay Milanistis, prepare to welcome Zlatan Ibracadabra to your Rossoneri family! If all goes as planned today, the club’s vice-president, Uncle Fester Galliani will be meeting up with Mourinho’s prodigal son and his manager, as both sides battle it out for the annual Joan Gamper trophy at the Nou Camp tonight.

“It will be a difficult negotiation and we will not talk of financial matters,” said Galliani. Umm, if it isn’t about the money, what else could they be discussing? The pasta sauce to be served for dinner?

Added Guardiola, whom ya’ll know is always so gracious in his words,  “I do not regret the exchange with [Samuel] Eto’o [for Ibrahimovic]. You cannot go back on the decisions you have made.”

He will be missed…

via AFP, Reuters, Globoesporte