Fútbolita™

There were two things we learnt about Zlatan Ibrahimovic this week. One was that in his youth, he was “easily in the top five of the most unruly pupils” his school’s headmistress had ever seen. The second was that he used to lock himself up in his apartment after a bad game when 50,000 fans whistled at him. But the Ibrahimovic of today – “Serie A Player of 2011” – thankfully is a lot different although his recent slate of outbursts can be attributed more to his tough “Ghetto” personality. There are some things you can’t change!

Naturally, Ibra came off the bench in the second half to help Milan in their 3-1 win over Lazio in the Coppa Italia last night. Robinho and Seedorf put in the other two goals to help the Rossoneri advance to the semis. In case any of you are missing Djibril Cisse, you’d be thrilled to know he for Lazio scored too!

Sources : AP Photo, *’The Football Men’ (Simon Kuper)

Brazil’s master of funk dance and part-time footballer, Neymar, has expressed interest in playing at this year’s London Olympics. Strange, considering the fact that Brazilians don’t particularly care for this tournament! At Beijing 2008, heads rolled when Ronaldinho and co’ picked up a bronze medal instead of gold. As Menezes prepares the groundwork for 2014, the Olympics will be a crucial stepping stone. That means no more fooling around, David Luiz!

“(Playing for Brazil at the Olympics) is a dream of mine, I am waiting to play in London and looking forward to it. ­Brazil have never won the gold and this is a chance for us to bring it back. It’s very important to everyone here.” – Neymar.

He later goes on to add that Brazil needs to develop young players, and the way through this is the Olympics. Here he is at a ceremony to officially unveil his very own historical plaque at Santos’ museum on Wednesday! Parabens, cara!

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Welcome to the Friday Crackovia Club – your weekly special on the best comedy sketch show from Spain! This week, watch as Mourinho instructs Pepe on how to make a correct ‘Live TV‘ apology. It’s a little stab at last week’s Leo Messi hand-stepping saga which was followed by an emotionless apology from the defender.

In Crackovia, Mourinho tells Pepe to say he’s sorry with a little bit more emotion and to ‘feel the camera’ as he speaks. Oh dear, Pepe has become quite the laughing stock!

Meanwhile, Cesc Fabregas, Leo Messi and Pep Guardiola are fussing over what looks good on camera. Fabregas tells Messi it is important to make sure your “lips” are pouty (good point), which leaves the Argentinean confused. He later proceeds to have a drink!

[Watch clip here]

Guti also returns in this episode as he affectionately recalls his time at Real Madrid. Of course, this is a homage to the real Guti visiting his friends at the club last week! Cheeky one. [Watch clip here]

Say what you will, but Liverpool needed some female charm last night to help them get past Manchester City and onward to Cardiff for the Carling Cup Final. Sassy Soldier Sisterhood – that’s what we’re talking about! Listen, if Liverpool’s owner John Henry hadn’t brought Linda Pizzuti to Anfield, that 40th minute penalty would’ve been rejected and Craig Bellamy would not have ended up as the undisputed Man of the Match.

Ok, that’s wishful thinking and we’re only half-kidding chicos! Seriously, Bellamy put almost every other 32-year-old man to shame with those dazzling runs. The match ended 2-2, and Mancini is now left scratching his heads…

“I accept that football is football. There are more important things in life. It’s important that we give everything in this game, but now it’s finished.” – Roberto Mancini.

Since it’s Edinson Cavani Week and the Napoli striker scored both goals in their spectacular 2-0 win over Inter Milan in the Coppa Italia last night, we thought it’d be great to bring out this Gem of a photo from Christmas. Sure, we’re one month late but better to be late than never! If Hollywood ever decides to do a remake of ‘The Crow’ with a Brandon Lee actor-type, Edinson is surely the man for it? Their resemblance is uncanny….

Anyway, the Uruguayan hopes Napoli will now “prepare as best as possible to leave our souls on the field,” in their quest for silverware. Move aside now, Diego Forlan – Edinson is in the Serie A team of the Year and just can’t stop scoring!

Barcelona [2 : 2] Real Madrid
No. of Yellow Cards : 9
No. Of Red Cards : 1

Somewhere beneath this ‘Blaugrana Happiness Pile’ lies Pedro, who scored the opening goal in Barca’s 2-2 draw with Real Madrid at the Nou Camp last night. Barca are through to the Copa del Ray semi-finals based on the 4-2 aggregate, but you’ll need to send Gonzalito Higuain a strawberry fruitcake today after those critical misses : Despierta, hombre!

Of course, Barca made full use of their chances although they appeared distracted towards the last 20 minutes. Dani Alves’ screamer of a volley was followed up by a funk dance celebration that only Abidal and him can pull off – an extended ‘Samba School’ version of ‘Ai Seu Te Pego‘ with up-to-date moves. Iker Casillas remained understandably unimpressed.

For Real, Mesut Ozil was particularly imposing in midfield, making crucial runs and seeing his efforts crash off the woodwork. The good news is that Mourinho may have found the solution to quell Barca, but the bad news was his team’s finishing was dreadful despite Ronaldo and Benzema’s goals. And Sergio Ramos’ second yellow in the dying minutes was absolutely unnecessary as well. (Watch all goals here)

Photos via Reuters & Daylife

The rematch of last week’s el clasico between Barcelona and Real Madrid will be played out tonight and amigas y chicos, the bloody war has already begun! Although both sides are trying to express solidarity among themselves, it’s absurd to be all calm and polite when we know the outcome of tonight is going to make either Mourinho or Pep tear up their team sheets at the press conference.

“Leave Pepe alone. Let him know we forget the past. The sanction is not our business, we are focussed on the match tomorrow,” said Guardiola, referring to the Serial Messi Stamper.

Meanwhile, Mourinho refused to field questions about his future yesterday, curtly replying with “I don’t know” every time the issue was breached. His heated exchange with Sergio Ramos has also been placed under the spotlight, with the defender insisting that Mourinho is still the best person for the job.

Spanish Sports dailies have been hailing the Miracle of Mirandés lately, the Segunda B (or second division) team who have made it to the semi-finals of the Copa del Ray! Last night marked another milestone in their quest to the trophy as they eliminated Espanyol 2-1 playing their own brand of attacking football. Impressive!

The squad have spent 13 seasons in the second division and are based in Castile and León, the biggest autonomous community in Spain.

Welcome to Offbeat Wednesday, where we cover the wacky and gossipy side of football! In today’s edition, read about Lukas Podolski’s second car accident, David Beckham’s new editorial, Luca Toni’s fatherly pride and Sara Carbonero!

We kick things off with David Beckham’s new editorial spread in Men’s Health magazine! The candids are nice but it’s apparent that he was listening to the Inner Voice of Victoria throughout the shoot (“Don’t let yourself go darling – this is fashion, after all! No jumping about please.” SNAAAP) We disagree – jumping should have been all over this shoot. How else is he going to make it into Stuart Pearce’s Olympic Great Britain squad by August?

David also added that it was never his intention to become the Popstar of British football, or to have mothers everywhere singing ‘Karma Karma Chameleon’ next to posters of him and Boy George.

“I never wanted to be famous. I was never interested in anything else apart from becoming a footballer. I still love playing; I still love being part of a team. Right now I’m not even thinking about retiring.” – David Beckham

Ah, Lukas Podolski – nicht schon wieder! The German striker, who is set to sign for Arsenal after the Euro 2012 this year, was embroiled in another road incident yesterday. This time, it led to a fiery encounter between the Cologne striker and a truck driver, who refused to move his vehicle from the road. Presumably, Poldi was on his way to the training ground and players know they absolutely cannot be late for training (unless it’s the French league or there’s a hailstorm).

“I asked him when the crossing would be free again,” said Podolski, but there was no response. Instead, the truck driver (possibly a fan of rivals, Borussia Mönchengladbach) stuck up his middle finger and called Podolski an “asshole.” This was later confirmed by Police spokesman Lutz Flaßnöcker.

 ”He has insulted me. So I parked my car, called the police and filed charges. An elderly couple has also noticed everything and can testify to the incident. The two I’ve called the police as well. “

Luca Toni may be one of the world’s most overrated strikers (for a lack of a kinder word!) but the Juventus man has declared that he’s so excited to have a son and wants a return to Bayern Munich.

“I’m going to be a dad in June. Marta and I look forward to a son,” he said proudly to German newspapers. “At the moment we are discussing a name change for the little ones, but every week our opinion changes. Maybe we will call him Kalle” (after Bayern’s boss).

Luca’s fiancée is Italian model Marta Cecchetto and the two have been together for almost 15 years. Wowzah!

It’s been a long time since Sara Carbonero last graced your screens – so here she is leaving the Casillas household in Madrid last week looking effortless. There’s a chance that the paparazzi have permanently set up a tent outside their home… isn’t that just a little disconcerting?!

Photos via Bild, Dailymail, Tumblr

There are many critics who love bickering about the downward spiral of Italian football – but at least they have the equivalent of a glamorous Oscar night! Finally, Zlatan Ibrahimovic silenced his entire phone-book of haters last night and won the title of Serie A’s ‘Best Player in 2011′ while Edison Cavani‘s Udinese were announced ‘Best Club’. Allegri won ‘Best Coach’ while Thiago Silva picked up the ‘Best Defender’ Award and naturally, he celebrated by dancing to ‘Ai Seu Te Pego‘ on stage! Meanwhile, Stephen El Shaarawy, who arrived from Calcio Padova was voted the ‘Best Player in Serie B’.

It was pretty much an ‘AC Milan night’, which shouldn’t be a surprise since they are reigning Serie A champions. The awards are voted for by Serie A players, so this has nothing to do with the Italian Football Federation.

Serie A Team Of The Year 2011 :

Antonio Di Natale, Edinson Cavani, Kevin Prince Boateng, Thiago Motta/Claudio Marchisio (joint winners), Marek Hamsik, Pablo Armero, Andrea Ranocchia/Alessandro Nesta (joint winners), Thiago Silva & Christian Maggio.

In Dubai, Maradona has been spending a lot of time yelling on the sidelines as match officials watch laughing. Al Wasl don’t seem to be paying much attention to their coach these days (they won their last 2 games, and lost all three before that). Maradona looks like he could be skydiving!

If this glorious Middle Eastern project doesn’t work out, then perhaps the Argentinean should start looking for another job. Anzhi looks like they’d welcome him with a Helicopter as a present. And that’s just for starters.

Germany’s DFB Women’s Indoor Cup took place over the weekend and as to be expected, FFC Frankfurt’s enthusiastic squad picked up the trophy from the hands of the sad Bayern Munich girls. Next time, chicas!

But there’s a reason behind all of this, of course. FFC Frankfurt are one of Germany’s most successful women association clubs with over 400 members. They have a wonderful support structure in place for women’s football, and it also helps that they are one of the league’s more wealthier sides with Ali Krieger (USWNT) and Sweden’s Jessica Landstrom playing for them.

Fatmire Bajramaj aka the star of Mesut Ozil’s “Not Bad For A Girl” commercial and the ingenious forward who ranked third in the 2010 Women’s Ballon D’or also featured in Saturday’s victory. Way to go, girls!

Photos via Bongarts

There’s nothing like coming home! Just ask Lucas Leiva, who showed up to his first day of recuperation at Liverpool’s Melwood training ground yesterday after spending six weeks back home in Brasil. The midfielder received a warm welcome from the club’s staff and of course teammates Dirk Kuyt and Pepe Reina were also around to show their support. Truth be told, if you saw an injured Lucas struggling around in crutches, you’d be inclined to offer the poor lad an embrace as well!

Seriously, though, Lucas is a nice bloke and probably one of Futbolita’s favourite footballers to interview. It’s fantastic that he’s on track to regaining full fitness after that operation on his anterior cruciate ligament. Selecao Bootcamp should be calling sometime soon!

Photos via Liverpool

It’s clear that Michel Telo’s Brazilian hit song ‘Ai Seu Te Pego‘ is still popular within the Italian football scene, or at least to Milan’s ‘Carioca’ Club of Robinho, Thiago Silva and Pato.

During Milan’s 3-0 defeat of Novaro last night, Robinho did the famous dance move after netting the second goal. If only Ibrahimovic could’ve been more sporting, after his two goals!

Meanwhile, Francesco Totti broke the Serie A goalscoring record of 210 (set by a certain Swede named Gunnar Nordahl in the 1950s for AC Milan) when he scored in Roma’s 5-1 demolition of Cesena last night. Nice work… egli è un crack!

His compatriot and fellow ‘One Club For Life’ man, Alessandro Del Piero praised his achievements saying : “What Francesco has done is extraordinary, 211 goals with the same shirt, he deserves it.” Del Piero remains Juventus’ all-time leading scorer with 185 goals. Well, there’s still time to overtake Totti!

Photos via Reuters

Real Madrid 4 Athletic Bilbao 1

Welcome to La Liga Lunes! As you may know, Mourinho’s formidable Los Blancos defeated Bilbao 4-1 last night, despite Llorente’s opening goal in the 13th minute. Unfortunately, the Portuguese was also at the receiving end of jeers from the Madridista crowd, who were allegedly annoyed that he wasn’t able to pin down Barcelona earlier in the week. Que es mucho pedir…

“There is no problem, it did not happen to me at Porto, Chelsea or Inter, but there is always a first time for everything. Here, Zidane received whistles, just like Ronaldo and Cristiano Ronaldo. Why could not I receive whistles?” – Mourinho’s post-match conference.

Meanwhile, Iker Casillas believes that the squad needs to be ‘more united’ if they want to win the title in May. Which means all that borrowing of hair wax needs to stop right now!

Meanwhile, even Barca’s substitute bench has run out of ways to celebrate Messi’s goals these days. They defeated Malaga by the same scoreline last night (4-1) and no one leapt out of their seats! You can tell Xavi and co’ expected that hat-trick! Of course, Pep chose to be modest about his star striker who has scored 22 goals in 19 appearances. He’s keeping the Argentinean in check, which is a good thing of course!

“(Messi’s) greatest virtue is his consistency. He has been playing at such a high level for a long time. These goals will help him in the games to come.” – Guardiola

Photos via Daylife/Gettyimages

It’s Monday which means your weekend of debauchery is over! Fortunately, we’ve got some great videos to keep you going today from the crazy aficionados and enthusiastic singers in Tunisia (above) and Morocco (below), who will face one another today in a Group C showdown at the African Nations Cup. Allons-y!

These colourful music videos prove just how big of a tournament the ANC is to both nations –  important enough to warrant Official Theme Songs. Tunisia last qualified for a World Cup in 2006 while Morocco, in 1998.

The real issue with Mario Balotelli isn’t his ‘swag’, abrasive nature or arrogance for that matter. The real issue with Mario these days is that he’s turning into the Lady Gaga of football. Of course, the issue of kicking Scott Parker in the head yesterday (in City’s 3-2 defeat of Spurs) isn’t something that should surprise you at all. And that speaks volumes doesn’t isn’t it?

Short of wearing a meat dress, Balotelli went on to score from a penalty when he could have been sent off by Howard Webb. What else is Mario capable of?

“The first [stamp] could be an accident, but the second one? He’s back-heeled him straight in the head. I don’t like talking about people kicking players in the head, but when you see that, it’s wrong. It’s blatantly obvious.” – Harry Redknapp

Here’s Samir Nasri impeccably explaining the match!

Speaking of professionalism, here’s a photo that best illustrates it : a handshake between the Premiership’s highest-scorer (Van Persie, at 18 goals) and Wayne Rooney, who is in second place with 13. Surely, this is something that Mario Balotelli can learn from?

Of course, the Arsenal-United game wasn’t exactly blockbuster entertainment compared to the Spurs-Man City fixture earlier in the day, but at least it ended on a fairly decent note (2-1 in United’s favour). Goals from Danny Welbeck and Antonio Valencia sealed the deal, but the injuries coming off the pitch were horrendous : from Nani and Phil Jones to possibly Rooney’s knee. Also, the whistles at Arshavin : nothing to do with his visit to Barcelona!

Our friends who own the Sicilian Pizza store near the Emirates must be particularly proud of Robin van Persie, who dedicated his goal to his grandfather! Nice one.

 Photos via Gettyimages